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Needing Advice??

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by mousemom, Aug 4, 2013.

  1. mousemom

    mousemom Peer Supporter

    I am still doing the SEP slowly but I am not feeling any better. I have a tight spot on the low right side of my back that is constant. I can't seem to shake it. It has been there for weeks. No matter what! I am doing everything I know to do with all my TMS knowledge but to no avail. Ugh!!!!! Kind of depressing. I was needing advice to a very hard situation that my family has come upon this last week about moving. My husband could take a promotion and move out of state. We have been wanting this for years. The only thing holding us back is my "back". I am scared to move because my support system is here, my doctors are here, my therapist is here, etc.....

    I husband is annoyed with the situation but understands if he should turn down the promotion because of my health. I am feeling a lot of guilt the past few days about this but at the same time relieved if we do stay. This would be his only opportunity to ever be promoted again. I don't know what to do?? I am barely treading water in the sea of my TMS now this, I feel selfish. I can't sleep now not only because of the pain but from the stress. I wish I felt normal and could say "when are we moving?" I feel I am in a haze. I am always saying if only I didn't have pain, if only... Any advice? Should I encourage him and move? Even if this means I might suffer more because of the stress? I just wish this promotion would have came a year from now when I had this TMS under control. Help!!!! Thank you!
  2. PeterO

    PeterO Peer Supporter

    my advice....

    don't put life on hold waiting for TMS to be under control.

    my experience is that it don't work that way.

    in fact, quite the opposite.

    i understand & feel your difficulty here.
    mousemom and JanAtheCPA like this.
  3. JanAtheCPA

    JanAtheCPA Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi MM - I'm sorry to hear about your anxiety, but I have to agree with Peter.

    Why do you think you would have TMS under control a year from now? Sadly, that's not how it works. And I think I just repeated what Peter said.

    The thing is, TMS doesn't respond to the calendar, nor to a checklist, because it is an emotional condition. You have to address the emotional issues, not the physical ones.

    You've got a very tough situation and decision there, and your ambivalence is pretty obvious, as is your anxiety level. Anxiety is a huge component of TMS - Dr. Sarno thinks it might be a TMS equivalent, while others think that it causes TMS symptoms - which makes anxiety a chicken-or-egg question. Either way, it's significant, and it needs to be addressed. There are a TON of resources here and elsewhere to help relieve anxiety.

    Assuming that you want to keep your marriage intact, maybe you just need take the leap, and use the opportunity to start fresh - perhaps with a new therapist who understands the mind-body connection and can seriously deal with your anxiety - maybe someone who practices one of the therapies often recommended by people here on the forum - ISTDP*, Existential Psychotherapy, or IFS*.

    Whatever happens, keep us posted, okay? We're pulling for you.


    *Intensive Short-Term Dynamic Psychotherapy; Internal Family Systems
    mousemom likes this.
  4. JanAtheCPA

    JanAtheCPA Beloved Grand Eagle

    mousemom likes this.
  5. mousemom

    mousemom Peer Supporter

    Thanks PeterO & Jan for the advice. I think what is fogging the situation is the constant pain in my back. It feels so tight all the time. In my 10 years of back pain, I have never had a back pain last this long (about 5 weeks) without getting any better. What gives?? My husband & I had a great talk last night and have decided to see what happens with the promotion. It might never come or make a decision when it does. I can't worry about it anymore. I just want this pain to leave more than anything. I am getting desperate & I am very tempted to take some oral steroids, stretch, etc.... This is the first time in 10 years that when my back went out at the end of May that I did not rush out and get a steroid injection. I am happy that I have stuck it out this long but it is wearing me down. I don't know what to do anymore. :( I just wish I would have seen some progress by now with the SEP but no luck, only worse. Bummer. Any advice????
  6. PeterO

    PeterO Peer Supporter

    Glad for your decision on your husbands

    Sound v.much like my journey.

    I have had to give up on medical pain relief as I have
    exhausted all avenues. Also made numerous life adjustments
    My only salvation has been working with TMS psychologist
    (Dr James Alexander) and undertaking extensive Alexander
    Technique (no relation to James!) program. Both require
    a shift in approach from traditional medical cause & effect
    models and adjustment to long held habitual responses,
    both in a thinking and physical sense. Such changes takes
    time especially when pain has been persistent for long periods.

    Of the TMS Wiki resources I particularly like Alan Gordon's
    program. As I have mentioned in previous posts we need to
    make change to how we are in the world, within ourselves.
    Being awake to our daily (in the moment) intentions, thoughts
    and emotions is a helpful place to begin. Just being a 'human
    being' can be overwhelming & if we don't attend to this, the
    body will take its learnt and habitual response of pain.
    From this a protective guarding cycle becomes established
    & this cycle, in itself, becomes self feeding. Suddenly the beast
    we are fighting has 2 heads. We need to create and alliance
    with the body that generates a sense of it being a resource.

    As we all know, easier said than done, myself included.

    Ellen likes this.
  7. gailnyc

    gailnyc Well known member

    Mousemom, I have to agree with Pete and Jan. It sounds like you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself to HEAL AND HEAL FAST!!! That's not really how TMS healing works. In fact, very often the more pressure you put on yourself to get better fast, the longer it takes to get better. Ironic, I know.

    The more you want to your pain to leave, the more you WISH it would just go away, the more it won't. You have to learn to accept it, live with it, and resume your life as much as possible. The more you don't pay it any mind, the quicker it will leave. But this is hard to do.

    I wonder why you don't want to get the steroid injection, if it's worked in the past? Again, this sounds like your perfectionist tendency coming out. There is nothing wrong with doing nice things for yourself. If you think this shot will give you some relief, why not do it? Lots of people continue with physical treatment while treating TMS. The key is to remember that the main cause of your problem is mental, not physical, even if it can be treated physically. For example, I know I get headaches due to stress. That doesn't stop me from taking Advil to relieve the pain!!
  8. Endless luke

    Endless luke Well known member

    There's some great advice here. I agree that putting your life on hold is dangerous.

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