Encouragement

Hi there,

I know a million of you will have wise words, as you’ve been here.
I’m discouraged

I get it, I have TMS. Frankly, I’ve had some form at different times in my life
Ibs, tmj, tension headaches, back pain, neck pain etc

in the past, I’d have something related directly to stress, ie IBS during exams in university
Headaches during a breakup

but for the past years, I’ve gotten stuck in a long pain cycle, that continues despite my hard work

My symptoms started with chronic daily headaches:migraines, and dizziness. I was diagnosed with vestibular migraine. fast forward past many neurologists, drs, physio, medications, etc etc
My headaches and dizziness are much better, but it’s moved to my upper back/shoulder
blade area
I know now it’s TMS !!

I know my childhood issues. I’ve done extensive counselling and spoken directly to my father about his drinking.
I know WHY my TMS cycle started, ie a difficult job and an aggressive child at home

I’ve read the books
I have the knowledge
I’ve done Schubiners unlearn your pain, Schechters Journal program etc
I see a TMS counsellor weekly

so can someone just give me hope that it can take TIME!

I am working on guilt and shame around my son that I discovered through internal family systems work. I didn’t even know I had guilt and I’m a very emotionally open person

but instead of feeling happy that I’m doing hard emotional work, I’m finding it hard not to lose hope because my symptoms just go on, and on

I work very hard at indifference and calming my brain. I work hard to say “you ARE doing the work” aside from “what deep thing am I missing ?”
As my pain moves around, or old pain returns, I try to say “keep going!” but my brain is more of the “so if I’m doing the work, and it’s still coming, what subconscious area am I not getting at?”

I think it might be that I’m just doing what I need to NOW….so my pain isn’t going because the work is still in progress

when I woke up with awful headache in the night (after many many weeks of none)
I was calm, I reminded myself that I don’t need to figure out why. This can also be sensitized pathways. Use some “Alan Gordon” avoidance behaviours, move on

but to be honest having pain/dizziness for nearly every day for years is exhausting. Oh tell myself I’m a warrior, I can do it.
but I’m a tired warrior

that’s all

I just need a story where its hopeful that you got better after some TIME, not a book cure

because that ain’t me clearly!

I appreciate any of your thoughts

 

hi peacefulpath: I am not "better" by any means (although have glimmers of improvement from time to time), so take what I say with a grain of salt, but from what I can see when people get better they seem to fall into one of two broad categories:

a) Those that "work hard" at it, journal extensively, dig deep in their emotions, childhood traumas, religiously take up various calming practices. This obviously works for some people. And yes for some it seems like it takes a long time.

b) The other approach seems more like just "letting go". Basically not doing anything beyond telling your brain that you are safe, and reduce or stop thinking about and fearing the symptoms. Simply know that you are ok and slowly return to normal life. This is a kind of "less is more" approach. There are success stories on here as well where people have basically said they did this. I.e just learned to accept their symptoms, went on with their life, and the symptoms went away eventually.

I'm not saying one or the other is right for you but you do mention several times in your post that you have been "doing the work" and working hard for years without much success.

You can look up Dan Buglio success stories on the odd chance you are not familiar with that resource, he is more in the "less is more" approach. The most recent one "Nick" from Australia, a guy who suffered from many really bad symptoms for years, tried journalling for a long time and it just made him feel worse, many other modalities. In the end seems like he attributes his success to a) somatic tracking, b) self-compassion, and c) being more mindful in everyday life (not necessarily formal meditation).

Hope it helps. Maybe you know all this. Hang in there.

 

From reading what you right I get the vibe that you are still thinking about your symptoms. A lot. Like maybe you are checking in with yourself each day, "Yep, still feel that pain.... hasn't gone away yet."

Hawaii 5-0's description in point B is kind of critical even if you are going about it via point A. That is, knowing that you are physically OK so that you can stop giving the symptoms a second thought.....and then without you even knowing it one day you realize, "hey, that pain is gone and I didn't even notice!"

 

I agree with hawaii_five0,

There are two possible ways: active vs passive, so doing vs not doing

1) active (doing): journaling, meditating, counseling, breathing, relaxing, reading, coaching,....

2) passive (not doing): stop doing all the above, and/but specially, I repeat SPECIALLY, stop doing all you (your mind!) do in a unconscious, involuntary, learned, automatic way : fearing, worring, panicking, obsessing, enraging, catastrophizing, complaining, victimizing, self-blaming,...

It goes without saying that to stop journaling, meditating, counseling, breathing, relaxing, reading, coaching,...... is by far, BY FAR, easier that to stop our unconscious, involuntary, learned, automatic mental activity.
So, paradoxically, to stop doing some mental activity requieres our active, conscious, voluntary, firm, determined commitment, perseverance and patience.
Not easy, but neither impossible !
M.

 

Thank you !
I should have said I also work hard at that part….the letting go

Like I do my emotional work and then I go about my day and get on with life. Find joyful, things despite being in pain.

I understand exactly what you are saying. I have done those workbooks and journal notebooks in the past. I don’t read books, or journal unless I need to now.

It can be hard sometimes because some literature, doctors, etc say it will continue until you get to the emotional piece
And some stress more of letting go approach

I think maybe people need to find which way works for them, one or the other, or a combo, maybe?

thanks for your advice !

 

I’d say I used to check in a lot and get down, yes. Now I notice which my TMS counsellor says is normal because you can’t not notice my back pain. But since it’s everyday, I just notice and move on.

I tell myself my back hurts a lot but isn’t injured and my daily headache /dizziness went away, and this will too.
It can be hard being patient sometimes on high pain days but I’m getting better at it

thank you for your post

 

Out of curiosity, on high pain days have you tried shifting your attention and giving special thought to your emotions on those days?
Asking your inner self, "what's up, dude?" And seeing what answers float from within?

Edited to add: I didn't see your first reply back until after I wrote this. Sounds like you have a pretty good handle on things.

 

@mbo, this is a brilliant distillation of the dichotomy inherent in this work.

 

@mbo Thank you for this. After reading this, it occured to me that doing and not doing is same it terms of where it is leading you to.

Any form of doing - you are introducing some doing, some action so that it reduces/recorrects already running unconscious, involuntary, learned, automatic stuffs

Any form of not doing - you just stop already running
unconscious, involuntary, learned, automatic stuffs


It seems for some people doing works, for some not doing works.