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New here and trying to escape pain, obsession and despair

Jimmy Todd said:
remembered/dreamed last night about a memory from my youth that was degrading and anger inducing.
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Excellent! It's the weird small incidents like this that can fill up the reservoir of repressed emotions to the point where our brains have to work even harder to repress them. More repression equals more symptoms. Put this on the list to journal about! How cool that it came to you during some part of your sleep cycle. Just goes to show how many variations of "doing the work" we can experience.
 
It is also now moving around so it goes to my upper arms at times then back to my right forearm and then the left. Then for awhile it was in my upper biceps. It is so weird. Yesterday, it was gone and today it came back. Is this classic TMS? I made the mistake of looking this up online and now I am getting it into my head that it's tendonitis or carpal tunnel syndrome. Last week it was my back, but I started seeing it as TMS and my back is fine this week.
 
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Jimmy Todd said:
It is also now moving around so it goes to my upper arms at times then back to my right forearm and then the left. Then for awhile it was in my upper biceps. It is so weird. Yesterday, it was gone and today it came back. Is this classic TMS?
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I think you need to read or re-read some Sarno. This is classic TMS, he calls it the Symptom Imperative.
 
Thank you both:)
I remembered a month or so ago it waa cold out and I wasn't wearing gloves. My brother said I was going to get athritis. I thought of that today and now my hands are sore!
I just looked up the symptom imperative.
I'm definitely on the right forum:)
 
I am now reading The MindBody Prescription and Nicole Sachs'Mind Your Body. I have been delving into the program every day for three weeks now, and after initial resistance I have been journaling every day. I also brought up shame/amger inducing incidents from my childhood with my therapist before which I had not discussed with him or anyone.
My arms are still in pain and in the middle of the night I woke up to bad abdomen pain. I've also been having nightmares lately. In addition I've had constipation.
I'm trying to hold onto that this is part of the process, but ngl, depressed today. Last year when all this started I had sonograms, blood tests, ekgs, cat scans, x-rays, a colonoscopy, an endoscopy, an mri and physical observations. The pain management doctor looked ovee everything in December,examined me again and said there was nothing really structural.
Despite all this the thought that I did something after I saw him that caused some injury is creeping into my mind and creating doubts about it being TMS even though I check off every box in Schubiner's Unlearn Your Pain and see myself all over Sarno and Sachs' book: goodist, perfectionist, people-pleaser, repressed anger, etc.
The books all say to rule out a structural issue, but even though I feel I have, there"s a nagging thought to have "one more test," and at the same time thinking about that is terrifying: making appoints with one doctor to be referred to another to have a test that I will obsess over and then be sent back to PT again.
I'm just venting my state of mind this morning. Now I'm going to read more and then journal.
 
Jimmy Todd said:
I check off every box in Schubiner's Unlearn Your Pain and see myself all over Sarno and Sachs' book: goodist, perfectionist, people-pleaser, repressed anger, etc.
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hi Jimmy,
Just let yourself off the medical merry-go-round; you know what’s going on. The truth is, it’s just plain hard to do this work and it looks like you’re really doing it. if you just keep reading success stories, and listening to all the people that know, there really is no other path. This is the path. What you have to accept is that it’s hard and you have to keep going. And trust me every single day is a battle to keep your head in the game. that’s why when I wake up every morning, The first thing I do is look at the forum. lol Somehow it helps me keep myself hopeful, and in reality. You’ve totally got this and you know what to do and you will get better.
 
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JanAtheCPA said:
1. Stop documenting all of these physical details.
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This reminds me of the spreadsheet I kept (I use Excel for journaling) of all my symptoms and the timing etc trying to find links or what might solve the puzzle of what was ailing me. In hindsight, this was not a bad idea, but I was going about it in the wrong way - I was looking for physical links and co-dependencies - I should've been looking at my stress and emotions etc.
 
I'm trying all this. My arm pain got better but than became worse in both arms. When I type it sometimes hurts in the hands. My grip is strong and it's not radiating. It just seems to jump around. My stress level has been really high the last few weeks, and my job/commute etc seem to keep me in a perpetual state of overwhelm. The fact that these pains are, as I saw posted here, like playing "whack-a-mole" maddening.
Trying to hold on to what everyone has said, and what I have read in Sarno, Gordon and Schubiner's books, but when it started showing up in the back of my hands my OCD, feelings of hopelessness went through the roof.
 
Thank you, @Diana-M:)
It's weird. I had a lot of typing to do so I just did it and the pain in my arms/hands subsided. Then my back felt sore. This seems more proof of TMS:)
It's like the tagline from the 1980s movie Poltergeist: It Knows What Scares You.
 
Jimmy Todd said:
Thank you, @Diana-M:)
It's weird. I had a lot of typing to do so I just did it and the pain in my arms/hands subsided. Then my back felt sore. This seems more proof of TMS:)
It's like the tagline from the 1980s movie Poltergeist: It Knows What Scares You.
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Well, it is YOU actually. So, It does know exactly what scares you. Pretty funny, you typed anyway and it changed locations. You’ve got it on the run! That means you’re winning! Just don’t back down. And if you can actually yell out loud at it, that usually also gets its attention. :D
 
Jimmy Todd said:
My hands/arms increased in soreness, but I kept doing it. I'm accepting this is part of the healing journey:)
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100 percent part of the journey. The battle is on now. You’ve got its attention. It’s telling you to back off. You tell it (out loud is even better) that you will NEVER back down. Never. And think of things that make you angry, whenever it flares. That tells it that its ploy to distract you isn’t working.
 
So, Monday I did my SEP activities and a Nicole Sachs journal and did some relaxing meditation. The next day my pain was significantly better. I did not do all of the SEP activities, very little journaling and did not sleep well. For some reason I was very tired though yesterday. I read, I think in Nicole's book that can happen after JournalSpeak. Today my pain came back. Not immediately, though. I was walking to the train station and thinking I'm feeling good regarding pain but to be careful because that's when the pain will come for me, lol. Than it showed up in my upper bicep, which I haven't felt in a long while and it hit my "despair button." Has this been similar to anyone's experience?
 
Jimmy,
It’s the same for me too— Loss of sleep, exhaustion. You can even get more depressed temporarily from journaling. You’re really digging things up, you know. It’s fantastic that you’re sticking with it. Slow and steady wins the race! Be good to yourself and give yourself little treats.
 
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Last week I was so overwhelmed with work I didn't do the program at all. That was a mistake. I'm getting back on the horse. After today work(I'm a high school English teacher) should be slightly less stressful and overwhelming.
My pains are popping up all over so I'm playing "whack-a-mole." I'm trying to focus again this week.:)
 
Jimmy Todd said:
Last week I was so overwhelmed with work I didn't do the program at all. That was a mistake. I'm getting back on the horse. After today work(I'm a high school English teacher) should be slightly less stressful and overwhelming.
My pains are popping up all over so I'm playing "whack-a-mole." I'm trying to focus again this week.:)
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Welcome back, brother!!! you got this! (I was an English major in college. Lucky you! I just finished reading David Copperfield for the fourth time. lol)
 
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