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Hello Everyone

Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by laperson, Dec 30, 2013.

  1. laperson

    laperson New Member


    Just introducing myself and want to say thanks for being here to help! I do believe 100% I have TMS.

    I have noticed my back pain will be the worst when I am hit with some kind of news I don't know how to handle. I'm sure I will share more of my story on here with others as time goes on, so again thanks and good luck today with your journey.
    Eric "Herbie" Watson likes this.
  2. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi, laperson. I can understand that being hit with some kind of news you don't know how to handle can cause
    your back pain to flare up. I'd like to know more about what that news might be. Is it related to people, work, or what else? Often, current "news" or events can trigger anger or anxieties from our past. They remind us of an unpleasant situation or person we had to deal with when we were younger, even back to when we were children. The new event can give us pain because it draws us back to the original event or person and we have repressed the negative emotion that gave us.
    TMS helps us by giving us pain so we can spend time discovering more about ourselves and our negative emotions.

    While TMS can give us pain, it can be our friend in showing us the way to be happy and pain-free. That's what makes working on TMS so wonderful and exciting. We become a new person, a much healthier, happier person.

    So "news" that brings on pain for you means it is triggering something from your past.

    Steve Ozanich devotes several pages of his TMS healing book, The Great Pain Deception, about triggers. I recommend you read it and Dr. Sarno's book, Healing Back Pain, to learn more about triggers. Not "trigger points," which are structural, but "triggers" referring to current situations that bring past negative emotions to the surface.

    Good luck in healing TMS and let us know more about the "news" that causes you pain.
    laperson likes this.
  3. laperson

    laperson New Member

    Actually I am pretty nervous about most things I am a worry wort,
    I tend to think at any moment the floor is going to fall right out from under me.

    The first time I can't remember what exactly I was going threw but I know I was stuck in a weird relationship and wanted to escape.
    Being religious I didn't want to end the relationship because I felt it was a major no no (still do but I'm not perfect).

    I've had 3 major back fails since the first one and 2 involved having a pregnant partner.
    I never wanted children or actually I always wanted a family of my own but never felt able, not with my background.

    I have 1 child and he is almost three months old the last 2 back fails were all this year, one right after I found out my fiance was pregnant
    and another about 5 months into her pregnancy (3 months ago).

    Idk I'm just not that good with life, i'm pretty good with understanding how to do things in life but life as a whole i'm just not in to it.

    I wish I could just disappear in to the background kinda melt in to society and feel like i'm part of something but my anxiety makes me
    feel like i'm sticking out like a sore thumb. I definitely have a lot of suppressed anger, I just can't understand why I am not managing it correctly. I thought I was
    by understanding people aren't perfect and explaining away there shortcomings, after all there shortcomings are only colliding with my ethics.
  4. G.R.

    G.R. Well known member

    Hi, Laperson, That sounds like a lot on your plate. I don't think it is so natural for most of us to manage
    anger. I am not sure there is a right way to handle it. Please, don't be too hard on yourself if you do
    not feel like your managing your anger well.

    Journaling might help get the anger out. Just sit comfortably and write and try to feel your anger.
    I am always surprised at the repressed anger I sometimes have. I find that writing about it helps
    me let go of it. Even talking to someone about it is good way to manage anger. Is it possible to
    find a good friend to discuss about how your feeling about your fiance and the pregnancy.

    I was laughing when I read you feel like you stick out like a sore thumb. I can totally relate to that.
    I am trying to go with the flow until my subconscious gives up and relaxes. I am also trying to
    laugh more and not to be so bogged down with symptoms.

    Everyone has to find what works for them. It is often by trial and error.
    Hope this helps and encourages you.
  5. laperson

    laperson New Member

    Actually my fiance is my best friend and she has been so helpful with all of this. She was similar to me not wanting children and that was ok
    for us, we did not have a strong desire to be parents. Now that Jacob is here and even threw out the pregnancy I wanted him, we just never planned it.

    Although children can be a huge stress and we both know we have nieces and nephews of course they are tremendous joys. I think sometimes oh S*** I really fucked up it's only because of my back problems or should I say TMS problem and I want nothing more than for him to be safe secure and happy.

    Crazy thing is my fiance is having some carpal tunnel type problems with her wrist, I'm thinking it just might be the way she is holding Jake and maybe twisting her wrist she just started holding him without twisting her wrist yesterday so we will see if it goes away, should by next week is shes just straining it a little. Fingers X's

    Thanks for your reply's
  6. Alex Bloom LCSW

    Alex Bloom LCSW TMS Therapist


    When I see you writing things like
    it becomes immediately apparent that your inner bully is feeding you all kinds of negative information about yourself. Toxic messages like "I really fucked up" and "I'm broken, I could never be part of something, people don't want me" are downright abusive and underserved. If someone else was speaking to you this way, how would you respond? Would you speak to a loved one that way? Your pattern of self-abusive behavior seems very developed, as though it is a long-standing pattern. Have you always felt this way? It's important to remember that, as you acknowledge above, no one is perfect! I'm sure everyone on this forum can sympathize with feeling overwhelmed at times by responsibility and obligation. The problem is that you're piling negative messages on top of that stress which makes you feel even less able to manage.Your motivations are good: You want your family to be safe and happy and you want to overcome your symptoms. Your self-abuse is getting in the way of that.
  7. laperson

    laperson New Member

    Hi Alex,

    I agree my self abuse is well developed it started long ago when I found my ego getting out of control because of some popularity that I found myself receiving.
    It got me in all sorts of trouble and my head got pretty big then falling from the praise I found myself depressed so I decided to keep myself in check, unfortunately it has turned in to self deprecation.

    I feel like I want to figure all this out by tomorrow so I can move on but this I realize is a journey. I'm jealous with people in life that move so freely mentally and physically seemingly taking everything in stride. I have this picture of a man I'm supposed to be creating a warm atmosphere around everyone and they can feel the security of it. I've run in to people like that and admire it maybe it was just surface and momentary but it's what I aspire too.

    I am a do gooder and religious my anger is mostly towards injustice, I am outraged from many of the sufferings people go through and fearful that these reality's will land on my front door. I find it hard to accept some of the pitfalls in life and therefore I give up, give in and become stagnant. I'm wondering if I hold on to this pain as a way out like if I'm in pain I can use that as an outlet.

    Whatever all this is I need to get to the root of it or find another way to manage it because the past has proven this is not working for me.

    This pain is psychological.

    Is there a workbook or some kind of direction I can follow? Right now I'm just telling my self all day while feeling the pain that it is psychological not physical and it stems from my suppressed anger in my subconscious mind.
  8. Leonor

    Leonor Peer Supporter

    Hi laperson,
    The fact that you are here will help yourself, your partner and your child tremendously. You will be able to enjoy them more and understand all the insecurities we have when we raise a child and handle them better. There is a lot of literature in this website that can help you but I think you would benefit a lot from IFS (Internal family systems). It deals with the different parts we have in our heads, the inner critic, the inner child and the self (our balanced part) and how we can heal them. Take a look at the group listed for IFS. People will be able to help you there too.

    By the way, carpal tunnel is also tms.

    Good luck!
    Eric "Herbie" Watson likes this.
  9. laperson

    laperson New Member

    Hi Leonor,

    Thanks for the info I will get started with that, this tms is pretty crazy my tms is so so today I am keeping with the continual meditation that it is all a product of rage in my sub conscience mind. Rage seems to be such a scary word and well I guess I am afraid of anger only people I really trust will get to see mine otherwise it is held in until I blow my top. doesn't happen often at all and man am I suppressing my anger.

    I've managed to not show it for so many years I know now I would have been better off if I let it out at the appropriate times and in the appropriate way. Instead I just bottled it up and let everything slide, I believe it is coming out in my back.

    I got upset at my subconscious mind last night before I went to sleep and told it I don't want it to use my body as a tool for bottle things up, show me what your problem is so I can examine it clearly and then fell a sleep. My back does hurt threw out the day and I am trying to get over the fears of a major spaz attack.
  10. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Laperson, I take it that you've already read Dr. Sarno's Healing Back Pain, but if you haven't, I highly
    recommend that you do. He says anger is the main cause of our TMS and we have to spend whatever time
    is needed to learn what repressed emotions cause our symptoms. Some people learn their re's fast, while others
    need time and journal every day. Our anger or age goes way back to our childhood, Sarno says. Something
    recent may "trigger" a situation from our past.

    The new baby may have triggered something in your early years.

    But don't look upon TMS as enemy, but a friend, giving you pain so as to make you realize you need to
    discover the reasons for your anger.

    Also, I hope you can enjoy your baby. You're religious, so whether Jewish or Christian, it is God's gift to
    you and your partner.

    Being a parent can be a joy but also a shock to some. I never married or fathered a child, but my brother
    had four and told me once they were all "accidents." He accepted them and loved them, land he and his wife
    were wonderful parents, but it may have taken him a while to adjust to being a father, at least the first time.

    From your posts, reading about your low self-esteem and anger, it seems to me that you need to accept
    yourself more and also not worry so much. I know that's easy for someone to say, but think of it...
    what can you really do about the evils and injustices of the world? Just vote out the bad ones and give
    whatever money or time you can to help the needy. Donating even a few dollars to starving kids around the world can make you feel better about yourself.

    And again, since you are religious, are you seeking peace through the Bible or other religious books?

    In getting the most out of the TMSWiki forums, I also suggest you begin either the Structured Educational Program or Dr. Gordon's TMS Recovery Program.

    You also could benefit from joining the telephone call-ins on Tuesday nights (for more on that, see my post in
    the Announcements forum). The next one is January 7.

    You also may be feeling angry because it's the end of the old year and you may be worrying that the new one
    may be full of more worries. It may be, but we need to think positive, that 2014 is going to be one of the best years ever.

    I think if you cuddle your baby and enjoy its adorable face you will find a lot more peace and a lot less anger or worry.

    You're a new father. You're a very lucky man.

    Happy New Year!
  11. laperson

    laperson New Member

    Hi Walt,

    Thanks for the direction! I will check out some of those sequences and see what happens.

    Well still continuing with telling myself it is psychological and not physical, pain is still here.
    It is hard to keep placing it on the subconscious mind, I am trying to reason with it and let it know it need's not use my body to express itself.

    I noticed the pain moving around my body yesterday and the day before. A little bit in my legs in my upper back and knee. I know this is a sign that it is tms causing the pain and it's hard to get my head around the pain being real and my subconscious causing it.

    I was abused when I was little pretty bad although I try to suppress it and say to myself life is short and what is done is done there no going back. I feel like i'm to old to be reflecting on the garbage of my childhood but I guess in part it make a big part of who I am today.

    I'm planning on putting a couple of things in my journal and then read a bit more of the suggestion you kind people have provided.

    Thanks for your support
    Last edited: Jan 2, 2014
  12. laperson

    laperson New Member

    I've been doing the daily schedule for 6 days now and my pain rises and lowers in intervals. I am nervous and want this pain to just go away, I'm very discouraged because I have always had some form of anxiety/depression and feel like since I have these problems I am not strong enough to keep faith everyday or actually every moment.

    When the pain lifts a bit I will walk even down stairs as I live in an apartment building, I lift my child when ever heed needs comfort changing and feeding as I watch him when my wife goes to work. I had to quit my job because the pain although didn't get super severe the fear of being laid out in bed for 2 weeks straight has overcome me. If that happens then my wife will have to take off from work and I really don't know what we will do.

    I feel like my anxiety and pain are cyclical and I fully understand it and although my mind will wonder in to places where there's no trust in the diagnoses and thoughts like your different the people that have experienced relief are free because they never experienced this kind of pain or your just not strong enough emotional like others is going to keep you from getting better. <~~~ Consciously I advert and disbelieve these thoughts to get my sub conscience in line, some moments battling it minute by minute.

    Am I crazy? I've felt pretty lost since having back problems, I want to reach out to someone anyone who will give me there hand. I'm feeling so damn guilty about my wife having to do all the shopping all the going out and it seems compounding.

    I am scared
  13. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi, laperson. My dog (as you can see in the photo) is a lap person.

    You're not crazy. You just have TMS. You're not alone, believe me. I had it -- severe back pain -- and it took months to heal after I read Dr. Sarno's book Healing Back Pain. I resisted thinking it was 100 percent psychological, from repressed emotions, because I was 82 (last year) and thought at least 10 percent of it was from aging. So you have the same thought and you're much younger.

    Dr. Sarno sayhs it's TMS when the pain moves around the body. It means your unconscious mind is starting to get it,
    that you know it's giving you pain so that you discover your repressed emotions. You may have already learned what some of them are, so your unconscious is moving your pain around your body so you learn what the remaining repressed emotins are. You say you were abused as a child but try to repress it and go on from there. Going on from there is healthy, but I think you first have to forgive whoever abused you. That may not be easy, but it's very important so you can put it all to rest.

    Your pain also seems to be coming from anger and worry. Anger because you're in pain and had to quit your job, and worry because your wife has to work and she may be needed at home if you get worse. Worry is a stressor that keeps TMS pain in us.

    You sound like such a good, caring person. Don't doubt you're going to heal from your pain. Believe it and TMS 100 percent and you'll be a new man again.

    Don't be scared. Other people who post on TMSWiki are going through the same hell you are, and are healing. Others have posted how they healed.

    You want to reach out and take the hand of someone to help you. Take mine. Better yet, take the hand of Jesus.

    I had become a disenchanted Catholic because of politics and the pedophilia scandal. I read Pain Free for Life by Dr. Scott Brady and he suggested that besides the TMS mindbody techniques to healing, we should make our faith in God stronger and pray to Jesus to heal us. I sound like i might be a religious nut, but I really am just an ordinary Christian.
    I made my own private peace with the Catholic Church by tossing the ball back to God, and began feeling much better. I got that bad feeling or guilt out of me and began to feel stronger and better right away.

    If you're not religious, no problem. Don't let that keep you from praying and asking God to hold out His hand to you and heal you. He wants to. He loves you.

    Peace, and becoming free from pain, comes from within. You're a sensitive man, I can see that. You may be putting too much pressure on yourself in one way or another. Lighten up on yourself. Give your baby love and hold its hand.

    I don't want this to sound like a sermon. If the religious part turns you off, let it. Focus entirely on TMS healing techniques. God loves you, period.

    Post more as you feel like it. I bet others will also reply to you. We're like a family, helping and caring for each other.
    Last edited: Jan 15, 2014
  14. laperson

    laperson New Member

    Hi Walt,

    Thank you for the response it helped reading it and also helped me with restoring my faith a bit. My faith sure has been slipping and man am I a worry wort :/

    I do believe in Christ and sometimes just say it is Gods will not mine but I still try to push on and he will guide me and my loved ones. As I go to sleep and as I wake I've noticed I'm thinking about things differently like emotions coming up and I'm allowing myself to try at least to feel the emotions instead of repressing them.

    All this is new and pretty difficult but I want freedom more than pain and pity. Thank you for sharing your faith with me!
    Eric "Herbie" Watson likes this.
  15. Eric "Herbie" Watson

    Eric "Herbie" Watson Beloved Grand Eagle

    Ok listen, your revving yourself up with anxiety -- you have the power to control this. Listen to these Claire Weekes audios and practice them. Adapt them to the TMS Recovery program here at the wiki ok. First is the Claire Weekes audios --

    Then we have the TMS recovery program --

    Welcome aboard
    Bless You
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2014
    laperson likes this.
  16. laperson

    laperson New Member

    Hi Herby the audio is not working?
  17. Eric "Herbie" Watson

    Eric "Herbie" Watson Beloved Grand Eagle

    Try it now ok- thanks
    laperson likes this.
  18. laperson

    laperson New Member

    Great thanks, I'm continuing with the program on day 8 now beerbuds
    Eric "Herbie" Watson likes this.
  19. Chuck

    Chuck Peer Supporter

    Part of having healthy relationships with people is understanding that people are not perfect, but you also need to understand that your unconscious can have intense feelings of rage when you repress your emotions and explain away other's shortcomings. The key, which Dr. Sarno wrote about, is to simply understand that when you are giving people the benefit of the doubt, there are intense feelings you are repressing.
    Eric "Herbie" Watson and Ellen like this.
  20. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    hi again, laperson. I'm glad you believe in Jesus and will ask His help in healing.
    I took a chance suggesting that, but I see you are okay with that.

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