I am at a new worst again since ive been trying for 4+ months now, also having a job for 4 months behind pc. I started playing guitar etc really living my life. But ive reached new hights where i cant stay awake, have very bloated stomach and pressure on heart+ no good oxygen. I see vague and double and am very fogged in my head. And it all starts with intense upper back pain, trapezius pain and arm pain (right side) so bad im sweating from pain. I am so fuucking done with this shit 8+ years now and im only 29... TMS has made everything like 3x worse than it was... But it was my only hope.... I ditched drinking, gambling, gaming etc and live my life also eating healthy. But only keep getting worse, and this is really due to pc work. My pain gets worse and i get exhausted and get all these sortof chronique stress symptoms with also neck pain due to sort of constant stress. Most of it feels like chronique stressy stuff or fibromyalgia but it starts with pc and mobile usage always and when i quit using those devices it gets a bit better. But lately im so bad that even quitting that doesn't even change that much. So the same shit again the same messages from me, in the loop. I should just quit the forum now and tap out trying, my doctor is useless too he kindof gave up on me so im almost alone in this. I got my psychologist and i make good progress with her but my symptoms dont care, i have a pretty decent life otherwise. The only big thing is i get lonely and i am a bit socially awkward and kinda hate myself for that and wish id have more friends. But im also kindof sure i can get that if i was healthy. But i get full blown panic attacks when i try to engage in social stuff. Im now on the point where i really have to quit my dream job and be a nobody again all due to this symptoms bullshit. I love my job but there is just no other way around im completely and utterly exhausted. I cant think straight, i cant see straight, i cant stay awake, my stomach feels like its about the explode and my pain is killing me. I cant keep my job but if i quit it il be devastated as well but there is just no other option. Im nearing 30 and my outlook looks terrible. I wanted kids but i guess thats not going to happen either. IM close to tapping out since im tired of this shit and im literally exhausted as well, death and rest seems pretty nice. No more worries and rest, no more being tired. I used to be scared of death but i day dream about it now. How nice to have rest not being tired anymore, sounds like something way in the past and sounds pretty great. Rest and nothing sounds great next to pain, exhaustion and a depressing outlook of the future. Every day every fucking day, no relieve only worsening. Every day. If it didn't get worse it would just become normal. I cant even remember how a pain and exhaustion free life feels like. I cant even fucking walk for more than 30mins. I completely exploded now but i had good faith before, but its just too much... I just want to rest so badly Ive readt that long thread of eskimo and a lot of good stuff there motivating me but still doesnt help me in the end sadly. Only thing that could be it is: i really have sort of rsi and have to stop all activity and hope to somewhat heal in the long run and tms makes it worse cause i keep resuming activity or there i something unconscious something big for me that has to get to the surface which will make me burst into tears and release all tension. But i think there i nothing like that big otherwise i would know, my parents or family weren't monsters or anything like that. And ive been in therapy for 1+ years and nothin big came up yet.