Feeling worse after doing compassionate enquiry (Gabor mate)

[Bonnard]

I disagree, it brings up a lot of emotions, but years later the emotions are still there, it brings them up well but that's not a good thing to do unless they release and there's no guarantee that'll happen

Its more unhealthy to connect and feel emotions than suppress them if the emotions don't release

Based on Dr. Sarno's writings, just uncovering and feeling the emotions can be enough because it can eliminate the need for our brains to throw out symptoms as a distraction. If we feel the stuff we're repressing, and we're fine, it stops that panic that we can't deal with that stuff at all costs.
(He often talked about feelings connected to rage and feeling that things are unfair or i'm being put upon--i should be able to do what i want).
Sarno talks about situations and feelings that can't quickly be changed or fixed (parents, folks with stressful but necessary jobs, etc.)

 

[BloodMoon]

I disagree, it brings up a lot of emotions, but years later the emotions are still there, it brings them up well but that's not a good thing to do unless they release and there's no guarantee that'll happen

Its more unhealthy to connect and feel emotions than suppress them if the emotions don't release

Whether you personally agree or not, I second what Bonnard says in reply to you above. I’ve found that simply uncovering and feeling emotions can sometimes be enough to shift things, but they can also carry information that calls for action. Anger, for example, can signal that a boundary needs to be set. Recognising and acting on those cues has helped me move from being bedridden for over 18 months — and housebound for many years — to functioning really well by comparison. I hope you find an approach that helps ease and ultimately release your symptoms, and brings you some peace. Wishing you all the very best with it.

 

[Lee222]

What if I feel stress but not an emotion like anger or fear, do I need to label it or just call it stress?

 

[Mani]

What if I feel stress but not an emotion like anger or fear, do I need to label it or just call it stress?

Just acknowledge that you feel something and pay attention to it — or even welcome it. No need to label everything

 

[Lee222]

Just acknowledge that you feel something and pay attention to it — or even welcome it. No need to label everything

Ok but then what? I can spend years doing that and feel worse?

 

[Mani]

Ok but then what? I can spend years doing that and feel worse?

If you feel like theres stress that gets in the way of recovery, then thats a reason to address and uncover the real emotions. Tms as a whole is quite a shaky construct. Its not all that clear what exactly it entails. Some things work for some but dont for others. Theres a lot of different takes on it by different people. Nicole sachs is big on journaling and dan buglio says that conveying safety is all you need.

What do you feel needs to be done?

 

[Rabscuttle]

Lee you’ve been trying various modalities for what sounds like years and have seen no success. I think it’s time to start thinking bigger picture than emotions and their repression. Who are you? What are your thought processes? How do you treat yourself? What does an average day look like in your head? What do you want out of life?

you’re missing the forest for the trees spinning your wheels looking for something that doesn’t exist.

you’ve been dealing with cfs for decades and your body is still kicking. I’m thinking there are some serious mental barriers going on, but I’m just a frog on the internet.

 

[Mani]

Im not gonna keep bothering you but i do think @Rabscuttle makes a good point.

Is there a resistant force within you that doesnt want to get better? What is it afraid of?

 

[Lee222]

Im not gonna keep bothering you but i do think @Rabscuttle makes a good point.

Is there a resistant force within you that doesnt want to get better? What is it afraid of?

There's no resistance as far as I know.

If theres anything I can do to get better, no matter how difficult I would gladly do it today, but I've no idea how to, other than feel my emotions

I don't actually find feeling my emotions difficult, it's very easy I just have never foind it helpful, it just makes me feel tired when I do, so I think it's pointless after a while

 

[Adam Coloretti (coach)]

From my experience and from what I've learnt, emotions are only repressed because they aren't fully felt. Emotions for the most part are supposed to be transient, but because we resist them/resist the overall experience attached to the emotions, they become stuck/repressed.

If you feel an emotion fully without resistance then it completes and there's no need to bring up the experience again (you still have memories and can bring those up if needed, but the emotional charge is gone). If the emotions/experience are coming up by themselves without your consciously doing it for the sake of memory (in that situations in the present are triggering you and are bringing up past stuff), then to me it's representative of the fact that it hasn't fully completed and you're still holding onto it.

 

[Lee222]

From my experience and from what I've learnt, emotions are only repressed because they aren't fully felt. Emotions for the most part are supposed to be transient, but because we resist them/resist the overall experience attached to the emotions, they become stuck/repressed.

If you feel an emotion fully without resistance then it completes and there's no need to bring up the experience again (you still have memories and can bring those up if needed, but the emotional charge is gone). If the emotions/experience are coming up by themselves without your consciously doing it for the sake of memory (in that situations in the present are triggering you and are bringing up past stuff), then to me it's representative of the fact that it hasn't fully completed and you're still holding onto it.

My emotions work differently, if I feel an emotion it doesn't 'complete' it just feels heavy, and it's still there weeks/months/years later,

I'm able to see that's making me sick but unable to do anything about it

 

[Adam Coloretti (coach)]

My emotions work differently, if I feel an emotion it doesn't 'complete' it just feels heavy, and it's still there weeks/months/years later,

I'm able to see that's making me sick but unable to do anything about it

Each emotion has its own feel and that's ok - I don't need to tell you that anger is unique to sadness. By expecting it to "complete" and saying it isn't doing so because it feels heavy, you're resisting it to me. Emotions are stored with pain so they are going to come up with pain. It seems that maybe you expect a different experience, completion doesn't necessarily feel good (depending on how much pain was stored) - if you're expecting it to be a pleasant experience then naturally you're going to resist that process when it isn't.

 

[Lee222]

Each emotion has its own feel and that's ok - I don't need to tell you that anger is unique to sadness. By expecting it to "complete" and saying it isn't doing so because it feels heavy, you're resisting it to me. Emotions are stored with pain so they are going to come up with pain. It seems that maybe you expect a different experience, completion doesn't necessarily feel good (depending on how much pain was stored) - if you're expecting it to be a pleasant experience then naturally you're going to resist that process when it isn't.

I'm not sure sure,.I'm totally fine with negative emotions, I don't expect to feel good, I'm fine with feeling negative, but they definitely don't complete or process with me.

I drink alcohol maybe once a month and that's the only release I get for a few hours, the emotions never leaves me, no matter how connected it healthy a life I live

 

[HealingMe]

I’ve noticed there’s a difference between feeling something and then checking on it or trying to figure it out. Maybe it’s less about needing to complete it, and more about letting it be there without engaging with it so much.

Maybe reflect on your habits and be honest with yourself.

Do you check if the feeling is done?
Do you monitor if it's still there after a release?

Are you ruminating over your symptoms from morning to night? I have learned ruminating essentially continues the cycle of obsession.

These are things you can unlearn with gentle compassionate work.

 

[GhostlyMarie]

Sometimes it’s not really about feeling the emotion. More often then not, it’s about showing your nervous system that feeling those emotions is safe to feel. Like negative emotions, they don’t feel good. Like you said they are heavy, they make you tired, that’s your body’s stress response kicking in. That stress response can trigger the symptoms. Heck, even happy emotions can trigger symptoms. I’ve had both instances occur because the subconscious brain cant tell the difference between happy stress and non happy stress. It just knows that cortisol is rising and responds to that. Old emotions are meant to be felt but they sometimes won’t leave you if they left a lasting impression; at that point, it really just is teaching your brain and nervous system that feeling that emotion isn’t a threat. As awful as anxiety feels, it isn’t an attack and it doesn’t need to be feared, avoided or repressed. You can allow it to pass and teach the brain that it doesn’t need to generate symptoms. It takes time for the brain to learn a new habit.

 

[Lee222]

Sometimes it’s not really about feeling the emotion. More often then not, it’s about showing your nervous system that feeling those emotions is safe to feel. Like negative emotions, they don’t feel good. Like you said they are heavy, they make you tired, that’s your body’s stress response kicking in. That stress response can trigger the symptoms. Heck, even happy emotions can trigger symptoms. I’ve had both instances occur because the subconscious brain cant tell the difference between happy stress and non happy stress. It just knows that cortisol is rising and responds to that. Old emotions are meant to be felt but they sometimes won’t leave you if they left a lasting impression; at that point, it really just is teaching your brain and nervous system that feeling that emotion isn’t a threat. As awful as anxiety feels, it isn’t an attack and it doesn’t need to be feared, avoided or repressed. You can allow it to pass and teach the brain that it doesn’t need to generate symptoms. It takes time for the brain to learn a new habit.

Okay but I feel overwhelmed 24/7

If I keep feeling this overwhelm it makes me feel worse.

I get that if I feel it and it releases I'd feel good but that doesn't happen.

I've had it since I was a kid so not sure what the root cause is

 

[Booble]

Okay but I feel overwhelmed 24/7

If I keep feeling this overwhelm it makes me feel worse.

I get that if I feel it and it releases I'd feel good but that doesn't happen.

I've had it since I was a kid so not sure what the root cause is

You answered your own question. "I've had it since I was a kid so not sure what the root cause is."
The goal is not just to be OK with your feelings, the goal is to FIND THE ROOT CAUSE OF IT.
You already have some clues. You've been feeling it since you were a kid. Now you have a time frame to explore.
Get your paper and pen and start asking your little self who you are angry at. Let the answer be whatever it is. It doesn't matter if it something trival.
"Johnny stole my batman!" Let yourself be mad, mad, mad at Johnny. Your mom probably told you not to be mad at Johnny. Good boys and girls don't get mad at their little brothers. But human little boys and girls DO get made at their little brothers. Let yourself be mad. Really mad. Phooey on Johnny. Phooey Phooey Phooey!
And then let the phooey fade off. I often draw doodle with little me holding a balloon with anger inside and the balloon floating away.
But before you send it off be sure to feel it and be mad and all the things you weren't allowed to feel back then.

Once you get out all your angers that you weren't allowed to have you will start to feel much better. Good luck!

 

[Lee222]

You answered your own question. "I've had it since I was a kid so not sure what the root cause is."
The goal is not just to be OK with your feelings, the goal is to FIND THE ROOT CAUSE OF IT.
You already have some clues. You've been feeling it since you were a kid. Now you have a time frame to explore.
Get your paper and pen and start asking your little self who you are angry at. Let the answer be whatever it is. It doesn't matter if it something trival.
"Johnny stole my batman!" Let yourself be mad, mad, mad at Johnny. Your mom probably told you not to be mad at Johnny. Good boys and girls don't get mad at their little brothers. But human little boys and girls DO get made at their little brothers. Let yourself be mad. Really mad. Phooey on Johnny. Phooey Phooey Phooey!
And then let the phooey fade off. I often draw doodle with little me holding a balloon with anger inside and the balloon floating away.
But before you send it off be sure to feel it and be mad and all the things you weren't allowed to feel back then.

Once you get out all your angers that you weren't allowed to have you will start to feel much better. Good luck!

I feel intense anger when I'm near my mum but I've been aware of that since I first did therapy 20 years ago, it's never released though, it's still in me

I neatly punched her the first time I did therapy, but I'd have been arrested, I told this to the therapist and she seemed really offended

 

[Ybird]

When you feel like that, try punching a pillow or the wall or yelling (in private). Then stop and see how you feel, if you feel more relaxed or you have more energy.

 

[Booble]

I feel intense anger when I'm near my mum but I've been aware of that since I first did therapy 20 years ago, it's never released though, it's still in me

I neatly punched her the first time I did therapy, but I'd have been arrested, I told this to the therapist and she seemed really offended

There are so many answers right in this one sentence.
You need to punch the crap out of mom in your mind. The you that was you back then is still inside of you. Get a pen and paper and write it all out without restraint. It's OK to say/write, "I HATE YOU, YOU FUCKING BITCH. I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU." Even if you love her greatly. Toss the paper afterwards. It's not to tell her these things it's just to get it out. Our natural temper tantrums get suppressed. As civilized humans we aren't supposed to feel that way or act that way and yet at our biological roots we evolved to have anger. And while you are at it, you can tell that therapist to go fuck herself too.