karinabrown
Well known member
Hi all,
Lately not most posting from me, but frequent reading.
Started early 2016 with reading and learning about tms. and still do, but slowed it down major>
In the beginning was totally into it , wich means in my case : overdoing it:
thinkin about it and journalizing etc. i knew i had to slow it down and made it more a' parttime" task.
In the mean time ; my pain is footpain; I started with small walks 2 times a week.
the rest of the week I have to manage the rest of my life wich ofcourse involves walking and doing more than twice is not working (believe me i tried)
So in my case my days are when it comes to using my feet split up in many small parts during my days.
this has been my life for 2 years : the two years befor (I am dealing with it 4 years now) I could
hardly move at all. (saw specialist . had mri's etc. no help there)
I manage as good as i cann nowadays : started to study after I lost my job due to the footproblem.
you could say i live as good as i can with the footpain, have some improvement. and most of the
time I found some joy back in my life despite all the limitations.
Back to the small walks : 5 months later : have doubled my distance ; wich is still not much :
doing 20 minutes now. wich should be huge to me ; but ofcourse
i am not overjoyed
hoped to be futher after all those months. But still improving and keeping the pain on the same low
level lately so that's not too bad. But then came this week (no special things happened ), more pain and more stiff muscles and bang : there comes fear and even worse : there comes doubt. had more of those small flare ups but this time i feel more discouraged,
today i thougth : who am i fooling here ? it has been four years : i doubt i will ever go back to fully functioning.
maybe stop working on that?
so this is a real psychological setback which i really do not need.
i called this tread "missing my freedom" because that what i felt today : A real sad feeling about missing my life : just have the ability to walk out the door and enjoy that feeling and do all the things i could do.
so now i wonder ; should i stop 'fighting" this doubt and just let it go by (hopefully)
or should one battle this doubt and fear..??
karina
Lately not most posting from me, but frequent reading.
Started early 2016 with reading and learning about tms. and still do, but slowed it down major>
In the beginning was totally into it , wich means in my case : overdoing it:
thinkin about it and journalizing etc. i knew i had to slow it down and made it more a' parttime" task.
In the mean time ; my pain is footpain; I started with small walks 2 times a week.
the rest of the week I have to manage the rest of my life wich ofcourse involves walking and doing more than twice is not working (believe me i tried)
So in my case my days are when it comes to using my feet split up in many small parts during my days.
this has been my life for 2 years : the two years befor (I am dealing with it 4 years now) I could
hardly move at all. (saw specialist . had mri's etc. no help there)
I manage as good as i cann nowadays : started to study after I lost my job due to the footproblem.
you could say i live as good as i can with the footpain, have some improvement. and most of the
time I found some joy back in my life despite all the limitations.
Back to the small walks : 5 months later : have doubled my distance ; wich is still not much :
doing 20 minutes now. wich should be huge to me ; but ofcourse
hoped to be futher after all those months. But still improving and keeping the pain on the same low
level lately so that's not too bad. But then came this week (no special things happened ), more pain and more stiff muscles and bang : there comes fear and even worse : there comes doubt. had more of those small flare ups but this time i feel more discouraged,
today i thougth : who am i fooling here ? it has been four years : i doubt i will ever go back to fully functioning.
maybe stop working on that?
so this is a real psychological setback which i really do not need.
i called this tread "missing my freedom" because that what i felt today : A real sad feeling about missing my life : just have the ability to walk out the door and enjoy that feeling and do all the things i could do.
so now i wonder ; should i stop 'fighting" this doubt and just let it go by (hopefully)
or should one battle this doubt and fear..??
karina
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