Day 32 Just Realized Something Work Related

[Ines]

Hi,
I've posted a few times about work stress. It's been bad for me lately but in a different way. There are changes going on in my dept. and I've given up certain projects that would be desirable to others. As a result, I'm finding out that people like working with my co-worker much better than me. It stung at first and caused me much anxiety and as of today a 7 day headache/migraine.
Today my headache got worse as I realized I was supposed to be excited about these certain projects as my other co-workers are and as I witness it I'm feeling guilt, pressure, and my goodist ego hurt. I am not the best and it hurts.
But here's the thing. I don't want to go in that career direction. I don't even want to do this much longer so why do I even care?
My plan is to start researching and doing something on the side. Even if it's a hobby.
The fine balance I've struggled with from the start is that if I give up on work it's feeding into TMS because it wants attention ( I also can't afford to just quit). I'm trying to go on as if everything is normal but this work stress is not.
Anyway, I wonder if any of you have to make decisions similar to this. Maybe in a relationship or with other responsibilities in life. I'd love to hear any stories from you.

Thanks for reading,
Ines

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi, Ines. I was where you are. Years ago I was in a job I liked but hated the large company I worked for and my bosses. I survived by spending my evenings and weekends doing what I loved... write. I wrote books for children. It took my mind off of my work life
and I also was able to cope with it better.

So I encourage you to do something on the side that you like, even if it's a hobby. That's why many people have hobbies.

There are some videos on Youtube about the benefits of hobbies, if you don't know of one you'd like. Here is one:

 

[plum]

My plan is to start researching and doing something on the side. Even if it's a hobby.
The fine balance I've struggled with from the start is that if I give up on work it's feeding into TMS because it wants attention ( I also can't afford to just quit). I'm trying to go on as if everything is normal but this work stress is not.
Anyway, I wonder if any of you have to make decisions similar to this. Maybe in a relationship or with other responsibilities in life. I'd love to hear any stories from you.

First off the bat, definitely explore something, anything that'll give you some joy and pleasure. It is so important to feed goodstuff into the ole soothe-to-rage ratio.

As for work stress, you don't need the added pressure of second-guessing how tms is playing a part. Best advice I can give is to never make a choice about a situation in the hopes it'll improve your tms aka. outcome independence. Equally don't stay in a situation because of bloody mindedness. Life really is too short. I appreciate it's a fine balance though.

I went through some tough times reflecting on how caring and tms were correlated. In the end I realised that the problem was not my responsibilities but the goddam intensity I lugged around with me. Once I started to lighten up and relax into the hand I'd been dealt I actually found myself spontaneously thinking I love my life. It was me that had pinned all the crap together and pulling out the lynchpin of erroneous belief triggered the first big breakthrough in my healing. Ever since that day I've been breaking free.

I'm pretty sure the same is true for most of us. We change, grow and evolve as people and we need our lives to reflect who we are now and who we are becoming. TMS really helps clarify this. It helps us find the peace at our centre and for some people like Walt it nudges us into blossoming.

Try to treat your work situation from a place of gentle amusement while simultaneously dreaming into the life you want. I've found daydreaming to be a rather charming counter to the endless tms fear-mongering.

Plum

 

[Ines]

Thanks Walt & Plum. I do understand what you are saying and I'm not going to make any rash decisions. I just know that a big part of my pressure is my job. It's not a place I can survive much longer in my life. Even if I didn't have migraines. But, like Plum said, that's a problem for the future. For today, it's not so bad. I will try to ease up on everything. I very much lug around a lot of worry, pressure and stress on myself for no reason. Thanks for the advice guys! Have a good weekend.