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My experience with TMS. The then, now, and future

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by IceBergs, Dec 22, 2017.

  1. IceBergs

    IceBergs New Member

    Hello everyone,

    First off I want everyone to know this will be a long post, but I feel like since I'm very lonely that this is one of the few ways that will help with my problems is to tell my story and my progress and maybe follow some tips from the fellow TMS Veterans of this forum. Alright, here we go.

    So at the start of the summer of this year I developed what some call "trigger thumb". I did and still do game (well talk about this more later) But I have always had these tight and snapping thumbs for as long as I could remember. However they never ever hurt in this way before. I became obsessed with snapping them and trying to fix it. I want everyone to know I'm 17 and just completed high school early at this point. I was so stressed from the adult world that I was about to join. Then out of nowhere it started to hurt.. BAD. This pain was the most deliberating thing I ever experienced. It was in both thumbs and I couldn't do ANYTHING. I stopped doing YouTube (again will talk about this more later too). I splinted up both of them and it made it worse, I had no idea what was wrong. I saw a terrible doctor and had blood tests and everything and just told me I overused them. She also thought I had rheumatoid from family history. I didn't believe her. A ffew days before the second appointment I had these burning sensations in my palms and this very acute sharp pain on the side of my ring finger. The thumbs just got better? Again I think my brain at this point was targeting my passions, eg gaming, video making (the ring finger that grips the mouse) and so forth. At this point I was so depressed so lost and so helpless. I quit gaming quit making videos and it hurt, a lot. I obsessed over stretching research treatments conditions. I lost my marbles.

    I gave up the doctor and didn't go again. The thumb pain went away entirely but the ring finger pain continued (and still does to this day off and on but now I am in control) I then realized somethings about myself and had enough. I broke down and powered through editing videos and gaming and the pains let up.

    So for the last 5 years I have been working out heavily and never had a single injury I went from obese to in extreme shape. I run typically long distance, and during these painful times I ran more than ever. I also want to note I obsess over caloric intake and food as well. But then something happened. I was running up a hill and my knees started to just hurt for no reason on both sides lateral and bilateral, swapping from side to side. Please note that it was never in both at the same time (classic TMS?) This pain was so deep, I went to the doctor as soon as it happened. I was fine once again and just "overworked" which was complete BS I thought. It felt so real. I took a miserable week off and the pain got tear worthy. I returned and it was very painful for awhile but just like the other ones it subsided as my fear went away. I at this point realized something was wrong with my head and found a TMS forum while obsessing over IT Bands Runner Knee and everything else. I heard about this book The Mindbody Prescription, ran out and bought it the next day.

    I read the book in one day and saw nothing but myself in this book, The perfectionist personality, holding stuff in, terrible childhood etc. I tried and applied these things I learned and now my pain moves EVERYWHERE it's amazing! From my butt, knee, thumb, finger, ankle, shin, back, neck, mouth (tmj) canker sores THE WORX. I don't feel in entire control yet and that's why I wanted to come here. Last week I had two canker sores and extreme lock jaw, I lost it and obsessed for awhile but then I sat the heck down and told my self it was TMS and to STOP and it did. Recently over the past 3 days I've had some dull shin pain that I have NEVER had that I just can't convince myself is TMS. I've avoided some of the story for length reasons but I wanted to know what you guys thought about this. I just found it so odd that I'm this young and my head could be targeting ALL my hobbies like this trying to tell me something. It's so hard for me. The information here is very valuable and I'd love to hear more about it and what you guys think about these issues.

    TLDR; 17 year old grad that had severe pains in odd places with no explanation, perfectionist personality and OCD. Applied DR. Sarno Tech and improved but need more guidance.
     
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  2. Lizzy

    Lizzy Well known member

    I think its wonderful that you are so young and have come so far with healing. I think you have had amazing success, but like many of us here, the journey is ongoing. I would suggest doing the structured educational program here, and the new program in time. I think you might benefit from pressuring yourself less. Hang out around the forum and get a "well rounded" education about tms. Good luck!

    Lizzy
     
  3. IceBergs

    IceBergs New Member

    Thanks Lizzy. I will 100% give it a go! CHEERS and happy Holidays!
     
    Lizzy likes this.
  4. plum

    plum Beloved Grand Eagle

    God, you are adorable. While it won't seem like it now it is a blessing to learn about TMS at such a young age. I am sorry that it is giving you such a metaphorical kicking but that is most likely reflective of the hard time you give yourself.

    I second @Lizzy's advice to hang around here awhile and to complement your reading of Sarno with the reading of posts written by people who jibe with you. Much of what we learn about TMS is osmotic and much of what hinders people is attachment to perfectionistic ideas about how one should recover. That just generates more tension and who the hell wants more of that?

    Keep doing what you love.
    Embrace the mantra f*** it or f*** off when pain or negative thinking tries to derail you.
    Don't be shy about posting here.

    And well done on the physical transformation. I'm procrastinating on this front at the moment so I am suitably inspired.

    Hugs,

    Plum x

    (Excellent username, by the way).
     
    Lily Rose likes this.
  5. Baseball65

    Baseball65 Beloved Grand Eagle

    Welcome.
    You are quite fortunate to have found Sarno so young. In spite of any current discomfort It will save you a lifetime of headaches and wasted time and money . If you do a little work it will also make you wise beyond your years .

    Both of my Sons are fully instructed in TMS and all it's possible manifestations. This isn't something where more experience is going to make you 'better' at identifying it. My 24 year old son just helped my 19 year old son abort an attack of back pain by pointing out that in spite of him 'tweaking himself' doing a skateboard trick (that triggered a massive back spasm) it was conveniently timed to coincide with his ex GF calling him out of the blue looking for a reconciliation. Intuition. Insight.

    I Imagine if you were as fat as you say you were, you also have many issues surrounding being picked on mercilessly, rejection by the opposite sex (if that's your deal) and the obvious body image ones you spoke of. That's a whole bag of Hell right there (I know...I went through it).

    I don't know much about gaming, but I do know that when I am cut off from my emotions the symptom I develop tends to be what is most distracting at the time...so If I need to play guitar, it's my hand, if I need to work it's my back, if I need to play baseball, my shoulder. Most of my relapse-type nudges (I haven't had a real 'attack' in a long while) are centered around work, responsibility and relationship stuff.

    I will tell you that at 52 I lift weights indiscriminately and the only limits I have are my own ability and strength. I can still chuck a football 30 yards and throw a ball pretty damn hard, ride a skateboard, cycle up mountains and work at my manual labor job 40 hours a week.... and I have so many diagnoses from the medical community I won't bore you with them here. I am 27% disabled according to the system (25% for my back and 2% for my re-attached thumb)

    You are the spearhead of God's creation, not some sloppy eddying offshoot with a lot of problems. You were meant to dominate your environment and win and have a good time. Stay away from any gym rats who believe the structural mythology. Do this work and when you find yourself being 'distracted' turn your mind to what might be the real problem.

    gnothi seauton-----know yourself. Your REAL self, not the top layer of ego we call ourselves, but that F-ing, Fighting, wanting to win, noble minded, base acting child that we all have inside....and you will be free to finally leave him behind.

    Peace
     
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  6. plum

    plum Beloved Grand Eagle

    Now that is a battlecry!
     
    IceBergs likes this.
  7. MindBodyPT

    MindBodyPT Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi there!

    Welcome to TMS and the forums, like the others above I also think it is GREAT you've found TMS so early in life and are already learning about it. It is more than ok that you're just starting the process and have had the symptom imperative occur, so many of us have experienced that. A lot of people have their pain move around when they first start the program, you are not alone! I had this happen frequently at the beginning.

    I also picked up on you mentioning that you have a lot of traits of TMS personality such as perfectionism and OCD and you're probably really hard on yourself...I can really relate to this and have been working on this myself over the past year. Although I consider myself recovered from TMS pain it's manifested in other ways that i've become aware of. A lot of people with these personality traits also tend to have obsessive habits around food and exercise like you mentioned, which I don't think is often discussed on these forums but I consider these to also be forms of TMS. I've had some similar issues over the years and have been working on them as well. So much of healing from TMS pain, anxiety and food/body image issues has a similar fix...self acceptance and learning to go easier on yourself! I'm happy to discuss any of these things with you if it would help, it's all related in the journey of self-care and mental health.
     
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  8. IceBergs

    IceBergs New Member

    Thank you for your kind words, Yes, this basically all started or I became "prone" with a simple soreness and inflammation that went away within a few days. I had reasons for the pain and it remained. I think everyone should be taught about TMS and stuff in your head, but not everyone thinks this way and some closed off people will call it boring or "cringey". Your depiction of gaming is spot on, I like to escape into stories or play against others in a huge world away from ours. Whether it's mario grabbing a coin or a soldier pulling the trigger in battlefield it's all a escape from my head and surroundings. Like you said, baseball it's your shoulder etc is the same for me. Gaming it's thumbs, video editing it's fingers, running it's knees. My dad's side of the family (which is making me shiver to think about him now) is where a lot of physiological problems lay. Unimaginable levels of narcissism and all forms of abuse. I catch myself holding a few words in here and there when the point has been made and it doesn't need any more over exaggeration or trying to attract pitty or attention. Luckily witnessing the absolute train wreck of a family has opened me up to my head and myself to not be like them.. and to Dr. Sarno, which I wish I could have met

    Have a happy holidays and happy New Year
     
  9. IceBergs

    IceBergs New Member

    Thanks for the Welcome, I guess no one this age has had the idea that all this could be our emotions, While the pain I experienced this year has been frankly unable to describe I consider it good. It showed me other ways of thinking and positivity. My Dad was almost my idea behind this. I started to connect these dots as the pain moved, I googled moving pain and found nothing. I googled hundreds and hundreds of things. I never could "diagnose" the pain because the pain was whatever it wanted to be. My Dad has done nothing for me but show me how not to act. Taking this level of mental sickness popped into my head during this, and I googled (the pain is in my head). I think I found some runner talking about the book, and like I said went out and bought it as soon as possible because I was that convinced that was me.

    There is also something else. I want you to know that reading the end of your comment about Anxiety and food actually made my finger start to hurt, I kid you not. But all is fine and it was for a split second, but it was that same"pain" I went to the doctor for. So interesting. But yes I'm VERY Anxious about almost everything. I stick to an extremely strict diet and even incorporate running on wednesdays because I eat out with my grandma for lunch and I just always find myself in the cold that night just to get it in because I just can't help myself, Hopefully I can work on this too.
     
  10. IceBergs

    IceBergs New Member

    Yes, that f*** off attitude is what landed me on the forum. You see I wanted to learn more about this than the books offered so I cam here. I didn't make an account or post but just read up and stuff. That same day I went out for the classic run. On the way back I had an absolute meltdown at my dull ache in the shins and just furious at myself as to how could I be so self centered and not make an account and participate. So as soon as I cam back I did and here we are. Glad I did to be welcomed by open arms by everybody.
     
    Lizzy likes this.
  11. plum

    plum Beloved Grand Eagle

    From your various responses above, with particular reference to narcissism, it sounds like your internal defence mechanisms are firing wildly. Sadly I have first-hand experience of narcissism and know how badly it can affect you over time. One classic way of protecting oneself is dissociation and gaming (escaping into another, safer world) may be serving this purpose for you. This would also serve to explain your hand pain.

    As you spend time here you'll realise a lot of the members have had similar experiences and that helps a lot because it is both a relief and a release. With TMS healing the phrase 'when one door closes, another door opens' begins to make real sense.

    We close the door on our past and the nest of problems that have landed us here and we open the door to our healing. As we pass through the labyrinth of our own minds and personalities, numerous other doors open and close. We unfurl. We relax. We let go and we heal.

    It is good that you joined us here. The people who struggle to heal are invariably passive and often stuck in victim mode which is entirely appropriate for a time. It is a stage of healing. How else can we learn our needs if we have long stuffed them down? But at some point we have to stop being a passenger in our life and commit to recovery. It was only through interaction on the forum that I came to learn so much and to break free from the hobbling ruts I was trapped in.

    People who have suffered at the hands of narcissists usually have highly sensitized nervous systems due to being constantly on edge. Therefore one of the most beneficial balms we can embrace is self-soothing. We learn to talk to ourselves kindly and to treat ourselves with love.

    We begin to discriminate between those things that need to be eradicated from our lives and those things that need to be embraced. So to clarify when I write of possessing a healthy f*** it attitude, I'm not referring to some kind of damn the world nihilsm. Instead I mean to shakedown those parts of ourselves that are tense, tight, bunched up and serious. Some people let that dominate whereas to treat those parts of us with humour goes far.

    Here you will learn how to calm the circuit in your brain that is keeping your pain alive. In that venture I wish you well.
     
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  12. MindBodyPT

    MindBodyPT Beloved Grand Eagle

    Yes I do think it's unusual to discover TMS at your age but that is a great thing! I wish I had known about it in high school or college when I occasionally got back spasms. It sounds like you've gone through a lot with your dad and his side of the family...you've been really strong to recognize that and be taking charge of your own mental and emotional health. That can't be easy! A lot of people on this forum have certainly had similar situations and traumas that can relate to you.

    Glad your finger is feeling better...sounds like that topic strikes a chord with your emotional brain and TMS- good insight. I know you are at the beginning of healing from all of this, know that it is all interconnected (anxiety, TMS, food and body image)- it was for me. It's a lot to process all at once so go at your own pace, but I think it's good you recognize there is an element of anxiety and compulsion around those things as well. If and when you are ready and want to explore this, I have lots of resources i've used around healing from food and body issues that have been extremely liberating to me. I used to do a lot of dieting and exercise motivated by fear/anxiety, and in the past year or two i've been able to let go of that, exercise more joyfully and relax about food, eat freely and healthfully without dieting. It's a process and didn't happen overnight and I still work on it.

    For general anxiety, I got a lot out of Claire Weeke's books and videos that many people on here use, very helpful with TMS-like concepts without being specifically TMS...she is all about self-acceptance of your anxiety state as a way to heal.
     
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  13. Lainey

    Lainey Well known member

    I want everyone to know I'm 17 and just completed high school early at this point. I was so stressed from the adult world that I was about to join. Then out of nowhere it started to hurt.. BAD. This pain was the most deliberating thing I ever experienced.

    Iceberg,

    Your comment above reminded me of my early graduation from HS, age 17, and the subsequent internalization of the stress from the reality of entering the 'adult world'. Different time, different place, but oh to have been as insightful as you at age 17. You have hit the nail on the head by realizing that your suffering is part and parcel of TMS. My suffering took on a different form, mostly a very serious depression. Had I been tooled with TMS insights then I could have alleviated a lifetime of moving pains, mental, and eventually very debilitating physical symptoms. I was able to resolve the emotional burdens but as this happened more serious physical issues took their place.

    Kudos to you, recognizing the family/childhood connection. This also took me years to formulate. You are definitely on the right track. Read Sarno again, get another one of his other books as well. Also, I found S. Ovanich's book the Great Pain Deception to be on target and very helpful.

    Good luck. Keep us up on your progress.

    Lainey

     
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  14. Lainey

    Lainey Well known member

    Also,
    I like your website. Fun to look at, a bit beyond my own understanding of the computer world, but nevertheless IMPRESSIVE.
    Lainey
     
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  15. mm718

    mm718 Peer Supporter

    Welcome IceBergs and what a great thread. Can someone comment more on TMS, the unconscious, inner child—whatever it is— going after one's passions. This has happened to me several times and I really need to understand it better. What's going on here?
     
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  16. plum

    plum Beloved Grand Eagle

    That is a damn good question. Within the framework of Sarno's thinking I would suggest TMS targets passions because that would serve as a major distraction. After all there would be little to stir us if it targeted activities that we are indifferent too. Anything that affects our passions strikes at the core of us and as such often colludes with fears and bad memories. I'd be interested in the thoughts and experiences of others.
     
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  17. Everly

    Everly Peer Supporter

    IceBergs, I just wanted to commend you on being so self aware at the age of 17, truly remarkable. I'm sure you have a bright future ahead.
     
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