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Going mad...is it TMS or a real injury?

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by Dennis_CH, Jul 5, 2019.

  1. Dennis_CH

    Dennis_CH Newcomer

    Hi all,

    I think I have TMS, but I am still not sure:

    2015:
    Suddenly my pain started while lifting (although with wrist braces) in my left hand and I suddenly was scared I will have pain during writing at university (I am left-handed). And so it came, I had pain while writing during exams. I tried a lot but it didn´t go away, and I was very fearful of my future. After university I started a job where I didn´t write, only type and the pain disappeared and I forgot about it.

    2017:
    I started besides my job a new study at uni and only after some pages writing I had pain. It didn´t go away so I stopped my study and in March 2018 the pain was away, when I forgot about it.

    End of 2018:
    My pain started again while typing in my left hand, but I didn´t buy into the fear cycle and it went away! At this time I was very distracted with travel, etc.

    April 2019:
    I had to click a lot with my right hand (I have an ergonomical mouse) and one day at the evening I suddenly had pain! I was very very fearful because 10 years ago I had an inury there...

    ---

    Since then I noticed:

    - Sometimes the pain in my right hand disappears completely and starts in my left hand (for example when I start to write with my left hand or I hit my left hand softly against the wall or desk).

    -> It switches many times depending on which wrist my fear thoughts are focused on! It´s crazy, when I click a lot with my right hand, it hurts but the left hand does not hurt at all. When I write or only carry a bag with my left hand, it starts there and disappears in my right hand!

    - Left hand: MRI (2017) clean, therapist said in 2017 I could go boxing and its pain memory, no pain while pressing on the hand

    - Right hand: Ultrasound (2019) clean, movements and pressure OK, doctor could not find anything

    - Back story: I am a very fearful person, I had severe anxiety from 2015 until 2017, I have signs of OCD, I put extremely pressure on me, I am a perfectionist, I am a people-pleaser and introvert, I had a very anxious childhood because my family was in a religious christian sect, I have bad acne on my back, my father died around the time I started pain while lifting at the gym in 2015, This april in 2019 I had quite a lot of stress before the pain started in my right hand...

    Otherwise, I work very unergonomically because I am consultant and only work with my laptop...

    Do you think it is TMS - I am still not 100% sure, because I work a lot and not very ergonomically, and I had this injury 10 years ago at my right hand ...

    Thanks a lot for your help!
     
  2. JanAtheCPA

    JanAtheCPA Beloved Grand Eagle

    Have you read any of Dr. Sarno's books? I totally self-diagnosed myself after reading The Divided Mind. But I've been a life-long believer (now age 68) in self-healing and in the mind-body connection, so for me, it wasn't a huge leap. After Dr. Sarno, I did the SEP (our free Structured Educational Program on the main tmswiki.org). Between Dr. Sarno and the SEP, I had 100% belief in my diagnosis, and with the help of a few other resources (listed on my profile) I was able to turn my life around.

    Remember, we aren't medical professionals here, and technically we aren't TMS diagnosticians, either.

    But off the top of my head, here are the important things I got from your story:
    - Some hand/wrist issues. The details don't matter (and to be honest, I skipped them)
    - Clean MRI and ultrasound - in other words: "they can't find anything wrong" (There is also a TMS book with that exact title, by the way, by another medical doctor, David Clarke, MD).
    - Your personality type and traits, including OCD and perfectionism - both of which will keep you mired and stuck if you allow them to.

    This is the point at which you have to ask yourself: "What harm can I do by assuming for now that this is TMS?" and perhaps "What is the time cost and the financial cost of reading a few books and working a free program, compared to what I've been spending in time and money to see all these medical and physical specialists?"

    You don't need 100% belief when you start out, but to be ultimately successful in this work, you need to get there pretty quickly. You also must be willing to let go of your old patterns of thinking, ignore the fear and negativity produced by your fearful brain, and commit with positive expectations, as well as plenty of self-love, to trying something completely different.

    Good luck!

    ~Jan
     
    birdsetfree likes this.
  3. birdsetfree

    birdsetfree Well known member

    In my opinion you definitely have TMS. From the anxious, pressurised childhood to the peaks of anxiety and classic TMS personality, this seems pretty clear cut to me. Also you have had negative screening on both hands and symptoms lasting long after a minor strain. Another indication for TMS is the waxing and waning of symptoms and swapping sides. So lots of evidence for the psychological not anatomical nature of your pain.

    Have you started the free program's on here: Structured Educational program and Alan Gordon Recovery program? These are great educators of TMS.
     
  4. Dennis_CH

    Dennis_CH Newcomer

    Thanks for your answers!

    As I accepted the TMS diagnosis and calmed down, the pain disappeared in my right wrist and then was in my left wrist.

    Then 2 days ago, unfortunately I hit my elbow against a wall. It was not so hard, but also not too soft. Immediately the pain in my left wrist disappeared.

    Now my elbow hurts although the elbow is not red, not swollen, it doesn´t pop, and it doesn´t hurt more when I press with my finger on it. Also my finger feel normal not numb. Because I thought maybe I hurt my ulnaris nerve in the elbow.

    Is this TMS again?!

    Should I go to a doctor again to check what this is with Ultrasound and MRI?! I cannot believe this hit has damaged my elbow so hard...

    Then the circle of preoccupation will start again, especially when the doctor says there´s something wrong...
     
  5. Dennis_CH

    Dennis_CH Newcomer

    Forget about my previous post, it just switched to my left hand again... hahah :)

    This TMS is a predator for fear!
     
    JanAtheCPA likes this.
  6. plum

    plum Beloved Grand Eagle

    God love you.
    So it’s going mad then ;)

    Seriously though honey, this is classic TMS and it’s brilliant that it let the mask slip for a while. Add that to your evidence sheet because it will slip up again, it’s the nature of the beast. In time you’ll even have fun with it but for now kick back and enjoy a small victory.

    Dennis 1: TMS 0

    Plum x
     
    JanAtheCPA likes this.
  7. Dennis_CH

    Dennis_CH Newcomer

    It´s an amazing thing, this TMS.

    After it had switched to my left hand yesterday, I heard a pop in my back (that´s normal, I often hear this) and suddenly it started to hurt in my upper back and 30 minutes later in my lower back. But I didn´t do anything instead I kept sitting and working and it disappeared. Then on my way home, suddenly my shoulder started to hurt.

    At home when I saw the wall where I hurt my elbow 2 days before, suddenly my elbow started to hurt again!

    Today it just hurt a little in the elbow. Then I saw someone in the train writing with a pen and just thought for second how my left wirst hurt so bad when I wrote during university and suddenly, the pain disappeared in my elbow and my left wirst started to hurt again.

    THE NOTION ONLY WITH A NEGATIVE THOUGHT can lead to pain! Crazy :)
     
    JanAtheCPA likes this.

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