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Day 1 My story

Discussion in 'Structured Educational Program' started by jazzrascal, Dec 23, 2015.

  1. jazzrascal

    jazzrascal Peer Supporter

    I’ve had interstitial cystitis since the middle 90s. At first I didn’t know what it was, and I never went to a doctor because I was into spiritual healing. However, after many years this problem didn’t yield. I knew it was cystitis because a friend of mine had it and described her symptoms to me. At the time, I thought it was ordinary cystitis (which is a bacterial infection), but after doing some research on the internet, I realized that what I had was IC…a chronic, incurable bladder inflammation, according to medical opinion.

    Along with the IC I also had allergies, bloating in my midsection (making my breathing labored) and a tendency to blocked ears. My feet also felt numb. As time went on, I lost weight, and along with it my strength. I was going out less and less, and finally I lost my sense of balance. I was spending all my time sitting on my bed, and I’m sure this contributed to that problem. Both of my ears were blocked, and I could barely hear. Finally I reached a point, around three years ago, where I stopped going out of my apartment entirely.

    I was doing a lot of online research to find a solution to my problems, and one day I ran across Steve Ozanich’s book, The Great Pain Deception-Faulty Medical Advice is Making us Worse. The title appealed to me because I’d always had a certain distrust and suspicion when it came to doctors and medicine. I read the book, and for the first time in decades I felt a sense of hope. Steve’s story of his own healing was so powerful and convincing, I started to believe that I could be healed, too. I began putting the ideas in his book into practice, and I also read Dr. John Sarno’s book Healing Back Pain. Right away I began to feel better. But after some time went by, I began thinking that I was trying too hard with all the exercise I was doing, so I started focusing more on emotional issues. Then, after awhile, I got caught up in watching videos by a certain spiritual teacher and neglected my TMS work—until I realized that I was feeling really bad, really weak, and not at all like I’d been feeling when I started the work. Wake-up call! I got back into the books right away and immediately felt better. I found this website, too, and am so glad for that. So I’m not really on my first day of putting TMS work into practice, but today is my first day of the Structured Educational Program.

    My major obstacle is that after spending so much time indoors I’ve developed a resistance to going out that’s very strong. I tried going out a couple of times, but I was so off-balance (I also have double vision) that I nearly fell, so I gave it up. I’d have to say that right now the issue of not being able to go out is my Waterloo, so I’d be happy to hear any ideas about how I might overcome this. The outside world seems like another planet to me now, and of course my vision problems make it worse. One bright light, though, is that my hearing has been restored and is now sharper than it has ever been. I’m 74 years old, by the way. :)
    Last edited: Dec 23, 2015
    Stella likes this.
  2. Andy Bayliss

    Andy Bayliss TMS Coach & Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi jazzrascal,

    Welcome to the Forum, the Wiki, and the SEP. I am glad you have had success so far, and that you are deepening your "Sarno work." I hope you post questions as they arise.

    I wonder about the resistance, conditioning, fear about "going outside." I am not quite sure what the problem is, is what I am saying. If what is up is that you are "only out of balance" then perhaps get out with a walker, cane, or wheelchair. That might help you enjoy being out. Nothing beats sunshine and fresh air and the sounds of nature. I bet you miss that a lot.

    If you can get out, even with the support of a friend or caretaker, then beyond the balance stuff, you may learn more about the obstacles. That is, by spending time outside, you'll be more aware of other issues in your mind and body that come up in relationship to being outside. It may seem to large and scary or exposed being outside... Just sitting by your door in a chair would be a start. I hope you find a way to proceed.

    Andy B.
  3. jazzrascal

    jazzrascal Peer Supporter

    Hi Andy,
    Thanks for your reply. I think my not wanting to go out isn't just about balance...there seems to be some kind of irrational fear involved that I can't put my finger on. Nevertheless, a friend has offered to go out with me (not sure when that will happen), and I'll go with her.
  4. Andy Bayliss

    Andy Bayliss TMS Coach & Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi jazzrascal,
    Yes, it sounds like getting a little support is what is needed. We get conditioned to all kinds of activities and viewpoints, including staying in all the time. It is understandable that there is fear and resistance. It will subside when you gently challenge it, perhaps with support. You'll do it, and it will be OK, and that will be new experience, and new learning. I suggest you do it gently, perhaps a little time, and when it feels like too much, too long, too far away, just come home. And do it again.
    Andy B.
    jazzrascal likes this.
  5. jazzrascal

    jazzrascal Peer Supporter

    Thanks, Andy. :)
  6. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi, jazzrascal. I'm 85 and healed from severe back pain through TMS and the ESProru,

    You could do yourself a big favor by reading the books of Dr. Claire Weekes
    OF AGORAPHOBIA. I had that and overcame it by following her advice in that book.

    By all means accept the help of the friend who will take you on walks or drives.
    I had a fear of going out and it helped a lot to take my dog with me on walks and drives.

    I'm glad you have begun the Structured Educational Program. It will help you to heal and
    be a healthier and happier person than you ever imagined.

    Be of good cheer and believe 100 percent in TMS. And I hope you will have a Merry Christmas.
  7. jazzrascal

    jazzrascal Peer Supporter

    Thanks, Walt! Which book is the one where she talks about agoraphobia?
    Good to hear how helpful the program is. Starting day 2 today!
    Merry Christmas to you, too!
  8. Stella

    Stella Well known member

    Be patient Jazz, One thing I learned about myself is I have no patience particularly related to me. I am always pushing pushing myself. Then if I don't succeed I feel anger at me. Then I feel pain and tension. Fear of making a mistake and failure lays on my shoulders.

    That IC is a killer. Talk about pain plus I had pelvic floor cramping. I lost weight too. My physical Therapist for the pelvic floor problems recommended Sarno. How about that! Then when the IC went away I was so fearful it would come back.

    It started to come back but I worked my program. It quickly went away. Urinary urgency is one of my TMS symptoms. It is a warning bell to start journaling.

  9. jazzrascal

    jazzrascal Peer Supporter

    Thanks, Stella...For a long time I did just what you were talking about. I pushed myself to go out, beat myself up for not wanting to, etc. I'm happy to say I've given that up, and even though I'm still inside, I don't have the feeling of being trapped anymore. I feel my freedom will appear when the time is right, and meanwhile I'm working on my anxiety issues.
    I've gone through different phases with IC...it was much worse in the past. Now I rarely have any pain, and the only problem is a sense of pressure when I stand up (urgency to go). Interesting what you said about journaling...I'm working out all my emotional issues through writing. :)

    You were lucky to have a therapist who recommended Sarno!
    Stella likes this.
  10. Stella

    Stella Well known member

    Wise words
    "Your freedom will appear when the time is right"
    jazzrascal likes this.
  11. jazzrascal

    jazzrascal Peer Supporter


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