Forest
Beloved Grand Eagle
Hey Everyone - The following are some posts from a thread on our old site. There were some really great posts in it, so I figured I would repost some of them here. The original thread can be found at http://tmswiki.wetpaint.com/thread/3307067/Fear+of+walking , but I would recommend posting any replies in this thread.
TMS-er said:I've had sciatica for 7 years and I know it's TMS as I have had a history of other psychosomatic problems. Also when it started seven years ago it was at the moment of worst stress ever-the day I saw my mum for the last time.
My biggest problem is walking. I developed a fear of it and, depending on how stressed I feel, I start getting tired and dragging the foot after 10 to 20 minutes. At it's worst I look quite disabled which makes it worse as I feel people notice it. I also, during these episodes, feel generally exousted and stiff (my back, shoulders and the affected leg). I tried thanking the pain, ignorong it, focusing on psychological essues etc. but it doesnt work. A month ago I started walking more regularly and noticed, with exceptions, that it perhaps (it wasnt entirely obvious) felt a little better. But then I stopped as I felt I was "testing" myself to see ho I'd do and was too concentrated on the problem and recovery.
I would appreciate any advice? How to deal with the fear? should I walk more to "spite" the pain or just when I need to? What should I tell myseelf befoe walking ao as not to focus too much on how I feel? I saw some suggestions to "accept and feel" the pain but this is so abstract to me .
flutterby2 said:I'm sorry to hear that you have sciatica and such problems with walking. I can only offer a few suggestions from my own experience of years of sciatica that has sometimes made walking difficult for me, but hope that may help a bit.
First - walking is almost certainly good for you and as long as your medical advisor approves, it is something it might well be beneficial to build up very gradually. Is there some way you could take the focus off doing it to 'spite' the pain, such as finding a purpose for your walks? In my case, taking my camera and looking for things to photograph along the way, is a help as it gives me motivation and takes my attention away from the pain. Is there something similar you could do that would interest you?
Second, if you've read a lot of posts on TMS, you may have noticed that some people benefit from 'accepting and feeling' the pain and thanking it for signalling something psychological to focus on, others do better with telling their pain firmly to go away or ignoring it. I think you'll need to work out (by trial and error, perhaps?) which is the best route for you.
Sorry I can't answer your questions more definitely but wonder how long you have been following the Sarno method and whether you are journaling? One thing that I find doesn't help at all is allowing myself to get exhausted as I've noticed that everything stiffens up if I do! So I'd recommend that you take it gently to begin with, set yourself miniscule goals, and build up gradually. Some people make instant progress but for many others, patience is key.
Forest said:I totally agree with Flutterby's advice. Everyone is different, but I've also had walking problems (though mine were in my knee), and I found that walking made it feel much better. If I were you, I would go walking because walking is great exercise and a great way to connect with people (of course, only if your doctor recommends). Bring along a friend or significant other and take some time to connect. Make it a regular thing, and my bet is that your subconscious will learn that walking isn't something to be feared. In Dr. Sopher's words, you aren't fragile!
I wouldn't worry so much about whether you are testing yourself. Just get out there and do it! That's what worked for me...
TMS-er said:Thanks Flutterby. I started reading Sarno's books in July and following his method straightaway as I saw myself on every page. The first book I read was Healing Back Pain and, as it suggests, I started with physical activity immediatelly. I think now perhaps too soon even though I felt there was progress. I felt I was testing myself to see it the method works and decided to give it a break. I am now reading his other book (Mindbody something or other) and this suggests waiting for a while for the facts to sink in. This is what you say too.
The other problem is the rage. I just don't know how to vent it and why there is so much of it.
flutterby2 said:As far as the rage is concerned, I found journaling was a big help - also expressing it to a friend (having first ascertained that she was willing to hear it!)
On another forum, Hilary mentioned 'Redirection Therapy' in this connection and I typed it into google and came up with a couple of related websites of that name - nothing new, beating the pillows etc, but I did find some useful tips in there..
Also, Michael Brown, author of The Presence Process, says to 'feel it to heal it' - and that anger when really felt, often gives way to sobbing, which I, personally, generally find is a brilliant 'painkiller'!
Just had another thought - you might want to look into The Pear Process, which is listed on the Books & DVDs page. It's all about releasing anger and moving on to forgiveness and acceptance. There's also a thread discussing it on this forum that you might like to take a look at.
TMS-er said:Thanks for your advice. I am finishin sarno's book, have started The Presence P and will look up The Pear P. next. I just read your profile and saw that, like me you have three kids, only yours are grown up and mine are 4y, 2y and 3m. Perhaps you understand where some of the rage is coming from despite the fact I live for them-bless their little white socks-I'll **&^)**($%"!! them.)))
On sciatica, everyone talks about pain but with me it's not really pain. Some perhaps in the back but much bigger problem is leg weakness and general exostion when I walk. Did you experience something similar?
flutterby2 said:I certainly can understand what a difficult time you must be having with your sciatica and three such young children! One of my daughers has three little ones, plus two older ones as well and she has intermittent problems with her back, some of which we think are the result of the fact that she's on constant 'red alert' and rarely gets any time for herself. You may be able to relate to that?
Also I'm sorry that some of my suggestions about walking may have been totally inapproproate for you in your position!
I'm not really in a good position to comment about your leg weakness because I actually had surgery after 15 years of increasing struggle and that enabled me to walk without problems virtually all of the time. Maybe someone else will be able to comment on this aspect.
I'm wondering what your doctors have told you and whether you've actually been diagnosed with TMS or whether it was a self-diagnosis. It's always helpful to have more information before giving advice - and no worries about the spelling - even though I've only just retired from teaching spelling![]()
Pandamonium09 said:Hi TMS-er
as the mother of a 5yo and a 6yo, I feel your pain in more ways than one!!
My back pain started before kids but became markedly worse after they were born. I told myself that having 2 kids within 15 months of each other and all the physical stuff of lugging them around had taken it's toll on my back, but in hindsight I recognise the stress that they contributed to.
As a perfectionist control freak, having 2 kids with IRON wills of their own was very stressful. I remember at one point I was trying to make them some supper when they were 18m and 2.5yrs old: I stood at the stove and I had one of them clinging to each of my legs crying/screaming because they wanted to be picked up!!! OMG, no wonder my back gave out. I ended up getting an office chair with wheels and used to zoom round my kitchen on it as I could no longer stand up or walk.
I have never suffered from sciatica, so I cannot comment on that but I can tell you that the fear of walking used to dominate my life. On my profile there is a link to my success story, it's long-ish but hopefully you can identify with some of it.
TMS-er said:I am seing Georgina in Yorkshire (after years of little result with NHS back specialists, surgeons, osteopaths, chiropractors, psysiotherapists...).
You are right about psyhological work. That's in fact how I realized it is TMS last year. I was having significant problems (panic attacks, depression..) saw a psychologist and left the apointment walking normally-no back pain or sciatica. Happened three times. IThe pain was back the day after but I realized that it's weird for purely physical problem to just go away like that. That is when I started reaserching psychosomatic back problems and came accross Sarno's work.
I have been journalling for few months and have seen a psychologist again. Found journalling useful at first but found that I was falling into a negative frame of mind where I was begining to hate myself. On top of that I was trying to come up with bisare problems and possibilities just to see if that might be the cause of the TMS. It was the case of "I'll confess to anything just don't torture me any more".
Pandamonium09 said:journalling can be very valuable, but it's not for everyone. There are more ways than one to beat TMS.
My approach was to look back over my life, identify topics that had been very emotional and then write about them, from my perspective and from the perspective of the other people involved. I wrote some pretty nasty stuff about some people. Then I binned the lot and concentrated on me and day to day stuff.
I think journalling can become a bit depressing: a lot of people spend a lot of time trying to find the one "ah-ha" moment, but it's not like that for most of us. So if after a while it's not working for you, stop and try something else.
You are like me in many respects, the title of this post "fear of walking" sums up my life for 10 years. Fear: it's awful, it's like ivy, getting into some weakpoint in the brickwork and permeating it's way through the fabric of the structure until it crumbles. It's a hard one to stop. Maybe we need to apply some systemic weed killer on the leaves, eventually it works it's way down to the root and kills the ivy.
We need to keep reminding ourselves we are NOT afraid anymore, there IS nothing structural wrong with us, and walking won't make it worse. So TMS can bugger off and leaves us alone. If we've got emotional problems we'd rather face them than be distracted THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!
These are the kinds of things I said to myself when I was starting my TMS recovery.
I am glad you are seeing Georgina, I am sure you will benefit from that a lot.
mizlorinj said:Fear can be truly crippling--literally!
Sciatica -- brings back memories. That was what the young (and cute) ER doc diagnosed me with when i first had back pain in 2006. He looked at me a few minutes and said "classic sciatica" well, thank you, I'm a classic! LOL Learned of Dr. Sarno after that and, well, the rest is history.
If you are stuck, journaling in a different way will help. I have found that getting the "stuff buried in there" out is necessary. After I vent, I always always end my journaling on a POSITIVE note. After I go through all the I AM FURIOUS THAT. . . sad, afraid, guilty, etc. I look for a nugget of wisdom. First, what is the sucky part of this experience? that it happened, that I didn't like it, I have to deal with it ever day, etc. Then: What can I learn from it? I learned to stand up for myself, I am ready to heal this hurt, I can put this behind me as it was in the past, I am free, I forgive this person for ME. Things like that. I have had journaling sessions where I knew there was more in there about a topic, experience, etc. but I moved on to something else and came back to it when I was ready. I know this method works. There are people and things that used to set me off; now they can be mentioned or if I see or think of them, I get NO emotional reaction at all. That is true healing. Takes time, yes, but it is possible.
I like Georgina's web site and she definitely has a lot of worthwhile things to say. Have you read her tips on Journaling?
You can get back to being pain-free and enjoying your little ones pain free! You need to believe this is true for you. Once we heal the emotions and change our thinking, our physical healing follows.
All the best,
Lori
mizlorinj said:You mentioned you are "testing" walking which makes me wonder if you're expecting to have pain. That expectation needs to be changed. Walking is natural and good for us.
I could not walk or sit much (back in 2006) as I got tremendous pain in the upper leg area (right side only) and had tingling and numbness in my butt/right leg. Dr. Sarno tested me by doing variou bending, standing etc. and told me there was nothing wrong with my leg, nerves, etc.
Good to keep reading Mindbody Prescription, etc. to allow the info to sink in. And think: Thanks brain for trying to protect me, but I'd rather feel the feelings and get them out, adjust my thinking, and be pain-free!
Also, keep in mind for journaling: Dr. Sarno says our "overflowing beaker" is 1/3 childhood issues (that continue to affect us as adults), 1/3 everyday stressors, 1/3 our perfectionist, overthinking, etc personality. So though it's not pleasant to relive the time of the girl who picked on us in 5th grade, or the time our parents were overly strict and didn't let us [do whatever], it is important to feel all that so it can leave us.
Best wishes for healing!
guej said:Panda: I was laughing so hard when you mentioned the office chair! I bought one too, except I called it a doctor's chair because it had no back and it had wheels. I wheeled myself through the kitchen and it was the only way I could cook for months! It became a problem because my two kids would always wind up spinning around in it and inevitably, crash! I am happy to say, the "chair" has been relegated to my attic. I don't even want to look at it anymore because it brings back such bad memories...
TMS-er: I have chronic pain in my buttock/groin/right leg. Any type of weight on the leg would cause more pain, so I basically sat on my a-- for months. After reading Dr. Sarno's books, I began veeeeery slowly to get active. I put on my sneakers and walked to the corner of my street. The next time, I walked around the corner, etc. I literally built up from a 5 minute walk, and forward. I was scared to death. Over time, I lost the fear. The one thing that helped was I asked a neighbor to walk with me so that I wouldn't be focused on the pain. She was an older woman who was looking for some exercise too. We worked our way up to walking for 45 minute walks. The best part is not just that I gained back confidence, but I got to know a wonderful woman very well. She recently moved and I will always treasure those walks that brought me back slowly to being me. I'm running now, which I still cannot even believe. Like I said, I started very slowly, and walked in pain, but before long, the walks became less painful. I know you have 3 little ones. My kids are school age so I walked while they were in school. Maybe you can go for a walk when your husband gets home, or otherwise arrange a time and find a friend to go with. You have take baby steps before leaps. That was a hard one for me to learn. I wanted to go from being couch-ridden, to being fully active again, so I took an all or nothing approach, which was not very productive.
TMS-er said:Walking seems slightly better (I think I am less afraid) but difficult to judge as I am going through lots of changes (work, country, language, house) and the emotions are all over the place. I am having few new physical problems which are tms (knee pain-other knee, not the leg affected by sciatica, and occasional finger numbness) so it could be that the brain is realizing. I'll know when things settle down.
I am also reading the PP and, whereas I would normally try to distract my brain by giving it something to do, I am now letting it get bored, ponder, find emotions it suppressed and feel them. I am trying but at times it all sounds a bit to abstract.
Forest said:Glad to hear that you feel that you might be making progress. If you are making progress with one area and symptoms start popping up elsewhere, that sounds to me like the symptom imperative that Dr. Sarno describes... especially if you are having a lot of stress.
Do you know about our PP discussion thread? You might want to check it out..
flutterby2 said:I am a great fan of Michael Brown, although I think his 'Alchemy of the Heart' is much better than 'The Presence Process'. And Dr Sarno has apparently endorsed TPP. But I think it is as well to know from the outset that it is not a 'quick fix', especially not in comparison to Dr Sarno's books, which have 'cured' many people of their pain very rapidly.
About a month ago (Sept 5th) somebody asked about their chronic pain of 5 yrs duration on thepresenceportal Q&A page - you might like to have a look at what Michael Brown replied, if you haven't already. It's too long to quote it all here but this is just a snippet -
"I know you have pain now but in spite of this, do your best to focus on 'personal responsibility as a way of life' - rather than symptom eradication as a planned agenda."
I don't know whether others who have done 'The Presence Process' would agree, but I think it is different in some ways because Dr Sarno does focus on 'symptom eradication as a planned agenda'.
yogastar said:Nine years ago when my backpain became severe very quickly, I was unable to walk around the house without being in pain or sit down, I spent a lot of time laying down. I went to a private physio, who got me started on walks, first for a few minutes, then gradually increasing every week until I was doing 20 mins, after that I was advised to do two walks each day increasing in length in the same manner. Amazingly I was able to do these walks with the minimum of pain most days, and even now I try to do a walk most days, more difficult in the winter months, but I walk around the house more if I don't go out. Hope this might be of some use to anyone having walking problems
Richard said:TMS-er - - your thread sounds like you wrote it for me, about me. I'm currently dealing with the same problem.