Day 1 Lifting off

Hello TMS community,

I have been working for a bit at reading, watching videos, have visited with a TMS doctor (Dr. Gwozdz in NJ) and am working with Alex Bloom. So, one could say that I am in very good hands and have been putting forth some effort. Tonight I began the Structured Educational Program as well after going through Alan's materials. In addition to TMS work, I am doing the Trauma Release Exercises every day to see if it can help me to release a difficult emotional history from my body and I am meditating twice a day at least. At this time, this is all possible due to not working. I also joined the gym a week ago so that I can try to start challenging myself aerobically at first (much needed). In response to trauma from my past, I have built many walls and a lack of trust is one of them. As per the Day 1 assignment, I am going to write a bit about my current level of acceptance of the diagnosis. I would say that some days I feel like it is about 80% and others around 30%, so it varies. It is hard to say what level I am at, though, subconsciously. I feel that I have a lot of work to do to accept and feel uncertain about exactly how people do this. I have so many symptoms that are so old and are currently so disabling that I am in a lot of fear of them. It is important for me to remember that just because I feel bad now (physically or emotionally) does not mean that I always will. I have always had a hard time existing outside of this perspective, so that is some of the work I have to do. I believe it can be done with self-compassion and comfort. I will say that since I began this process I have changed emotionally for the better in ways that I vaguely hoped for, but did not envision. So I know that just because I feel one way now does not mean it can not change. I now have this background sense that if I can eventually become free of TMS I will truly feel like a new person. Loving being alive and free within myself. Felling this tugging at me is keeping me moving along. Oh yeah, my biggest fear right now is that exercising is making my terrible headaches worse and that if they get too bad I won't be able to deal with it. Thanks for listening,

Andrew

 

Andrew, I can totally relate. I've been fearful of exercise and exertion for decades (I'm 63 now). I see a personal trainer every week now, and whenever I find myself fearing the next hard thing she's going to ask me to do, I just repeat to myself that I'm perfectly safe, that this is a good thing to do, and that I want to PROVE that I'm strong and healthy.

There have been days I've woken up thinking I can't possibly make it to the gym, and often this feeling is accompanied by a headache, but I've made a commitment to her so I can't cancel at the last minute - instead, I use the drive there to talk to myself in order to change my attitude. Even if the headache is still there when I arrive, I convince myself that it will NOT get worse by exercising, and it's always gone by the time I'm done (having been suitably distracted by the exercise!)

I think in this process I've begun to understand how athletes accomplish their seemingly-miraculous feats of strength and endurance - it's really all about convincing your mind that your body can do it.

Hang in there! So happy you're doing the SEP!

~Jan[/quote]

 

H, Jan and Andrew. I think professional athletes put their minds to their activity and stay positive.
Tennis star Arthur Ashe said his motto was, "Never give up, no matter what the score is."

Murray Rose, the Australian Olympic gold medal swimmer, said he kept his mind in the present moment
when in the pool. He imagined every arm and leg move and focused on nothing else.

 

Thank you guys. I am very early in my process and still trying to learn how to deal with doubts about whether I have TMS or structural issues. I am glad that there is forum for this with great people on it for support.