Need some help.. please

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Christian95, If you think your youth is precious, and it is, think about me.
I'm 83 and think my senior years are precious.
I've learned more about myself and others in the past year with TMS
than I did in all the previous years.

I strongly suggest that before you re-read Healing Back Pain or start the
Structured Educational Program you spend a few hours watching the
Sarno video that Eric (Herbie) posted. The video is from Sarno's book
The Mindbody Prescription and is a terrific lecture on TMS, what it is,
what causes it, how to heal it.

If you expect to feel pain when you bend down and do feel pain,
it's classic Sarno. He says if we think our back pain comes from sitting, walking,
standing, or bending, it will. We're conditioning our minds to expect to
feel pain. It's like Pavlov's dog was trained to expect to get a treat at the sound
of a bell.

 

[Christian95]

Thanks Walt.
Yes i have watched the video with Sarno, it was helpfull and good.
But when i am in the situation of bending, or something like that, and i think that now i can not think of the pain, i just end with thinking of the pain when i do it anyway, i dont really know what to do in a situation like that, how i can change it.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

This is a common problem. You just have to keep convincing yourself the pain is not from bending or
doing anything else physical. It is from TMS repressed emotions.

For many this is the hardest obstacle to healing. Just keep believing it's psychological, not physical.

 

[Velo drew]

Christian:

I am pretty new to the forum but I have had TMS long time and I am currently currently suffering from a relapse.

A lot of the advice here is very useful.

Do you have the ability to see a therapist at school, or a nice minister or guidance counselor?
Having someone to speak to who understands your plight may be of help.



In my case my chronic back symptoms was so bad when it first started that I sought a hypnotist and this helped quite a bit temporarily.
When I finally discovered the Sarno book "healing back pain" I finally became aware of of how feelings can manifest themselves physically.
I learned yoga and tai chi and kept a journal to recondition and reprogram and feelings and it took a few months to get the pain under control but I still have periods where I relapse.

Lianne's advice here is awesome. I would add something such as trying to get in nature for some part of the day. Being in a quiet natural place with water (river or ocean) and lots of vegetation can help release seratonin and slow the body's natural clock. I particularly enjoying getting together a few times a year with other friends and being outside a camp fire for 2-3 days. It can have a remarkable tranquilizing affect.



Here is a ted talk video which I found helpful as well:

Andrew

 

[G.R.]

Hi, Christian, I think everything you said in these posts are completely normal. The purpose of the pain is to
keep us so focused and intimidated. Try your hardest to think psychological when you have the pain, what
is bothering you at the moment. And start thinking about your emotions. It definitely takes training and
persistent, please don't give up.

Maybe you can look at the pain as a messenger to alert you there is something going on emotionally.
I hope you don't mind me saying this but I think it is wonderful at your young age you are going to
resolve many conflicts and repressed emotions in your life. Then, when you are in your 30's you will
have cleaned house from all these repressed emotions. You may not be happy now but it really is a
blessing to go through this now so you can enjoy the rest of your life.

I think to dismantle this TMS gremlin it takes a lot of skill, patience, and determination. As you read
and journal, you will learn how to skillfully dismantle this TMS. Be encouraged because many, many
people on this forum have had great success. That can encourage you.

I would not recommend looking at how long you have had your pain. That only feeds into the TMS
pain cycle. Maybe, you can start training yourself not to let any aspect of the pain be your main focus.
I know this is a Catch 22 but with practice it is possible.

It is normal to feel frustrated and wanting to get back to your normal life. When I get to this point,
what works for me is that I use positive affirmations. I tell myself and try to do it out loud that
I am getting better and better. I say this in the midst of symptoms. Sometimes it is very hard but
then I tell myself I can deal with my emotions without pain. And pain I don't need you anymore
to alert me that I have painful emotions. I can deal with these emotions. I say it in a very firm voice to my brain and
also it reminds my conscious part of brain that it needs to be in control

Christian, you will get to the other side of what seems to be an immovable mountain right now.
That mountain will crumble right before you; you will see. When you find yourself discouraged
or frustrated come on this wiki. You will find great support and love. We are all behind you.
G.R.

 

[G.R.]

Christian, I can surely understand how you feel that you are wasting your youth. Maybe, you can flood your
thought life with just positive thoughts. I sometimes think thoughts like I love my life and I am moving forward
in my life even with the pain. It is not easy and sometimes I find myself crying with frustration but I allow myself
to feel frustrated but then I don't want to stay there and start making positive affirmations like My back is strong
and healthy, I feel safe and secure, when I walk my steps are not hampered, my steps are enlarged so my feet
won't slip..... At first by saying them, I may not feel empowered but as I say them over and over again, it surely
does empower me and all the negative thoughts flee.

I have this little book it is called Commanding Your Morning by Cindy Trimm. In the back of the book has
declarations on everything. I say them every morning and I feel like a power house after I say them.

Here are a few of her declarations:
I stand to command my morning and declare it to be a new day.

Every element of this day shall cooperate with purpose and destiny.

Today is the dawning of a new day. My season of frustration and failure is over. I walk in a season of
success and prosperity.

I greet today with great anticipation of good things that God has prepared for me.

I have a fresh excitement.

I have a fresh zeal.

I have a fresh mind.

Just saying affirmations like this reconditions my thinking. Recently, I fell in my home and I was doing
really well before that. Now, my buttock muscles are tight and my back feels like there is a stick up it when
I walk. So, I am battling fear when I walk. I am not feeling confident to walk and feel like I need someone with
me to walk. I am building my confidence up with positive affirmations. Every morning fear tries to grip
me before I get out of bed. I just start pumping myself up with these affirmations. It has really helped
me. When I allow the negative thoughts to consume me, I can barely lift my feet and feel very defeated.

I am not sure this will help you but it may be worth a try. Staying positive and upbeat as I skillfully
dismantle this TMS has been quite challenging for me but I am determined to stay the course.
When I get discouraged and I do often, I have to muster the strength to lift myself up and keep going. I think of it
as building character in me and having much more sensitivity to people; especially those going through
difficult times. I am running this race now and I look forward to the finish line. But as I am running it, I am
trying to enjoy all that I am learning and trying to love my life at the same time. It is such a Catch-22 with
all its ups and downs.

I read once that whatever you behold you become. I have learned a lot from this statement. I guess that
is why I try think good thoughts because that is what I want to become.

Christian, you are going to finish this race and you are going to get to the finish line.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Velo drew, I love that you say you get relief from pain by being with nature.
I became a changed person, much more relaxed, after I went on a wilderness canoe trip
along the Minnesota-Ontario Boundary Waters with a friend. I had never done any camping
or canoeing... I was a big city boy from Chicago and took my vacations going to New York
to see the Broadway shows.

After my first wilderness canoe trip of a week, I never went back to New York.
I found peace and natural beauty in the northwoods and it has lasted for me for years.
When stressed or anxious, I just picture myself back up there, paddling a canoe and
listening to the warble of loons calling to each other across a lake.

I'm so relaxed now, thinking about it, I'm almost falling asleep.

 

[Christian95]

Velo Drew thanks for the answer I dont really have alot of people to talk to about it, only one friend knows about it, its not easy to explain but i dont really like talking about it with others, i feel ashamed in some sort of way. And nice video.

G.R Thank you so much for the answer, it was very helpful, i started saying the things to the pain that you said you also says, and it actually helps. Thank you for the helping and encouraging answer, it helps

Walt, Yeah nature always helps, and its always nice with a canoe trip with a friend or two A few months ago when i was on exchange we were kayaking, it was very nice, i couldnt do it entirely without pain though. Thanks for the answer

 

[Christian95]

Hello again
im back with a little update.
January has been a very stressful month for me, but actually i didnt have that much pain, aparrently i had so many other things to have on my mind that i didnt think about the pain, and then didnt have much pain, of course a little bit.
But now i have been home today, and yesterday, and it has just not been good, too much thinking about problems and pain, and then of course i experienced more pain and next week i have winter holidays, which im not looking forward to, more than 7 days at home with alot of time to think about pain and then have pain.. anybody know how to deal with this problem?

 

[Christian95]

Hello..
Its not going so good, i have alot of homework and stuff, so i dont really give journaling and things like that any time..
So i have pain every day.. and just yesterday i now had back pain for 1 year. At the moment my biggest fear is that my pain never will go away :/ And that it will be worse so i some day cant move anymore.. Really need some help :s

 

[North Star]

{{{Christian}}}, My kids are right around your age and if you were here right now I'd give you a big mama bear hug and tell you everything will be all right! (I would also hope that you wouldn't be horrified by a hug from a stranger….we Americans can be rather demonstrative. )

You have so many things going on in your life right now, dear Christian. You're also at an age where there's so much pressure to get your future figured out and have all your plans in hand. Can I let you in a secret? One NEVER gets it all sorted out. I have friends in ALL decades (30's, 40's, 50's and beyond) who are bewildered as to what they want to do with their lives.

It's a journey, honey. You don't have to figure it all out. Just take one step today. Start with one deep breath. Then take another. That's all you have to be concerned about right now.

You'll get through this time, I promise you!

A few questions to help me understand….is your home life okay? And what are you studying? Sounds like you have a heavy case load in school.

You are loved, Christian, and this community is here to help you through this rough patch.

 

[Christian95]

Aww thank you! Haha well here in Denmark most people would get horrified by a hug from a stranger But i dont think i would, depending on who it was

Yeah there are so many things going on It is not easy. Im sure you are right about people never getting sorted theyre things out.
Thank you, your answer really helped me.
I hope i will get through it, the past.. 3 years, there has just been problems with everything, i hope it wont continue like that, and after i started having TMS its really bad

My home life is fine i guess, when i get frustrated i sometimes let it out on my mom, and she dosnt really deserve that, but in the end we are good friends and i love her very much.
Well.. we dont really has the same education systeme here, but i guess it would be something like High school, im in the second year out of 3 years, and this is the hardest, with alot of homework, and alot of expectations from the teachers :/ And sometimes its difficult to concentrate when you have pain.
Thank you very much Im glad to hear that.
At the same time of all this.. i also have both social anxiety and health anxiety :s

 

[North Star]

Christian, I'm glad you have a good relationship with your mom. That is so important. I hope you discuss what you're going through with her. It's amazing what a conversation with someone can do for a soul. Especially if that someone, like your mom, loves you more than anyone on the planet.

High school years are just a fleeting stage in life. But unfortunately, when you're in the midst of it, it feels like it will drag on forever. Perspective really will help you get through it.

And yeah, we Americans are demonstrative. In my big family, we gave lots of hugs. My hubby's family…not so much. I still give them hugs (gentle ones) though. I think they secretly like it.

 

[G.R.]

Christian, I want to recommend not to look at how long you have had pain because that will just reinforce pain. I know it is not easy.
Just know as North Star said high school will be over and you probably will be in college. Right?

It is not uncommon that young people have great difficulty in high school not only with academics but socially. Most young
people don't really like high school and don't like themselves during this season in their life.

Both my daughter and son had great difficulty in high school socially but once they went to college they blossomed.
Try to think positive and think of all the good things going for you. Build on those things and keep focused on the
things going for you. Sometimes, that is just not easy when so many other things in our life is not the way we want.

Maybe start saying in a loving voice, "Boy, I love my life" even if you don't feel like you do. I told my son to this
and he thought I was crazy. But then he started to say not what he had but what he wanted and his whole life
changed and I mean his whole life change.

He would say when he was graduating college, I am going to get a job making 70,000 a year with one of the
biggest companies in the US, I am graduating in August but I am going to have a job by Dec. He kept saying
this and saying this. What it did was that it really built his confidence. And he did get a job making over 70,000
with a Fortune 100 company. It taught me to say what you want and not what you don't have. My son was
very negative and unhappy but once he started to change what he was saying and telling himself, his whole
life changed. Now, he is so happy has a great job and is very confident.

I tell you this story to encourage you. It is easier to stay in our present circumstance than to believe for what
we really want and keep focused on it. I know I have to keep encouraging my own self with this TMS in order to believe I am
getting better.

And most important have some wholesome fun and enjoy the people around you. You are doing great and
although you might not feel like it; this season will pass and it will be springtime again in your life.

I send you a big hug, too. G.R.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi, Christian. Don't despair or worry that you will never be pain free. It will happen.
It takes some work, but those of us who have healed from even years of pain kept at it until we won the fight.

You're on the right track, believing your pain is not structural from a herniated disc, and even if it was, Dr. Sarno
says that does not cause pain. Some thing or things in your childhood are causing the pain. You've repressed them
so well that you probably have no idea they're there. They may have come from your early years and maybe even
when you were in your mother's womb. She may have had TMS worries and anxieties and you were born with them.

Do some reflecting on what your mother was like and what her stresses may have been. Also was your childhood
as happy as you think it was?

We need to discover our repressed emotions, then deal with them. Mostly that comes from understanding them,
accepting them, then forgiving others and ourselves.

You are not wasting your youth in pain or in TMS journaling and thinking. You are gaining wisdom and
self-understanding, as well as better understanding others in your life. It will make you stronger and healthier.

I'm 84 and wish I had known about TMS when I was your age. It would have saved me many years of
physical and emotional pain.

Watch the Mindbody video library entries and also read the success stories. You need more inspiration.

And as others advise, try not to think about your pain. When I was in pain or if I am now anxious or
fearful about anything, I laugh it off. Laughing releases natural pain-killers in our mind and body and
they really do fight pain.

Your first name is Christian. Are you spiritual? Have you asked God to heal your pain. Jesus said
we need to ask the Lord in His name and what we ask will be given us. It has been true for centuries.
It can be true for you, too. Ask. Pray. Breathe deeply and laugh.

 

[G.R.]

Yes, I agree with Walt. You are gaining valuable knowledge and wisdom by what you are going through.
TMS will always tell you, you are not going to get better. Know that is the furtherest thing from the truth.
You will heal, You will get on with your life.....

And God does want to heal your pain. He will lead you in the steps to healing. He led you here to this
Forum. He is holding your hand and you will get to the other side.

We are all rooting for you!!!! We are all here if you need us.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Wonderful reply of encouragement, GR.

Were you the one who posted yesterday about pushing yourself and going out to get a haircut?
I tried to reply and congratulate you and your husband for his help, but lost it.

 

[G.R.]

Yes, I could not even walk but I still went. I held onto my husband as I really just crawled in taking
really the smallest step. It was really difficult and I did cry while they were shampooing me because
my neck hurt so much. But I did it with my wonderful husband's help.

 

[Eric "Herbie" Watson]

Christian, I want to recommend not to look at how long you have had pain because that will just reinforce pain. I know it is not easy.
Just know as North Star said high school will be over and you probably will be in college. Right?

It is not uncommon that young people have great difficulty in high school not only with academics but socially. Most young
people don't really like high school and don't like themselves during this season in their life.

Both my daughter and son had great difficulty in high school socially but once they went to college they blossomed.
Try to think positive and think of all the good things going for you. Build on those things and keep focused on the
things going for you. Sometimes, that is just not easy when so many other things in our life is not the way we want.

Maybe start saying in a loving voice, "Boy, I love my life" even if you don't feel like you do. I told my son to this
and he thought I was crazy. But then he started to say not what he had but what he wanted and his whole life
changed and I mean his whole life change.

He would say when he was graduating college, I am going to get a job making 70,000 a year with one of the
biggest companies in the US, I am graduating in August but I am going to have a job by Dec. He kept saying
this and saying this. What it did was that it really built his confidence. And he did get a job making over 70,000
with a Fortune 100 company. It taught me to say what you want and not what you don't have. My son was
very negative and unhappy but once he started to change what he was saying and telling himself, his whole
life changed. Now, he is so happy has a great job and is very confident. I know this is for Christian but I
want to say thank you too. It lifted my spirits by reminding me to stay focused on my goals. Awesome.


I tell you this story to encourage you. It is easier to stay in our present circumstance than to believe for what
we really want and keep focused on it. I know I have to keep encouraging my own self with this TMS in order to believe I am
getting better.

And most important have some wholesome fun and enjoy the people around you. You are doing great and
although you might not feel like it; this season will pass and it will be springtime again in your life.

I send you a big hug, too. G.R.

Wow GR this is some great Advice. When you know what you want, speak it and focus on what you want -- not what you don't want. I love it. This is the true way to clean thinking period. When we hear our own voice saying we are going to accomplish anything the law of attraction in our body picks it up and we gravitate what we say to us.

 

[Eric "Herbie" Watson]

Thanks Walt.
Yes i have watched the video with Sarno, it was helpfull and good.
But when I am in the situation of bending, or something like that, and i think that now i can not think of the pain, i just end with thinking of the pain when I do it anyway, I don't really know what to do in a situation like that, how i can change it.

You change it by not focusing on the trivial thought of can I do this now when I'm not re-conditioned yet. You can't change your body sensations too soon. Stay with the less trivial thoughts. Your making the thought into something your focusing on and then getting anxious and sad about cause you haven't lost the pain yet. That's over trivializing. Really don't trivialize anything cause then you will always be building tension. Learn to lets things be till you re-condition and be happy with where you are now, in the now. Then when you just be for about 2- to 3 months you should be conditioned enough to start feeling less sensations of pain.

If you ever stick a waiting stick up and look at it like boiling water you'll never see your labor come to pass. Cause this is tension building when you want what you don't have -- right now. You do the SEP , get your meditations down . Do your deep breathing. Let the trivial go. Trivial sitiations is anything you react to in a negative fashion. Stay in the now -- don't think about where you been or how bad tomorrows going to be. Stay in the now and complete your day to day task and smile. Think only clean and you'll be fine very soon. If you mess up and loose some anger here or their or become fearful for 20 or 30 miuntes then just catch yourself with awareness and get back on the rd to recovery ok. You are at a point that you need questions answered so keep asking.

All of my friends above have given you plenty of awesome advice.

Bless You