How I healed from a myriad of symptoms

[plum]

That said, I really want to emphasize that one CANNOT get hung up on the concept of "bad neural pathways" - this type of thinking can lead one to believe there's something much worse and more permanent going on when there isn't

An very important point you made which bears emphasis!!

Indeed. This is analogous to releasing repressed emotions. Same misunderstanding. Different language.

 

[Sonic]

Great story mate. I’m sure people will refer to yours for inspiration just like you did for Hillbilly’s.

 

[fbcoach]

Thank you for sharing Dorado,
I really enjoyed reading your post. Very INSPIRING! Your walking the dangerous streets really struck a chord with me. I have done similar partly for the adrenaline rush and partly due to just not caring. Amazing post, and you were very brave to get thru your situation.

Just to share....my walk was thru the back alleys of Bangkok, Thailand at 3:00am after getting off the plane. I needed drinking water ....Seriously )

 

[Gigi]

I had never read Hillbilly's story before! thanks for posting it.
And congrats on your progress, Dorado!

 

[EmQ]

Thank you!

 

[Renee]

Wow, thank you Dorado! This is a wonderful post. And thank you for posting Hillbilly's success story. I had never seen it before. So helpful.

 

[Time2be]

Quote: “I developed some anxious and obsessive behaviors as a child because I never felt safe. That's why constant journaling or-attempting to identify every single repressed emotion isn't good for me - it only lead me to more obsession. I was obsessedwith healing and trying to feel safe, and that generated more fear of my symptoms and overall situation. I had to figure outhow to manage my emotions (especially fear) and get back to life again.”

Thank you for telling us your story, thank you for being so honest and thank you using your great analytical skills and sharing all the knowledge you have gained over the years. I really love how you use all your knowledge to guide yourself, but also understand yourself. And others, not to forget!

What you say in the quote above is so true and I also learned that. For some of us it is necessary to get back into a child like state of ignorance: not to worry and to be confident that things will turn out fine. Although, that was not how I experienced childhood and also it was not yours, Dorado. I learn more and more to feel safe. (I am not there, you might rembember my latest crisis.)

I am looking forward to many insightful and emphatic messages of you! Thanks!

 

[Marinedad]

Dorado your story really hits home with me I been dealing with my tms for over 8 years and I am sick of dealing.

 

[Dorado]

Dorado your story really hits home with me I been dealing with my tms for over 8 years and I am sick of dealing.

You can get through it! Don't fear the symptoms, don't force healing. Just focus on things that make you feel happy (as long as they're positive things!). And don't obsess over anything!

Healing is possible for everyone.

Sometimes I don't even like to use the word heal - it can freak people out and reinforce that something is terribly wrong with us. Nothing is wrong with you.

 

[Marinedad]

Thx you good advice

 

[pilatesgirl]

Just wanted to pop in on this thread and say thank you for sharing your story Dorado. I healed in a very similar way several years ago and read Hillbilly's posts along with Balto on TMS Help - which helped me as I healed.

I am back with another issue but it has already decreased by half so it's on its way out. I appreciate you stating you didn't need to go back over every traumatic memory and I agree. For me it did more harm than good as it increased my anxiety. Not everyone needs this as a part of their healing and that is OKAY. I personally feel it's not our past that affects us today but our thoughts about our past that affect us.
Thanks again! Your post will help many!

 

[Shakermaker]

Thank you for your posts @Dorado they have given me a lot of hope. I have had TMS related problems I think for about 7 years. Started with my back which cleared up after reading The Mind Body Prescription (didn't need to do any work, just reading the book was enough). That was about 3 years ago. Then at the end of last year I had a quite serious injury that traumatised me a lot (I had to have emergency surgery for a twisted testicle). It took about 4 weeks to heal after the op (which thankfully was successful) and then after those 4 weeks I had a sudden spike in anxiety. It was as if my brain said now the physical part is dealt with, now you can deal with all the emotion that it brought up (looking back I think during the recovery I suppressed my anxiety quite a lot to try and stay on top of things and not to jeopardise the recovery/healing). I suddenly got a strange skin complaint, my back pain came back, I got IBS and my vision went kind of blurry, like I had television interference in my vision, only very mild, I can still see everything. This all came on pretty much together. Now, almost a year later, the IBS, the skin problem and the back problem have all cleared up but the vision issue is still there and I feel generally more tense than I did before the op. The vision stuff gets worse when I'm very tired or very stressed. My doctor wants to send me for a brain scan in a couple weeks. The fact that she wanted to send me for a scan and didn't just say "don't worry it's stress and it will clear up" worried me a bit. I also ended up on this site because for it to come on so suddenly at a time when I was VERY anxious and when I had never had any vision problems before (my eyes always have been the parts of my body in best condition I thought), I think there's a strong chance that TMS might be playing a role. Hoping to find some answers or encouragement here.

 

[Lizzy]

Shakermaker,

It is always good to get checked out, but you definitely have a strong TMS possibility. Treat it like TMS while you wait to see if it is indeed nothing physical. Also, have fun with your life too!

Lizzy

 

[Shakermaker]

Shakermaker,

It is always good to get checked out, but you definitely have a strong TMS possibility. Treat it like TMS while you wait to see if it is indeed nothing physical. Also, have fun with your life too!

Lizzy

Thanks Lizzy, that's what I've started trying to do this evening after reading some very encouraging posts on this forum. I'm just trying to act as if there's nothing wrong with me. And it helps, it takes my focus away from it and the less I focus on it the less I notice it.

 

[Dorado]

I fully agree with Lizzy. You're in good hands - you have a doctor who wants to confirm with 100% certainty that you're healthy. This is critical for everybody. There was another member on here who thought he was floxed (a type of antibiotic toxicity), and while I was very sure it was all related to his anxiety, I still felt it was important for his doctor to confirm (I'm not a doctor and it would be irresponsible for me to sit here and play one). The doctor ended up saying that he was fine.

One of my neurologists could tell pretty quickly that my symptoms were caused by emotions, but he still wanted to perform a general exam and some nerve conduction studies before saying I was in the clear. I had a sweat test, tilt table test, etc. even after they said there was no way in hell I had neuropathy. Another hospital said my chances of having MS were incredibly slim, but they wanted me to have an MRI just for everybody's peace of mind (not only mine, but the doctor's). When I read online chatter about brain zaps from anti-depressant withdrawal possibly being localized seizures, my neurologist didn't believe it one bit, but he still ordered an EEG so we could both relax (the results were perfect). This is a normal part of the process, and you are lucky to have a doctor who cares so much about you.

So don't stress out too much about your doctor wanting to be thorough. She didn't diagnose you with anything just yet! Plus, negative tests will serve as more concrete proof that you can use to remind yourself that you aren't sick. If you're ever having a day of doubt, this proof will serve as great comfort to you. You and your doctor will be able to say, "Well, we've looked at everything we possibly could."

Lizzy is totally right - live your best life right now, and act like nothing is wrong with you. All of the symptoms you've described can absolutely be caused by stress! If you're noticing them getting worse as you become more anxious, take that as a major sign of you and your body needing some nice relaxation right now. No matter what happens, you're going to be OK - you have the support of this forum, plus the support of a thorough doctor who greatly cares for your well-being.

 

[Shakermaker]

Hi Dorado. This post and your original post have been very helpful for me and I refer to them often, so thank you for that! I refer especially to your OP and the factors you listed in your healing. Re the issue I posted in this forum in October, I had all the neurological tests and there's nothing wrong with my brain structurally. The doc said it's a functional problem. She said my thoughts (i.e. stress) caused the problem, so my thoughts can make it better too. But despite that, I can't seem to eliminate my fear of this particular problem and it doesn't seem to be getting any better. Although there had been a slight improvement over the last 2 weeks because I had been off work and had a chance to rest. Tomorrow I'm back at work and I had a bad sleep last night and the symptoms have worsened. Maybe that's a clue right there. But I was wondering if there was anything special you did to eliminate the fear and accept everything truly or whether you came to it naturally. I'm struggling to come to the realisation that all is ok.

 

[Dorado]

@Shakermaker, how are you feeling now?

Remember that the mind-body connection is part of human nature - our emotional state and our physical state are closely intertwined with one another. Here's what I always say:

TMS is not an actual medical condition. Nobody “has” TMS. It’s a natural bodily response to emotions - every single individual who has been on this planet experiences it. The body is designed to respond to our emotions - it’s the mind-body connection: this is why wounds have been scientifically documented to heal slower when one is stressed, this is the placebo effect, this is how spontaneous recoveries/remissions from serious issues occur (fun fact: the recoveries/remissions aren’t so spontaneous after all!), this is fight-or-flight mode turning on during a threat, this is the release of happy neurotransmitters when you smile, this is the release of adrenaline while upset, this is why cancer patients die quicker when they’re depressed and believe they’re going to die, etc. From a simple eye twitch when you’re angry to full blown CRPS or PTSD after a traumatic event, we’re all affected. Don’t view this as anything other than a fact of nature. Your mind and your body are powerful, and you can overcome this. Your symptoms will decrease as you truly get back to living.

Once I truly believed my symptoms were not a structural condition but a result of powerful emotions, I realized I had nothing to fear. It's nature. I'm human. There's nothing wrong with nature or with me. For me, belief was critical. And you have to literally keep going on with life as normally as possible. As an example, my antidepressant withdrawal didn't fully go away until I was too distracted with a major life event to think about it - that event broke the fear, obsession, symptom loop for me. What do you enjoy doing?

 

[Shakermaker]

@Shakermaker, how are you feeling now?

Remember that the mind-body connection is part of human nature - our emotional state and our physical state are closely intertwined with one another. Here's what I always say:

TMS is not an actual medical condition. Nobody “has” TMS. It’s a natural bodily response to emotions - every single individual who has been on this planet experiences it. The body is designed to respond to our emotions - it’s the mind-body connection: this is why wounds have been scientifically documented to heal slower when one is stressed, this is the placebo effect, this is how spontaneous recoveries/remissions from serious issues occur (fun fact: the recoveries/remissions aren’t so spontaneous after all!), this is fight-or-flight mode turning on during a threat, this is the release of happy neurotransmitters when you smile, this is the release of adrenaline while upset, this is why cancer patients die quicker when they’re depressed and believe they’re going to die, etc. From a simple eye twitch when you’re angry to full blown CRPS or PTSD after a traumatic event, we’re all affected. Don’t view this as anything other than a fact of nature. Your mind and your body are powerful, and you can overcome this. Your symptoms will decrease as you truly get back to living.

Once I truly believed my symptoms were not a structural condition but a result of powerful emotions, I realized I had nothing to fear. It's nature. I'm human. There's nothing wrong with nature or with me. For me, belief was critical. And you have to literally keep going on with life as normally as possible. As an example, my antidepressant withdrawal didn't fully go away until I was too distracted with a major life event to think about it - that event broke the fear, obsession, symptom loop for me. What do you enjoy doing?

Hey Dorado, thanks for your reply! I'm doing ok thanks. The visual snow problem, which is what I was messaging about above, has been better since the turn of the year but hasn't fully gone away. Funnily enough, the last month or so I've been worrying about another health problem and I hardly noticed it. When I stopped worrying about the other problem, not only did the other problem improve a lot, but I started noticing the visual problem more too. So there are a lot of clues there but I still haven't got to full acceptance yet I don't think. I finished reading Steve O's book recently and I think I'm gonna go through it again. I can take all of it on board rationally, but fully accepting is harder, at least for this particular symptom. For other ones its easier. What do I enjoy doing? I don't really know any more. I've been so stressed with work that when I'm not at work all I do is hang around my flat and play around on the internet or go drinking in bars, or go to the gym. That's all ok but I wouldn't say it's genuinely enjoyable. I've started working with a TMS Psychotherapist to help me work some of this stuff out

 

[Graciejean]

I am relatively new to this site. I actually met with Dr. Schubiner a little over a year ago for some ongoing symptoms and found that to be a life changing interaction. I definitely saw improvement and understand the relation of pain to my stress level and emotionally state.

I so appreciate your post and agree with all that you said. I am just curious as to how you feel now. And if you continue to practice the TMS guidelines, meditations, etc. or if it has just become more of a new mindset that drives your life now. Also, when you do have pain, (which I know that we continue to have off an on), how do you deal with it? I agree with you that staying positive and avoiding "over-reading and researching" every little thing, including TMS is important. I find that I am doing well and then may get a "flare" and I am suddenly overcome with fear that the pain will never go away and that it is now caused by seem dreadful disease. How long did it take you to begin to feel like you had "turned the corner" and were living more freely from the things that plagued you?

Diagnosed with IBS, obsessive compulsive behaviors, anxiety, major depression, allergies, and much more, bizarre symptoms have been part of my life since I can remember.
If I were to post my story in its entirety, we'd all be here for days. To sum it up, I've experienced the following over the course of many, many years:
- Burning skin
- Nerve pain (allodynia) - so severe that I could barely hold my phone, type on a keyboard, grip a doorknob, pet my cat, etc.
- Altered sense of touch in my fingers and toes - not true numbness, but similar in the sense that the senstation touching an object feels different than before
- Tingling (hands, arms, feet, legs, head, lips, etc.)
- Extremely heavy and stiff limbs due to blood pooling and tension
- Excessive sweating, especially - but definitely not limited to - my hands, feet, and armpits
- Increased skin impressions/dents whenever any object (even light wrapping paper) gently touched my skin - skin impressions/dents are absolutely normal to a certain extent, but it was occurring much deeper and faster than ever before. Additionally, the skin impressions were sometimes very painful, such as when I'd sit on hard benches, rest my chin on my hand, grip pencils, cross my legs, etc.
- Fingertips that wrinkled almost immediately in the shower, as well as upon gripping objects (even when they were not even slightly wet or cold)
- Headaches
- Dizziness
- Nausea and vomiting
- Dry eyes and mouth
- Blurry vision
- Red feet with bulging veins when walking
- Occasional blood pooling and overly dilated blood vessels in hands when walking
- Chronic fatigue/exhaustion
- Increased need to use the bathroom
- Significantly increased heart rate, especially upon standing (which was documented on a tilt table test as orthostatic intolerance)
- Increased Raynaud's-like symptoms and vasospasms where standing for even a few seconds would result in deeply yellow and purple feet from vasoconstriction, and my digits would become numb and red in the cold
- Cold hands and feet
- Chemical sensitivity - I had to completely stop drinking alcohol, vaping, drinking sugary coffee with high amounts of caffeine, etc. for quite some time
- Muscle spasms/twitching
- Facial flushing
- Dermatographia
- Colorful genital discharge and terrible itching (this started when I was a teenager and years before I became sexually active. Still, I was tested for everything under the sun - nada!)
- Sore throats
- Tender muscles
- Brain zaps and twitches, as well as electrical surges in my head
- Severe anxiety, depression, and mood swings
- Intense depersonalization and derealization
- Emotional numbness
- Bloating and stomach pain
- Chronic fatigue
- "Growing pains"
- Inability to more quickly and appropriately recover from colds and flus, mononucleosis, medication withdrawal, etc.
- Sensitivity to noise and light
- Obsessive behaviors and rituals that began as a very young child, only to get worse (non-stop hand washing, blinking, circling the block a dozen times while driving to make sure I didn't hit anything, skin picking, etc.)
- Major phobias (fear of leaving the house or going on field trips as a child due to fear of suffocating somewhere in public, swallowing solid food due to fear of choking, etc.)
- Binge eating and drinking
- And so many more I can't even remember at this point. Ultimately, I've experienced a great deal of the following symptoms: http://www.anxietycentre.com/anxiety-symptoms.shtml (Anxiety Symptoms and Signs - Over 100 listed.) (Anxiety Symptoms and Signs - Over 100 listed.)
All of the above symptoms were indeed caused by emotions, and were able to be overcome by:
- Understanding that "TMS" = powerful emotions (fear, anxiety, anger, etc.) - it is NOT an actual health condition, and should NOT be treated as though the body has a true problem (example = focusing way too much on "bad neural pathways that need fixing")
- Recognizing that every single individual on the planet experiences "TMS"/emotionally-driven health symptoms at some point, whether it's a simple eye twitch or a headache when they're angry, or severe sympathetic nervous system dysfunction, fibromyalgia, CRPS, carpal tunnel, adrenal fatigue, etc.
- Accepting that this is all a normal bodily process, and it does not mean anything is wrong with me; in fact, it's a natural response to powerful emotions and a sign the body is working perfectly and with my emotions
- Understanding the concept of neuroplasticity and the fact that the brain is capable of rewiring and changing anytime - this was especially helpful for obsessive behaviors/rituals, anxiety, depression, mood swings, etc. That said, I really want to emphasize that one CANNOT get hung up on the concept of "bad neural pathways" - this type of thinking can lead one to believe there's something much worse and more permanent going on when there isn't
- Accepting that eliminating symptoms may take time, and not setting a date on healing. That said, I also had to understand that the unexpected can happen, and one shouldn't set themselves up for a self-fulfilling prophecy. If healing isn't instantaneous, accept that and don't be afraid; if healing happens more quickly, be open to it. Either way, you WILL GET BETTER
- Letting go of the past (as opposed to dwelling on it and trying to analyze every single thing that's ever happened to me in my life) and living in the moment with happiness by smiling, visualization and meditation, calm breathing, and focusing on events I was looking forward to
- Refraining from spending copious amounts of time reading about "TMS" and not actually living my life
- Not allowing myself to browse health forums or websites focused on structural health issues, or where the general membership did not have a positive outlook on the ability to fully recover from emotionally driven symptoms (including TMS threads that were not hopeful)
- Reinforcing to my mind that I am healthy, unafraid of symptoms, and cannot be influenced anymore
- Similar to the above, living each day of my life without fearing the symptoms and obsessing over them
- Reminding myself that powerful emotions can prevent our bodies from healing after structural injuries, medication withdrawals, sickness, etc. We create healing neurotransmitters when we are balanced
- Believing in my body's natural ability to heal and reminding myself that good health is definitely possible, even with Ehlers-Danlos
- Creating a reality and a life where I felt good about myself and my future
- Not focusing on healing 24/7 and instead loving life, regardless of whether I was experiencing symptoms that particular day or not
- Starting a new routine that made me feel like I had a new life and a chance to separate myself from past ruts
- Addressing all thoughts of doubt by reminding myself that my body will heal once its relaxed and balanced again
- Interacting with positive members who have healed and believed in my ability to heal, too
- Understanding that not everyone is going to have the same exact symptoms as me, and some of the symptoms nobody else appears to have experienced or at least discussed openly are still caused by emotions - despite a lack of available information
- Reading stories about individuals with "structural" conditions who healed or went into remission and realizing that the vast majority of them cited a fighting attitude and positive way of living
- Loving and appreciating myself, and expressing daily gratitude for everything that makes me happy
Healing is possible for everyone. Stay away from anyone who says otherwise, and don't take advice from naysayers. It's imperative that you do not take advice from members who are yet to heal themselves, and remember that someone else's struggle does not have to become your reality as well. Many of us have healed, and so can you.
I want to make it very clear that I do not agree with many of my earlier posts, specifically the ones that focused far too much on my Ehlers-Danlos, whether certain chemicals can aggravate "TMS," etc. I receive many messages from members who appear to have gone through my entire post history, and it's disheartening when they take every single word I've ever said as the gospel truth because I'm now healed. Please don't - I was very lost when I started to become more engaged on these forums, and my post history is far from perfect. I'm now of the belief that the mind affects the overall state of the body in ways we don't even comprehend just yet. I strongly believe that the mind plays a role in the development of many health issues, including a wide number of diseases that are considered structural and/or difficult to cure.
I went to some of the greatest doctors in the world. I've had almost every test you can imagine performed: small fiber nerve biopsies, MRI, sweat tests, tilt table test, neurotransmitter level test (urine), cortisol level test (saliva), Ehlers-Danlos genetic test, blood tests for autoimmune disorders, Doppler ultrasound, EKG, EEG, etc. These are only a fraction of the tests. I've come to realize that it's 100% possible to have every single symptom of a disease, but to not actually have the disease. This includes the neuropathy I just don't have. It's also possible to have a congenital disorder like Ehlers-Danlos, but for emotions magnify the symptoms by a million. Emotions can affect all the nerves and tissues in our body, creating endless symptoms. But stress-related symptoms are reversible, no matter how long you've experienced them.
TMS, conversion disorder, overactive sympathetic nervous system, overactive amygdala, central sensitization, functional neurological disorder, etc. These are all terms that ultimately point to the same thing - symptoms caused by emotions. Nothing more.
To sum it up, the trick for my situation was to go back out and truly live life again, without fear or obsession. Focus on a happy future, believe you're already healed, stop trying to be perfect, don't get too caught up in the whole "I have to analyze my entire life" way of thinking, and remember that nothing is permanent.
To the multiple members who reached out to me when I was struggling, thank you for your love and support during my darkest days. To the members who are still struggling today, I hope my story has provided encouragement to you.

 

[Graciejean]

Sorry, I should have proofread my above response better.....way too many typos!!