Hey everyone! I've been lurking for a long time. Like many of you, I've stumbled upon the TMS concept many times in my medical journey, disregarded it as a bunch of hooey, pursued other avenues and somehow I keep coming back. Call it destiny; call it a last chance blueprint. I will say this, after two obscure surgeries, countless doctors visits and lots of stress and worry, I think I'm here to stay. I'm not much of one for forums, but I feel that it's important that I air all of this out to an audience that will understand, embrace, and encourage (#teamoxfordcomma!).
My story starts a few years back. I had started a new job, was working on my masters (in nuclear engineering) and training for what would be my last powerlifting meet before my health decline. It's an odd story, so hold on. One late night in a gym I wont name, in city that is irrelevant, I was squatting somewhere well over 500lbs. I had a pop and twinge in my neck that damn near took me to my knees. This same issue had bothered me earlier in my life but typically wandered off like ailments do in your twenties. Well, this time I was in my thirties so it decided to hang around. I had a few intermittent bouts of dizziness and fogginess, but nothing that really spooked me.
Fast forward a few months I'm fast asleep in my bed and I am woken up by what feels like a stab to the chest. I wake up drenched in my own sweat, run to the kitchen and get some cold water, check my blood pressure, sit down and try and calm down. A few days pass and I continue to notice the chest pain more and more. I get a little concerned and wander off to the doc in a box. Diagnosis (1), severe acid reflux. The kind that like you swallowed a hot iron. Fast forward two years I'm headed upstate to meet with a doc to get the LINX reflux procedure. The little valve between my esophagus has failed and I'm getting something like 8x normal reflux. I'm developing potentially precancerous lesions (barrets esophagus), maxed out on reflux meds and NOT sleeping at all.
All is well....until....
Two months after the procedure were on vacation with some friends. I'm overindulging for the first time in years since I can eat and drink like a normal human being.
I take a spill and whack my head in the grass. I'm not sure if I lost consciousness, but I'm sure I had a severe concussion and likely whiplash. Things are super weird for a while. Odd heartrate issues, dizziness, parastesia, confusion. All the stuff you would expect. As expected, several MRIs, XRays and CT later I'm cleared. Still dizzy, still foggy, but otherwise good to go.
And then!
About a year after I develop severe facial pain. This one almost pushed me over the edge. I bounce around for a few months without diagnosis. All sorts of meds, all sorts of doctors. As you can imagine, I'm losing my mind. I cant eat, I cant sleep. I've been here before, but this was a nightmare. I end up digging through my CTs myself and locate the point of pain. I find a few expert docs. End up flying out to CA to my left styloid removed. The dag on thing was actually trying to grow through the back of my throat causing all sorts of trouble. The diagnosis is Eagles Syndrome and/or glossopharyngeal neuralgia. You dont want it, you probably cant TMS your way out of that one.
So here I am, several years downstream of some very complex medical issues. I've developed severe preoccupation with my left over neck pain, headaches, and dizziness, of course that's that's only according to my ice pack, inversion table, heating pad, tens unit, neck exercises, and foam roller. I analyze my posture constantly. I suspect I fall on the spectrum of medical PTSD. As an engineer, everything that Sarno says makes sense ESPECIALLY the part about scans having nothing to do with pain. I do have some instability and arthritis identified in my neck. I find it hard to believe that vertebre being a few "millimeters" off has anything to do with what I am going through.
My pain has changed over the years. Sometimes quite varied in really short duration. Some days (rarely though) I'm really good, with only a minor nag to speak of. These days are usually when I'm really busy doing things I enjoy. Obviously, like most, my pain flares up when I'm stressed or at work doing stuff I really dont want to do. The presentation is almost uniquely one of many of the following;
Sub occipital pain
Neck pain and tightness
Heavy head (especially when overwhelmed visually like in a mall or driving in bright light)
Trap pain (worst part), probably described as trapezius myalgia
Shoulder pain
Headaches
Jaw pain
Occasional arm pain
Obscured vision
Dizziness
Tinnitus
This one is weird - I even have palatal myoclonus that has no identifiable neurological lesion. Google it.
I suspect if I kept going to doctors I would be diagnosed ultimately with some obscurity such as fibromyalgia.
The crazy part about this is that I've talked myself out of ALL of these symptoms before. The even crazier part is I convinced myself years ago that my neck was part of my problem, and then pain developed.
I have read Sarno. Read it extensively. I buy into it. I accept it. But I cant dump this last 20%. My neuro even once said that my symptoms were due to tension; she admitted that she has the same problem.
So, almighty internets, where do I go from here? What do I do? I'm in a bind. I feel like I have most of the puzzle, but I'm missing a line straight through the middle. I know someone has been here before. I see all of these encouraging posts of people who have come out the other side after dealing with years of incorrogible pain and neuro issues. For what it's worth, I'm working, back in the gym, remodeling my house but I want to be pain freeeee!
Help is appreciated; advice is needed; criticism is welcomed
Thanks for looking.
My story starts a few years back. I had started a new job, was working on my masters (in nuclear engineering) and training for what would be my last powerlifting meet before my health decline. It's an odd story, so hold on. One late night in a gym I wont name, in city that is irrelevant, I was squatting somewhere well over 500lbs. I had a pop and twinge in my neck that damn near took me to my knees. This same issue had bothered me earlier in my life but typically wandered off like ailments do in your twenties. Well, this time I was in my thirties so it decided to hang around. I had a few intermittent bouts of dizziness and fogginess, but nothing that really spooked me.
Fast forward a few months I'm fast asleep in my bed and I am woken up by what feels like a stab to the chest. I wake up drenched in my own sweat, run to the kitchen and get some cold water, check my blood pressure, sit down and try and calm down. A few days pass and I continue to notice the chest pain more and more. I get a little concerned and wander off to the doc in a box. Diagnosis (1), severe acid reflux. The kind that like you swallowed a hot iron. Fast forward two years I'm headed upstate to meet with a doc to get the LINX reflux procedure. The little valve between my esophagus has failed and I'm getting something like 8x normal reflux. I'm developing potentially precancerous lesions (barrets esophagus), maxed out on reflux meds and NOT sleeping at all.
All is well....until....
Two months after the procedure were on vacation with some friends. I'm overindulging for the first time in years since I can eat and drink like a normal human being.
I take a spill and whack my head in the grass. I'm not sure if I lost consciousness, but I'm sure I had a severe concussion and likely whiplash. Things are super weird for a while. Odd heartrate issues, dizziness, parastesia, confusion. All the stuff you would expect. As expected, several MRIs, XRays and CT later I'm cleared. Still dizzy, still foggy, but otherwise good to go.
And then!
About a year after I develop severe facial pain. This one almost pushed me over the edge. I bounce around for a few months without diagnosis. All sorts of meds, all sorts of doctors. As you can imagine, I'm losing my mind. I cant eat, I cant sleep. I've been here before, but this was a nightmare. I end up digging through my CTs myself and locate the point of pain. I find a few expert docs. End up flying out to CA to my left styloid removed. The dag on thing was actually trying to grow through the back of my throat causing all sorts of trouble. The diagnosis is Eagles Syndrome and/or glossopharyngeal neuralgia. You dont want it, you probably cant TMS your way out of that one.
So here I am, several years downstream of some very complex medical issues. I've developed severe preoccupation with my left over neck pain, headaches, and dizziness, of course that's that's only according to my ice pack, inversion table, heating pad, tens unit, neck exercises, and foam roller. I analyze my posture constantly. I suspect I fall on the spectrum of medical PTSD. As an engineer, everything that Sarno says makes sense ESPECIALLY the part about scans having nothing to do with pain. I do have some instability and arthritis identified in my neck. I find it hard to believe that vertebre being a few "millimeters" off has anything to do with what I am going through.
My pain has changed over the years. Sometimes quite varied in really short duration. Some days (rarely though) I'm really good, with only a minor nag to speak of. These days are usually when I'm really busy doing things I enjoy. Obviously, like most, my pain flares up when I'm stressed or at work doing stuff I really dont want to do. The presentation is almost uniquely one of many of the following;
Sub occipital pain
Neck pain and tightness
Heavy head (especially when overwhelmed visually like in a mall or driving in bright light)
Trap pain (worst part), probably described as trapezius myalgia
Shoulder pain
Headaches
Jaw pain
Occasional arm pain
Obscured vision
Dizziness
Tinnitus
This one is weird - I even have palatal myoclonus that has no identifiable neurological lesion. Google it.
I suspect if I kept going to doctors I would be diagnosed ultimately with some obscurity such as fibromyalgia.
The crazy part about this is that I've talked myself out of ALL of these symptoms before. The even crazier part is I convinced myself years ago that my neck was part of my problem, and then pain developed.
I have read Sarno. Read it extensively. I buy into it. I accept it. But I cant dump this last 20%. My neuro even once said that my symptoms were due to tension; she admitted that she has the same problem.
So, almighty internets, where do I go from here? What do I do? I'm in a bind. I feel like I have most of the puzzle, but I'm missing a line straight through the middle. I know someone has been here before. I see all of these encouraging posts of people who have come out the other side after dealing with years of incorrogible pain and neuro issues. For what it's worth, I'm working, back in the gym, remodeling my house but I want to be pain freeeee!
Help is appreciated; advice is needed; criticism is welcomed
Thanks for looking.
