Instant TMS Pain :o(

[MsMetaP]

I spent a considerable amount of time today doing a big job because someone else dropped the ball. First mistake: over-responsible and goodist. Once it was finished, I let her know it was done and she immediately responded by pointing out some mistakes I made. Second mistake: reacting to “the criticism.”

I literally felt my reaction to this in every spot on my body that has hurt from TMS! In a matter of seconds, I got VERY angry (how DARE she criticize what I did, when she was so irresponsible that I had to do her job), then I became immediately sad and felt like crying. During both of these emotional states, I felt lots of pain (sciatic, back, shoulders, neck, I don’t think I missed a single spot).

Fortunately, it was time to leave work, so I had immediate time to reflect on all of this on the drive home and to get very clear on the fact that none of these feelings had anything to do with her.

The pain I felt was from “being wrong” (again). As a child, I was wrong. It was not that I did wrong things. My very existence was wrong. It’s a long story, which you don’t need to hear, but trust me...wrongness was built into my very concept of myself.

I thought I was past this, but it seems NOT. Sheesh...I’m almost 63. It’s about time I get over this nonsense. As someone here recently said, “intellectually,” I know I’m not wrong, but that inner child part apparently hasn’t gotten the message.

So...now that I’ve had this revelation, how do I get the message across to this wounded kid that she’s OK?

I do know this is progress, because even one month ago, I would have blamed all of my feelings on “her” and then stuffed all of it (anger not acceptable and no feeling sorry for myself or playing the martyr). Then I would have spent tomorrow in pain. I don’t think that will happen in this case, because I worked through it. I acknowledged the pain and “felt” it in the present, instead of storing it up. I'm very grateful for that, but I would surely like to know that I don’t have to “react” this way in the future. There must be a way to get the message to this “child part” that she’s not wrong?

Has anyone had success in this? If so, how'd you do it?

 

[Forest]

The first thing to notice is that when you started to get angry you noticed that your symptoms started to increase. This is TMS at work. Use this as you move forward as evidence that you do in fact have TMS. You wanted to express your emotions, but repressed them and ended up with pain. An important question is what can you do at work. You are in a professional setting so there are some things that you probably can't do...such as yell at your boss, which is what our inner child wants to do. It may be helpful to simply keep a pad of paper at work and do a quick journal there where you write down a bullet point list of your emotions. This could help you release that energy in a healthy manner.

The other part of this is understanding why you were upset, and it sounds like you are starting to make some real headway in this area.

I believe that we need to tap into the past to feel better about the present. Early on traumas will be replicated later in our life, so for many people what hurt you back then will continue to hurt you in the present. If you can explore what hurt you in the past, you can internalize that rage to fight off the internalized voices that are left over from that experience.

Say a person has trauma from their childhood, where their parents either verbally or physically abused them. Their brain will be split between the mom/dad side and the little girl side. The internalized mom and dad are being mean and critical to the six year girl side.This can present itself in the present when we have these thoughts of being wrong and are self critical. You need to look into the past and visualize the girl and be angry at the parents (or whoever it may have been) for abusing her. Let the little girl yell at the parent for not supporting her, loving her and for telling her she is not important. Bring that energy into the present and use it to defeat the mom/dad part of your brain that is currently abusing the little girl part of your brain.

We can either stand up for the little child or if we don't do that we end up neglecting the little child.

 

[MsMetaP]

Good Morning Forest,
Thank you for the reply! I completely agree with you on what I need to do, and I also think I have found a really good "how to" manual, which is the part of the picture that was missing for me.

I really got into thinking about all of this last night and how I need a concrete method/system to resolve it all. Because I am convinced that our thoughts create our experiences, I "set it up" last night in my thoughts that I would find an answer immediately. The internet sure helps with the speed of fulfilling desires!

What I found is this book: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00452V8EG/ref=rdr_kindle_ext_tmb

I've purchased it (Kindle edition of course LOL) and have already started reading it. I also read ALL the Amazon reviews, and even found one where the reviewer mentioned how much it helped her with TMS! She was working with Dr. Sarno's ideas and this "brought it all together for her."

It's called "Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy" and the book is a do-it-yourself manual for this therapy. I won't go into the nuts and bolts, because the write up on Amazon does that way better than I could, but I did want to share this find. I think it really dove-tails perfectly with TMS concepts and may prove to be the best mode of resolution so far. I just bet Dr. Sarno would love it.

So...I'm off on this new adventure to learn to love and integrate all my parts! I'll do a book report once I get into the nitty-gritty!

 

[veronica73]

I think the workplace, with all of its hierarchy and intitutional drama, can definitely trigger childhood stuff. It does for me.

Forest, I like what you wrote about inner child work. Thanks for that.

 

[Pandamonium]

Frankly I think you have done amazingly well to make the connections you have made. Yes I have had situations where I got instant pain and luckily I also realised what was going on. Since the pain goes away as soon as I think pyschologically, I don't think much past that.

 

[Justina]

That books sounds great (and yes, the internet and Kindle is perfect for instaneous gratification!). Let us know how you go.

 

[MsMetaP]

So far, I am really loving this book, and have already tried a few limited "sessions." The paradigm of each of us having many "parts" really struck a chord in me when I read the book preview. It makes so much sense. When we experience traumatic events in our lives, if we have not developed the skills to resolve those events as they occur, a "part" of us gets stuck. Then we develop a part to protect that stuck part. The more traumas...the more parts. I think I have a crowd waiting inside to be given attention and healed. I'm half-way through the book (took a vacation day from work today to keep reading), and so far it does not disappoint. My meditation sessions have improved dramatically and have become productive instead of just being "time to decompress." I really like that idea. And the process is so gentle and respectful. There's no danger of being "re-traumatized" by past events like some other therapies tend to do.

Just wanted to update.

 

[Beach-Girl]

When we experience traumatic events in our lives, if we have not developed the skills to resolve those events as they occur, a "part" of us gets stuck. Then we develop a part to protect that stuck part. The more traumas...the more parts.

This is perfect, right on, and easy to understand. You have it! Yes. Many "stuck" parts in many of us, and some who don't even experience TMS symptoms. I think that it can take time to work through these issues, or it can be an "aha" moment. Sounds like you are having aha moments all over the place.

I think I have a crowd waiting inside to be given attention and healed.

Great line. I have a crowd too. But slowly I'm recognizing and getting rid of "them".

My meditation sessions have improved dramatically and have become productive instead of just being "time to decompress." I really like that idea. And the process is so gentle and respectful.

Another tactic is walking. If you walk while swinging your arms in the opposite direction as your legs as you walk, you are actually stimulating both sides of your brain. When you do this, it's a form or problem solving. If you can, give it a try. Listen to the birds, watch the flowers, swing those arms, and see what happens!

BG

 

[MsMetaP]

Hi BG,
One of the things I love about this IFS Therapy is that the goal is to respect, appreciate, and integrate the "crowd" rather than trying to get rid of them. In the IFS model, each part has played a positive role in your life...yes, even the ones that have given you pain and seemingly made a mess of things. The protective parts can take a different role once the parts you're protecting are healed. It's really a lovely approach.

The walking thing probably won't do it for me. I live in FL and it's too cold in the winter and too darn hot and humid in the summer! LOL If I were still in Los Angeles it would be a doable thing. It's OK though, because I love what I'm doing right now. And I'm sure the "crowd" is enjoying it too. What makes me sure I'm on the right track is that my symptoms are diminishing rapidly. Even the buzzing foot is nearly gone. I'm more relaxed. No sciatica (except for that flare up the other day), no back pain, etc. It's not an overnight "cure" but it IS something I can stick to as long as I need to do it.
Mich

 

[dabatross]

hi msmetap,

i actually tried IFS during some sessions i had with a psychotherapist. i really didn't know what the hell she was talking about with it.. she mentioned parts and stuff and going back in time in my life to different parts and talking to them. it felt kind of spooky because she was asking me to talk to my 13 year old self and tell him to be okay and stuff. later on during the sessions she was trying to bring up emotions out of me that could be contributing to my pain (thats why i went in there in the first place) and she had be beating a pillow with a bat pretending that the pillow was my mom. it was really weird so if you do have success with the IFS treatment please post on here and let us know. i got a bad impression of it from the treatment i got

 

[MsMetaP]

Hi dabatross,
Wow. That is not my understanding about IFS at all. I think your therapist did a disservice to you and IFS. You do communicate, respectfully, with stuck parts of yourself, but there is no beating on pillows or any violence of any kind. I have some very intense child abuse issues and some of the therapies make me uncomfortable because you "get into" the pain you experienced in childhood. That is NOT something I can or will do. Some of the stuff I endured is comparable to what Sybil endured (If you've ever read that book or seen that movie). In fact, I read Sybil when I was in my twenties and "distorted" what I read so that it was the Grandmother who was the abuser (as in my case) rather than the mother, who was the actual abuser in Sybil's life. The mind does some darn funny things!

I re-read the book in my 40's and realized that I had changed the book to suit myself!

In any case, the attraction for me with IFS is that you do not need to "immerse" yourself in the pain to heal it. I really like that idea. I will, of course, post my experience, but I can pretty much tell you at being 3/4 of the way through the book, IFS is not what your therapist presented to you. Sorry you had that experience!

 

[dabatross]

Yeah that was the part that made me most uncomfortable. I also tried hypnosis with her and deep hypnosis and it just felt fake to me. I think she thought that hypnosis actually puts you into a trance and she has control of you or something but she was asking me to feel things that I didn't feel. She was trying to force me to be angry with my mom from the past and I just wasn't feeling it at all so if you guessed Im not seeing her anymore you guessed right. I would be interested in reading about IFS again to see what its all about I dont want to take that therapist's word for it. I hope its working for you and looking forward to hearing your experience with it.

 

[MsMetaP]

This is the best, relatively short, explanation of IFS therapy that I've seen so far:
http://www.personal-growth-programs.com/introduction-to-internal-family-systems-therapy

It really struck a chord with me because I know that there are "parts" of me that want to do things like loose weight, exercise more, be assertive, be more comfortable in social situations etc. and other parts that make those goals darn near impossible. The parts that 'seem' to sabotage us are protector parts that are protecting us from parts stuck in pain. So "you" get stuck between a rock and a hard place, so-to-speak, until you can heal the part the protector is trying to protect. Makes perfect sense to me! LOL Have you ever said..."well part of me wants to do that and part of me doesn't?" That's what this is about!

P.S. Wise decision on leaving that therapist! I've had some wacko's too. Not all of them are good, but luckily, many are.

 

[yb44]

I am glad you found something that really rings bells for you, Mrs MetaP. I had a look at the website above. Interestingly it features sections on many of the PPD personality traits most of us have. I bookmarked the site along with a page it linked to about procrastination. I really relate to the 'part of me wants to do that and part of me doesn't' conflict. This is one of the reasons I end up feeling stuck.

I too have been to therapists that encouraged me to punch pillows, visualise myself physically hurting my mother, sit in the corner of the room with my thumb in my mouth and other such twaddle. The respectful nature of IFT is a welcome change.