I believe I have just experienced for the first time a DIRECT relationship between my TMS symptoms and repression of traumatic childhood events. For the past year or so, since I joined the support groups, I have been having ups and downs using various techniques for the treatment of TMS. I did extremely well for a year or so, but was always aware that I was not cured and that that might never be a reality for me. But because I am in Panama, I do not have immediate access to a therapist. Anyway, I was doing ok until about 4 months ago, when I started (again) having flashbacks and fragmented memories of being severely punished by a babysitter and subsequently being hospitalized for 3 weeks. I can't tell you how awful these are to remember. When I get them, I cry a lot and just can't seem to put them to rest. So I decided that these were not that important now and I was going to forget about this part of my life. So I did, it was not hard to really forget them. Within about 2 weeks, and it began slowly, I began having acid reflux, terrible sore throats and really bad back pain. I also had a terrible flare-up of health anxiety, where I constantly imagined that I was dying of some terrible disease. I went to see the local ENT doctor, who is very good. He scoped my throat and tried to figure what was wrong. He wants me to have a bunch of blood tests only because it has been about a year since I had these done. Anyway, it just kept getting worse and worse. I have been pretty much in panic mode ever since and the sciatic pain and sore throats are intermittent and severe. Yesterday, I was in pain most of the day and it persisted at night, which almost never happens. Then I had pain all morning. About noon, I felt completely exhausted and defeated and laid down after taking one Tylenol tablet. I dosed a little, but then decided to get up. I was not thinking of the pain. I don't know exactly the order of things, but I suddenly noticed that I had absolutely no sore throat and no pain, JUST AS I REMEMBERED VIVIDLY again the incidents of my early childhood. I had a pretty dramatic emotional reaction to the recollection of these events, but NO PAIN. It was really unbelievable. I am convinced that something in my subconscious is really pushing me to come to grips with these events and the repercussions of them, of which they are plenty. This is the first time, I have experienced a direct connection. My husband, who is a retired doctor, thinks so too. We both feel that I need to get some professional help. I think I have a large reservoir of fear, anger, and guilt. I also feel that I need to relate this to another person(s) for the catharsis to take place. I admit for the first time that I can't do this all on my own. I also feel that at my age, 64, that I need, in an existential sense, to make sense of my life. I want to thank so many people on this site, but especially Dr. James Alexander, Dr. Peter Z. and Dr. David Hanscom for the literature and videos that have helped me so dramatically. I am, at this point, seriously considering travelling for therapy or getting online help.