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Need some help.. please

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by Christian95, Dec 3, 2013.

  1. Christian95

    Christian95 Peer Supporter

    Hello.
    I have been writing in here before, and it helped alot, but now i need some support..again
    Im only 18 years old, and i have had back pain for 9 months now, and it has just destroyed my life, i feel that it has destroyed my life, i really dont know what to do anymore, i had an MRI scan that showed i had a small herniated/bulging disc in May.
    But in August i found out about TMS, but i also left for 3 month as exchange student, and i didnt have that much pain in the 3 month i was in another school, family and country.
    Now im back home and i bought a few books from Dr. Sarno, and the pain is worse again, in the low back, sometimes it dosnt feel like pain, but just some sort of irritation in the lower back, and then i get very focused on the area, and scared about my future plans, beacuse i have alot of them.. even though i know i shouldnt be focusing on the area, im reading one of his books now and hoping it will help. I know i have TMS, but sometimes i think about if my pain comes from the disc, beacuse i dont really have anyone to support me at home, my mom thinks she supports me, but still dosnt belive in tms. (she has back pain too and can only work 3 hours a day) her dad also had back pain problems.
    I have almost all of the personality traits, and didnt have an easy time when i was younger in school.
     
    G.R. likes this.
  2. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi, Christian95. I'm so sorry for your back pain but am really glad you learned about TMS.
    Believe it, it has cured many, many people all over the world and if you follow its healing advice, it can heal you.

    I'm glad you had a doctor check you over. Don't worry about the MRI scan showing you have a herniated or bulging disc.
    Dr. Sarno says they don't cause pain. It's some repressed emotions, probably from your boyhood and they're still going on
    if your mother isn't helping. We can love our mothers, but they also can cause us pain, even if they don't think so.
    Her back pain also could be from TMS, and so too could your father's.

    Don't worry that you feel the pain is worse. It can be light or strong and move around in TMS.
    You said you bought a few books by Dr. Sarno. You didn't say you've read them. I strongly urge you to
    read his book Healing Back Pain. It will tell you all about TMS and how we can get some knowledge about it
    that will heal us.

    The most important part of his book is on page 82 where he lists 12 Daily Reminders. They're the keys to healing.
    If you don't have that book, do get it, and here are the 12 Daily Reminders:

    I'll post this and then come right back. Sometimes my computer freezes when I try to add stuff.
     
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  3. Ellen

    Ellen Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi Christian,
    It sounds like you are in a place that most of us on this forum have found ourselves--you know you have TMS, but you still have some doubts and some lingering pain that comes and goes. This is very typical. It means that you have started your healing journey, but you still have a ways to go. I suggest that in addition to reading books by Sarno that you begin one of the structured educational programs that lays out a day by day, activity by activity road for you to follow. That is what has worked for me. It takes commitment and work on a regular basis, but it leads to success and will only change your life in positive ways.

    You are young and have your whole beautiful life ahead of you. You can do this if you take it one day at a time. Best wishes to you....
     
  4. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle

    Christian, I'm back.

    Dr. Sarno's 12 Daily Reminders:






    1.The pain is due to
    TMS,not to a structural abnormality
    2.The direct reason for the pain is mild oxygen deprivation
    3.
    TMS is a harmless condition caused by my repressed emotions
    4.The principal emotion is my repressed ANGER
    5.
    TMS exists only to distract my attentions from the emotions
    6.Since my back is basically normal there is nothing to fear
    7.Therefore,physical activity is not dangerous
    8.And I MUST resume all normal physical activity
    9.I will not be concerned or intimidated by the pain
    10.I will shift my attention from pain to the emotional issues
    11.I intend to be in control-NOT my subconscious mind
    12.I must think Psychological at all times,NOT physical.


     
  5. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle

    Your advice is right-on, Ellen,
    and suggesting Christian start the Structured Education Program.

    Christian, the fact that you wrote that you weren't in pain when you were away from home
    sure looks like it is from being at home. You can work on that. TMS and the Structured
    Education Program shows you how you can learn your repressed emotions and how to
    deal with them. Dr. Sarno says we don't even have to know what they are or make any changes in them.
    Our unconscious mind knows what they are and when we believe 100 percent in TMS causing our pain,
    it frees us of the pain. It sounds simple, but it's not always easy. The big thing is, you have to believe
    100 percent in TMS causing your pain, not the MRI showing disc problems.

    I hope between Ellen and I, this gets you started. Main thing now is not to worry about your pain
    or the future. You're going to be just fine. I'm 83 and TMS healed my back pain, so I'm confident
    it will heal yours, too.

    Don't expect your mother or anyone to believe in TMS. That's up to them. Just you believe it.

    What are you studying, and what are your ambitions? Focusing on them can take your mind off
    the pain. Keep us posted. We're here for you.
     
  6. Dahlia

    Dahlia Well known member

    Hi Christian. You are very brave because you are willing to look at your situation in a new light, different from the way those around you like your family do. And because of that you will find a different solution. When you look at things differently, new and creative opportunities for healing will present themselves.

    I'd agree with everyone else that step one is to work the Sarno program as described in the books. Even if you think you got it the first time, keep reading. It can take time for your unconscious mind to get convinced of something new so repetition helps. Second, use the structured program on this site. At least look at it daily and do the exercises that seem right for you. Thirdly, keep track of the exceptions that prove that this is TMS; times that you have no pain, when the pain moves around, etc. This proves it's TMS. Fourth, when you feel your mind giving up hope and beginning to worry, try to turn you attention to some creative activity you enjoy. Creativity has the ability to change the neural pathways in your brain and will help with the overall healing. If you like music, listen to music. That also affects the brain in good ways.

    And use the forum whenever you need to. The good and kind TMS veterans on this site are always there to help, so remember YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
     
  7. Christian95

    Christian95 Peer Supporter

    Thank you very much for the answers all of you. It helps.
    I am trying the educational program, but i find it a little difficult for me sometimes to concentrate about it.. i have bought "Healing back pain", but also "The mindbody prescription" and another og Sarno's books. Right now at the moment im reading The mindbody prescription.
    I am studying at something like College/high school, i live in Denmark, so we dont really have the same system as in the US. Im not sure what my ambitions is, but im thinking alot about my future, too much sometimes maybe, where i wanna live, and how i can be the perfect father of the children i will have someday, i defiently uses to much time on this, and i worry about all of the things i cant do in my life beacuse of the back pain.
    But the back pain have become such a huge part in my life, its difficult not to think about, but im trying. As i said i fit almost all of the personality traits, and i have health and social anxiety.
    Thank you for the answers, it helps!
     
  8. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi again, Christian.
    You do seem to think and worry about the future a lot.
    That can bring on TMS pain, so try to "live in the present moment."
    The past is over, the future may not be what we think or want it to be.
    It could be a lot better and in directions we never imagined.

    Look up "living in the present" on the TMSWiki web site and you'll
    find posts about it. I'll look now myself but will close this so I don't lose it
    which happens sometimes when I surf the web while posting.
     
  9. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle

    Christian, Here is what I've written about living in the present.
    Hope it helps you.

    Live in the Present Moment


    I was in the U.S. Army in Frankfurt, Germany, managing editor of the 3rd Armored Division’s weekly newspaper. My former roommate in a dorm at MichiganStateUniversity was on a vacation in Europe and came to see me. We hadn’t seen each other in more than two years, but after only a few minutes of greeting each other, he sat at our table with maps, travel folders, and a notebook, planning what cities and countries he was going to in the next few days.

    I thought what a shame. He was living in the future and cared nothing at all about the present. He might as well have been back in the United States, at home watching television. He hadn’t even toured Frankfurt and I would loved to have shown him the city and nearby Roman castle and taken him to dinner at my favorite Old World restaurant, but he was in a hurry to get back to his hotel and get ready for tomorrow. Our reunion was a very short time in the present for him, as he was totally preoccupied with his future. I never saw him again and that final visit was more than forty years ago.

    The American writer and naturalist Henry David Thoreau (Walden) (1817-1862) wrote: “You can never ignore the future, because it is the place that we are all heading, but the point is… don’t live your life constantly looking forward and ignoring the present. You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. There is no other life but this.”

    Buddha said, “The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.”

    Jesus said it best: “Do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will have its own anxieties. Sufficient for today is its own troubles.”

    Living in the present is a very important part of learning to dance on the meat counter.

    Herbie says, “Living in the present to me is enjoying every second we have. It’s about love and peace and how we learn to forgive.

    “When I live in the now I totally get freed up of any distractions and can become anything I want to be. This is how I think right before preaching or a gathering or praying for someone real sick. I always enter into the now at those times, but I’m also behind the cloud of glory. Living in the present is like an instant fog cleaner for the brain.”

    Since I’m still learning to live in the present myself, I surfed the web looking for ways to do that.

    Joshua Becker says, “Choosing to live in the past or the future not only robs you of enjoyment today, it robs you of truly living. The only important moment is the present moment.”

    With that goal in mind, Becker suggests considering his list of steps to start living your life in the present. I’ve modified the list, but it’s basically his, and Herbie and I thank him for it:

    1. Smile. Each day is full of endless possibilities. Start it with a smile. You are in control of your attitude every morning. Keep it optimistic and expectant.

    2. Fully appreciate the moments of today. Soak in as much of today as you possibly can – the sights, sounds, smells, emotions, the triumph and the sorrow.

    3. Forgive past hurts. If you are harboring resentment towards another person because of past hurts, choose to forgive and move on.

    4. Love your job. If you just “survive” the work week constantly waiting for the next weekend to get there, you are wasting 71 per cent of your life (5 out of 7 days). There are two solutions: 1) find a new job that you actually enjoy, or 2) find something that you appreciate about your current occupation and focus on that rather than the negatives.

    5. Dream about the future, but work hard today. Set goals and plans for the future, but working hard today is always the first step towards realizing your dreams tomorrow. But don’t allow dreaming about tomorrow to replace living in today.

    6. Don’t dwell on past accomplishment. If you are still thinking about what you did yesterday, you won’t have done much today.

    7. Stop worrying. You can’t fully appreciate today if you worry too much about tomorrow.

    What does it mean to live fully in the present moment? It means that your awareness is completely centered on the here and now. You are not worrying about the future or thinking about the past. When you live in the present, you are living where life is happening. The past and future are illusions, they don’t exist.

    Becker echoes TMS philosophy although he doesn’t mention it specifically when he says, “Not only will living in the present have a dramatic effect on your emotional well-being, but it can also impact your physical health. It’s long been known that the amount of mental stress you carry can have a detrimental impact on your health.

    “If you’re living in the present, you’re living in acceptance. You’re accepting life as it is now, not as how you wish it would have been. When you’re living in acceptance, you realize everything is complete as it is. You can forgive yourself for the mistakes you’ve made, and you can have peace in your heart knowing that everything that should happen will.

    “If you’re living in the past, you can’t do anything about it, it’s gone. If you’re worrying about the future, you’re living somewhere that doesn’t exist. It hasn’t happened yet. If you want to change your life, the only place you can do it is in the present. But first you need to accept life as it is. When it comes down to it, your mind is the only thing keeping you from living in the present.”

    Look at Joshua Becker’s web site for more of his thoughts on living in the present and living a more simple life he calls “minimalistic.”

    How do we live in the present moment? Here are a few examples. They may sound simple and basic, but they do work:

    When washing the dishes, the old way by hand not in a dish washing machine, say to yourself,. “This is me washing dishes.” Repeat it calmly, focusing on the very act of hand-washing the dishes. Pay attention to the steps involved, the sound and feel of warm water running in the sink and down the dish, the smell of the soap, etc.

    As you repeat to yourself, “This is me doing (something),” you begin to feel relaxed. Other concerns loose importance. You’re ordering your mind to actively focus on what you are doing, and only that. Then do the same with the next thing you might be doing.


    Going upstairs to the bedroom, tell yourself what you are doing. “This is me, walking upstairs.”

    Playing with a child by tossing a ball: “This is me playing with Betsy. I’m tossing a ball to her.”

    Playing with a dog by tossing a Frisbee in the back yard: “This is me playing with Annie. I’m tossing a Frisbee to her and she’s catching and returning it for me to toss again. The sunshine feels good. The gentle breeze feels good.”

    When brushing your teeth, say “This is me brushing my teeth. I am calm and experiencing the present. I feel good and relaxed.”

    After a few minutes of keeping focused and repeating to yourself what you are doing, you will experience a feeling of well-being and peace. Awareness of the immediate reality increases. No room is left for thoughts about anything but the present.

    Eckhart Tolle has an excellent book that explains the importance of living in the present and how to do it:

    Practicing the Power of Now. Another is Richard Templar’s The Rules of Life. He suggests “Live here, live now, live in this moment.”

    I found more good advice on how to live in the present from Remez Sasson, author and founder of the web site and blog SuccessConsciousness.com.

    Sasson says, “Living in the present means focusing on what is happening right now, enjoying it, and making the most of it. Wake up to the present moment and live in it. By being aware of your thoughts and feelings, it becomes easier to be a little more detached. When you are detached you become able to choose how to react to people, events and circumstances, which can save yourself a lot of inconvenience, trouble and embarrassment.” I add, worries and pain.


    Many famous people have said many helpful thoughts on living in the present, such as,


    “Life gives you plenty of time to do whatever you want to do, if you stay in the present moment.” – Deepak Chopra (1946- ) Indian-American physician, holistic health advocate.


    “With the past, I have nothing to do; nor with the future. I live now.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882) American poet, essayist, transcendentalist leader.


    “You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present.” – Jan Glidewell (dates unknown) American columnist.



    “It’s but little good you’ll do a-watering last year’s crops.” – George Eliot (Mary Ann Evans) (1819-1880) British novelist.




    “The first recipe for happiness is: Avoid too lengthy meditation on the past.” -- André Maurois (1885-1967) French author.

    “We seem to be going through a period of nostalgia, and everyone seems to think yesterday was better than today. I don't think it was, and I would advise you not to wait ten years before admitting today was great. If you're hung up on nostalgia, pretend today is yesterday and just go out and have one hell of a time.” -- Art Buchwald (1925-2007) American humorist, columnist.

    “Don't let yesterday use up too much of today.” -- Cherokee Indian Proverb

    “Living the past is a dull and lonely business; looking back strains the neck muscles, causing you to bump into people not going your way.” -- Edna Ferber (1885-1968) American novelist, playwright.

    “In the carriages of the past you can't go anywhere.” -- Maxim Gorky (1868-1936) Russian author, political activist.

    “Waste not fresh tears over old griefs.” – Euripides (484-406 BC) Greek playwright.

    “The past is a guidepost, not a hitching post.” -- L. Thomas Holdcroft (1745-1809) English essayist.

    “When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.” -- Alexander Graham Bell (Scottish-American scientist, inventor (the telephone).

    “We can easily manage if we will only take, each day, the burden appointed to it. But the load will be too heavy for us if we carry yesterday's burden over again today, and then add the burden of the morrow before we are required to bear it.” -- John Newton (1725-1807) British sailor, clergyman, hymn writer (“Amazing Grace”).

    “Nothing is worth more than this day.” -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832) German philosopher, poet, playwright.

    “The living moment is everything.” -- D.H. Lawrence (1885-1930) British author.

    “Why not just live in the moment, especially if it has a good beat?” -- Goldie Hawn (1945- ), American actress.

    “Rejoice in the things that are present; all else is beyond thee.” – Michel Montaigne (1533-1592), French essayist.

    “Nothing ever gets anywhere. The earth keeps turning round and gets nowhere. The moment is the only thing that counts.” -- Jean Cocteau (1889-1963) French poet, novelist, playwright.

    “Eternity is not something that begins after you are dead. It is going on all the time.” -- Charlotte Perkins Gilman (1860-1935) American sociologist, novelist.

    “Transformation can only take place immediately; the revolution is now, not tomorrow.” -- Jiddu Krishnamurti
    (1895-1986) Indian writer, spiritual and philosophical lecturer.

    “It is only possible to live happily-ever-after on a day-to-day basis.” -- Margaret Bonnano (1950- ) American author.

    “Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. And today? Today is a gift. That's why we call it the present.” --- Babatunde Olatunji (Nigerian educator, social activist, drummer).

    “Not the power to remember, but its very opposite, the power to forget, is a necessary condition for our existence.” -- Sholem Asch (1880-1957) Polish-born American Yiddish novelist, playwright.

    “Children have neither past nor future; they enjoy the present, which very few of us do.” -- Jean de la Bruyere (1645-1696) French philosopher.

    “Dogs only live in the now. Unless their nose tells them where they buried a bone in the back yard. “– Walter Oleksy (1930- ) American dog walker, author.

    “Let us not look back in anger, nor forward in fear, but around in awareness.” -- James Thurber (1894-1961) American author, cartoonist, humorist.

    “We crucify ourselves between two thieves: regret for yesterday and fear of tomorrow.” -- Fulton Oursler (1893-1952) American journalist, author (The Greatest Story Ever Told).

    “Seize from every moment its unique novelty, and do not prepare your joys.” -- André Gide (1869-1951) French author.

    “We know nothing of tomorrow; our business is to be good and happy today.” -- Sydney Smith (1771-1845) British wit, philosopher, Anglican clergyman.

    “When I am anxious it is because I am living in the future. When I am depressed it is because I am living in the past.” -- Author Unknown


    “The ability to be in the present moment is a major component of mental wellness.” -- Abraham Maslow (1908-1970) American psychologist.

    “I never think of the future. It comes soon enough.” -- Albert Einstein (1879-1955) German theoretical physicist.


    “We steal if we touch tomorrow. It is God's.” -- Henry Ward Beecher (1813-1887) American social reformer, abolitionist, Congregationalist clergyman.

    “The future is an opaque mirror. Anyone who tries to look into it sees nothing but the dim outlines of an old and worried face.” -- Jim Bishop (1907-1987) American journalist, novelist.

    “I got the blues thinking of the future, so I left off and made some marmalade. It's amazing how it cheers one up to shred oranges and scrub the floor.” -- D.H. Lawrence (1885-1930) British novelist.

    “One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon - instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today.” -- Dale Carnegie (1888-1955) American writer, lecturer on self-improvement.

    “God made the world round so we would never be able to see too far down the road.” -- Isak Dinesen (Karen Blixen) (1885-1962) Danish author.

    “If you wait for tomorrow, tomorrow comes. If you don't wait for tomorrow, tomorrow comes.” -- Senegalese Proverb

    “The best thing about the future is that it comes only one day at a time.” -- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865) 16th President of the United States.

    Buddha’s poem is about the philosophy of living in the present:



    Don't chase after the past,

    Don't seek the future;

    The past is gone,

    The future hasn't come.

    But see clearly on the spot

    The object which is now,

    While finding and living in

    A still, unmoving state of mind.


    And, in closing, I am going to walk my dog. Now, in the present. Not an hour from now. Annie would not like that. Neither would I. It’s one of my favorite things to do in the present.

    I see many people talking on their cell phone or looking at their i-Pad or some such gadget while walking their dog. They are missing being with their dog and, and as their dog sniffs for its pleasures, I smell the aromas of the day, look at the trees in their seasonal glory, and enjoy our journey together in the sun, or the rain or snow.
     
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  10. Christian95

    Christian95 Peer Supporter

    Thanks for the answers. It helps.
    Funny when you said the thing about mothers, i started to think, that maybe i have alot of repressed anger/emotions beacuse of my mom, and actually i think i do, so im trying to work with that at the moment, and the pain has been a little better since i started thinking of that. Im reading "Healing back pain" :)
     
  11. Gigi

    Gigi Well known member

    Good reminders, Walt. It reminds me of Japanese Morita therapy--focusing on living in the moment.
    Keep up the good work, Christian. It sounds like you're on the right track! The Structured Education Program (SEP) really was helpful to me.
    Best of luck on your journey.
     
  12. Christian95

    Christian95 Peer Supporter

    Thanks.
    Though i dont think its going so well.. right now, today, my pain is worse, and is more like coming in attacks and hurts alot :/ and when things like that happends, i start to worry :( its not easy... im only 18, and all the time im thinking of all the other people at my age having fun and not so many worries.. while i worry about tms and back pain :/ I hate this :(
     
  13. Dear Lianne

    Dear Lianne Peer Supporter

    Hi Christian,

    I love some of the responses to your original post. I am especially grateful to Walt for his input on living in the present. Walt, I especially liked this piece of your entry to Christian:

    “If you’re living in the present, you’re living in acceptance. You’re accepting life as it is now, not as how you wish it would have been. When you’re living in acceptance, you realize everything is complete as it is. You can forgive yourself for the mistakes you’ve made, and you can have peace in your heart knowing that everything that should happen will.

    “If you’re living in the past, you can’t do anything about it, it’s gone. If you’re worrying about the future, you’re living somewhere that doesn’t exist. It hasn’t happened yet. If you want to change your life, the only place you can do it is in the present. But first you need to accept life as it is. When it comes down to it, your mind is the only thing keeping you from living in the present.”

    Christian:
    You are 18 and you are much younger than most of us on this site. You state above that you have no one to support you emotionally with this TMS diagnosis, including your mom. Have you asked her to read the books on TMS by Dr. Sarno and other physicians? If she has and still negates the diagnosis, you cannot force her to show support for something that she does not believe in. Perhaps your frustration with that alone is causing the symptoms to flare? Just a theory on my part, given I do not know you, nor your mom. It can be emotionally enraging to the inner child to not be understood. As the celebrity Oprah Winfrey said in her speech given at this past year's Harvard commencement, everyone needs to feel "validated." That is a critical insight, I think. Oprah said that no matter how powerful the interviewee, no matter what high status the individual holds, but when she interviewed anyone for her show, they wanted to know that they were "good enough." They wanted to have the validation.

    I do not know the culture you reside in, but living in the moment is key…we Americans are generally very unaware of the present. It's almost as if there's a need to be "doing" instead of "being"; as if your worth is predicated on doing productive things and not focussing in on the beauty of a walk with your dog (as Walt wrote above) or making a special recipe, or working on a hobby or craft.

    Christian, do you have a hobby or interest that gets you into the flow? What I mean by this is, do you have some activity that you could do for hours and time is suspended - you just enjoy the process of doing the activity? It could be listening to music or doing a craft of some sort. Or, it could be athletic activities.

    You sound so forlorn about the fact that you cannot play sports due to your back. What kind of sports do you enjoy? It's only a guess, but I think that your resentment that you cannot play sports with your friends is only feeding further into the TMS. It's a vicious circle. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. There are many here who are going through/have gone through the physical pain and the fear of more pain due to making the wrong move when in activity.

    I hope that you can find support additional to this TMS forum. Dealing with this illness requires much bravery, and sometimes you just need an extended hand.

    Let us know how you're doing. Focus on believing in the diagnosis of TMS. If you are not sure, do be sure to get a full physical from your family physician.

    And listen to some of Walt's advisement about good books to read like Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now. It is in most libraries.

    Hope this helps. Let us know if you have more questions. A whole group of others with experience are here to help.
     
    G.R. likes this.
  14. Christian95

    Christian95 Peer Supporter

    Hello.
    Yes i like Walt's response, and it helps :)
    I am reading "Healing back pain" by Sarno at the moment :) so i hope that it will help me. Im not sure my mom would read it..
    I live in Denmark, and we have much the same, just before i started having back pain i was waay to focused on the future and i was not at all living in the present, but i am better at that now :) but i still think too much about the future.. and i worry that my back pain will do so i cant have a job or family :( thats a huge worry.
    I have some hobbies yes, i have my friends, school and homework, which can cause some stresses but i like it, i am also a scout leader for children in my spare time, which i really enjoy :) Other hobbies would be cars, computer games and tennis :)
    Thanks so much for the help.. my biggest worry is just that the pain will never go away so i can never get a normal life i guess..
     
  15. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi, again, Christian.
    Don't worry that you will always have the pain. It will go away. Keep journaling and enjoying yourself with your friends and hobbies.
    You've got a lot of good things going now to take your mind off pain. But it does sound like you need to do some journaling about your mom.
    I did and I learned a lot about what made me angry, but also how much good she did for me and others. Knowing more, we get to forgive.
    That's a big part of healing. Forgive others and forgive ourselves.

    Have a jolly Danish Christmas!

    I'm in a suburb of Chicago. Cold and snowy. Forecast for Monday is 7 below zero. Brrr.
     
  16. Christian95

    Christian95 Peer Supporter

    Hi :)
    Thanks Walt. Hope you had a nice christmas and a good new years eve. I envy you with the weather, i would like a white christmas :) But this year it was green here.
    And thanks for the help.
    Since the last time i wrote in here, i have become more sure that a huge part of my TMS is "caused" by my family, and especially my mom, dad and grandmother. I am soon done with reading "Healing back pain" and i will start at the educational program on this website from the start again, beacuse i feel more ready for it now.
    I still have pain every day, and i still think alot about the pain, even when im not aware of it, but i think im a little better at catching myself in thinking of the pain, if you understand :)
     
  17. Christian95

    Christian95 Peer Supporter

    So.. thats how i was yesterday.. and it changes alot from day to day.
    Today i really just feel like giving up on this.. :/ im thinking i should just stop and try to live with the pain, but i dont wanna do that either..
    I tried to do more to stop the pain, thinking more phsycological and things like that, but it actually just made the pain worse.. Dont know what to do. Im afraid the pain will never stop.
     
  18. Ellen

    Ellen Beloved Grand Eagle

    Christian,
    I think we all have those days when we just want to give up. And that's OK. Take a day or more off from doing any healing work and just live your life. As you stated, it changes a lot from day to day. Accept that things change and just go with the flow. You'll feel like working on it again. Look at the big picture. Sometimes it's two steps forward, one step back, and so on......but there is still forward momentum.

    I recommend reading the success stories on the forum when you are ready for some inspiration to work on things again.

    Be kind to yourself. This too shall pass.....
     
  19. Dear Lianne

    Dear Lianne Peer Supporter

    Hi Christian,
    Sometimes the pain worsens before it gets better. It seems counter-intuitive, however, once your mind has the awareness that TMS is causing the pain, it seeks alternative ways of distracting you from the emotional pain by making the physical pain increase, or by changing the locale of the physical pain symptoms. As Ellen said above, "be kind to yourself."

    The other thing I would say to you is that you mention that you are future thinking - that actually is a good thing, especially at your youthful age. Developmentally, I'd be concerned for you if you weren't thinking about your future. Only with age will you recognize the significance of the quiet moments - the sacredness of presence. We all are a work in progress.

    Not having a job or a possible future family seems to be your greatest worry and I think the pressure that you are putting onto yourself is perhaps the most fierce opponent to your healing. I don't know that much about your country's culture, but is that contributing to your self-imposed pressure? Or is it more about your current family? Either way, I would advise you obtain some support from people at school who are trained in counseling, even if it is not TMS counseling. Counseling and therapy can help you to process how you feel.

    I wish you the best Christian. Focus on your hobbies of cars, computers and video games and find something that will get you out in nature for getting away from the frenetic pace of this world. Horseback riding, walking your dog (or a friend's dog), walking along a beach, taking a one block stroll (even if it's that brief) every day can help you gain confidence that you can move physically without hurting yourself.

    You will be okay. Review the video that Dr. Sarno did this past June, 2013; Herbie placed it up on the general forum on December 19th if I recall correctly. This video is so wonderful! You have to watch it to gain the full impact about his educational program for patients.

    Peace.
     
    Ellen likes this.
  20. Christian95

    Christian95 Peer Supporter

    Thanks both of you. It always helps to get answers on this website.
    I just seem to think about pain all the time, i always think about before i had pain, and yes i worry about the future and what i wont be able to do beacuse of the pain, so i think worrying about the pain is my biggest problem and why i still have pain... I know i can do alot better in school, but beacuse of the pain i find it hard to concentrate, and everything is starting to seem like it dosnt matter, not a nice feeling. Everytime i for example bend to get my shoes on, i think automaticly at my back and pain, and then i of course have pain.
    I have read "Healing back pain" now, and im sure i have Tms, and i dont think about the herniated disc anymore, but in a month from now i have had back pain for a whole year.. and i feel like im wasting precious time.. my youth.
     

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