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CalmIsTheCure said:
Let me open up.
The reason I am not rejoicing about this fact is although I am pleased to find nothing is wrong with my body I do fear my mind is broken. I know intellectually that is not true. But once you have a had a therapist tell you that anxiety can not be cured and you are wired wrong and most people with mental health challenges kill themselves you find yourself not so thrilled to find out your problems are coming from your brain.
I know this is a terrible thing for a therpist to say and I know it is not a true but it stays with you. That maybe you are just a little bit broken and can't be helped.
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I suggest writing about it. Anger is under all of this.
 
CalmIsTheCure said:
Anyway that is a little more about me. I feel the only way to move forward is to be as honest as possible.
Maybe more insights are to be had by my becoming more vulnerable here
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There ya go - finally?

Vulnerability is absolutely ESSENTIAL to doing this work. When you can replace Victimhood with Vulnerability, you'll start to make progress.

I say start, because there is no way to know how long this will take for any one person.

Hmmm, I think I will suggest that you answer the short questionnaire about "ACEs" - as explained in this forum thread, with a link and description of the "ACEs Quiz" and its relevance to physical and mental suffering:
https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/aces-quiz-online-printable-versions.27061 (ACEs "quiz" - online & printable versions) (ACEs "quiz" - online & printable versions).

Be sure to take the time to absorb the information/explanation, and then be sure to answer the questions with 100% self-honesty. And with vulnerability.
 
"Only" is not relevant. It's not how many ACEs you do or do not score - the point is that the questionnaire provides information which will help to inform your self-reflection. Whatever that one ACE is, it is going to be a significant topic for examination, and may help you to understand some, if not much, of the way you relate to the world as an adult.

The way we react to the world as adults always goes back to childhood. Always. Even in loving and functional families. As Nicole Sachs says, "no one escapes childhood unscathed".

The TMS mechanism is a natural part of human brain evolution, but our individual TMS mechanisms are highly influenced by how we experienced and processed instances of fear and/or uncertainty as children, and also by the role that our parents or other adults played in supporting or not supporting us during those experiences.
 
CalmIsTheCure said:
Is there a reason anxiety becomes higher whilst doing this work?
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I'm not a neuropsychologist and I'm also not going to enable your procrastination by spending time theorizing about this.

Accept that anxiety when starting to do the true emotional work is not just a very common phenomenon, it is almost universal.

Acceptance is another vital element to doing this work. The opposite of Acceptance is Resistance, and the TMS brain is wired to RESIST at all costs. Anxiety is just another one of its tools.
 
I've just been journalling about the traumatic health scare AGAIN and cried a whole lot AGAIN. I would not call that procrastination.
I am just trying to understand the process. I thought anxiety may start once pain resolved. Not have it on tip of. Just trying to understand it
 
My apologies, @CalmIsTheCure. I should not have sounded so impatient. I understand that you have started the program and you're experiencing normal symptoms. I guess what I want to say to you is that you have got to relax and expand your mind to the many different possibilities. Doing that will help you in this work and in all areas of your life.

Bottom line: your particular experience is simply not going to match the experiences of anyone else. That is a FACT. Also, you somehow got the mistaken impression that the symptom imperative was an exact substitution, or that it adhered to some kind of clear delineation or to a timetable. Nothing could be further from reality. I'm sorry that we can't offer you step-by-step guidelines and timetables and signs. They don't exist. This is all part of ACCEPTANCE and learning how to discard rigidity and certainty. It's uncofortable and it feels unsafe, but if you think rationally, you'll realize that letting go of those things is not going to kill you. The problem is that your fearful brain has you thinking that your survival is still being threatened.

All you need to know about the symptom imperative is that there are basic similarities with an infinite number of different interations. This is all you need to know in order to talk back to to your fearful brain and say something like "Hey! This is normal, there's nothing harmful or extraordinary going on here, I'm not in danger, and I don't need you to distract me with meaningless questions. It's completely unnecessary! Thanks for trying to protect me by getting me to ask these questions, but can I get back to the real work now?"
 
How funny.
The last few weeks I've started going out more. Something I avoided when the sensations started.
And this week I have decided to go back to my hobby of drawing. Which involves sitting of course and concentration.
This has caused anxiety and my mood to generally sky rocket.
I'm assuming because I'm doing something else other than Google my problems little me has decided it needs to get my attention in the mind rather than just the body. Maybe. Maybe not. Just a thought
 
CalmIsTheCure said:
How funny.
The last few weeks I've started going out more. Something I avoided when the sensations started.
And this week I have decided to go back to my hobby of drawing. Which involves sitting of course and concentration.
This has caused anxiety and my mood to generally sky rocket.
I'm assuming because I'm doing something else other than Google my problems little me has decided it needs to get my attention in the mind rather than just the body. Maybe. Maybe not. Just a thought
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Yes it can be that. Your brain screaming a false alarm that this is hobby or this action is danger. It's done a good job of making you avoid it, right? It wants you to stay scared. It's a false alarm.

Next time you're drawing - shift your mind to thinking psychologically. What you are thinking about when you are drawing. I have caught myself ruminating over the past or future - the type-T personality as Ozanich says - and had an increase in symptoms - once I shift focus to my brain, I realize I have been ruminating, worrying, and focus my attention back to the present, the symptoms disappearing - TMS is a teacher, teach the brain. Dig deep to understand why you operate a certain way, your habits, etc, this will be the work you will begin to change those habits. Dig in.
 
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I've already noticed how much I criticize myself. I am now catching myself and don't allow myself to do so.
I've noticed how much I normally gossip at work. I've noticed actually that I don't like doing it so have stopped engaging with gossip especially with a certain person who constantly wants to be mean about people behind their backs.
I've noticed that I work with people that moan all the time and try to drag me into thier drama. I have now been not engaging with thier negativity and not taking on others problems.
I've noticed I people please. I need to be liked and so I over perform at my job to be appreciated. I have stopped pushing myself. I normally multi task. I no longer will. I deliberately finish one job before starting the next one even if people are piling things on me.

My main problem....... my need to control things. I hate not being in control. And TMS definatly makes your feel not in control
 
CalmIsTheCure said:
I've already noticed how much I criticize myself. I am now catching myself and don't allow myself to do so.
I've noticed how much I normally gossip at work. I've noticed actually that I don't like doing it so have stopped engaging with gossip especially with a certain person who constantly wants to be mean about people behind their backs.
I've noticed that I work with people that moan all the time and try to drag me into thier drama. I have now been not engaging with thier negativity and not taking on others problems.
I've noticed I people please. I need to be liked and so I over perform at my job to be appreciated. I have stopped pushing myself. I normally multi task. I no longer will. I deliberately finish one job before starting the next one even if people are piling things on me.

My main problem....... my need to control things. I hate not being in control. And TMS definatly makes your feel not in control
Click to expand...

Why do you need to control things, why do you hate not being in control, why do you people please. You don't have to tell us. These are questions you can journal or reflect about to discover more about your self, your childhood, where it came from.
 
Because if I'm not in control then bad things may happen. I don't like the unknown. I like to fully understand everything. It's like I feel like if I can control situations I can control the outcome. When infact control is just an illusion.
Just as I'm trying to control this process. I don't understand it which frustrates me and which makes me feel out of control and it I don't know HOW I feel out of control and if I can't control I don't know HOW to get better.
 
If one has removed doubt about it being a structural issue this is great.
However what does one do about the fears and doubts they have around their own brains?
I could see this being a sticky point for me
 
What doubts do you have about the brain?

If you think your brain is damaged in some way or perpetually stuck into a mode you don’t like I think you’d love to read the book “The brain that changes itself” by Norman Doige. It’s all about how malleable the brain is. (Full disclosure, haven’t read it, it’s on the tbr-pile, but have heard lots of good things about it)
 
Well people say you don't need to fix yourself there's nothing wrong with you. But I keep thinking there must be something wrong with my brain. That needs fixing.
People say trauma gets stuck etc etc etc. How the hell do u get better then if everything's stuck
 
CalmIsTheCure said:
Well people say you don't need to fix yourself there's nothing wrong with you. But I keep thinking there must be something wrong with my brain.
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Well, it's just semantics. The brain is functioning well in the sense it's keeping you far from perceived danger, but at the same time is making you feel unnecessary symptoms. I try not to think in terms of right or wrong, it just brought me confusion and frustration.
 
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