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I'm losing the battle...

Mimi Unger said:
I've read over some of the responses and can offer three things to try.....
1. Approach the T.M.S. process differently than anything you've ever done. You seem to have had success in life by pushing through pain and ignoring your own emotions. This works for a while and then we break. With the T.M.S. process you can't just push through. You must look at confront and make yourself vulnerable to all the stuff you've pushed down for so many years. This will be the most difficult thing you'll EVER do, because you have conditioned yourself to do it the opposite way and life has rewarded you for pushing down your emotions.

2. Get "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy" by David Burns M.D. Cognitive Behavior Therapy is a great compliment to T.M.S. theory. It's all about the things you tell yourself and how to start being honest and objective with yourself....perfect for perfectionists.

3. Skype with a T.M.S. therapist or at least find one in your city. From what you have said, this would be life changing. You can't imagine what it's like for a self soother in crisis to just have another person listen and just say "wow...that sounds really hard" not kidding. You need someone to help you unpack the layers of what has happened in your life.

4. Change your T.M.S. handle...."captain pain" Every time you go on this site to hopefully get support you are firming up the identity of someone in pain. Not that you should deny your pain..but seeing it as your identity might not be helpful.
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Thank you. Book ordered. I will consider contact administration to get help.

Andy B said:
Great idea! I think Captain, that you can change your handle once. Not sure how, but you might message Jan the CPA.
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I don't know who Jan is but I'll found out.

Lynn S said:
You are a champion and and disconnected from this at the moment.

I know nothing like those with TMS experience but confident you’re going to get to the root cause of your problems and blossom beyond your imagination.

I’m diligent in my own healing and work with the frustration of feeling hopeless at times. People want to come to me for healing but I have to focus on myself. I know there’s been an avoidence my entire life. You may want to consider your issues were set before the age of twelve. Sorry about the assumption but that’s what came to me.

Mimi Unger mentioned changing your handle. Please consider this. Don’t own the pain.

Champions have tough battles. There’s something in it for us to be who we came here to be. I’ll include you Mr. stranger in my affirmations of health and wellness. Peace to you Captain.
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I'm seriously overwhelmed by the messages of hope and strength I'm getting from you people, and really am receiving all the positive vibes from you. It's pretty obvious that this is a really personal matter for all of us. Once again: thank you.
 
I was talking to a therapist during my healing journey and I remember him pondering a little on what exactly to say to me. Since the things that I find myself doing in life involve a fearless attitude I.e. skydiving, surfing, and general daredevil things he found it hard to find out where my fear cycle was coming from. He asked me what I generated inside when I was doing these kind of things inside. I thought about it and told him it was a kind of 100% feeling of commitment, almost like this pure presence and faith, the feeling is so strong that there is no room for fear, it cannot live in that space of commitment, presence, and faith. It clicked for me. I had mounted all the evidence I needed the extreme pain I was feeling was TMS. The rest of the thoughts were just lingering doubts and fears and what ifs, but I knew that I could use that feeling of commitment to burn those feelings off. So when the rain got unbearable, I didnt let my belief stray for one second, just right to the emotions with all my attention, no room for any of the other BS from doctors, family, friends, or anyone else who was trying to help, but ultimately filling my head with untrue ideas and thoughts about my symptoms that didn't support me. If I felt pain, I would put all my attention to how the anger felt in my body, the anger and sadness was the pain, and my brain eventually got the hint that I realized it because i left no room to doubt it.

It sounds like you have to really make that leap from being mostly sure of TMS to committing fully to the understanding and belief of what is really going on with your health. Let go, make no room for doubt, and get ready to face whatever you need to in order to heal. It is happening, just let go of what is hindering the rest of the process..

Journey well
 
CAPTAIN HOPE!

You changing your handle made me cry.

Thanks for sharing your hope and inspiring me.
 
CaptainHope said:
Went to the ortho's appointment. He "thinks" this might be related to FAI (a.k.a. Hip Impingement Syndrome). The symptoms match up. I have a MRI scheduled now.

The kind of loop I'm in is familiar to me to the loop I was into 2007. This is a non-specific problem, a "syndrome", which is non-traumatic, the cause and outcome is "vague" (his words), it MIGHT be helpful to go under surgery (his words), the results SHOULD be good, and so on, and so on.

I'm in tremendous amounts of pain at the moment.

@Jccfergie, I sent you a PM.

Thank you all,
CP
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How are you now? I was diagnosed with FAI cam type hip impingement... and wonder if I should take the surgery road..,
 
Bananas00 said:
How are you now? I was diagnosed with FAI cam type hip impingement... and wonder if I should take the surgery road..,
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Hello, buddy. I am 38 now, but still fighting the good fight. I never stop, I refuse to stop. I do weightlifing, calisthenics, now I am back to playing football (I mean real football or, as some call it, "soccer").

Imagine competing physically against 20-yr old kids in this condition. But hey I'm still here! lol

Pain has better and worse days. I have sciatica, days I can barely move, I have hip pain and now chronic pubalgia on the other leg. But I refuse to stop buddy.

In the meanwhile I have finished my Masters, moved to live by the sea, also moved jobs. I am moving forward and refuse to let this thing control me.

All I can say is: surgery as an absolutely last resort. Hang in there buddy. And feel free to share further details about yourself. Maybe in a new thread?
 
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CaptainHope said:
I was re-reading this whole thread. Wow. What a time capsule. Thank you everyone that was kind enough to answer me.
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I just did this too, @CaptainHope -
It's awesome, isn't it ? Highly recommended!

I'm encouraged to hear you're hanging in there and living your life without going the surgery route. I can hardly believe it's been almost six years. I would also be really interested to hear if you ever engaged with any kind of program or therapy to address the emotional sources of your symptoms. Another six years has only more firmly convinced me that the emotional vulnerability required by really doing the work is the only true road to significant recovery. I have some thoughts, possible suggestions.
 
JanAtheCPA said:
I just did this too, @CaptainHope -
It's awesome, isn't it ? Highly recommended!

I'm encouraged to hear you're hanging in there and living your life without going the surgery route. I can hardly believe it's been almost six years. I would also be really interested to hear if you ever engaged with any kind of program or therapy to address the emotional sources of your symptoms. Another six years has only more firmly convinced me that the emotional vulnerability required by really doing the work is the only true road to significant recovery. I have some thoughts, possible suggestions.
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Too late for me to avoid the surgery route: I had spinal surgery in 2007, at age 21.

I have read a lot of books. I had ups and down. Suicidal thoughts from time to time. I know this is 100% my fault: I am too stubborn to think a professional can understand or help me.

I do agree with your conclusions regarding the mental, emotional, psychological if you will, aspects of all this.
 
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