i feel confused if i am recovering or not? stuck in fear. help me get my life back.

[unlearningpain]

I thought I’d never need to write a post again on this forum as im recovering and Im not right track.
It has been months since my last post but unfortunately im still struggling.

I used to have crippling lower backache and tingling nerves in both legs along with insomnia. bachache has gone and nerves in legs have gone too. But im still struggling with sleepless nights.
Theres a lot of anxiety. Tingling in my hand fingers and lots of moving pain and nerves around body.sometimes it tingles in hands ..next it goes to legs.sometimes my head aches.sometimes my upper back.

There comes a day or two when there is peace.no pain.no tingling.good sound sleep.but then I fall back again.
I went back to gym I worked out good. But then comes a day when im unable to sleep and it disturbs my gym motivation too.instead of getting more fit. I’ve lost 5 kgs(I need to gain instead of losing).

I happen to fall in that fear loop every single time. Sometimes I fear sleeplessness will make me bald if it doesn’t stops now(lost a lot of hair since backache,insomnia started 4 yrs ago).


Sometimes I fear I won’t be able to perform good in bed with my gf if I don’t sleep.(Perfectionist?)
I fear if she will leave me someday.
Sometimes I fear I won’t sleep the next day too. sometimes I fear these nerves will never heal.
I fear I’ll always be in stress of not feeling well by nerves.
i fear if i will ever gain weight and build a body.

If I start a routine of 4-7-8 breathing before bed to sleep and it goes well for days.i relapse to sleepless night one day.
If I start a routine of reading /working to sleep and it goes well.i relapse and there comes a sleepless night.

I happen to link everything bad and nervous in my life to sleeplessness.

I feel helpless.any leads on what should I do?
The longest streak i've been all well and good was 10 days. but then I relapsed.

i have observed that I don’t sleep on the day i get fear thoughts in night.the whole nerves thing start from there.

 

[yinyang]

I know it's not easy. Just remember that 10 steps forward and 1 step back is still progress. You are still heading in the right direction.

Keep in mind that these pervasive fear thoughts will exacerbate the symptoms. Whenever these fearful thoughts come, just notice them, but don't judge or resist them. Imagine them like clouds in the sky, just passing by. This is easier said than done. It takes practice. If you mess up, be kind to yourself and know that you'll have another chance to practice.

I'm also noticing a lot of body consciousness. Have you tried meditating or journaling? It's good that the breathing exercises are working for you. Keep on doing what works for you, but also notice how often your attention gravitates to the past or future.

Throughout my journey, I've accumulated a few different resources to help calm my mind including videos, podcasts, and music. If you want any recommendations, let me know.

At the end of the day, regardless of what happens, always remember to love yourself throughout the whole process. Balance is necessary. Love is the antidote to fear. As long as you believe it, you can get your life back.

 

[unlearningpain]

10 step forward one step back is progress.Thanks for that.
ive done a lot of journaling . my bachache reduced significantly due to that. but then journaling stopped helping anymore, so i thought its just fear and anxiety thats left now.

I've started the presence process for now.

i guess i have a lots of 'lack of love' in life issues.
maybe thats the reason i try to be perfectionist.

ive never had that kind of anxiety when there was back backpain. its too shaky.

 

[Andy Bayliss]

i guess i have a lots of 'lack of love' in life issues.
maybe thats the reason i try to be perfectionist.
Hi unlearning, I think this is a good insight!

ive never had that kind of anxiety when there was back backpain. its too shaky.

And this experience is common, and described by Dr. Sarno. Mindfulness, other techniques to deal with anxiety are very helpful. Worrying about it isn't!

 

[Pietro Carloni]

in your words I recognize myself. from 15 months I follow the approach indicated by dr. Sarno and the advice of this precious forum. when I started my main problem was the right sciatic nerve that had been tormenting me for a year and a half. After two months, the leg went much better, but since that time new and frightening symptoms have appeared almost constantly (headache, dorsalgia, gastric reflux, colitis, groin pain, dizziness, plantar fasciitis, insomnia, panic attacks ).

Despite everything though, I started going to the gym again (which gives me new pains, especially the day after), I stopped drinking alcohol continuously and, above all, I stopped with all kinds of drugs and rehabilitation therapies.
during the holiday season I had a great headache, one day I decided to take paracetamol to reduce pain, the result was that the pain disappeared, but left the field to a panic attack; in this circumstance I understood that our mood, our feelings and being too focused on the symptom of the moment is an indicator of our anxiety and as long as we mask and do not accept our anxious state, new symptoms will continue to appear.

The only solution is to find the best way to relax; as far as I'm concerned it is necessary to worry less about the future (by making sure that the symptom does not condition what I can and cannot do) and not to make me too emotionally conditioned by past experiences (what in the past I could have done and now not anymore) . On this subject the fundamental starting point for me was to read and reread the words of Claire Weekes first and Eckart Tolle later.

Thanks to them today I feel less a slave of the mind, more master of my time. As with so many others, the process is not exactly linear and there are days when it seems to me that there is a real involution, an unconditional surrender to fear; but even these sensations are fleeting and I am amazed at how, at times, I can simply enjoy a new day with myself.
I hope my considerations can be useful.
Let's move on. Always

 

[unlearningpain]

I did my 4-7-8 breathing and presence process but still after 4 good days of good sleep and less anxiety.
I again fall back. it has been 2 days of no sleep and too much of anxiety.

its like i want to sleep but i cant sleep.its too hard.
it gets me every time. i get stuck in fear loop every time

i too want to be master of my mind.

------ "by making sure that the symptom does not condition what I can and cannot do"--- i think i do a lot of opposite to this