Making huge progress but again and again stress changes my mindbody

[SebastianM]

Hi everyone,

the last weeks were quite fine. Many things in my life are changing at the moment. I do things that I stopped doing during the last 3 years. Now, in a period of change, where I think abput many things in my life, I recognize that my body begins (again) to spasm. Back, shoulder, legs.... every muscle and tendon seem to have a chronical tension. I know where it comes from.. my worry about the future, the change, the new all day live and so on...
In the last month I could do so many things, that I avoided before. But now I feel that this tension produces these "old" fear thoughts in my head. I know that it is TMS. I am not afraid of doing any damage at my body. But the pain is very intense. Sometimes that much that I can not change my mind to the psychological things.
The new program of @Alan Gordon LCSW was very helpful: The new techniques especially outcome independence and cognitive soothing are so good. But since a few days it's very hard to calm myself. I begin to think about the activity... I do not want to stop the activity but I know that the TMS-pain will come. I am convinced that it's an old neural pathway and an extinction burst.

Now to my question: What would you do? Going through it? Or do I support the fear when I constantly have this hard symptoms (pain in nearly every muscle part of my body, feeling fatigued, tired and exhausted).

I have to make a few important decisions and my pain stops me to focus on the REAL things that I should confront myself with. It's tricky and I would be very grateful to hear your experiences, meanings and suggestions.

Since having TMS my life became better: I feel more love, more joy and all in all I feel much much more feelings, good and bad ones. I accept all of them. But in some situations, TMS has me back. I know that I can leave this state, I know how it feels to be completely outcome independent and to laugh at the pain. But if it has that much power, I seem to be weaker. "Should I push throughit or relax?" Or a mixture. This thoughts are an evidence for my insecurity..

Thank's for your support.

Greetings
Sebastian

 

[plum]

I'm delighted to hear you've been doing so well. These successes are the very things to focus upon, especially during tough times. Remember healing is not linear, it ebbs and flows as we learn ever more about ourselves and how we interact with life.

My best suggestion is to carry on as you are regardless of the pain and the thoughts around it. However within this general approach I recommend treating yourself kindly. I favour somatic tracking and cognitive soothing as an on-going approach. When pain flares I move into tending and nurturing my body more. I find this encourages feelings of comfort and safety which generates faith in myself and my ability to overcome TMS completely.

No more pushing through or fighting and instead lots of mindful, gentle and patient care.

Plum x

 

[TheUndyingMind]

Excellent post plum! Healing is definitely not linear, it does ebb and flow. I'm starting to believe that TMS is not something that ever truly goes away - it's there inside of us all waiting to be triggered. As humans we're always going to be in state of internal conflict to a certain degree. The goal isn't to rid ourselves completely of conflict, but to recognize it and bring it to balance. I'm now understanding why Steve chose the Yin/Yang symbol for his book.

I too have been a lot better with my symptoms, but at the same time I can tell I'm not fully back in balance because it doesn't take much to trigger them. For example, when I came downstairs this morning my 6yr old son was angry about having to do a chore and immediately began yelling & crying. I could feel my heart racing faster and my breathe becoming shallower. I finally asked my wife if she could take him upstairs until he calmed down and then I closed my eyes and took several deep breathes.

So despite my healing progress I'm still in this state of being overly sensitive to external stimuli. I'm learning that when things like this happen that my inner-self is quite literally trying to speak to me through my body. The sooner I begin to recognize situations like this then I began thinking of what can I realistically do here to defuse things.

 

[SebastianM]

Plum and TheUndyingMind,
thank you so much for your answers. It's calming me down and I enjoy reading your experiences.

The last days were very busy. But after posting my last message the fear disappeared. I focussed on the actual "problems", the pain increased, but it was okay. I knew/know where it comes from: my fear of the future. My mind worries constantly about my new job, my new car, my allday life in the next months (I finished my mechanical engineering studies, will go on holiday for 2 weeks and then start my new job).

Everything seems to be fine?! My degree is very good, I already have a safe job, I bought a car and will have a great vacation. BUT I cannot enjoy it at the moment. I worked very hard and instead of enjoying the success my mind forces me to think about the future and new work.

I realize this, that's essential for a "change". But this habit of running, fighting and worrying through my life is the reason for my pain. At the moment I am watching this habit, I try to calm myself down and I dont care about pain (IF it appears).

@Steve Ozanich calls this "What if scenario" in his book on page 255. I am smiling at the moment because I am on the right way but mind is very strong and I need much energy to break this annoying habit.

Did/do u have similar habits? I think it takes time to change these fear thoughts and the best way is to recognize it, watch it and accept it during these moments. Changing the mind will occur automatically while being convinced of TMS and being mindful and gentle to your/myself. It would be great to hear your experiences and meanings concerning this.

Greetings
SebastianM

 

[TheUndyingMind]

Hi Sebastian - I recently made another forum topic about "How your workouts may be slowing your recovery" that you may find of interest.

I don't think you're alone at all in your thoughts and experience. I used to dwell excessively on the past and think too much about the future. I'm working really hard on just focusing on things in the present day.

As I mentioned in my other forum topic, I think stress is a very big driving factor in developing symptoms and eventually TMS. Chronic stress makes the Sympathetic Nervous System overreact which can lead to all sorts of physical symptoms.

To counter this and bring the body back to balance we should be stimulating the Parasympathetic Nervous System more. This system is involved in calming the mind and body. Things like aerobic exercises and mindful breathing have really helped me.

The mindful breathing especially has helped reduce my symptoms. For a long time I wasn't aware that I was breathing tensely, pausing and not taking full breathes. Learning to breathe properly has helped me to calm the anxiety, fear, and anger I feel as the result of various stresses in my life. So I would recommend giving different breathing techniques a try to see how that relaxes you. Also try keeping your mind focused on things in the present; it gets easier with conscious practice. Best of luck!

 

[hodini]

I'm starting to believe that TMS is not something that ever truly goes away - it's there inside of us all waiting to be triggered.

Hi Undying,

This is something I have been hearing often and is indeed an anxiety provoking feeling, if you have read some of my other posts I expand on it further. I have received conflicting views when I have asked and gotten conflicting responses so I can see why you may even entertain that as a belief.

I have heard that TMS is an incurable condition. those who say so refer to themselves as being in recovery as a constant process. They do not always say that they feel like there is something lurking inside waiting to strike though some others have.

There are those whom feel that using the TMS methods have "cured them" They no longer feel as if something is lurking inside themselves.

Some who view it as a recovery model have said that that is how Alan sees it, but I have not heard that directly from Alan.

I would think that knowing one way or the other would take quite a bit of confusion away from someone who believes they are dealing with TMS and provide them a better framework as far as moving forward.

I would be interested in hearing from those with views on this aspect of TMS and how it effects their approach in dealing with it. Perhaps that should be done on another thread. If so, please let me know.

Undying, I think your suggestion about breathing is a good one, well known to have beneficial effects on ones body. For those who have difficulty doing this in a static state, your suggestion for aerobic exercise is apropos because it forces one eventually to find a regular breathing pattern and thus instill it in ones body memory.


Sebastian,

It seems as though you have made some great progress. Perhaps you might look at it like a stock investment. You are in for the long haul, you are aware that your stock (read healing) will have ups and downs, but you look at the graph over the long term, that is what will tell you if your stock is going up or down or not. If you watch the stocks gyrations over the day, week or month it can certainly be anxiety provoking.

As long as you are collecting dividends as you go, over the long term in most cases you should not have to worry about it. If you look at your own graph, and wish to pick a point you do not want your stock to fall below which might indicate a change in strategy, nothing the matter with that. But as I said you appear to be hanging in there just fine!