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How do you cope with knowing friends also have TMS?

Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by PussInBootz, Aug 4, 2016.

  1. PussInBootz

    PussInBootz New Member

    As I learn more about this I look around my friends and I see that so many of them are having their lives greatly affected by diagnoses that are more than likely TMS.

    When I trained in complementary therapies I used to try and help people by offering them healing and the like but they would reject it. Later on I heard that it is not polite to offer ideas and thoughts to people who are suffering with chronic illness. And yet I feel like I am holding onto something so wonderful that could help them reclaim their lives.

    I used to believe in leading by example but my TMS symptoms are not very life limiting. I have a touch of RSI, mild IBS, globus and vaginsmus... all of these I knew were triggered by emotional trauma/stress or I am learning are TMS but they don't outwardly affect my life... people can't see me recovering.

    I understand so many people reject the concept of mindbody but it feels like it is not even acceptable to offer the concept for consideration.

    How do you cope with having what amounts to an amazing secret that might help so many people?
  2. plum

    plum Beloved Grand Eagle

    Most people are pretty open to the idea that stress and our emotions can affect our health so I tend to use these common understandings in friendly conversations. You can add a dash of neuroscience-lite if you like. I've found people find it easier to grasp and accept scientific concepts than the psychological warm fuzzies. Neuroscience also shifts issues like blame and responsibility that can get a bit messy in the personal, psychological realm. All those defence mechanisms!

    Mostly though it is best to lead by example. Everyone adores a warm, calm and centred person, someone whose nervous system is peacefully parasympathetic dominant. It soothes those in its presence and demonstrates the possibility of true healing in ways words never can and never will.
  3. Gigi

    Gigi Well known member

    Well said, as always, Plum.
    plum likes this.
  4. PussInBootz

    PussInBootz New Member

    So how do you start the conversation?

    I have one friend who has recently been diagnosed with CFS. She's not really open to many non-doctor orientated things, although she has started getting reiki. Where do you start?

    "Hey, I've been thinking about your CFS. I've been reading this great book by a medical doctor who has discovered that your CFS is possibly caused by brain chemistry as a result of repressed emotions" ??

    From what I have been reading, offering this kind of interaction is seen by sufferers of chronic illness, as really rude and disrespectful of their journey.

    This is what I mean... people don't want you to offer advice unless they ask for it.. which I get... but when you learn about something like this it seems such a shame to keep it under wraps out of respect for their journey.

    I do get what you say though about if you come across as really calm and "together" people might ask you what your secret is... but my experience is, they don't. In fact I have had one person bully me simply because she didn't like the way I showed her how not "together" she is... simply by being me and getting on with my life.
    Plumcrazy and Ollin like this.
  5. plum

    plum Beloved Grand Eagle

    You don't.
    You let them come to you.

    It's an imposition to foist information on people. We are all learning and growing and the folds of this unravelling are unique to each soul. We do not have divine understanding of this.

    One of the recurring themes of TMS healing is learning to recognise and assert our boundaries. For many of us this also necessitates recognising and respecting the boundaries of others.

    You absolutely must honour their journey. If you don't you could cause more harm than healing.

    Don't take this the wrong way but are you possibly being a bit smug or conceited here? I say this because in my twenties I passed through a spectacularly annoying *spiritual* phase. I cringe to recall what a phony, self-indulgent and arrogant little tit I must have been.

    The Sufi's recognise spiritual phases of development and one early stage has been affectionately renamed The Mohammed Ali phase or ego-wanking. Be mindful of this. It does piss people off.

    Show, don't tell.

    Become whole, peaceful and loving.
    And people will gravitate to you simply to bask in your soft, beautiful energy. It is enough and is profoundly healing.
    Ellen likes this.
  6. PussInBootz

    PussInBootz New Member

    This is what I intended to do, but it hasn't happened. I don't plan on ramming this stuff down their throats, if they don't want to learn more when I mention the work I am doing on myself then that is up to them... but that doesn't stop me feeling like it is a real shame.

    It's quite interesting when someone starts a sentence with "don't take this the wrong way"....

    I was that person in the past, not driven by "ego-wanking" but a deep desire to help other people having found something that worked really well for me. These days I still have that deep desire, and if you got to know me (which I get is hard on a forum) then you will see that this is the case with me, but now I don't tell anyone... and that brings us full circle to my OP... it feels wrong to have found something as profound as TMS and have to keep it to myself out of respect for other people's journey.

    I fear you see someone in my post that isn't me... again, easily done on a forum, but sadly incorrect.
    I doubt it very much... I don't expect to ever get to a stage where people want to bask in my energy, it's not something I seek tbh, I simply want to work on my stuff and help others in the process.... maybe the fact that I don't seek to be seen as anything special hides any "beautiful energy" I have. As I said, my TMS symptoms are mostly invisible and some too personal
    for many people to know about... so how they will see me healing and want to learn my secret I don't know.

    And so I will have to accept that others are on their own journey and hope they too trip over the concept of TMS, while I watch them suffering wishing they would find it.
  7. Ollin

    Ollin Peer Supporter

    I think the best I can do is to plant seed ideas in them about the existence of mind-body conditions. People on their healing paths are trying different approaches to find a solution, but they do it on their own timing. If they are in a middle of some physical investigations they want to know the results from that before moving onto something completely 'out of this world' as TMS would seem to them at that time.

    I would just talk about my own experience (hey, they share about their health issues and so can I) and TMS approach, explain what it is and isn't (i.e. being crazy or hypochondriac). When the person is open they will get curious and start wondering if maybe there's some truth in it that might apply to them too... and so on. Leave a Sarno's book around - if anything it may give them a welcome distraction.
  8. TG957

    TG957 Beloved Grand Eagle

    PussinBootz, looking in the mirror at myself, I would suggest that it is a TMS personality talking in you.

    This is how many of us, TMS-ers, are: perfectionists, often not willing to accept the reality. That's how I tried to pass my newfound TMS knowledge to the people I care about the most: my family. My success rate was ZERO. My reaction was FRUSTRATION. Did it help anybody? Not really.

    It took me a while, but I accepted the reality. I no longer harp on my sister, who has a more serious TMS case than I do, because I know that it would only do more harm. I am waiting patiently for her to see the light. I am also working hard on getting better, because only by getting well via TMS approach, I can convince her by example. In acceptance of many things, our TMS pains in the first place, lies the solution.
    plum likes this.
  9. plum

    plum Beloved Grand Eagle

    Sweetheart, I'm sorry if my reply upset you. That was truly not my intention, and I do fully own any shadow projections. I was gravely harmed by certain people in the new age movement and in recovering from that I am white-hot on boundaries and such. Forest wrote a post concerning Joe Dispenza which highlights why I feel this way. My experiences were not with Dispenza but involve known, published authors and now I am incredibly mindful about separating any spiritual truth from personal agendas. Here is the post;

    http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/joe-dispenza-and-ramthas-school-of-enlightenment.11399/ (Joe Dispenza and Ramtha's School of Enlightenment)

    I guess the main thing that concerned me was the intimation of "coming across as calm or together" as opposed to actually being calm and 'together'. This is dangerous ground especially for TMS'ers who are essentially recovering from the harm their persona has created for them. TG touches on this in her reply above and Alan Gordon elaborates further here;

    http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/people-pleasing-isnt-really-people-pleasing.13281/ (Alan G. - People-pleasing isn't really people-pleasing)

    Our neurophysiological state is easily picked up on, especially by sensitive people. When I mentioned basking in lovely, peaceful energy I was thinking of a woman I know who like me is a carer (caregiver). She has an adolescent boy with autism and he is a ball of energy and noise and yet she is so serene and loving. It is a palpable energy and doubtless one hard won over many heartbreaking years. I admire the courage and faith of this, and the way it inspires the possibility that we can all cultivate equanimity irrespective of how harsh our circumstances may be. It has nothing to do with being seen as being special. It has everything to do with healing.

    As for the sharing of information and resources that may heal, I spent some time last week with a family member who has Alzheimer's. Given that I care for my partner with Parkinson's, I spend much time devoted to reading and researching healing ways for serious brain conditions. I came across a journal article that gives great hope to Alzheimer sufferers (for whom the prognosis is very grim), which heavily endorses the lifestyle factors I embrace for healing my man. Knowing how effective they are, I truly want to share them but am met with a brick wall. How much harder it is to watch someone decline into dementia than TMS. I have to respect their choice as deeply saddening as that is. (Lest anyone reading this wishes to read the journal article, this is the link; http://archive.impactaging.com/papers/v6/n9/full/100690.html (Reversal of cognitive decline: A novel therapeutic program - AGING Journal) or you can explore Dr. Perlmutter).

    You are quite right, it is very easy to misinterpret each other on a forum. Equally a forum can be a proving ground and for TMS'ers it can be a safe place to rough and tumble through and beyond our selves, our defences, reactions and patterns. I'm grateful to the people here with whom I have occasionally clashed swords because it is clarifying. From each exchange take what you need and leave the rest and from this I gather your gentle, healing spirit and return all good wishes that you may heal and be happy.

    Kind Regards,

    Plum x
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  10. Tennis Tom

    Tennis Tom Beloved Grand Eagle

    I don't proselytize about TMS, but if I encounter someone who obviously has a symptom, I'll mention how stress and tension can cause dis-ease. In my parts, all folks talk about is their aches, pains and afflictions--and the weather--religion, politics and sex are verboten--until they've had a few shots of top-shelf tequilla or half a bottle of fine merlot or chardonay. Over the years several people have come back to thank me for referring them to Dr. Sarno's books and "healing".

    I buy cheap used copies of the Good Doctor's books on Amazon to hand out to those I judge could benefit from them. I won't bother mentioning TMS to some people who obviously need their TMS for PROTECTION as Dr. Sarno theorizes--why would I deprive them of their defense mechanism protection? Dr. Sarno was selective of his patients so as not to waste the time and money of those he felt would not be amenable to accepting his TMS theory.

    I am generally seeing a slow acceptance of stress as a "contributor" to dis-ease, if not a major factor in causing it, now that traditional allopathic medicine has failed to solve the chronic pain epidemic. I don't get too worked up about proselytizing TMS, I'll make my pitch and move on--a few will ask, "How do you spell Sarno?" Some people really do want to get better--whatever works. Most everyone probably stumbles across Dr. Sarno by accident having tried and failed finding solutions walking the hallways of hospitals, and the aisles of Walgreens.
    Last edited: Aug 11, 2016
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  11. sam908

    sam908 Peer Supporter

    They'll often acknowledge the role of "stress" in triggering symptoms, but will usually add, "Yes, but in my case, it's really structural and only surgery will heal me."

    As I may have posted once before, the person who introduced me to Dr. Sarno's work a number of years ago, rejected his symptoms as TMS and chose to undergo surgery - - which did not help.
  12. TG957

    TG957 Beloved Grand Eagle

    Plum, thank you for sharing this article! This is such an encouragement to those who want to live through their last years happily and not staring into the abyss of dementia! I so much wish you and your partner to overcome your respective TMS (I am getting more and more convinced that all neurological illnesses are TMS).
    plum likes this.
  13. plum

    plum Beloved Grand Eagle

    You are most welcome my dear.

    Interestingly it seems that many people who develop Parkinson's or Alzheimer's have had a traumatic brain injury in the past (true for my partner and the gentleman with Alzheimer's) which may serve to load the gun but the crucial factor, the thing that pulls the trigger is often prolonged stress and awful emotional hurt (again, true for both men).

    This pattern recurs again and again both anecdotally and in scientific literature, and that leaves me with few doubts that emotional issues underlie the development. The naturopath who gave me hope that we could overcome Parkinson's insisted that anger and unfinished business were the root causes and fully embraced emotional healing within the lifestyle protocols.

    We've done such a lot of emotional healing but I guess some emotional bruises take longer to heal than others. How much easier said than done it all is. :)

    Perhaps the most incredible aspect of all is that the neurologist attending to the Alzheimer's sufferer told them the very best thing they can do is to be happy, relax and enjoy their life. It is the regret, sadness, bitterness and rage that cause neurodegenerative conditions to become rapidly progressive.
  14. TG957

    TG957 Beloved Grand Eagle

    Western culture is not good at acceptance - a lot for us to learn in order to lead healthy lives!
  15. lavendertealatte

    lavendertealatte Peer Supporter

    I'm really really struggling with this as well. I know some friends who I feel have TMS. It even makes me anxious (HM) when I hear about their symptoms because I feel like I could help them but I KNOW they won't accept what I have to say. I once got into this huge debate with one of my friends. She grilled me and I was really uncomfortable with the entire process, even though afterwards, she understood and in a way, somewhat accepted Sarno's theories. It took awhile though and it was an uncomfortable process, especially for someone who wants people to be happy!

    Lately I've been in contact with someone who has awful awful migraines. It makes me really sad. I mentioned Sarno to her, but have gotten no response. I know she has tried everything, but also know that the medical community is not embracing Sarno and there isn't a structured program that I know of that I can point her to. IF there was, that might help. I suppose I could buy a copy of a book (which one?) and just pass it to her.

    I don't generally talk about Sarno anymore because of the skeptics, but it bothers me a lot to hold it in. I have sprinkled in here and there that stress can be a contributor, as people understand the idea of tension, but many feel that if you are saying it is caused by stress, it isn't serious, and that is not what I'm saying at all! Oh I wish there was something I could do.
    The other thing is, I have been less vocal about TMS because although I had success healing my RSI, I have other issues I am dealing with, namely anxiety/depression/IBS, and it seems hypocritical then to claim that I am in the best health. At least, people wouldn't believe me because I'm still not really healthy.

    Interestingly enough, the Bible itself says that joy is the best medicine. My mother used to tell this to me a lot. I think on a fundamental level, she knew where my aches and tummy pains were coming from.
  16. lavendertealatte

    lavendertealatte Peer Supporter

    Also I have a question, of all the books, which one is the best one to give to people?
  17. Tennis Tom

    Tennis Tom Beloved Grand Eagle

    "HEALING BACK PAIN" is a good one. It has a good index and includes many of the equivalents.
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  18. Tennis Tom

    Tennis Tom Beloved Grand Eagle

    "HPB" is also a good choice because it's title does not allude to that the issue is likely psychological in nature, which unfortunately most of the population is not ready to deal with at this time. Since back pain is currently the symptom of choice for the TMS epidemic, as stomach ulcers were before, "HEALING BACK PAIN" will pertain to the greatest number of sufferers of the TMS demographic. In the last two days, I encountered three people randomly who were openly discussing their back pain, who I referred to the Good Doctor's books.
    Last edited: Aug 25, 2016
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  19. Gigi

    Gigi Well known member

    I agree with @Tennis Tom . HPB is one of the accessible books about TMS, and the fact that it's written by an MD gives it credence in some people's eyes.
    lavendertealatte likes this.
  20. lavendertealatte

    lavendertealatte Peer Supporter

    Thank you, I'll think about getting HBP though I have never read it myself. One of my friends is "kind of" interested, but says she thinks she needs someone to talk to her and explain things. I'm not really confident or able to do that myself, and I'm not sure of any people here I should refer her to. I have seen Dr. Schecter myself some years ago, but the visit was quite prompt and I'm not sure it would meet her need. I told her I would get a book for her.

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