Open Letter to the people NOT getting better, or to those who want it FAST

That would explain I why haven't got fully better!

 

Dearest @plum, I almost got another bout of TMS just reading through your story, can't imagine what takes living through it. It takes your courage, composure and sense of humor to stay alive and take care of everybody around you. Wishing you and your family a much, much, much better 2022! Love, TG

 

......"that I was been too people-pleasing of late. Nothing drastic like the persona of old but enough to generate tension. Interestingly I was utterly free with my pissed off fuck-this-shit anger today and any sense of post hoc guilt has had short shrift."
"I know I haven’t detailed my emotional state next to each experience but honestly and unsurprisingly it’s been a roiling mix of anger, sadness, despair, fear, anxiety and dark humour with a dash of hope. It’s a TMS playground to say the least."
"Right. I’m going to post this and then make a cup of tea." ........ Plum

"My rage was always putting myself last to save them the trouble of finding out I belonged there anyways" ....... Baseball


Plum and Baseball. . . .

Your posts on this thread had me smiling. . .no disrespect intended. .. but I truly was smiling. Your discussion is so insightful. . . .So many on this site may find insight on their own concerns if they took some time to ponder your own hard fought and serious issues and how each of you has moved forward to a new awareness of their own TMS issues. ..Thanks for posting.
All of us should stop for a bit and have 'cup of tea'

Lainey

 

Oh Lainey it is lovely to hear from you, and your reply here made me smile in turn.

I do hope others benefit from reading this thread because it can be difficult to truly grasp what it takes to tackle TMS. It’s easy to mistakenly believe you’re thinking psychologically whilst actually still being in the thrall of your physical symptoms. Fear is the main thing I have struggled with and to get past that is the hardest part for so many of us. To that end I reckon it helps to see what life is throwing at someone rather than the endless symptoms, tempting as that may be so thank you for mentioning that.

plum x

 

Please can someone help me here! @Baseball65 your brilliant inventory - thank you. I have terrible pain in my mouth whenever I speak - the problem is what do I with the knowledge of my inventory ie WORK I'm truly truly pissed off I can't work due to excruciating pain speakin, FAMILY - I already know I feel guilty re my poor family relationships, FRIENDS - I'M upset as every time I see them speaking hurts so I don't really want to see them, FEAR I've always been scared of death but am beginning to not care as the pain is so bad sometimes PARTNER - just awesome partner and relationship but feel terrible how the pain has changed me from the girl who he met MONEY I'm ok with but feels worthless when I'm in pain all day long and many days it feels like there is a knife in my mouth and every word is utter agony and so on. The pain is the most significant issue in every category. Any other problems in each category I'm aware of . Thus what do you do with the information?
On another note it's also feels impossible not to focus on the pain as when you are speaking as you can't tell you're brain it doesn't hurt etc.

 

It's usually a good place to start with one of the papered over, conditioned ...uhh...Lies? I had a "wonderful" wife when my pain came. You see, I am such a piece of shit and everyone likes her, and I am virtually a criminal so by default she is wonderful.

Oh....maybe she's not perfect....and maybe I have been telling myself that for so long I don't realize how not perfect she is but I am terrified of abandonment so I NEVER complain, push my luck, etc.

I don't think I have met a guy yet (don't know about girls...ain't one and don't work with too many) who is in pain who venerates his GF, wife, Partner who is LYING TO HIMSELF about how wonderful they are.

This inventory is about details and questions. Sticks and stones where the rubber meets the road. We ask ourselves a lot of questions and FOCUS on the ones that are "OK" because that is where the Lie is hiding

 

Baseball......SPOT ON!
Lainey

 

@plum, I don't even know how you're still standing. Wait, I do know - because as you yourself once told me, what the fuck else can you do?

Still posted on my bathroom mirror and I smile and think of you every time I see it.

Sending you tons of love and hope for this new year.

~Jan

PS - such a great thread (I'm looking at you, @Baseball65)

 

This is so true! I learned that if I can find a way to laugh about my misfortunes when I am at a low point, it miraculously eases the pain. I always admired people on this forum like @plum and @Baseball65 who could talk about their miseries with humor. If the only thing left for you is to cry - laugh or at least smile!