New Program Day 9: Somatic Tracking

[caligirlgonegreen]

i have this same problem. now that i'm sure (or nearly sure, i guess most people can never be 100%, and that's normal) that it's not structural, my fear is of the pain itself and i struggle with the constant battle of should i baby myself, or should i live my life? if i do the things I love, like certain exercises, i for sure exascerbate my pain. However, is the pain getting worse because of the exercise, or is it getting worse because I FEAR it will get worse from the movement, so it does? I think regardless of what is happening, we are so conditioned to fear the pain itself that it almost doesnt matter why we are fearing the pain, it matters that we DO fear the pain. we are conditioned to fear the pain. And why wouldnt we? It sucks!

This is 100% me. Let me know when you figure it out because I sure haven't.

 

[plum]

I have never felt more at home in my body than during my hot yoga. Strong, sexy, powerful, releasing, stretching, crying, connecting to every part of me and everyone. Then the pain took it. I felt like my body betrayed me. I felt like a prisoner trapped inside. I realize now that I only love my body when it feels good and looks good. My love for it was conditional. I want to love my body even when it doesn't look good or feel good. That's when it needs it the most, no?

I totally relate. All you describe is how I felt as a dancer and while there was a sacred dimension, I truly relished the sexy connected state. As you say, it feels so powerful and alive. I don't think there is anything wrong with that however to experience that and to harbour unconditional love sounds like bliss.

I love this quote by Martha Graham:

"The body is a sacred garment: it is what you enter life in and what you depart life with, and it should be treated with honour, and with joy and with fear as well. But always, though, with blessing."

I view this healing period as a deepening of the relationship I have with my body. I have passed through feeling that it was a betrayal and I have forgiven myself for judging it superficially and unkindly. It's how we grow.

My spirit is on the cusp of playfulness, the desire to dance again comes and goes only this time free of the bad memories and associations. It's a more complex, mature relationship. I'm quite excited by it.

Be kind to your body. It is ever loyal to you. It does everything for you, to keep you alive. Repay it with care and compliments and nurture this new relationship. Focus on your sensuality, that's a delicious healing path. You will recover and you will be a finer woman for it.

Plum x

 

[Cat Lady 13]

@caligirlgonegreen I too had to take care of younger siblings when I was a kid for many reasons. My parents were divorced and my mother was in and out of mental hospitals. The little girl never got to be a little girl. Now I am really trying to pay attention to her. I am a caretaker in my nature but now that my son is an adult he takes care of himself. And while my husband has an anxiety disorder which requires me to be somewhat of a caretaker I don't get too involved and try to take care of me.

For us TMSers it might seem selfish but it's important and the only way we can truly heal.

 

[Cat Lady 13]

@Alan Gordon LCSW
Just this morning I had a silly incident at work which I caused. It was no big deal but when someone mentioned it I immediately could feel the anxiety. Shallow breathing and next thing you know my sciatica kicked in. It was fine all morning. Paying attention to how I was feeling really helped me understand what was going on inside my head. I was worried people wouldn't like me because of the stupid in incident. I have been self talk and am already feeling better.

Thank you so much Alan for this program

 

[Wendyc]

I kind of did this the other day when I had the strong heart pounding in my chest up to my ears...racing racing (which I haven't had in a long time).. I just let it flow watched it go on and it went away but then it came back and I didn't do the technique and guess what I took the wrong road and made myself worse...

 

[L100]

This just doesn't work for me. I mean, I feel I can do it mechanically, but on some other level my mind keeps telling me "What do you expect from life? Just look at you sitting there thinking about yourself all the time."

 

[plum]

This just doesn't work for me. I mean, I feel I can do it mechanically, but on some other level my mind keeps telling me "What do you expect from life? Just look at you sitting there thinking about yourself all the time."

Actually that inner dialogue is a sign. It demonstrates how unkind you are with yourself. Also it takes time to assimilate the wisdom in this program. It's not as simple as reading about a practice, trying it a handful of times and then deciding it doesn't work. Recovery is all about learning to care for yourself and nurturing these disciplines.

Somatic tracking is the key to healing. It works especially well when combined with cognitive soothing. I cannot emphasise enough how important it is to make these practices your own. You have to be with them, really understand them, grant them time to become familiar, begin to recognise the many ways your ego will buck and fight against them and the many and varied manifestations of self-destructive behaviours you harbour. All these things take time, personal insight and commitment. To declare that something is not working after a couple of tries, a couple of days or a couple of weeks is a powerful lesson. No one else can translate this information into deep knowledge and understanding for you. Only you can do that. All we can do is try our level best to explain it in different ways and trust that one way, one day it leads to an epiphany. Every single person on this forum has been where you are. You can recover, all the tools and ways and means are here. You simply have to give your head a holiday and give yourself to the process knowing that it will be tough at first yet trusting that it gets easier.

 

[LEW]

This just doesn't work for me. I mean, I feel I can do it mechanically, but on some other level my mind keeps telling me "What do you expect from life? Just look at you sitting there thinking about yourself all the time."

It might be worth trying some positive thoughts out loud to yourself...... try for more than just a day or so. If you don't take care of yourself and reward yourself with praise no one else will. It starts with you. I was very skeptical at first but after several weeks of starting my day with "self-esteem" praise if feel more confident and capable...you deserve the time to think about yourself.

 

[shmps]

Here is my brief analysis on safety and signal.

Everyone talks about SAFETY.. "primitive brain not feeling SAFE". How does the brain know its not safe? It knows safety through body. Some sensation in body are deciphered safe by mind and some are not. In TMS, the sensations that emotions/feelings/people/behaviors/situations bring in your body are not deemed SAFE by mind. The more you get familiar with them the more your mind will find it safe. The tool to familiarize yourself with the bodily sensations could be cognitive, somatic, meditation, yoga, self talk etc.

BOTTOM LINE, when you have familiarized yourself with those sensations, the mind will not find them any longer threat full and will stop the danger signal.

I will appreciate your feedback on my version of understanding the 21 day program and more clarity on How does the brain know its not safe? It knows safety through body.

 

[L100]

Actually that inner dialogue is a sign. It demonstrates how unkind you are with yourself. Also it takes time to assimilate the wisdom in this program. It's not as simple as reading about a practice, trying it a handful of times and then deciding it doesn't work. Recovery is all about learning to care for yourself and nurturing these disciplines.

Somatic tracking is the key to healing. It works especially well when combined with cognitive soothing. I cannot emphasise enough how important it is to make these practices your own. You have to be with them, really understand them, grant them time to become familiar, begin to recognise the many ways your ego will buck and fight against them and the many and varied manifestations of self-destructive behaviours you harbour. All these things take time, personal insight and commitment. To declare that something is not working after a couple of tries, a couple of days or a couple of weeks is a powerful lesson. No one else can translate this information into deep knowledge and understanding for you. Only you can do that. All we can do is try our level best to explain it in different ways and trust that one way, one day it leads to an epiphany. Every single person on this forum has been where you are. You can recover, all the tools and ways and means are here. You simply have to give your head a holiday and give yourself to the process knowing that it will be tough at first yet trusting that it gets easier.

Yeah, I understand that. As I've been going through this day doing all that things that few months ago I couldn't( because I've actually done some progress) I realised that anyone that cares even little about me would want me to take care of myself. And I am supposed to care about me a lot, cause only I live in this body. I will be working on this. A lot. Too many wrong emotional pathways have I learned, my God.

 

[L100]

It might be worth trying some positive thoughts out loud to yourself...... try for more than just a day or so. If you don't take care of yourself and reward yourself with praise no one else will. It starts with you. I was very skeptical at first but after several weeks of starting my day with "self-esteem" praise if feel more confident and capable...you deserve the time to think about yourself.

I most surely won't give up! I truly believe we will get well, it just seems hard for now.

 

[caligirlgonegreen]

I most surely won't give up! I truly believe we will get well, it just seems hard for now.

Never, ever give up. Hugs.

 

[jessuckapow]

Holy shit... it's Vipassana.. that technique is 100% Vipassana meditation. My mind was literally just blown because when I was in my 3rd or 4th 10 day course in India I was sitting in the front and as the teacher was brining students up to chat about their experiences she said 2 things that were really profound and have stuck w/ me ever since -
1 - "pain is WONDERFUL sensation!"
2 - "when you are observing your sensations, without judgement, without craving or aversion and with equanimity, you are learning to love yourself."

I cursed her, and thanked her at the same time for the 1st profound truth but the 2nd never really quite made sense to me but still really resonated and actually sent me into tears but after reading this... I get it!! Jesus, Alan, thank you! I'm new here, been lurking for a few days and absorbing all the goodness of this site but I couldn't lurk any longer when I read this particular day's exercise and explanation! =D

 

[Lainey]

Alan, et al
I was re-reading your Somatic Tracking lesson this morning and remembered an experience I had many years ago (around the year 2000) regarding the Dalai Lama. He was giving audience in an auditorium that I was fortunate enough to get tickets to attend. Interestingly the expected full house for this venue was reduced to only about a third of the expected 1000 or so, so it was pretty intimate. My state of mind that morning was of anger. A close family member had done something that was very hurtful and I wanted to react to her in some verbal manner when I next saw her. During the approximate three hours spent in the presence of the Dalai Lama I listened to others questioning him and his seemingly simple, but beautiful answers to their personal questions. (I could have, but chose not to submit a question.) It was a surreal experience, very calming and mesmerizing. After the event, and walking to the subway station to make my way home I realized, with surprise, that I no longer had any anger and could care less about letting this person know my hurt, my side of the story, etc, because those feelings within me had transpired, as did yours after the event with the Dalai Lama.
Thanks for reminding me of this beautiful memory.
Lainey

 

[Ollin]

I'm going over the program again, to go deeper and discover what I missed the first time.
In the posts people talk about there being some video clip on somatic tracking, but I don't see it anywhere on this or past version of this page...

 

[plum]

I'm going over the program again, to go deeper and discover what I missed the first time.
In the posts people talk about there being some video clip on somatic tracking, but I don't see it anywhere on this or past version of this page...

There is a video on Somatic Tracking Part 2 (Day 10), which covers anxiety. Hopefully it's the one you're looking for.

http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/day-10-somatic-tracking-ii-anxiety-strikes-back.16540/ (New Program - Day 10: Somatic Tracking II: Anxiety Strikes Back)

 

[James59]

I'm on my third trip through these lessons, and I'm picking up something new each time. I'm also seeing how they all tie together.

Now a question. Can somatic tracking be done retroactively? Sometimes I'll experience new or aggravated symptoms that alarm me enough that I either forget to do, or don't feel comfortable doing, somatic tracking. Later that day I'll look back on the experience and realize there was nothing to be afraid of. At that point, does it help to observe the memory of the symptoms and watch it play out in my memory, or does somatic tracking only work in real time?

 

[LEW]

I'm on my third trip through these lessons, and I'm picking up something new each time. I'm also seeing how they all tie together.

Now a question. Can somatic tracking be done retroactively? Sometimes I'll experience new or aggravated symptoms that alarm me enough that I either forget to do, or don't feel comfortable doing, somatic tracking. Later that day I'll look back on the experience and realize there was nothing to be afraid of. At that point, does it help to observe the memory of the symptoms and watch it play out in my memory, or does somatic tracking only work in real time?

Hi James,
I don't know the right or wrong answer to your question but that happens to me and when a new symptom comes up I just say to the new symptom, "ha, it's you bully, trying to scare me but it is only TMS. I know you will go away I'm not afraid and won't be bullied." It usually goes away quickly. But I'm still struggling with my old original symptoms which are more stubborn. But I will persist and will prevail. I'm glad people are still posting on occasion. Gives me encouragement. Be well. Lynn

 

[jessicaLee]

So speak to or listen to our anxiety instead of trying to distract it or run away? I think that is what I am hearing. I've always tried to keep busy so I wouldn't think about the pain but what I am reading here is that what I should be doing is just the opposite. Acknowledge my pain and listen to what it is telling me.
I am new here, my first journey through these lessons and I am really enjoying it and want to get somewhere. Having no response or reactions to my posts doesn't help with my feelings of inferiority, yikes. Not sure my posts are actually posting so if someone could just let me know that I am on the thread that would be great. Don't want to give up
"To quote you"It feels wonderful just to be checked in on. It can make you feel cared about and attended to, and can remind you that you matter in this world. But many of us don’t check in on ourselves, and this subtle self-neglect can actually have many physical consequences."

 

[LEW]

So speak to or listen to our anxiety instead of trying to distract it or run away? I think that is what I am hearing. I've always tried to keep busy so I wouldn't think about the pain but what I am reading here is that what I should be doing is just the opposite. Acknowledge my pain and listen to what it is telling me.
I am new here, my first journey through these lessons and I am really enjoying it and want to get somewhere. Having no response or reactions to my posts doesn't help with my feelings of inferiority, yikes. Not sure my posts are actually posting so if someone could just let me know that I am on the thread that would be great. Don't want to give up
"To quote you"It feels wonderful just to be checked in on. It can make you feel cared about and attended to, and can remind you that you matter in this world. But many of us don’t check in on ourselves, and this subtle self-neglect can actually have many physical consequences."

I Jessica Lee. I don't want you to feel no one is reading or understanding, so let me take the time to respond to you. I think we were all quite engaged during the active rollout of Alan's recovery program. Now I think we are all trying to reread, practice and implement what he has so kindly given us.

As far as my two-cents worth of input, yes, you don't want to run away from anxiety but acknowledge it, maybe do some breathing, consider what is happening and why you are feeling anxious (that's sometimes tricky), but in the end don't freak out about the pain portion of anxiety. So it's a challenging combination of defiance to the pain through empowerment, but relaxing and understanding what you are feeling anxious about (the emotions). Lots of self-talk seems to help as well. For me, the somatic tracking is very beneficial.

What I find to be most challenging is rather than ignoring pain, to say I don't care about the outcome. So the goal is to not care and diffuse the pain trigger in your mind. Hopefully, others will see our posts and chime in.

When I see a new post I typically at least try to read it, cuz you never know when someone will say something that really hits the nail on the head.

Read some posts by Plum....she said a while back - when you quit caring about the pain, then soon after it goes away (I'm paraphrasing). I'm trying to do that.....but it is hard. Be patient and Good luck, Lynn