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depression and tms

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by blake, Oct 29, 2014.

  1. blake

    blake Well known member

    Hi all,
    I'm having an issue I'd like to get feedback on please.

    A big part of my tms recovery has been about getting back out into the world especially on the job front. I've been making awesome progress in this respect: sending out CVs, attending workshops in my field, networking, setting goals and just generally being more pro-active. I should be feeling great, right? Well, I'm not. Actually, I'm more depressed than ever. I thought doing these things would give my life meaning and purpose, but I still feel so lost. There's a voice in my head saying: "See, I told you it wasn't worth it. You're doing this for nothing. Nothing will help. You'll always feel this way."
    This thinking pattern is one I know well. I have fought it my entire life. I am starting to consider the possibility that I may need antidepressants. I took them about 7 years ago for about 18 months, just before my neck problem started. They helped, but the side effects were really bad. I also saw a video by mindbody expert Dr. Clark who said he cured his patient's chronic pain by treating his depression with antidepressants. Has that worked for anyone here?

    The good news is that whenever I connect with this deep emotional pain, my physical pain vanishes - not that I had any doubt that this is tms. But I guess this is what my physical pain is all about: helping me avoid these feelings and then the depression is another tms equivalent helping avoid the deeper issue, which I'm seeing related to a lack of purpose or connection.

    Any thoughts?

    Thanks!
     
    Nattycakes likes this.
  2. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi, Blake. I had anxiety and was depressed a few years ago, brought on by a job that wore me out, and then I quit and that made me worry about paying the bills. My doctor gave me some Librium and it relaxed me so I was able to find another job and get back to living. But when I stopped using the
    antidepressant I had withdrawal problems. I don't recommend taking any anxiety or antidepressant medication. Instead, I've learned natural ways to relieve those symptoms. They are deep breathing, living in the present and not thinking or worrying about tomorrow, and finding ways to be happy.
    Laugh, even when there is nothing to laugh about.

    Keep at the SEP and journaling to discover the repressed emotions that are causing anger and that causes the pain. They probably go back to your childhood.
     
  3. Layla

    Layla New Member

    Blake,
    I highly recommend DIY CBT from The Feeling Good Handbook by Dr David Burns, there are other possibly helpful books too. It can be done in combination with EFT (emofree.com and other websites and Youtube videos)
    I'd stay away from antidepressants too... I know someone who has been put on antidepressants and then developed very severe back pain too.. I'm thinking these meds may 'repress'/eliminate the feelings even further (?) while not eliminating the root cause/s... and they have side effects yeah...
    It's great you started the job search again and I know it isn't easy... Even if you haven't gotten results right away, at least you're networking, being active, getting among people... Good luck & Fingers crossed for you!!
     
  4. blake

    blake Well known member

    Hi Layla and Walt,

    Thanks for your feedback. I tend to agree with you both about antidepressants. I solved my depression problem before through exercise, so I think I should start by increasing my visits to the gym. I guess what happens when I feel depressed is that my entire outlook is bleak and I forget that I actually don't feel that way all the time, or even most of the time. Depression is so sneaky, as is tms.

    I was actually thinking about going back to the Feeling Good handbook. I have it on my bookshelf. How convenient! Thank you for
    suggesting it.

    Thanks again for giving me your views. It means the world to me to be able to talk about these things on the forum.
     
    Layla likes this.
  5. Boston Redsox

    Boston Redsox Well Known Member

    Blake they are probably. All right about antidepressant but I was on my last leg and I went on them, medication effects everybody differently I tell myself it not a cure but a croutch to get me to the next hurdle...like you going threw the process my pain as gotten much worse. Deep breathing does help Walt but it just took the edge off.
     
  6. blake

    blake Well known member

    Thanks for sharing, Boston. Always feels a bit better knowing we're not alone in this struggle.
     
    Boston Redsox likes this.
  7. Ellen

    Ellen Beloved Grand Eagle

    Blake,

    I highly recommend Dr. Schubiner's ebook Unlearn Your Anxiety and Depression. Great information on depression as a TMS equivalent and how to treat it. It's available on Amazon.
     
    Nattycakes likes this.
  8. Boston Redsox

    Boston Redsox Well Known Member

    Ellen

    thx so much for the info….the only problem is that I am reading so many books I am getting so much info that I am overwhelmed?
     
  9. Layla

    Layla New Member

    Blake that is so great that you have cured yourself with exercising before and that you have The Feeling Good Handbook - I take it has been helpful before? I too often just 'forgot' about it, or thought it would somehow 'work' even without me working it! When in reality I almost always felt better reading it and doing the exercises!
    Just walks in the sun can be VERY helpful too! And limiting computer usage/phone/TV time.

    What also sometimes helps me is writing affirmations - so my mind focuses on good things. (Open-ended enough and what can actually happen seems best.) I keep meaning to write Gratitude Journal too (& forgetting it).

    As for purpose or connection: is there anything in the world that makes you feel angry and you would like to see changed? Maybe you could volunteer for a good cause or do something worthwhile on your own or 'as a hobby'... That might even lead to a job... Things to consider...
     
  10. blake

    blake Well known member

    Thanks Layla,

    I'm at the point now where I'm trying to find a balance between getting in touch with negative stuff I'm still suppressing and working on keeping my outlook positive with affirmations and so on. There's a fine line there that can be hard to see.

    Thanks Ellen about the reading suggestion. I had put that book on my reading list after reading your previous review of it. I appreciate it.

    My dark mood passed and it actually gave me the chance to get in touch with more stuff I needed to see and understand. I still feel a bit low, but I think that's normal. I put my finger on something extremely important in the last few days. I haven't figured it all out yet, but all I know is that when I wrote this truth in my journal, my neck pain instantly disappeared. I've said it before and I'll say it again: Dr. Sarno is a genius!
     
    Layla likes this.
  11. Layla

    Layla New Member

    WOW! Great to hear about a breakthrough!

    I like what you write about "a balance between getting in touch with negative stuff I'm still suppressing and working on keeping my outlook positive with affirmations and so on." Do share any tips on that if you have'em!

    I'm only on Day 5 of Educational Program and only just started journalling this way proper, but got distracted with many things (online) when writing - possibly because of not wanting to deal with 'difficult' emotions (and maybe it's all for good, cause it's really late here and it wouldn't be best to dwell on the negative too much before sleep), I'll continue journalling tomorrow... at a better hour ideally...

    For me it's a bit tricky, cause the pain only comes in certain posture with certain repetitive movements after a while, so it probably won't be as obvious as your aha! moment... Glad you had one though!

    Glad your dark mood passed! For me, it was a bit gloomy because of the holidays (Day of the Dead - visiting 6 cemetaries in 3 days!) but survived it well, we visited some relatives, good food etc. :) I've done some EFT at home, but don't really dare to do it in public. Also, I somehow seem to almost always stumble upon 'anger' after the initial round of EFT, not sure what to do about that? Journal on it? Try to look for causes and connections? I tapped some more and some causes and connections established themselves...

    Do you have some experience with EFT yet?

    What do you do with anger in the TMS program? Ask oneself 'how old are you' and what situation/context you can link it to? (That's what I tried to do and found it helpful, tapped on it and the anger decreased)
     
  12. blake

    blake Well known member

    Hi Layla,
    No, I don't know what EFT is. Hope it's helping you though. You mention that your pain comes with certain postures. Is that making it hard for you to believe its tms?

    I found the structured program extremely helpful in identifying my issues and getting at my repressed emotions. It took me about three months to get in touch with and accept my true feelings about a specific person in my life. Once I came clean with myself (e.g. once I stopped repressing my emotions about this situation) my pain started to recede and the anger and guilt disappeared completely. Now I see this person less and feel totally ok with that. Never would have been able to do that a few months ago.

    I still have bouts of pain and sometimes I do get depressed and impatient, but then I forgive myself and move on. It took me a very long time to get this way, so I expect it will take a bit of time to untangle it all.

    The balance I mentioned is this : I spend time getting in touch with whatever is making me feel bad and I let myself really feel it, without censorship. Then when I'm calmer, I reflect on it and try to see the bigger picture. The trick is not to get lost in the negative emotions (anger, sadness) and let them go. I don't always succeed, but that's ok.

    Hope this helps and hope you're having a good day today.
    Blake
     
    Layla likes this.
  13. Boston Redsox

    Boston Redsox Well Known Member

    Blake

    I know Everbody says depression is tms. But sometimes I wonder I been dealing with depression for a long time and I hate to say medication is what gets me out of it, I do not condon medications I hate them but with all the self help excersice which I do 5 days a week, nothing was doing it for me.
     
  14. blake

    blake Well known member

    Wow, redsox, you exercise 5 days a week. You're my hero! I go 3 times and when I manage 4 I feel like I've done something exceptional:) good for you.

    Exercise has always helped me manage my mood, but if ever that stops working, I would not hesitate to take antidepressants in combination with therapy. I still get down at times. I think I get stuck in the negative emotions that I am trying to feel and release to become pain free. Tms progress has not been linear for me - a lot of two steps forward, three steps back. But as long as I keep inching my way toward the goal, I guess that's ok, right?

    Hope you're having a great day. All the best
    Blake
     
  15. Boston Redsox

    Boston Redsox Well Known Member

    well if you count yoga as working out I do, lol I say to myself if I am home feeling discomfort I might as well exercise it does help with the depression. I am lucky I work in a family business because most days I am done by 1pm and just get get myself to do another thing but thats getting better.
     
  16. blake

    blake Well known member

    Of course it's a workout! I work from home, so I actually have the time to work out more too. You've inspired me, Boston Redsox! I will try to go to the gym more often.
    That's what I love about this forum: you just never know what kind of help and inspiration you're going to find on any given day!
    Thanks!
     
    Boston Redsox likes this.
  17. Nattycakes

    Nattycakes Peer Supporter

    Blake..

    Don't you dare take anti depressants.. If anything exercise. It's statistically show. To be just as effective.

    You are on the right path by recognizing those bad thoughts that you think. They are not healthy and they are not you. Watch them go by, and redirect your thoughts to things like... 'I don't have to figure it all out now'... 'everything is always working out for me' ... You need to meditate as well.

    Couple of things here with this depression....

    Have you done the dirty work with processing! After I got out all if my anger, I was really sad and depressed. But to me... Anger and blame move you up the emotional scale. Depression is a step back. Get those feelings out. That is why you are depressed..

    Also, you talk about your job and I feel that this is the root of some of this.. What do YOU want to do? Do you live yourself and believe in yourself enough to do it? You are capable of anything! Many successful business people didn't start doing what they do until they were really really old!

    It is never too late to follow your joy.

    Sounds to me like you need to process your past (TMS therapist perhaps?) and go with your heart with what you love to do. Noting else matters... Not all the money in the world will help you with that unless your following your joy. And if you believe this... The way will be shown to you!

    Good luck! Can't wait to hear about you not being depressed, pain free, and doing something that you love!
     
  18. Boston Redsox

    Boston Redsox Well Known Member

    Blake

    Natty cakes is probably right about anti depressant I am doing tons of excersice , I see a Therpist but I am going threw a lot , I needed to take them but that me feeling much better and able to deal with my emotions better and getting more out of therapy sometimes you need a little help tell yourself it not a cure.
     
  19. blake

    blake Well known member

    Hi nattycakes,
    Thanks for your thoughtful response. I think what happens with me is that when I'm processing deep pain I can get stuck at times. And instead of finding release, I stay in that dark place I was only meant to visit in order to learn from. Does that make sense? I guess this is why Alan Gordon says that trying to be your own therapist can be like cutting your own hair.

    There is also a feeling like: OMG, will this ever end! tms work is definitely teaching me a thing or two about patience.

    My depressed mood did end up passing and I'm very grateful for that. Soon after I got in touch with a very significant repressed emotion and I've been feeling much better since then, both emotionally and physically.
    Think I'll stick with the exercising and mindfulness, as you suggest.
    Regards, Blake
     
  20. Nattycakes

    Nattycakes Peer Supporter

    Blake,

    You got this! Depression and sadness cone a long with healing.. And I totally totally get the feeling of.. Will this EVER END?!?! You definitely learn a lot of patience :)

    LOVE Alan Gordon's analogy about the hair cutting.. It's so nice to have help :) it helps so so much! Stoked on your progress!

    It's so SO not fun to go through.. But you will grow in so many ways from all of this! :)
     

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