Day 8 update post

[Crissyxox]

I'm on day 8 of the structured program. This is where I am at:

I've had a lot of successes resuming my physical daily activities. (Bending, picking my son up, moving without restriction, stretching etc). What I have noticed is I still have a lot of pain that I have to work through. I was initially hoping the pain would resolve faster (like every tmser I want results!) but I get that mobility is huge and I knew from the onset that my tsm was pervasive. It's going to take a lot of reconditioning. A lot of retraining my brain and body. And....that's okay. I accept that of myself. I'm learning to love myself and accept that I can't go into this recovery journey the way I got here. What I will say about my pain is that it's moving all over my body and doesn't stay in one spot long. I'm onto you tms.

I'm instead replacing my thoughts and fears about pain with self checkins. A lot of them. So many in fact that by 2pm I'm exhausted. But I get that's another distraction my body is trying to use. I just go on. Because I deserve this.

I'm learning to meditate. Yesterday I found a few moments of peace inside myself which I hadn't felt in years. I deserve to feel that everyday.

I used to think that the fight in me served me well, that it was my survival. I get it now. I didn't survive because of that need to do things perfectly. I survived because of all of my other wonder traits. The fact that I am loving, my strength, my ambition, the knowing I deserved something MORE than what I got from my childhood. Those things helped me survive. I'm my survival.

I choose to be powerful, not powerless. I choose to not be afraid all the time. I deserve that. I am safe with myself.

Warm regards.

Crissy

Ps. I attached a photo of where I meditated yesterday. Nature is incredible.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi, Crissy, What a beautiful place to meditate. Where is it? I love rivers, lakes, oceans. I meditate while visualizing myself back on my favorite vacations in the wilderness canoe country along the Minnesota-Ontario border. Very peaceful up there.

There are some very relaxing meditation music videos with rivers, etc., on Youtube. One of my favorites is from Okanokumo, a Japanese musician-photographer. His video "Relaxing Nature Sounds" shows a mill and stream that I like to meditate to. I also like the Chakra meditation videos on Youtube.

Your positive attitude and determination to conquer your pain and fears is going to heal you. I love "I am safe with myself."
And that you choose to be powerful, not powerless.

 

[Crissyxox]

Thanks so much Walt. You are such an inspiration to this forum. Thank you for bring so invested in everyone's journey. It's comforting to know there are still people who care about others.

This is a picture of Lake Ontario just outside of Toronto. You vacation in ontario???? Where are you from?

Thank you for commenting on my posts. It's means so much.

Crissy

 

[Andy Bayliss]

I enjoyed reading your post Crissy.

I'm learning to meditate. Yesterday I found a few moments of peace inside myself which I hadn't felt in years. I deserve to feel that everyday.

AAAHHH!!!!

When I began to walk without pain, I did just a few more steps each day. And in two months I was climbing mountains again. I suggest you just do what hurts very little if possible. Patience is nice....

Andy B.

 

[Crissyxox]

Wowzers. Did it ever help me to read my post today. Having a hard time with this weekend but I know it will be better tomorrow. (Hubs leaves for a business trip tomorrow. I initially " hurt" my back while he was away last year. I've literally conditioned myself to fear him leaving. We will be just fine. I know that but the inner me is FREAKING out. I think I will journal about that today....

Thanks for the thoughts you two. You guys are the best!

Crissy