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I'm 33, male. Since 2007, I really started battling with anxiety, like bad.
It happened shortly after my grandmother died, and my wife and I just had our 1st child. Also, my boss was super mean, and a control freak. She'd call me late at night, telling me all my flaws etc. Back then, I thought this was normal behavior of a boss, because I used to know her before she was my boss. She was my friends mom. She was slowly, I feel, taking my confidence away.
Anyways, since 2007, I've been on and off medication. I used ativan a lot through those years. I finally developed an ativan tolerance. I was going through tolerance withdrawal without knowing it. It scared me to death. I had to go see a specialist, and he helped me ween off of my ativan over 2 months.
He gave me Remeron (Mirtazapine) to help with the withdrawals. It helped a lot. I actually liked the way Remeron made me feel. It gave me a strong appetite, which I lacked with having generalized anxiety, and it also helped me sleep good, and made me feel extra creative.
I knew though, that I did not want to be on medicine anymore. So I slowly weened off and have not been on any medication since 2013.
I suffered from some bouts of anxiety, that was bad here and there, but I was seeing a therapist, and I felt like I was recovering, and actually getting through anxiety without medication, for ONCE!
In 2014 I started working out. I was running every single day, and doing pushups, situps etc. It was a good routine.
Then all of a sudden in July of 2014, I noticed, while I was mentally feeling great, I noticed when I got an erection, it would hurt. My erection actually hurt. I could not figure it out.
I didnt worry about it at first, and thought maybe I pulled a ligament during sex or something.
2 weeks went by, and I still had erection pain, it was making me anxious at this point, so I went to the Dr..
My Dr. said he was not concerned, but said to keep an eye on it.
That very night, I went home and noticed I felt like I had to pee 24/7. My bladder HURT so bad! It felt as if I were holding my pee for hours, yet when I peed, there was no pee left in me.
I was also dribbling a lot after peeing in my boxer shorts. I even noticed my penis was cold and smaller.
I flipped out, and went STRAIGHT back to the Dr. the next morning. He was confused. He tested me for a UTI etc. and everything came back normal.
Just to be safe, he gave me an antibiotic to take for a week. I took the antibiotic with no change at all. I was in pain every second of the day. My bladder hurt so bad, I was scared my Dr. wasnt taking me seriously.
After 1 week, he called me, and was STUMPED that my bladder symptoms were continuing. He had me come into his office. He checked my prostate and said it felt perfect.
He then asked me, "do you happen to have any lower back pain?", I said "Now that you mention it, yes! I've been getting out of bed and stretching my lower back. It feels so TIGHT."
He said "I think you have tight lower back muscles that are pressing on nerves, sending false signals to your bladder, and also that would explain your erection pain as well." He recommended a massage.
Luckily my brother JUST graduated massage therapy school. He worked on me for almost 2 hours. I cried in tears after my first massage. It was a strange experience. TONS of emotions just poured out.
The bladder pain slowly went away, but the lower back pain kept coming back. I just got used to it in a sad way. Sitting hurt, walking felt a bit better. Finally I got so sick of it, I went back to my Dr. and he finally did an X-ray. The only thing the x-ray tech said was that I was born with an extra vertebrae, but that is actually common, and there was nothing wrong with my back indicating any pain. So I was clear.
My Dr. suggested massage still etc.
Slowly I started getting pain in between my shoulder blades, and traps/middle back. I could barely stand up straight, or type at my computer. It hurt so bad. I had to get a lot of massages again.
My brother said I had trigger points in my shoulder blades. He kept working on me, and then it finally diminished...
This cycle has been going on for 2 years now. I usually wake up with my lower back joints (feels like its in the sacrum) stiff as a rock, until I get moving, and my muscle knots in my shoulder blades are still bad. Sometimes I can be pain free.
But just a few months ago was the worst. I was hit with fatigue like crazy for 3 weeks, my muscles hurt EVERYWHERE. My forearms, my knee joints, elbow joints, low back etc. I FREAKED OUT. I had NO IDEA what was wrong with me.
My anxiety spiked so high. I went to another doctor who did a Lymes test, and it came out clean. She also did a Epstien Barr Virus test and it did show high numbers, but my Dr. told me that everybody has that in their blood stream, once they are an adult. I did some research, and it is true. We are all exposed to it at least once in our lives, whether we get sick or not.
At this point, I was so confused... my Dr. keeps telling me NOTHING IS SERIOUSLY WRONG WITH YOU. Yet, why all this pain??
Then I asked him "could this be my bodies new way of having anxiety? could it be settling in my muscles etc.?" he said "Yes. It can.".
I'm writing now b/c I'm still having issues... I want this SO bad to go away.
I feared fibromyalgia but my brother, chiro and dr. don't really think so. I don't have tender points, except when my muscle knots flare up, they can be tender. But generally speaking, I do not have ANY tender points at all etc. I don't have the bladder issues anymore, but ever since that first episode 2 years ago, at the end of my pee, I feel like I have to force really hard to get that last bit of pee out of me. As in that pushing muscle is weak or something. My Dr. is not concerned. I hate this.
Should I got back on a short term antidepressant and see if it eliminates my pain?
Does this sound like TSM with my past history of anxiety disorder?? Sorry so long!! I can't wait to get pointed in the right direction. Thanks!
It happened shortly after my grandmother died, and my wife and I just had our 1st child. Also, my boss was super mean, and a control freak. She'd call me late at night, telling me all my flaws etc. Back then, I thought this was normal behavior of a boss, because I used to know her before she was my boss. She was my friends mom. She was slowly, I feel, taking my confidence away.
Anyways, since 2007, I've been on and off medication. I used ativan a lot through those years. I finally developed an ativan tolerance. I was going through tolerance withdrawal without knowing it. It scared me to death. I had to go see a specialist, and he helped me ween off of my ativan over 2 months.
He gave me Remeron (Mirtazapine) to help with the withdrawals. It helped a lot. I actually liked the way Remeron made me feel. It gave me a strong appetite, which I lacked with having generalized anxiety, and it also helped me sleep good, and made me feel extra creative.
I knew though, that I did not want to be on medicine anymore. So I slowly weened off and have not been on any medication since 2013.
I suffered from some bouts of anxiety, that was bad here and there, but I was seeing a therapist, and I felt like I was recovering, and actually getting through anxiety without medication, for ONCE!
In 2014 I started working out. I was running every single day, and doing pushups, situps etc. It was a good routine.
Then all of a sudden in July of 2014, I noticed, while I was mentally feeling great, I noticed when I got an erection, it would hurt. My erection actually hurt. I could not figure it out.
I didnt worry about it at first, and thought maybe I pulled a ligament during sex or something.
2 weeks went by, and I still had erection pain, it was making me anxious at this point, so I went to the Dr..
My Dr. said he was not concerned, but said to keep an eye on it.
That very night, I went home and noticed I felt like I had to pee 24/7. My bladder HURT so bad! It felt as if I were holding my pee for hours, yet when I peed, there was no pee left in me.
I was also dribbling a lot after peeing in my boxer shorts. I even noticed my penis was cold and smaller.
I flipped out, and went STRAIGHT back to the Dr. the next morning. He was confused. He tested me for a UTI etc. and everything came back normal.
Just to be safe, he gave me an antibiotic to take for a week. I took the antibiotic with no change at all. I was in pain every second of the day. My bladder hurt so bad, I was scared my Dr. wasnt taking me seriously.
After 1 week, he called me, and was STUMPED that my bladder symptoms were continuing. He had me come into his office. He checked my prostate and said it felt perfect.
He then asked me, "do you happen to have any lower back pain?", I said "Now that you mention it, yes! I've been getting out of bed and stretching my lower back. It feels so TIGHT."
He said "I think you have tight lower back muscles that are pressing on nerves, sending false signals to your bladder, and also that would explain your erection pain as well." He recommended a massage.
Luckily my brother JUST graduated massage therapy school. He worked on me for almost 2 hours. I cried in tears after my first massage. It was a strange experience. TONS of emotions just poured out.
The bladder pain slowly went away, but the lower back pain kept coming back. I just got used to it in a sad way. Sitting hurt, walking felt a bit better. Finally I got so sick of it, I went back to my Dr. and he finally did an X-ray. The only thing the x-ray tech said was that I was born with an extra vertebrae, but that is actually common, and there was nothing wrong with my back indicating any pain. So I was clear.
My Dr. suggested massage still etc.
Slowly I started getting pain in between my shoulder blades, and traps/middle back. I could barely stand up straight, or type at my computer. It hurt so bad. I had to get a lot of massages again.
My brother said I had trigger points in my shoulder blades. He kept working on me, and then it finally diminished...
This cycle has been going on for 2 years now. I usually wake up with my lower back joints (feels like its in the sacrum) stiff as a rock, until I get moving, and my muscle knots in my shoulder blades are still bad. Sometimes I can be pain free.
But just a few months ago was the worst. I was hit with fatigue like crazy for 3 weeks, my muscles hurt EVERYWHERE. My forearms, my knee joints, elbow joints, low back etc. I FREAKED OUT. I had NO IDEA what was wrong with me.
My anxiety spiked so high. I went to another doctor who did a Lymes test, and it came out clean. She also did a Epstien Barr Virus test and it did show high numbers, but my Dr. told me that everybody has that in their blood stream, once they are an adult. I did some research, and it is true. We are all exposed to it at least once in our lives, whether we get sick or not.
At this point, I was so confused... my Dr. keeps telling me NOTHING IS SERIOUSLY WRONG WITH YOU. Yet, why all this pain??
Then I asked him "could this be my bodies new way of having anxiety? could it be settling in my muscles etc.?" he said "Yes. It can.".
I'm writing now b/c I'm still having issues... I want this SO bad to go away.
I feared fibromyalgia but my brother, chiro and dr. don't really think so. I don't have tender points, except when my muscle knots flare up, they can be tender. But generally speaking, I do not have ANY tender points at all etc. I don't have the bladder issues anymore, but ever since that first episode 2 years ago, at the end of my pee, I feel like I have to force really hard to get that last bit of pee out of me. As in that pushing muscle is weak or something. My Dr. is not concerned. I hate this.
Should I got back on a short term antidepressant and see if it eliminates my pain?
Does this sound like TSM with my past history of anxiety disorder?? Sorry so long!! I can't wait to get pointed in the right direction. Thanks!
