Life can be challenging sometimes...

Anne Walker

Anne Walker

Beloved Grand Eagle
I have had a big week. My husband and I run a home care business together. It is a new business and we growing and it is busy. I have been making slow and steady progress working on my TMS this last year. Four or five days ago my husband started having some minor speech problems. He wanted to say one word but another would come out, for instance he would say day instead of night. They were always associated to each other and in the same family so it would make sense but it was bothering him. I think they call it asphasia. My husband doesn't worry about anything, I worry about everything. He never goes to the doctor, I always go to doctors. He has never stayed in a hospital, I have had five surgeries and two babies in a hospital. So when he says something has changed and is bothering him, I notice. Yesterday I called our primary care physician for an appointment for him(with his permission) and the receptionist wanted to get him on the phone with the nurse right away. We were in the middle of a busy work day. The nurse insisted he go to the ER immediately. So I dropped everything and drove him to the ER. They admitted him and started running CAT scans and an MRI. I could feel the internal panic the moment the nurse got on the phone with him. Of course, their concern was stroke. Amidst all this crisis, I had to take over running the business and along with new calls for immediate need of assistance in getting caregivers to hospitals, many other little random scheduling complications began to occur. It was insane. I have not only been in hyper drive ever since, but suddenly forced to take on challenges I never would have chosen on my own. My husband is the one who does all of the case management, sales, assessment of new clients condition etc. With my propensity to absorbing just about every medical condition I come into contact with, I prefer to stay in the office and do all the administrative tasks and manage the caregivers. Tomorrow I have to go to a hospital and do the intake on an elderly woman with advanced dementia and pneumonia. It never occurred to me something would happen to my husband and I would be in this role. He is in the hospital and they still don't know what is going on. I, of course, have been having "stroke symptoms"(one sided numbness in my face, head ache on the right side, numbness in my hands...) Okay, I say this with humor but I keep thinking "what are the chances that he is in the hospital getting CAT scans and I am the one who drops dead trying to take care of everything?" This is just stressful and it makes sense my TMS symptoms would be kicking in. I am not really panicking in the way I would have before. I am just observing "Really, you're going to do this right now?" It is terrifying for me when life gets this real. I also feel so sad that I spent so much time arguing with my husband. What was so important? I want so much to convince my nervous system that everything is okay. No matter what happens, it is okay.
 
Wow Anne! This is A LOT to deal with!!! I hope things turn out okay and more favorable than your imagination tells you!! My sympathy goes out to for having to handle things you don't normally do and just to deal with so much.
My story is a tiny example of what I did the other day. My partner and I had to take our elderly dog to the vet hospital. It is a teaching hospital so the exam was thorough and long. My back started freaking out the minute I was in the exam room. I kept thinking ... "No.. not now. Please not now! This is stressful enough." And I kept trying to control the pain... which by now, I know is so silly. I ended up saying to myself in as soothing of a voice that I could muster, "It's totally reasonable to be nervous and anxious right now. Its perfectly okay to feel this way. This is appropriate.!" My back eased up some - not entirely gone but its like I had to tell my subconscious that I was accepting the feelings so it wouldn't feel the need to distract me. Then I just kept saying - Its okay. My body doesn't know yet how to do things any differently. I'm learning. I'll get through this." Lots and lots of soothing talk. I recognize that this is a long process of first actually feeling the feelings - which I never even knew existed - then to let my system get used to the new way of doing things.
I didn't mean to go on so long here... but I'll keep you and your husband in my prayers!
 
Dear Anne, my thoughts and prayers r with you at this very difficult time.

The good thing is that your husband is going thru various tests which will give u both better insight on his condition & proper treatment will follow.

In the meantime is there anyone be it a family member or friend who could help with some of the many tasks you have at hand so that u r not so overwhelmed ?

Pls let us know how everything goes.

Take care

Mala
 
Dear Anne, I agree with Mala; your husband is now getting all the tests and you'll know the results soon. If it helps, my boss and close friend of seven years suffered a series of mini-strokes and is now fine. He only went to hospital several days after the incident, when changes to his facial expression alarmed his wife. The good thing for him is that he, like your husband never went to a doctor, but now goes for his regular check ups and takes the appropriate meds.

Hope he's okay. keep us posted.

Colly
 
Thanks everyone. I really appreciate the responses. My mother lives in a little cabin on our property so she has been able to come over and help prepare meals for the kids at night. They are 13 and 15 years old, so old enough to be on their own, but its nice to have her here with them. In terms of the business, it is difficult to incorporate support because it is all management and case management that not just anyone can step into. I just have to remind myself that I can do it. The biggest struggle for me is projecting ahead. I really have to take it one moment at a time and live with all the unknowns, as hard as that is for me. My husband says the doctors have ruled out stroke and heart attack. He does have some weakness on his right side and some double vision problems along with the speech difficulty. Hopefully, the tests will reveal more. I am seeing my therapist today. Thanks so much for all you good wishes and I will let you know how it goes.
 
Sorry to hear what you and your husband are going through at the moment, Anne. Like you, I am a worrier and then something more serious to worry about in life crops up and then I think why was I worried before ( if only I could go back to my previous worries. Oh the joy of being a worrier! I think it is very probable that a similar thing that happened to Colly's friend has happened to your husband, and the outlook is very good. My mother had a minor stroke many years ago and is absolutely fine.
 
Hi, Anne. I'm sorry about your husband maybe having had a minor stroke and the pressures this has put on you, as if you needed any at all.

Let us all know the results of your husband's examinations. I hope they don't discover anything bad, or that is minor. Meanwhile, trust in the Lord to help you both relax and think positive. Don't let worry get you down. Same for your husband.

Sheree, you were very helpful telling Anne about Colly's friend recovering from a minor stroke.
 
My husband is home now. None of the CAT scans, MRI, EEG revealed anything. He definitely has some Asphasia but right now it is a mystery as to why. He has been referred to a neurologist specializing in seizures to do more diagnostics. They have not seen any seizures but that can't be ruled out yet. The immediate danger of a stroke or tumor has passed so it may be months before we figure anything out, if ever. Stress reduction and exercise is definitely in order. I saw my somatic experiencing therapist today. When I went in I had a headache on the right side, numbness and pain in my right hand and foot. The work we did was very interesting and hard to describe. Driving away from her office I felt much more relaxed and better physically. The pain is back this evening but I feel encouraged after working with my therapist. I am going to get this eventually.
 
Anne, since nothing showed up on your husband's tests, my guess is he really didn't have a minor stroke.
It might have been nothing at all. He may just have been stressed about something when he misspoke.
It could have been a virus and it went away. Main thing is, not to worry it into anything bad.
 
Walt, that is great advice! I just forced myself to stop googling about Asphasia. He'll see his primary care doctor on Monday and we'll just take it one step at a time, one day at a time. He was back to work today but we were very busy and I could see that he was struggling with his speech by mid morning. He was getting tongue tied. I can tell he is not himself. I sent him home to rest. This evening I needed to send him out to an appointment. I am going to try and encourage him to relax and only have him work for short periods. This is all putting a lot of pressure on me but I just need to stay confident that I can handle it. I got up early and walked this morning. I need to find a way to protect myself from absorbing his neurological dysfunction. I am so prone to that. Time to keep applying all the TMS skills I have learned this last year. Resistance does not help in any way.
 
Hi Anne,
I'm late in responding to your post, as I've been travelling and without a computer. I'm so sorry to hear of the stress and worry you are experiencing right now. But you appear to be doing everything you need to do to keep yourself healthy during this stressful period--reaching out to others, accepting help and support, seeing your therapist, reminding yourself to live in the present and take it one day at a time, and to not get carried away with catastrophic thinking. The awareness we cultivate when doing TMS healing work of our unhelpful past tendencies shines such a bright light on them, that they can't operate the same as they used to. The fact that you are aware of your tendency to absorb the maladies of others will protect you. Please keep us posted on how your husband and you are doing.

Sending my best wishes your way....
 
Anne, sending you and your hubby my best wishes as well. Life has a habit of throwing these challenges at us. Thankfully you are well-armed and supported. I have no doubt you will come through this and be a much stronger person.
 
Hi Anne, the medical system is good at dx'ing structural problems. I've seen a lot of "stress" mentioined in this thread, can we consider the possibility that your husband may be suffering from TMS?

G'luck!
tt
 
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Anne I am so sorry for all your dealing with at this time, I have been overwhelmed with work and the pressure of work in the past. I know what it feels like, its pressure multiplied. With that said meditations will be beneficial for this as I'm sure you are already doing, and the walks you are taking is helping you I know. You did great by talking about this and getting it out in the open so you don't have to hold it all in, bless you.
Remember my friend, I live in Austin and if you ever just need to talk I'm right here. Be strong my friend.
 
Thanks everyone. All of your posts are very encouraging. My right sided head and neck pain has come back in full force with numbness in my tongue and side of my face. I got up and walked an hour this morning and got a relaxing massage. For the first time in many, many months I found myself slipping back into fear and thoughts of potential structural causes. Its obvious I am having a set back because of all the stress and pressure but the TMS is just so good at achieving its purpose. I think perhaps its time for me to start exploring my fear of death. This was such a scary week for me. My husband seems much better. He is seeing his doctor in the morning and he really doesn't like to talk about it which is hard for me. Its difficult for me to go back to "normal" because I am really not sure what happened. It could have been TMS, although my husband doesn't have the typical personality traits. He is very confident, doesn't worry about things, and had a very positive attitude when it comes to his health. This was the first time he has ever been in the hospital, and it was so unusual for him to admit that something was wrong. But he was under a lot of stress and truthfully I think I was stressing him out. I am a big multi-tasker and I think fast and he likes to do things one piece at a time. Now I feel like I have to take on even more responsibility... I can see that I need to connect with the anger I must feel about all of this, but it is not easy for me to do. Thanks so much for all the good thoughts. It really helps. And Eric I knew you were moving to Austin but I didn't know you were here. Lets have some coffee or something!
 
Have to say I thought the exact same thing as Ellen when she said :

Perhaps he is taking on the symptoms of your clients?

Even though your husband is not a classic TMSer, I think everyone is prone to TMS if stress levels go past the tipping point. I'm pleased that he's improving. That's great news. And yes have coffee with Herbie!
 
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