Depression as the symptom imperative?

[julzibobz]

Hi all,

I need some help. I have been on a journey with TMS since this time last year, after discovering it for the first time. I realised my long covid had TMS elements, and many other symptoms I have experienced (including insomnia, anxiety, depression, IBS, etc) also were TMS. I have made MASSIVE progress since then, and have done a ton of emotional work with good success.

Since around August, some of my symptoms shifted. I noticed I was starting to get insane anxiety and even weird bouts of OCD, panic, and even pain in random places, which I had never had before. I knew this could happen because of reading Sarno's book and listening to Nicole's podcast - I felt armed. I continued using the techniques and managed to not buy in, and the insane anxiety has thankfully reduced.

However, I am currently absolutely stuck in the pits of depression. It came on gradually, I guess around September time, and it has just stayed. It sticks to my mind like glue. Nothing I do seems to be working. Right now I am pretty deep in, it just completely covers me like a blanket. I have had depression before but not this bad for a long time. I don't know what to do.
I had to fire my therapist for being rubbish/not knowing anything about TMS, and I don't have a new one yet. I also know I need to see more people. And I need to keep doing journalspeaks/emotional work to get rid of the depression, but I also just feel exhausted from the work, I have been doing it so long now, and I just feel like it's never going to be done. It is like the depression itself makes me so unmotivated to do the work I don't even do it. Even writing this post was a slog.
I have also had some pretty stressful life events, including my mum having a burnout (i live with her), which has brought up loads of old emotional trauma from childhood. I know the deep seated anger and upset about this is having an impact, but I can't completely remove it as a factor. I also need more social interaction and purpose but it is just so much I need to change I don't know where to start.

Is this depression the symptom imperative? If so how do I treat it using a TMS approach? I just don't know how to tackle it.

 

[Cactusflower]

Hello @julzibobz
This old post should answer your question: https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/is-depression-a-tms-equivalent.4711/ (Derek S. - Is Depression a TMS Equivalent?)

 

[JanAtheCPA]

Is this depression the symptom imperative?

Hi @julzibobz, and my sincerest empathy for this particular struggle. Yes, outside of the clinical types of depression such as bipolar, I have no doubt that it's a form of TMS, and it is a particularly insidious and evil form for which I see no evolutionary value at all, unlike the flawed functioning of the rest of the TMS brain mechanism.

My own experience with the kind of depression you are describing is really minimal, and of very short duration pretty late in life (although, actually, I think that depression in older people is not at all unusual). Nonetheless, in the interest of illustrating the mindbody component, this is my story of overcoming the last vestige of depression which my brain tried to throw at me (clearly as a function of the Symptom Imperative) after I started doing the TMS work - back in 2011! https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/doubt-following-visit-to-tms-dr.13626/#post-71869 (Doubt following visit to Tms dr)

 

[miffybunny]

I believe in this case it's just doubt hiding behind depression. There may be a conviction of some sort that you can't get better and that's what is truly causing the depression...this falsely held belief.

 

[JanAtheCPA]

I asked my TMS therapist later today what she thought of depression as a TMS equivalent and/or symptom imperative. She thinks it's as if our TMS brains are trying to get us to shut down and reboot - so that the depression will force us back into our "normal" mode of constant fear and anxiety.

 

[miffybunny]

I asked my TMS therapist later today what she thought of depression as a TMS equivalent and/or symptom imperative. She thinks it's as if our TMS brains are trying to get us to shut down and reboot - so that the depression will force us back into our "normal" mode of constant fear and anxiety.

Yes that makes sense! When our emotional reserves get depleted, we need to rest and rebuild them. When a person lacks belief that they will get better it often masquerades as depression or defeatism but it's more a case of being scared. I think depression comes in different guises and forms...just like anxiety , it's a cover for something deeper.

 

[SteveB76]

Hey. Sorry that you’re going through this. I’m also having a bout of depression that I believe to be a symptom imperative. I started this work a year ago, mainly to treat IBS symptoms. After great progress treating that, the past month I seem to be in a mega long extinction burst. One thing after another: twitching stomach, back spasms, knee pain, tingling hands, dizziness, pain when swallowing food. It’s not been easy, and there have been cracks in the resilience where I’ve had intense fear. But I’ve mostly stayed calm, not panicked, and held things together by doing the mind-body work. Once I see each of those symptoms for what they are, and my brain gets the memo… hey presto… another one takes its place. Right now, I feel depressed. Nothing major, which I’ve had before to the point of wanting to end my life, but a general feeling of listlessness. I’m no expert on all this, as it’s only been a year since I discovered TMS recovery work, but from everything I’ve read, listened to etc… I’m also seeing a TMS therapist… I have two thoughts:

One is that I’m simply feeling exhausted by it all. Like, yes, I’ve virtually overcome the fear around the IBS, and those symptoms have reduced drastically, so why am I getting all these extras on top to deal with? A bit like coming home from a long stressful shift at work, and having to do the washing up!

I also completely believe it is the brain trying to slow me down. I’ve read that depression is the mind’s way of trying to protect you. If you’ve suffered trauma, then by staying in bed, you’re not able to go out into the big scary dangerous world that your mind thinks it is. Fatigue is another tactic that does the same thing. So it’s not always pain… dizziness is another example. It’s your brain’s way of trying to make you sit or lie down. I know two people who have chronic dizziness, and they both say it’s strongly correlated with stress. So…. my brain has tried pain in many forms and is trying it’s luck with depression, because it will come with doubt… because it’s not pain. So I’m treating it as TMS… carrying on with my life… doing things, going out, having fun… even though it’s the opposite of what I feel like doing. I just want to be alone and sleep!

I hope this improved for you, as I see your original post was last year.

 

[Ellen]

When I first started doing TMS work, I remember that after an initial elation at the decrease in my physical symptoms, I became depressed. I think, for me, it was that many of the "truths" the work was uncovering were making me sad. It was a sadness that my TMS had masked, and which I was actually feeling for the first time. It was like a period of grief that I eventually moved through.

 

[JanAtheCPA]

I think, for me, it was that many of the "truths" the work was uncovering were making me sad. It was a sadness that my TMS had masked, and which I was actually feeling for the first time. It was like a period of grief that I eventually moved through.

Powerful explanation.

Sadness and grief = acknowledging, and (hopefully/eventually) accepting, the truth about reality.

And reality can be a bitch.

 

[Diana-M]

I have also had some pretty stressful life events, including my mum having a burnout (i live with her), which has brought up loads of old emotional trauma from childhood. I know the deep seated anger and upset about this is having an impact

Hi there,

As a longtime veteran of the battle with depression, my 2 cents is Yes, it’s part of TMS. Depression is a twin sister with anxiety, and they like to trade places. Just when you get one to calm down, the other will appear. I do not think they both will go away until you heal from TMS.

I also noted in your post the above quote, which would easily depress most people. So you might want to look under that rock. And don’t delay getting a new therapist. The times I have delayed between therapists have often led me to a deeper pit.

Keep up the fight! You have a lot of great insight going for you! And you’re in the right place here on the wiki.

 

[Ellen]

LifeQuality TMS in Brooklyn, NY, led by Dr. Rudoy—a psychiatrist with many years of experience in treating TMS therapy mental health conditions—focus on comprehensive treatment approaches for depression, anxiety, and OCD

This is referring to Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation and not the MindBody condition of Tension Myoneural Syndrome that this Forum discusses.

 

[JanAtheCPA]

This was actually a spammer who inserted a link. I'm editing your quote to change the link! And banning the account, of course.