im just going to go ahead and post my full story as well as my successes and current struggles. hopefully someone here can help.. im a 26 year old male and it all started 2 years ago when i was working (barber) and my left leg went totally numb right down to my toes with excrutiating pain. could barely stand or walk more than a minute. paid for a private mri and results showed l4-l5 l5-s1 herniation and the doctor told me to quit my job and wait 2 years for surgery.. i refused and did some research and found a place that does spinal decompression on a machine called the drx 9000 20 sessions for 4 grand made me better ! i was amazed and it lasted about a year. mind you when i had the pain the first time it was only in my leg no back pain. fast forward about a year i was playing badminton on july first which is canada day. played a few games very intensely and was fine. got up after lunch to play some more and then i felt my back go out. the next day could barely walk..terrifying. took about a week to be mobile again. went back to work and bent over to shave a clients beard and there it went again.. in bed for another week.. was good for about a month after that while carefully monitoring my movements.. then one day i woke up feeling amazing. decided i should go to the gym for a bit before i go buy my fiance her wedding ring. i got on the elliptical for about a half hour and when i got off i was feeling great. while laying down stretching i felt an onset of pain come on and there we go again.. another week. who throws their back out on or after the elliptical? embaraasing a week after that i was sitting in a chair and bent over to tie my shoe and it happened again.. was sick of going to chiro all the time etc etc. my friend recommended sarnos book. i read it and believe it. its been about 2 and a half months since and my back hasnt gone out. i have done many things, lift heavy, run, have sex, shovel snow, slip and fall on ice, etc, its been fine. my wedding was a week ago and i was worried to death that it would happen again on my wedding day and that i would be disabled on my wedding day but i was fine ! now these are all huge milestones but i still have days where im scared all the time. i cant help but check in on my pain, i worry. i constantly read tms material but sometimes i just try to live my life. i dont want to hinder the progress by being upset that im not 100% pain free but i wake up in the morning and always have some pain. also when i lay down and lift one leg vs the other i still have loss of range of motion and some pain while lifting the leg that went numb when i first got the diagnosis. how do i restore that range of motion. im still however scared of that damn elliptical machine. i need some help in understanding how to get to better by 100% without symptom imperatives. how does a person get to truly no pain or anxiety or anything. there has to be a way.. how do i get rid of the small twinges and pains. when i stop and think psychologically whats going on? it doesnt work because they are all conscious things i come up with. some times i sit and think to myself its been a while since my back went out im about due for another flairup. which is terrible thinking i know. i know i deserve to be happy but sometimes i feel like im not allowed to or supposed to. its messed up. i think were all human and fall into these negative brain loops any help and imsight on how to get rid of everything once and for all would be great..