Today I made my first foray into exercise again, well movement. I took a chair yoga class. A lot of fear came up but I moved slowly through it and talked to my mind and my body the whole time while breathing. I felt proud of myself afterwards. I signed up for more of them. I also took a walk in the park on Sunday. But tonight I started to feel like I was getting a hemrroid.. The last time that happened, it came on quickly and the next day I needed surgery because it was so huge. The surgery and post op was the most painful experience I ever had. I'm scared. I only realized and accepted this diagnosis a week and a half ago but have been dealing with my emotions in therapy many times in my life. I guess I'm just peeling more layers of the onions off. But as my back pain (the original problem) is getting slightly better, I am worried now that something worse will take it's place. I am doing the best i can to face me emotions/fears. I confronted my father about my incest 20 years ago. I put down my food addiction last year and am working the 12 steps in of an anonymous program which has you face plenty of emotions, etc. I want to be patient. But pain is scary. I want to be mad at my body for hurting me more.