New job mid back pain back

[Marla]

I started a new part time job a month ago. I am semi retired almost 58 with a life time of back stuff and heard about Dr Sarno a few years ago.

Haven't been on here since last year. In fact last time I wrote it was about mid back pain with last job.

I have been reading Steven Ozanich's book The Great Pain Deception and he talks about not babying yourself and going back to any type of job, lifting, sitting, bending, etc.

I believe in TMS and I also think a life time of being told my pain was from my posture, lifting wrong, sitting wrong, etc is hard to undo!

For the first time in my life I took a job that required some lifting and a lot of bending. I work at a small oil & vinegar shop. She buys the oils & vinegars from Italy in huge 30-50 lb jugs then we pour into these metal containers we bottle in 13 oz bottles and we print and put our label on.

Its a cute store, I like the young owner and she has no problem lifting and doing everything and I didn't tell her of any of my past problems as I fully believe it is TMS.

So in past month I notice that the only time I have pain like today is if I made a mistake or think I did something stupid, which I know is part of the perfectionist thing, as all people new are in a learning curve.

Today before I even lifted the jugs or started bottling I accidentally put the wrong labels on 3 boxes of bottles, 12 in each box and the labels take a lot of patience to get each one off without breaking off pieces of it. By the end of a few my mid back was on fire!

I immediately said to self, this is TMS, I must be angry at myself, fighting my fears, etc. No one would know I was in great pain as I did my best to ignore it and just kept working (of course it had to happen beginning of 5 hour shift!!) I still did my bottling later but the pain was there the whole time.

It is almost gone now and I am trying to tell myself it is not because of sitting down on couch with heating pad, it is because the stress is gone. Also wondering if even though in pain I should put my heating pad in closet, if it is doing the same thing as going to physical therapy which I haven't in a few years.

I came back here to start the journaling work.

I know I am suppose to be patient with myself, my personality is to find the problem and fix it. And a bit obsessively at that.

Well anyone have thoughts let me know and meanwhile I am going to do some journaling.

Taking this job is a big leap of faith in TMS and I feel like its forcing me to face my beliefs and fears. Dr Sarno said to live your life without regard to the pain and thats what I am trying to do.

And I will add that this past year I have been doing a lot of emotional eating and binging, my older daughter is going through a very messy divorce and I went from worrying about her to trying not to think about her, to visiting her and actually losing weight from stress, back to eating again at home. I came back from her place to starting new job last month.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi, Marla. I think you're wonderful. Taking on the new job was enough of a big leap of faith in TMS,
but on top of dealing with your daughter's divorce, wow, you are doing great.

The pain from the job must have been TMS, since your mistake about labeling the bottles made you angry at yourself.
It was just a mistake, but it's understandable that you would be angry about it. The anger brought on the pain.

You handled the pain anger real well, believing it was caused by TMS and I'm sure it did.

Keep going, keep practicing TMS, and let your daughter live her own life with her own mistakes.

Think well, think happy.

 

[Marla]

I keep telling myself that with my daughter, she is 35 and a manager with lots of responsibilities to that as well as her kids...she is adult and I tell myself if she can run her office smoothly she can do this no matter how tough!

And as for my job I have all summer to practice! I will check in in a few weeks to let you all know how its going.

 

[nowtimecoach]

Hi Marla,
Thanks for writing about this. I love the correlation between the anger at self and the pain. That is pretty much my scenario. Its hard to notice the messages I'm giving myself but with practice it gets easier. Let us know sooner than a couple of weeks how you're doing!!

 

[Tennis Tom]

[QUOTE="Marla, post: 30579, member: 24
...For the first time in my life I took a job that required some lifting and a lot of bending. I work at a small oil & vinegar shop. She buys the oils & vinegars from Italy in huge 30-50 lb jugs then we pour into these metal containers we bottle in 13 oz bottles and we print and put our label on.
[/QUOTE]

Thanks for sharing your story! One of my favorite Dr. Sarno sayings is, "If it was too heavy to lift, you couldn't lift it."

 

[Marla]

Hi, getting ready to leave for work. Wish I could report back all pain is gone. I still get mid back pain when bending not lifting. From what I have read our bodies are strong and it is TMS, I keep telling myself that. I notice the pain is the worst when I am fearful of doing something wrong at work, nervous or bored.

I can be happily working for hours bending etc then boss will come in and I get nervous and pain starts.

I need to start the journaling, what stopped me is having to spend the time with videos first. I should just start writing.

Right now I am having mild pain, was frustrated cleaning a mess in kitchen before leaving for work in a few minutes, don't understand why simple frustrations are causing pain unless something big underneath is poking through.

 

[Tennis Tom]

From what I have read our bodies are strong and it is TMS, I keep telling myself that.

I notice the pain is the worst when I am fearful of doing something wrong at work, nervous or bored.

I can be happily working for hours bending etc then boss will come in and I get nervous and pain starts.

...why simple frustrations are causing pain unless something big underneath is poking through.

When our TMS reservoirs are full to overflowing something insignificant can breach the dam. Explore why your boss makes you nervous?

 

[Sheree]

Hi Maria, You described the situation at your work when something stressful happens so well. I have the exact same thing happen to me. Feeling like the back is on fire. The crazy thing for me is that I have no boss. I am the boss! But it is my perfectionist nature, the bully inside that is standing over me. How to beat this??? Logically, I know it is pointless to worry about these sorts of things, but I guess the body feels differently.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi, Sheree. I had a lot of anger in me because I was trying too hard to please my boss, a book publisher friend of mine.
It took some time before I realized he is a perfectionist's perfectionist (though he is really not as perfect as he thinks and
loads me and others with unnecessary work). I also learned not to try to hurry into the work he asks, but to do it at my own pace.
If you're pushing yourself too hard, try to let up on yourself. Tell yourself you're doing your best and you're "dancing" as fast
as you can without falling down.

 

[Sheree]

Thanks Walt - that's great advice for all of us.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

In a new job, outside of the home, I always found that the most important thing was
to just learn where the bathroom is. And also where there is an empty room where I could sit
and get away from everyone, especially meetings. I hated corporate meetings. Nothing ever
got done at them and they were just a way for department heads to snow job each other and the boss.

 

[Marla]

I am in a small store and almost no where to hide! When I work alone it is better and I feel calm, also when I work with the other two ladies, I think I am just trying to be perfect for the boss who wants things perfect! I finally decided the other day I will do my best and if that isn't good enough she can find someone else. I am pretty good employee but I fight my low self esteem issues that tell me this or that could be better. The job is very simple actually selling oil & vinegar and bottling into 13 oz bottles and putting labels on, but she sets them side by side and wants every label to look perfectly straight, i try as hard as i can but i think my nervousness is what makes them sometimes slightly crooked.

Its funny because I changed to this job to get away from a stressful boss at last job. A friend got me the job and said the boss is nice. She is very nice, but also very particular and my friend didn't mention that!

I was reading the program here on wiki last night about being compassionate with yourself, treating yourself like how you would a 4 year old who is feeling bad about themselves. I was left to my own a lot as a child, I was the quiet good one while my older brother got in trouble and got all the attention. I was basically ignored most of my upbringing and when I was bullied in junior high as a scared skinny kid, my parents didn't help me and I felt very afraid. My counselor says I am still working out the fear from my past.

I believe its those fears and more suppressed that are causing my pain. I have days like today where I feel like screaming but can't figure out why, or whats wrong. I am not in touch with my feelings because as a child and then adult I learned to numb myself to be able to handle it.

I have been having a problem for the past year with eating until I feel sick in the evenings, its like I feel numb until I feel sick...all I can say folks is I am working on it! My counselor told me not to concentrate on the food thing at all now. We are working on my fears right now...he is very open to mind body I just started with him a few months ago and won't see any doctor now that isn't open to it.

 

[Tennis Tom]

Have a chat with your boss about your feelings, maybe over a coffee. Employers don't want to lose good employees. If she understands your emotional issues it may help your relationship.