new scenarios, every advice is welcome!

[Pietro Carloni]

Hi everyone,
I would like to talk to you a little bit about this period that I am living to understand what you think of the situation. I haven't been very well for a few weeks.

During the month of March I started doing gym again; after about a month I started having problems. First a plantar fasciitis, then a conjunctivitis, then a stomach virus, an incredible pain in the neck blocked me for a week, then cough and foot pain. The problem is that the symptoms have followed each other incessantly. In the evening I go to bed and in the morning I wake up with a new problem.

Now I know that I don't have to concentrate on the single symptom, but this dynamic starts to get tiring and I don't know what to do. I try to bring the discourse back to the psychological level (a lot of anger towards my partner who, in my unconscious, is guilty of making me live a difficult and sacrificed life), but I can't keep the point because the symptoms are always new and different ( some as the neck pain also extremely debilitating).

I am doing a lot of meditation and, besides anger, I don't feel that I am going through strong emotions (like the fear that accompanied my panic attacks for years); I don't know how to deal with this circumstance. I try to let myself go, I try to forgive, but it is as if the desire for forgiveness was superficial and a word that is said badly is enough to bring out all the anger I have inside.

I think I'm in a stalemate and the uncertainty about my physical state reflects the difficulties in decision-making.
I'd like to hear about your experiences, perhaps to find a breathing space from this complicated time.
Thanks to all

 

[Andy Bayliss]

Hi Pietro,

About many symptoms, moving around etc: I wonder if this points to needing more therapeutic type support. I recall an interview with a couple of the psychotherapists that Dr. Sarno used, and they mentioned that their clients did not have the emergence of one thing after another, because they were addressing the underlying issues.

I try to forgive, but it is as if the desire for forgiveness was superficial and a word that is said badly is enough to bring out all the anger I have inside.

This also may point to the limits of your own work. This is a maybe. I also forget how much therapy-type support you have.

Also, the anger at the pressure to falsely forgive, to me is a potent truth, points to your awareness. The forgiveness piece, in my opinion cannot be rushed. It has to be real. Even my statement can sound like an ideal which "should be achieved." Real forgiveness comes from feeling real hurt, which we all want to avoid. A hurt which goes so deep that it cannot be fixed.

Andy B