Day 26 First Pain free evening in years

[zenyatta20]

Last night was a major break through for me. I had spent the day practicing loving kindness, meditation etc. I had a small argument with my boyfriend in the evening. Normally, I would have ruminated on this, would have remained angry, would have suppressed my emotions. I left the room, lay down and did deep breathing. I accepted that I can not change him and that I could change my own emotions. I allowed my feelings of frustration and anger to be present. Then I came out and had dinner. Strangely the pain was gone. It was gone. I proceeded to do some physical activity after dinner the normally would have left me crippled. I had no pain. It was amazing. Today I am still feeling good. I walked for 5 miles and meditated loving kindness practice. If I can be like this last night, I can continue to be like this in the future. The fear is diminshing. Since my family doesn't understand and I am going through this quietly by myself, I thought I would share it here.

 

[ssxl4000]

That's great news! I recommend you keep a copy of this post on your computer, or hand write something similar in a journal. Keeping a record of my successes helped me further my progress. It's great to reread anytime, but especially if a symptom flares back up. Keep up the good work!

 

[Andy Bayliss]

Beautiful post to read for me zenyatta20! And great advice from ssxl4000!

This experience is a milestone, a huge piece in your journey, even if it is never replicated exactly again. It is a deep teaching!! I hope many read this, because I think it is an incredible snapshot into the inner workings of this TMS undoing process.

And many kudos to you zenyatta. In my experience it takes steadfastness and shows a very strong practice on your part to do what you did. To just hang out with the reality of things without the support of blame or self-blame.

I accepted that I can not change him and that I could change my own emotions. I allowed my feelings of frustration and anger to be present.

Truly inspirational! (I hope someone reading this could also think "...and I cannot change my own emotions" and see a strong beauty in this too.)

 

[Jim F]

That's great news zenyatta. Since you had a pain free experience once you can have a pain free experience every day for the rest of your life.....Keep meditating and deep breathing....I find it helpful to yell at my brain to stop the pain and that I know what its doing and why its doing and that its trick to cause pain so I wont focus on my repressed negative emotions has been exposed and that it pointless to continue causing me pain....I yell at my brain both out loud and to myself. If that helps.....Most of the people in my life don't know I have TMS because they wouldn't understand ...continue the great work...… We're here for you

 

[glennherriott]

That's really inspiring to hear. Hope you stay pain free