New here - Chronic constipation and identity crisis

[narcissus1888]

Hello there,

I've been doing the TMS work for quite some time now, in order to heal chronic constipation which I've had since I'm 16 (I'm now 31). For 9 months this work helped me tremendously, I was able to go to the bathroom almost everyday without any diet, supplements or anything else.

But the thing is...I relapsed, and I lost hope that it can get better. I know the symptom itself can get better with nervous system regulation, but the core issue, the obsession and fear, I don't see how it can go away since I've been living with it for so long. In the TMS world we often hear that we should "fix less and live more", but when you've had a problem since you are a kid or a teenager, what does it mean to "live more" ? My life completely revolves around this symptom, I've made every single decision based on it, which leaves me helpless when it comes to "focus my attention on something else". More than a chronic symptom it's an identity crisis. Sometimes I'm envious of those who got TMS in their thirties or later, because they *know* what normal life looks like, so it seems easier to shift their attention away from the symptom.

I would love to hear from people who had this symptom (constipation) for a long period of time and are successfully recovered, with TMS alone and no physical treatment. Any input on the "live more"/identity issue is welcome too

Thank you !

 

[Diana-M]

Hi @narcissus1888
Welcome!

I’m sorry you’re in distress. It’s what so many of us feel. How can I LIVE—like this?! The answer is: one step at a time. This is a mental, emotional, physical quest. And the good news is, you’ve had success before! For 9 whole months! Can you go back to the techniques that worked then? Your TMS brain is trying to distract you. From what? You have to stop panicking and get to work. What choice do you have? Stay like this? No way. You can get out of this. Stick with us. There’s so much to learn. It’s a process. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve had TMS, you can get rid of it.

 

[BloodMoon]

Hi @narcissus1888,
For encouragement, see this TMS success story which involved recovering from severe constipation (amongst many other symptoms) https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/success-story-cfs-hip-pain-mri-labral-tear-fai-ibs-insomnia-eczema-tooth-pain-many-others.28260/#post-146815 (Success story: CFS, Hip pain, MRI labral tear, FAI, IBS, Insomnia, eczema, tooth pain & many others) and see this one too https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/i-am-back-and-i-am-shouting-from-rooftops.20359/#post-140133 (I am Back and I am Shouting from Rooftops)

 

[narcissus1888]

Hi @narcissus1888
Welcome!

I’m sorry you’re in distress. It’s what so many of us feel. How can I LIVE—like this?! The answer is: one step at a time. This is a mental, emotional, physical quest. And the good news is, you’ve had success before! For 9 whole months! Can you go back to the techniques that worked then? Your TMS brain is trying to distract you. From what? You have to stop panicking and get to work. What choice do you have? Stay like this? No way. You can get out of this. Stick with us. There’s so much to learn. It’s a process. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve had TMS, you can get rid of it.

Thank you so much for your uplifting reply ! My 9 months of getting well were actually powered by the decision that I was so done obsessing over my bowels, and that whatever my bowels choose to do, I would live my life. I didn't have much knowledge of TMS at this time, but then I realized I was "accidentally" doing brain retraining, by automatically ignoring the obsessive thoughts. Recently I've been more reluctant to "do the work" as it makes me feel like a sick person ; but you are right, there is no other choice, so I just made the decision to stick with intentional "brain retraining" (i.e. noticing the obsessive thoughts and letting them go). It can be challenging when there's nothing to look forward too in daily life (I'm currently stuck for 6 months due to a complicated job situation) but I hope I'll figure it out while doing the work. The other important part is nervous system regulation, but I don't think there needs to be a specific technique. Everytime I do a program or a set of techniques, I identify with "being sick" and stay stuck

 

[narcissus1888]

Hi @narcissus1888,
For encouragement, see this TMS success story which involved recovering from severe constipation (amongst many other symptoms) https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/success-story-cfs-hip-pain-mri-labral-tear-fai-ibs-insomnia-eczema-tooth-pain-many-others.28260/#post-146815 (Success story: CFS, Hip pain, MRI labral tear, FAI, IBS, Insomnia, eczema, tooth pain & many others) and see this one too https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/i-am-back-and-i-am-shouting-from-rooftops.20359/#post-140133 (I am Back and I am Shouting from Rooftops)

Thank you very much ! I had already read the first one but not the second, and it is very inspiring too. I like how they overcame decades of ill health. It shows that the body and brain are capable of anything ; sometimes I lack faith in my own ability to create a new life, which goes beyond mere symptom resolution

 

[Cactusflower]

If you have not read a book by Dr. Sarno, I suggest you do, and look into what he discusses about personality types. A lot of his personality types really revolve around patterns of thought and false beliefs.
I think this might be a great angle for you to work on with the emotional work he also recommends.
Stress is usually created by thought patterns, and these can be changed. #1 Sarno says the word benign - there is no hidden meaning to TMS. You are not unwell or well. It just is. Accepting and being with the discomfort of this current and temporary state of sensations physically and emotionally will go a long way to setting you free.
As for your current employment situation which is also making you uncomfortable - it too is temporary - only 6 months.
Only 6 months vs omg, 6 months feels like forever is a great leap in positive vs negative. It also relieves a lot of internal pressure to have to slog through 6 mentally torturous months.
What can you look forward to after that time? (Journal time!)
What about this job now can you see as a benefit? Food on the table, rent paid? Whatever.
I find both recognizing things can be temporary plus lightly (without self pressure) keeping your eye on the “prize” whatever that is, totally changes mindset.
What are your false beliefs in life you tend to live up to?

 

[HealingMe]

In the TMS world we often hear that we should "fix less and live more", but when you've had a problem since you are a kid or a teenager, what does it mean to "live more" ? My life completely revolves around this symptom, I've made every single decision based on it, which leaves me helpless when it comes to "focus my attention on something else". More than a chronic symptom it's an identity crisis. Sometimes I'm envious of those who got TMS in their thirties or later, because they *know* what normal life looks like, so it seems easier to shift their attention away from the symptom.
I would love to hear from people who had this symptom (constipation) for a long period of time and are successfully recovered, with TMS alone and no physical treatment. Any input on the "live more"/identity issue is welcome too.

Maybe I can give some advice on the "live more"/identity issue. I've many times questioned what is normal life for me? Others will agree with me that this is just nothing more than a distraction. When I discovered TMS at the beginning of 2024 my chronic pain was just the tip of the iceberg even though I healed from multiple chronic pain symptoms. There's so much more stuff below the service (picture the iceberg from Titanic for dramatic effect). By doing the work consistently (progress not perfection) I've been able to make so many connections to my childhood. A lot of things didn't click for me until just recently where I had a bunch of 'aha!' moments one after the other.

If you commit to the work, you will gain a deeper understand of the "true" you, and how you really want to live. Take it from someone who's had anxiety and obsessive tendencies since about 5 years old. The universe will reward you, I promise. Healing is possible.

 

[Diana-M]

Everytime I do a program or a set of techniques, I identify with "being sick" and stay stuck

Well, you’re not “sick.” You have a temporary condition. And doing the work is what will get you unstuck.

 

[narcissus1888]

If you have not read a book by Dr. Sarno, I suggest you do, and look into what he discusses about personality types. A lot of his personality types really revolve around patterns of thought and false beliefs.
I think this might be a great angle for you to work on with the emotional work he also recommends.
Stress is usually created by thought patterns, and these can be changed. #1 Sarno says the word benign - there is no hidden meaning to TMS. You are not unwell or well. It just is. Accepting and being with the discomfort of this current and temporary state of sensations physically and emotionally will go a long way to setting you free.
As for your current employment situation which is also making you uncomfortable - it too is temporary - only 6 months.
Only 6 months vs omg, 6 months feels like forever is a great leap in positive vs negative. It also relieves a lot of internal pressure to have to slog through 6 mentally torturous months.
What can you look forward to after that time? (Journal time!)
What about this job now can you see as a benefit? Food on the table, rent paid? Whatever.
I find both recognizing things can be temporary plus lightly (without self pressure) keeping your eye on the “prize” whatever that is, totally changes mindset.
What are your false beliefs in life you tend to live up to?

Thank you ! It is true, there's some reframing that can be done. I hope that the reframing I'll keep doing about the constipation will also help me reframe other uncomfortable things

 

[narcissus1888]

Maybe I can give some advice on the "live more"/identity issue. I've many times questioned what is normal life for me? Others will agree with me that this is just nothing more than a distraction. When I discovered TMS at the beginning of 2024 my chronic pain was just the tip of the iceberg even though I healed from multiple chronic pain symptoms. There's so much more stuff below the service (picture the iceberg from Titanic for dramatic effect). By doing the work consistently (progress not perfection) I've been able to make so many connections to my childhood. A lot of things didn't click for me until just recently where I had a bunch of 'aha!' moments one after the other.

If you commit to the work, you will gain a deeper understand of the "true" you, and how you really want to live. Take it from someone who's had anxiety and obsessive tendencies since about 5 years old. The universe will reward you, I promise. Healing is possible.

So what you are saying is you stopped compulsively looking for meaning, just did the work (which I suppose is about thinking psychologically, observing instead of engaging with fearful thoughts) and things started to emerge naturally ? This is what I think too. Sometimes I feel like my desire to "find purpose" (or meaning) is a ramification of "wanting to escape the current situation" (feeling uncomfortable with the constipation and other more minor symptoms that developed along the way)

 

[narcissus1888]

Well, you’re not “sick.” You have a temporary condition. And doing the work is what will get you unstuck.

Thank you for the reframing I sometimes feel discouraged about the fact that I've been at this for 3 years, and relapsed after doing good. But maybe the more positive outlook on it is : "It is possible to get better". probably I relapsed because I indulged in fear instead of "keeping calm and retraining a little more"

 

[HealingMe]

So what you are saying is you stopped compulsively looking for meaning, just did the work (which I suppose is about thinking psychologically, observing instead of engaging with fearful thoughts) and things started to emerge naturally ? This is what I think too. Sometimes I feel like my desire to "find purpose" (or meaning) is a ramification of "wanting to escape the current situation" (feeling uncomfortable with the constipation and other more minor symptoms that developed along the way)

Yep. It's easier to understand but harder to apply.

Let me give you an example of one of my fears. I became obsessed with feeling a "certain" way. Why wasn't I happy in this moment? Why do I feel anxious? Why do I feel disgusted? WHY CAN'T I FEEL EXCITED RIGHT NOW WHEN I USED TO BE EXCITED BY IT!? WHAT DOES THIS MEAN!?!? DOES THIS MEAN I'M A BAD PERSON? OH MY GOD!!!?! I'M A BAD PERSON. I DON'T DESERVE X AND X. aaaaaand then I began to avoid (big nono) situations/people that would evoke these "unwanted" feelings because I was terrified of feeling them (disgust, frustration, anger). PAIN.

This is your fear brain. When I began to let. it. fu*king. be., let myself feel them because they are NORMAL. Things began to fall into place and it WASN'T that scary ("Oh, wow, that wasn't so bad, what was I so scared about!?"). What you resist, persists.

I am not sure where this is from but it spoke to me at one point:

 

[narcissus1888]

Yep. It's easier to understand but harder to apply.

Let me give you an example of one of my fears. I became obsessed with feeling a "certain" way. Why wasn't I happy in this moment? Why do I feel anxious? Why do I feel disgusted? WHY CAN'T I FEEL EXCITED RIGHT NOW WHEN I USED TO BE EXCITED BY IT!? WHAT DOES THIS MEAN!?!? DOES THIS MEAN I'M A BAD PERSON? OH MY GOD!!!?! I'M A BAD PERSON. I DON'T DESERVE X AND X. aaaaaand then I began to avoid (big nono) situations/people that would evoke these "unwanted" feelings because I was terrified of feeling them (disgust, frustration, anger). PAIN.

This is your fear brain. When I began to let. it. fu*king. be., let myself feel them because they are NORMAL. Things began to fall into place and it WASN'T that scary ("Oh, wow, that wasn't so bad, what was I so scared about!?"). What you resist, persists.

I am not sure where this is from but it spoke to me at one point:

Oh thank you, it resonates a lot. In my case the obsession of constipation itself is prevalent because there's guilt around it. But I developed the same issue that you describe, avoiding "negative" feelings like boredom, sadness, anxiety, because I label them as a sign that something in me is flawed. Currently working on viewing these feelings as normal and not a threat to my physical and mental health

 

[HealingMe]

Oh thank you, it resonates a lot. In my case the obsession of constipation itself is prevalent because there's guilt around it. But I developed the same issue that you describe, avoiding "negative" feelings like boredom, sadness, anxiety, because I label them as a sign that something in me is flawed. Currently working on viewing these feelings as normal and not a threat to my physical and mental health

You probably spend a great deal of time in your brain fighting yourself like me because I recognize it, but it gets better! Continue this work, it is worth it.

https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/understanding-and-overcoming-fear.182/ (Dr. Schubiner - Understanding and Overcoming Fear)

 

[narcissus1888]

You probably spend a great deal of time in your brain fighting yourself like me because I recognize it, but it gets better! Continue this work, it is worth it.

https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/understanding-and-overcoming-fear.182/ (Dr. Schubiner - Understanding and Overcoming Fear)

Yes I do...and honestly the thoughts it brings up are sometimes very dark. When you say "the work" what are you referring to ? There are so many different things in the TMS space. Are you referring to conquering fear, hence the link you included ?

 

[Diana-M]

Thank you for the reframing I sometimes feel discouraged about the fact that I've been at this for 3 years, and relapsed after doing good. But maybe the more positive outlook on it is : "It is possible to get better". probably I relapsed because I indulged in fear instead of "keeping calm and retraining a little more"

To be honest, most TMSers relapse. We have to work at staying well. It’s not your fault you relapsed. Just pick up the pieces and get better!

 

[Diana-M]

This is your fear brain. When I began to let. it. fu*king. be., let myself feel them because they are NORMAL. Things began to fall into place and it WASN'T that scary ("Oh, wow, that wasn't so bad, what was I so scared about!?"). What you resist, persists.

Healingme— I love this post! I’m learning the same thing! Fighting it is what makes it all so miserable.

 

[Cactusflower]

"But I developed the same issue that you describe, avoiding "negative" feelings like boredom, sadness, anxiety, because I label them as a sign that something in me is flawed. Currently working on viewing these feelings as normal and not a threat to my physical and mental health"

Well, that's part of the work!
Recognizing triggers usually developed in childhood and often related to the intersection of emotions and personality is also part of the work. You don't have to excavate every trigger - just understand and accept how your mind might be working... especially to create rage and anger (the type you don't even realize is way deep down there). Lots of people do this via journaling, some through therapy....whatever works.
Discovering ways to dial down your nervous system is also part of the work - perhaps for you it's participating in sports, for others it's meditation ... a place where you can just let go of self - pressure and judgement and live in the moment.

AND... doing this regularly as habits that serve you, because we tend to fall back into the hold habits and patterns that don't serve us and the stress and deep well of rage once again fill us up and we are so good about not even noticing that's what's happening. Recognize that people who do not have chronic pain most likely do this work naturally.

 

[narcissus1888]

"But I developed the same issue that you describe, avoiding "negative" feelings like boredom, sadness, anxiety, because I label them as a sign that something in me is flawed. Currently working on viewing these feelings as normal and not a threat to my physical and mental health"

Well, that's part of the work!
Recognizing triggers usually developed in childhood and often related to the intersection of emotions and personality is also part of the work. You don't have to excavate every trigger - just understand and accept how your mind might be working... especially to create rage and anger (the type you don't even realize is way deep down there). Lots of people do this via journaling, some through therapy....whatever works.
Discovering ways to dial down your nervous system is also part of the work - perhaps for you it's participating in sports, for others it's meditation ... a place where you can just let go of self - pressure and judgement and live in the moment.

AND... doing this regularly as habits that serve you, because we tend to fall back into the hold habits and patterns that don't serve us and the stress and deep well of rage once again fill us up and we are so good about not even noticing that's what's happening. Recognize that people who do not have chronic pain most likely do this work naturally.

Thank you ! One big challenge for me is that I don't know who I am. I spent all my childhood trying to please my parents so they wouldn't punish me. And then from 17 years old to now, completely consumed by the constipation and fixing myself. I don't know if I'm a sports kind of person, an artistic kind of person, or meditative, or anything. Of course I can try activities, which I do, but everything seems unnatural, as if "living" was like handling a machine and I lost the manual.

 

[Diana-M]

Thank you ! One big challenge for me is that I don't know who I am. I spent all my childhood trying to please my parents so they wouldn't punish me. And then from 17 years old to now, completely consumed by the constipation and fixing myself. I don't know if I'm a sports kind of person, an artistic kind of person, or meditative, or anything. Of course I can try activities, which I do, but everything seems unnatural, as if "living" was like handling a machine and I lost the manual.

Healing from TMS is all-encompassing. Even though it’s hard to have TMS, it’s actually a gift. It overhauls your life.