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Day 8 - My TMS treatment up to this point

birder

birder

Well known member
I first read "Healing Back Pain" when I developed back following bike riding. Like everyone says, the book could have been written about me. And it resolved my pain, even though it took me many more years to put together the connection between the onset of the pain and what was going on in my life, which was that my boyfriend/husband was a serious cyclist and put a lot of pressure on me to cycle at his level. If I couldn't keep up, he'd get angry and disgusted with me, one time calling me "lazy." The pain meant no more cycling with him. Took me years to figure that out!
This is even more personal, but a few years later I suffered a miscarriage, and was devastated. My doc said to try again in three months, but right before the three months had passed I developed mysterious abdominal pain. Went through the whole medical gamut including a CT scan, with nothing found. I finally went to a naturopath and she said, "There's nothing wrong with your body. It's grief." And I started crying and thought I'd never stop. A few months later I was pregnant with my son.
 
It is amazing how empowering it can feel once you link the symptoms to the stressors. It is great that you are able to do that. I can definitely understand how the brain might want to "protect" you from putting yourself in a position where you could in theory have to go through the grief of a miscarriage again. I hope you are feeling well now!
 
Thanks, ssxl4000, I'm feeling pretty great! Putting together the TMS puzzle has led to a lot of head slaps and "D'oh!" moments. It's so obvious now - plus I had a great TMS therapist. I worked for several years as a real estate agent, a job I found incredibly anxiety-provoking because I could work my butt off and still have sales go bad. TMSers really like that sense of control, right? Plus I was getting a lot of pressure from my husband - now my EX-husband - to bring in the big bucks. A few years in I basically lost my voice. Had all sorts of tests that found nothing. Hard to sell real estate when you can't talk on the phone, so I got out.
 
Yep, yep....
I have changed my marital status and my career as a result of having discovered about TMS. It really is a blessing in that the pain caused us to get to a place where we couldn't sleep walk through our lives anymore.
I hated my job in the film industry, but it was the highest status job a manual laborer could get ....but when I left it (and Los Angeles) my marriage quickly disintegrated over the loss in money and status....One truth points out another. It was all painful, but I wouldn't go back and undo any of it. I also rarely get any symptoms any more....and when I do, they are gone fast.

Reading your story reminded me that a lot of people who come here and get stuck are still hostages on the ship, so to speak, and it is very difficult for them to get a glimpse of it, because our ego's (and the pain) are ironclad prisons...

...but if you pull that one loose thread....
 
I think my loose thread is going to be, "It's okay to not be the best, to be imperfect, to leave an item or two on your to-do list un-crossed off." Although the list thing is a toughie.
 
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