• Alan has completed the new Pain Recovery Program. To read or share it, use this updated link: https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/painrecovery/
  • Welcome to the new TMS Wiki server! Things aren't finished yet: email is not set up, so notification and password-reset emails don't go out, and new registrations are paused until email is installed. Details and updates are in this thread (click here). Locked out? Email tmswikisignups@gmail.com from the address where you receive TMS Wiki notifications.

One of my hardest issues

Dixie! @dlane2530

I’m so glad you shared all of this with me. The truth is, it’s inverted for each of us, but the same exact pain. To not be heard. To be disregarded and hated. It’s SO miserable.

My symptoms first started when my son got married and I was exposed to this hatred. It killed me. I wasn’t able to walk into their house! Literally.

My son and his family visit my DIL’s family about once a month and take vacations with them. I see them less than quarterly. Last year I saw them twice. We live an hour and a half away. It’s sad. I’ve distanced myself from my DIL —and it has actually helped. The last two times I saw her, she was nice to me.

If there’s anything hard: it’s in-laws. Being them and having them. Sheesh. But to lose sleep and get crippled just makes you wonder if any of it’s worth it. Seriously. I’ve wondered.

I love your story of the recovered family. That’s very sweet. And gives me hope.

If it’s any consolation, I would love ❤️ to have you as my DIL. You are very sweet. Those people sound mean. Anybody would love to have you around. And also, 4-6 week visits is great! They are lucky!

Life is so tough. Thanks for sharing. It really helps and means a lot.
 
Last edited:
dlane2530 said:
[EDITED to add: And now I'm thinking to myself...I bet @Diana-M and other grandparents on here have a perspective on my in-laws that I don't have. Maybe I am not doing enough to try to imagine things from their perspective. Maybe I could be more compassionate...my *danger signals* are so active around them, but maybe I could get less wrapped up in it if I could somehow change my perspective. I would like to release myself from caring about it...then I could probably accept them and this unhappy situation better, and maybe even see them more often. There's that word again -- accept! Maybe it's because I am in resistance mode that it bothers me so much!]
Click to expand...
Oh my gosh! I was just thinking the same thing! I bet the younger folks on here are just saying to themselves-“ah-ha-she must be hell on wheels as a mother in law! She deserves what she gets.”

But I do know this. People who get TMS are usually never the aggressors. They’re the softies. The push-overs. So I imagine you are too. I know that I am.

And I agree with you, there is always something to learn. And there is always hope the situation can improve. Every story has two sides. And once people get hurt, it’s hard to fix it. There are also people who never want it to be fixed. I’ve known people like that. And sometimes you just have to cut your losses and save yourself. It’s hard to know what’s true. Am I the one to blame? I would love to change. I am like you, though. I’m insecure now. And it’s hard to feel good and safe around my DIL. But I do wish her the best from afar.

I would never judge you, btw. I believe you!
 
Diana-M said:
Oh my gosh! I was just thinking the same thing! I bet the younger folks on here are just saying to themselves-“ah-ha-she must be hell on wheels as a mother in law! She deserves what she gets.”

But I do know this. People who get TMS are usually never the aggressors. They’re the softies. The push-overs. So I imagine you are too. I know that I am.
Click to expand...
Heck no, definitely didn't think that about your post -- and would never think it about you!

You're so right about that with people with TMS. My brother once told me that the main thing that I am is gentle, and many people have commented on how calm I am. I am a person whose torment has always been interior. So much anger and fear. But it's completely invisible to most other people. So I will respond gently to an offense (not always, ha! But often) and then suppress my hurt and rage, etc.
 
Last edited:
Diana-M said:
If it’s any consolation, I would love ❤️ to have you as my DIL. You are very sweet. Those people sound mean. Anybody would love to have you around. And also, 4-6 week visits is great! They are lucky!
Click to expand...
❤️❤️❤️ That warms my heart!

I so understand what you're saying about DIL's family and also about the physical response to even walking into the house.

The crippled and not sleeping thing...one does wonder. Yes. But I think part of our healing from these symptoms over time will also be healing from the way we respond internally...someday we will be able to experience some of these situations/people and while it may still hurt, we will be able to sigh and let it go in a resonable amount of time and go on with our joy. Rather than letting it make a home in our very bones.
 
dlane2530 said:
someday we will be able to experience some of these situations/people and while it may still hurt, we will be able to sigh and let it go in a resonable amount of time and go on with our joy. Rather than letting it make a home in our very bones.
Click to expand...
Yes! You are so right. We have to teach our brains we are safe and rise above it. I can’t wait for that.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top