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Nuance of self compassion and standing up to the negative thoughts

R

runningupthathil

Newcomer
Hello!

I’m new on my TMS journey. Sometimes I think I have a hard time distinguishing between self compassion and sticking up to the pain like it’s a bully. Like it’s still a part of you thats trying to protect you, and even though it is incorrect and hurting you, do you not want to offer it some compassion for trying to do the right thing? I think I’m overthinking it lol but curious if anyone has thoughts on this.

I recently uncovered some grief over what I know understand to be TMS that I had when my dad was dying. it kept me from spending quality time with him and I feel really mad at the TMS for this. Im fed up with it and I want it to know that. But I also dont wanna let it become another feeling that becomes overwhelming. And i dont want to be mad at myself either. Does that make sense?

Appreciate any thoughts thank you!
 
runningupthathil said:
Hello!

I’m new on my TMS journey. Sometimes I think I have a hard time distinguishing between self compassion and sticking up to the pain like it’s a bully. Like it’s still a part of you thats trying to protect you, and even though it is incorrect and hurting you, do you not want to offer it some compassion for trying to do the right thing? I think I’m overthinking it lol but curious if anyone has thoughts on this.

I recently uncovered some grief over what I know understand to be TMS that I had when my dad was dying. it kept me from spending quality time with him and I feel really mad at the TMS for this. Im fed up with it and I want it to know that. But I also dont wanna let it become another feeling that becomes overwhelming. And i dont want to be mad at myself either. Does that make sense?

Appreciate any thoughts thank you!
Click to expand...


Journalling and free writing may help you discover the answers you’re seeking, usually they’re within us.

can you try asking the TMS what it needs? A Mr Motivator type approach or a parent?

I’ve been super compassionate to myself recently, and was on a great journey until a big flare, and this time I needed a kick to get out of some self destructive behaviours. So I often need both!
 
We are all overthinkers here! ;) That's how we got into this mess of thinking instead of feeling! You will need to see what works for you. There is no "right" way to do this whether self compassion helps you or if standing up to your TMS will work. Self compassion works for me, but there are times I've told my TMS part of my brain to just "knock it off!"
 
Joulegirl said:
We are all overthinkers here! ;) That's how we got into this mess of thinking instead of feeling! You will need to see what works for you. There is no "right" way to do this whether self compassion helps you or if standing up to your TMS will work. Self compassion works for me, but there are times I've told my TMS part of my brain to just "knock it off!"
Click to expand...

I had hand pain today… never had hand pain in my life but did a self sabotaging Google about my symptoms and one of those was “pain down arms and into hands” and I literally told my TMS to F off. It went away after about 4 mins. made me chuckle as yet more evidence
 
Hi there! Well that's one of the dozens of contradictions there are in this field. Maybe you should try Internal Family Systems to understand better why our mind is so contradictory by itself.

The point is, let your inner child express itself. It's just a defense mechanism, not who you really are. Then when the rage is gone, you'll have the space for self-compassion.
 
Of course it makes sense! Think about self-compassion as what you deserve for simply existing.
That can be hard to define for ourselves, but easier for others so think about what you think others deserve.. and offer that to yourself. This method separates you from TMS - just don’t add TMS into the equation but absolutely add your suffering including your struggles with these concepts. Ease the pressure and over time, the understanding comes.
 
Have you read the book on self-compassion by Kristin Neff? It helped me tremendously!
 
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