Getting frustrated... had no arms last week... f*** you TMS

Dear friends,
Its been awhile since I've posted. I wasn't able to completely convince myself I was dealing with a psychological problem, because when I would increase activity with my arm, I would get a pain flare that would last for weeks, and I'd have to brace it. I also kept going to physical therapy, which I also recognize as an activity which reinforces this is a physical issue.
A problem-- my dr. diagnosed me with tendinosis in my forearm caused by being a massage therapist, and we have no TMS doctors that I'm aware of in Hawaii. Another problem-- the pain psychologist continues to reinforce to me I have a physical injury, even though when I first started with him I let him know of my history (unloving, unsupportive childhood, binge eating starting at very young age, migraines as a child) and 2 TMS episodes I had in my 20's. Chronic throat pain for 2 years, and unexplained shoulder, ankle and wrist pain for 8 months. Both were extensively medically looked at and finally my dr. said go take a mind body stress reduction class eventually I learned to stop focusing on the pain and it went away!
So when the forearm pain was down to pretty much nothing and I started making progress at physical therapy with strengthening it, my shoulder started acting up on the other side. Subtle but enough for me to address it as TMS and tell it to go away. It did for a week. Until the night of my 35th birthday a few weeks ago, after my teenage stepdaughter didn't even bother to wish me happy birthday, I woke in the middle of the night with shoulder pain. By the morning it was full blown hurting. The doctor diagnosed me with biceps tendonitis. Fortunately my right forearm was doing pretty good, so I just couldn't move my left arm at all. And then I tried opening a stuck lid on a jar with my right arm and got a pain flare. So I went last week with having no arms to use!!!
Thank god a few nights ago, I really started thinking about the connection of the shoulder pain and my stepdaughter, and the pain that was a 6/10 when moving the arm at all, vanished by the morning and I have full range of motion in that arm, no problem now haha victory TMS!!! F*** YOU!!!
Now, once again, dealing with the sharp pain in forearm, and I don't want to brace it again because its going to reinforce the idea this is physical. And the pain is strong this time!
I really wish in Hawaii we had TMS doctors/psychologists. I guess I'm posting this for support, because not all of me believes this is TMS. It would be helpful for me if I had an "authority figure" i.e. dr. or psychologist to reinforce to me that I'm dealing with an unconscious emotional issue. But I suppose Im just going to have to be my own healer for now.
Aloha,
Andrea

 

Hi there amarie, and welcome back! I really love your story and your self-awareness, and I'm here to assure you that everyone goes through these ups and downs, and that you don't need a TMS doctor to tell you that this is TMS. You know it's TMS. The fact that you can go from intense pain to no pain means it's got to be TMS.

Rather than specifically looking for a TMS doc, you might benefit just as much from psychotherapy with someone who fully embraces the mind-body connection, even if they don't know about Dr. Sarno. Any decent mind-body therapist will be open to Dr. Sarno's complementary theories anyway, because they are all part of the same continuum. Don't forget that Dr. Sarno, in his early research, realized that Freud himself totally believed in the mind-body connection, which means that mind-body theory has been around a long time.

So don't limit yourself - there are many different ways to recover, although recovery doesn't mean "cure". Those of us with TMS are probably going to be experiencing varying types and levels of symptoms the rest of our lives. I believe that everyone has TMS to some extent - it is simply part of the human condition and one of the weird ways our brains seem to have evolved. The key to physical and emotional health is how we deal with it when it's in danger of taking over our lives.

Wishing you all the best - keep reading, keep journaling, work on the SEP, try different things, and keep us posted! And above all, keep giving yourself lots of credit and love yourself for getting this far - you're on the right track.

Jan

 

Hi jan,
Thanks so much for your encouragement and thoughtful response. Some days just drag me down.
I too believe many people have tms, I'm a practitioner in the healthcare field and have seen people's symptoms transfer. Chronic migraines gone, then stomach ulcer. Golfers elbow gone, all of a sudden back and leg spasms. The mind is so creative.
I will get back on the meditating, journaling and just moving on with my life tms really has a way of sucking your entire being towards it. I guess what you put your attention on persists

 

Okay, that reminded me of one of my most interesting moments on this journey. A few months after discovering Dr. Sarno (that would be just about 4 years ago) I was standing in my bedroom, getting ready for the day, but feeling kind of down, when I suddenly had this experience of stepping back from myself, and "watching" my brain try to suck my emotional energy into a black hole. It was so tempting to let it go ahead, but I made a conscious decision to fight back, thanks to the techniques I was learning via the SEP and Dr. Schubiner and Alan Gordon and many others in this community. I fought back, and I won. What a revelation! But talk about weird...

Bottom line: this experience really taught me that I can choose to be in charge, or I can give up and let my brain do whatever it wants.

Keep up the good fight, and don't let your sneaky brain win!

 

From the TMS Wiki:

Via Internet or Telephone
Unfortunately, many people who think they may have Tension Myositis Syndrome (TMS) do not live in an area served by any TMS professionals. Luckily, some TMS professionals are able to provide services over the internet or telephone. Although diagnosis can't be performed over the internet or telephone and distance can provide a significant barrier to psychotherapy, the following people provide coaching and other services to people who aren't able to travel to meet a provider face to face. More information can be found in our page on Structured TMS recovery programs.

Physicians - available via internet or telephone

• David Schechter, MD Available via Internet Video services (i.e. Skype). Video treatment option for follow-up appointments only.
• Emmett Miller, MD Available via Phone and Skype.
• Roger Gietzen, MD Available via Phone and Internet Video services (i.e. Skype).
• Howard Schubiner, MD Available via Video.

Therapists - available via internet or telephone

• Frances Sommer Anderson, PhD, SEP Available via Skype and FaceTime for coaching consultations.
• Jeffrey H. Axelbank, PsyD Available via Phone. “Will do phone sessions in special limited circumstances, but not routinely.”
• Pam Benison, MA Available via Phone and Skype.
• Arnold Bloch, LCSW Available via Phone and Skype.
• Alex Bloom, MSW Available via Skype.
• Samantha Bothast, LCSW Available via Skype.
• Margaret Chan, PhD Available via Skype.
• Deborah Conley, LICSW Available via Phone. For consultations on a limited, case by case basis.
• Jennifer Denkin, PhD Available via Phone and Skype.
• Pamela Dobbie, LMHC Available via Phone and Skype.
• Robert Paul Evans, PhD Available via Phone.
• Sharon Farber, PhD Available via Phone. “It depends on a number of factors.”
• Susan Farber, MA, MFT Available via Phone and Skype.
• Arlene Feinblatt, PhD Available via Phone. “Only if I have met with the patient and they are then able to do the work of therapy to ethical and professional standards.”
• Hasanna Fletcher, LMFT Available via Phone and Skype.
• Kirsten Fliegler, PsyD Available via Phone and Skype. Requires in-person meeting first.
• Alan Gordon, LCSW Available via Video.
• Clark Grove, PhD Available via Phone. Requires preexisting relationship with client.
• Suzi Kimbell, MA, LMFT Available via Phone and Skype.
• Barbara A. Kline, LCSW-C Available via Phone. Not covered by insurance.
• Catherine Lockwood, MFT Available via Video.
• Daniel G. Lyman, MSW Available via Phone and Video.
• Gillian Marcus, LMFT Available via Phone.
• Brooke Mathews, LCSW Available via Phone and Skype.
• Andrew Miller, LMFT Available via Phone and Skype.
• Lisa Morphopoulos, LCSW Available via Phone.
• Therese Mortlock Available via Phone and Skype.
• Amber Murphy, MSW Available via Skype.
• Wendy Newman, LCSW Available via Skype for New Jersey residents only.
• Jessica Oifer, MFT Available via Phone and Skype.
• Colleen Perry, MFT Available via Video.
• Dan Ratner, PsyD Available via Phone. Initial in-person consultation required.
• Nicole Sachs, LCSW Available via Phone.
• Derek Sapico, MFT Available via Skype.
• Nicole Seitz, MS, LPC Available via Phone and Skype. Prefers to have an in-person session first, when possible.
• Eric Sherman, PsyD Available via Phone. On a case-by-case basis.
• Jill Solomon, MFT Available via Phone.
• Laurel Steinberg, PhD, LMHC Available via Phone and Skype for coaching consultations.
• Serena Sterling, PsyD Available via Phone.
• Catherine Tilford, MA, NCC Available via Skype. For Colorado residents only.

International Practitioners - available via internet or telephone

• Louise Levy, MA Available via Phone. Requires in-person meeting first. Phone sessions conducted through the SIRPA Stress Illness Recovery Programme.
• Jane Parkinson, UKCP Available via Phone and Skype.
• Nicholas Straiton, MBBS Available via Phone.

Additional Practitioners - available via internet or telephone
Currently, all additional practitioners listed are able to conduct sessions remotely. Click here to go to the Additional TMS Practitioners page.