New Program Day 6: The Fear Matrix

[JBG1963]

Wow! The idea of all the different types of fear and fearful thoughts being one in the same and serving the same purpose is a serious "aha" moment for me. It's so freeing to understand the mechanisms that create this fear/pain situation. Now, to get out of the fear loop.

 

[Jax92]

For those speaking of pelvic pain, or I suppose anything else, I have genital numbness as opposed to pain, nerve pain, itching, sitting pain etc.
I believe this very well could be TMS.

I haven’t seen a whole lot of mentioning of numbness when it comes to TMS, and I imagine part of the reason would be because where would you feel or care about numbness other than in that region, as opposed to getting pain anywhere.

Feeling pain anywhere can trigger that negative feedback loop, whereas numbness just about anywhere else wouldn’t really cause much concern.

If anyone has any knowledge of TMS with this or other sexual issues, please comment.

I also have a tougher time with concentration and focus, along with energy.

 

[MigraineSky]

So we are actually living a "I am not safe epidemy". Wow. I can definitely use the video and visualize myself confronting the fears. I am the one!

 

[kim herwick]

Day 6: The Fear Matrix

Yesterday I gave you your first homework assignment: start paying attention to your thoughts. As you watch the activity of your mind, you may notice that certain types of fears pop up.

Perhaps some of them are pain-related:

“Is my pain ever going to go away?”
“Is it better or worse than it was yesterday?”
“Is this program really going to help?”

Perhaps some of them are non-pain-related:

“Is my boss mad at me?”
“Am I going to get enough sleep?”
“Did I accidentally like my ex’s Instagram picture?”

Regardless of whether these fear thoughts are about your pain, your job, or your social media faux pas, they all serve a singular purpose: they’re trying to protect you.

The Purpose of Fear

A few years ago, Howard Schubiner and I were talking with a producer about doing a reality show, kind of like “The Biggest Loser,” but with pain. We had an upcoming radio interview on the topic of pain, and this interview was going to be used to pitch the reality show to production companies.

This was a high stakes interview! If it went well, we could get the show, help put this treatment approach on the map, and achieve society’s highest honor – becoming reality TV stars.

To say I was nervous was an understatement.

The radio interview was scheduled for 11 AM. We were each supposed to call in to the station, Howard from Michigan, me from Los Angeles.

Around 10:40 AM, I had the following fear thought:

“Wait – is it 11 Eastern Time or 11 Pacific Time??”

I silently answered myself, “Relax, it’s 11 Pacific Time. You’re fine.”

Then about 30 seconds later, I was hit with another one:

“What if you get laryngitis and you can’t talk?!”

“What?” I thought, “That doesn’t even make sense.”

And then the fears just completely veered off-topic:

“Did you pay rent this month?” “Did you turn off the oven?” “Did you forget Megan’s birthday?”

I eventually calmed myself down, and we did the radio interview.

Fear thought after fear thought popped into my mind that morning, some of them related to the interview, some of them completely random. When your brain thinks that you’re in danger, it will scan the environment for threats. Like a zebra living in a jungle full of lions, your brain is on high alert.

Fear thoughts are our brains’ way of trying to identify potential threats. This is actually an effective strategy when we’re surrounded by predators, since it maximizes our chance of survival.

But you’re not a zebra, and there are no lions. Your brain just doesn’t know that.

The Origin of Fear

If you grew up in an environment where you didn’t feel entirely safe, your brain may have started scanning for danger early on.

There are many different factors that can lead to feeling unsafe:

Maybe you had parents who got angry easily, maybe you had parents who couldn’t tolerate emotions at all. Maybe you didn’t get enough attention, maybe you got too much attention. Maybe you had caregivers who were anxious themselves.

Maybe your family life was great, but you got bullied in high school, or had dyslexia, or moved around a lot.

Maybe your childhood was great, but as an adult, you were mugged, or got cheated on, or were traumatized by an earthquake.

Somewhere along the line, due to a sensitive temperament, environmental factors, or both, your brain got the message: I am not safe. And once it did, it started scanning the environment for threats, and your fear-thought habit was born.

Even now, you may be thinking, “Does this apply to me?” “Can I really change this?” “Do I need to know where the fear came from?” (Yes, yes, and no.)

To begin changing your relationship with fear, it’s important to not just watch the activity of your mind, but to decipher it.

Unmasking the Fear

The following clip from “The Matrix” is probably the best metaphor for deciphering the activity of your mind. Neo is finally able to see the matrix for what it is, and it frees him from fear.

You’re not scared because you have fear thoughts, your mind generates fear thoughts because it wants you to be scared.

Our brains have evolved to protect us, and when your brain thinks you’re constantly in danger, it wants you to be constantly alert.

And that is the purpose of these incessant, seemingly spontaneous fear thoughts: they are vehicles, a means to an end, a subtle and effective way to bring you to that familiar state of fear.

And while each of these thoughts seems distinct:

“Is my pain going to go away?”
“Will I ever find my soulmate?”
“Is anyone going to like my brownies?”

When you realize that all these fears are interchangeable – that they are simply brilliant little storylines to bring you from point A to point B – you can finally see the matrix for what it is.

​

Hey Alan, if I get this correctly, you mean those fear thoughts bring me from a calm, anxiety and pain free state - to the fight/flight/freeze state?

 

[kim herwick]

How do you convince your brain that it is safe?

 

[kim herwick]

Day 6: The Fear Matrix

Yesterday I gave you your first homework assignment: start paying attention to your thoughts. As you watch the activity of your mind, you may notice that certain types of fears pop up.

Perhaps some of them are pain-related:

“Is my pain ever going to go away?”
“Is it better or worse than it was yesterday?”
“Is this program really going to help?”

Perhaps some of them are non-pain-related:

“Is my boss mad at me?”
“Am I going to get enough sleep?”
“Did I accidentally like my ex’s Instagram picture?”

Regardless of whether these fear thoughts are about your pain, your job, or your social media faux pas, they all serve a singular purpose: they’re trying to protect you.

The Purpose of Fear

A few years ago, Howard Schubiner and I were talking with a producer about doing a reality show, kind of like “The Biggest Loser,” but with pain. We had an upcoming radio interview on the topic of pain, and this interview was going to be used to pitch the reality show to production companies.

This was a high stakes interview! If it went well, we could get the show, help put this treatment approach on the map, and achieve society’s highest honor – becoming reality TV stars.

To say I was nervous was an understatement.

The radio interview was scheduled for 11 AM. We were each supposed to call in to the station, Howard from Michigan, me from Los Angeles.

Around 10:40 AM, I had the following fear thought:

“Wait – is it 11 Eastern Time or 11 Pacific Time??”

I silently answered myself, “Relax, it’s 11 Pacific Time. You’re fine.”

Then about 30 seconds later, I was hit with another one:

“What if you get laryngitis and you can’t talk?!”

“What?” I thought, “That doesn’t even make sense.”

And then the fears just completely veered off-topic:

“Did you pay rent this month?” “Did you turn off the oven?” “Did you forget Megan’s birthday?”

I eventually calmed myself down, and we did the radio interview.

Fear thought after fear thought popped into my mind that morning, some of them related to the interview, some of them completely random. When your brain thinks that you’re in danger, it will scan the environment for threats. Like a zebra living in a jungle full of lions, your brain is on high alert.

Fear thoughts are our brains’ way of trying to identify potential threats. This is actually an effective strategy when we’re surrounded by predators, since it maximizes our chance of survival.

But you’re not a zebra, and there are no lions. Your brain just doesn’t know that.

The Origin of Fear

If you grew up in an environment where you didn’t feel entirely safe, your brain may have started scanning for danger early on.

There are many different factors that can lead to feeling unsafe:

Maybe you had parents who got angry easily, maybe you had parents who couldn’t tolerate emotions at all. Maybe you didn’t get enough attention, maybe you got too much attention. Maybe you had caregivers who were anxious themselves.

Maybe your family life was great, but you got bullied in high school, or had dyslexia, or moved around a lot.

Maybe your childhood was great, but as an adult, you were mugged, or got cheated on, or were traumatized by an earthquake.

Somewhere along the line, due to a sensitive temperament, environmental factors, or both, your brain got the message: I am not safe. And once it did, it started scanning the environment for threats, and your fear-thought habit was born.

Even now, you may be thinking, “Does this apply to me?” “Can I really change this?” “Do I need to know where the fear came from?” (Yes, yes, and no.)

To begin changing your relationship with fear, it’s important to not just watch the activity of your mind, but to decipher it.

Unmasking the Fear

The following clip from “The Matrix” is probably the best metaphor for deciphering the activity of your mind. Neo is finally able to see the matrix for what it is, and it frees him from fear.

You’re not scared because you have fear thoughts, your mind generates fear thoughts because it wants you to be scared.

Our brains have evolved to protect us, and when your brain thinks you’re constantly in danger, it wants you to be constantly alert.

And that is the purpose of these incessant, seemingly spontaneous fear thoughts: they are vehicles, a means to an end, a subtle and effective way to bring you to that familiar state of fear.

And while each of these thoughts seems distinct:

“Is my pain going to go away?”
“Will I ever find my soulmate?”
“Is anyone going to like my brownies?”

When you realize that all these fears are interchangeable – that they are simply brilliant little storylines to bring you from point A to point B – you can finally see the matrix for what it is.

​

I don't know what Alan would say about this but for me I think we can learn and unlearn any thing if we really want it to and act on it persistently. All of us were born innocent just like a blank piece of paper. Everything we know, everything about us we learned it, we acquired it from people and the environment around us. So try to pick good companies to be with, choose a peaceful environment to live in, follow the right teachers (Alan, Sarno, Steve, Weekes, ....) then start living a new life.
Think of "quitting" fear just like quitting cigarette or Alcohol. They are all habits we want to get rid of. It is not easy quitting something we live with for so long. But it can be done. Lots of people have done it successfully. Make a commitment to work on it and start to replace your bad habits with new and good habits. Day by day, one by one, chipping away your fear.... then boom, one day. One bright and beautiful day you will get there. Fear just melt away before you know it.
I used to fear everything just like you. What if this, what if that all day long. I couldn't eat many kind of food, I couldn't fly, I refused to drive over high bridge (and they are all high) or go through a tunnel. I afraid to open the mail. I worry about every body sensations I've had, fearing it is a sign of something bad is going to happen. .... I worry and fear everything. That was 15 years ago. And now, no more. I am fearless. I have walk the Golden Gate bridge. I Flew to Thailand and many other countries many times. I ate all kind of queer foods, just like Bourdain. I laugh at pain in my body....
You can do it Yael. I was the most fearful person on earth and if I can do it so can anyone.

 

[kim herwick]

I need help with loosing the fear. Some days I do better than others. One of my tms symptoms is that it has affected my balance alot so I am always in fear of falling. I now use a cane just to walk. Any suggestions you can offer would be greatly appreciated. I feel like I do not own my life anymore.

 

[balto]

Hi Kim, We are very lucky we still have legs and hand. It is not your body that is weak, it is your thinking. Please note that I didn't say your mind is weak. Your mind is very 'adaptable'. By habit and ignorant right now it just produce weak and fearful thoughts. The bad thing is your body agreed with your thoughts and start to produce the corresponding sensation. We keep putting trash in our mind and we got trashy result in our body.
Got to quit doing that. You have to start putting strong, confidence, and beautiful thoughts in your mind. You have to believe. And the most important thing is to practice and practice and practice being strong and believe you are strong. It will not happen over night. The winner is the one who persist, persevere, and stay on course.
Never give up.

 

[dede]

I live (and have always lived) in constant fear and doubt about absolutely everything- my mind rambles on constantly. Is it really possible to change this? I need help.

Me too! Living with constant fear. How are you doing?

 

[jml19]

I used to fear everything just like you. What if this, what if that all day long. I couldn't eat many kind of food, I couldn't fly, I refused to drive over high bridge (and they are all high) or go through a tunnel. I afraid to open the mail. I worry about every body sensations I've had, fearing it is a sign of something bad is going to happen. .... I worry and fear everything. That was 15 years ago. And now, no more. I am fearless. I have walk the Golden Gate bridge. I Flew to Thailand and many other countries many times. I ate all kind of queer foods, just like Bourdain. I laugh at pain in my body....
You can do it Yael. I was the most fearful person on earth and if I can do it so can anyone.

Thank you for posting this...it is a great encouragement to me this morning.

 

[jml19]

I had tinnitus for three days. The first time I heard it, I thought someone was blowing a dog whistle outside my window. Then I went into the other room, still heard it, and thought, "Uh-oh."

Tinnitus is just another example of our brains amplifying a signal...interpreting something safe as if it's dangerous. You overcome tinnitus the same way that you overcome pain. Recognize that you're safe. Don't try to get rid of it. Enjoy your life. All this journaling and "work" that you're doing is just generating more pressure and more tension. How could you possibly feel safe with such a sense of urgency?

Don't wait for it to pass to get back to your life, get back to your life and it will pass. The only power the symptom has over you is its ability to scare you.

I have a question about tinnitus.....are there some forms that are not TMS related? Mine came on suddenly one night and has been going on for about 6 or 7 years, nonstop. At the time I was not exposed to any loud noises, so I've often wondered what in the world caused it. Apparently, there is nothing the medical community can "see" in the ear to verify tinnitus...I guess they just go by the symptoms. I was given a supplement which was supposed to help, but it didn't. Fortunately, the tinnitus doesn't bother me.

 

[jml19]

I have PN, and yes, my pain is worse when sitting, however, i do have a better sitting tolerance than most PN'ers. The reason for this i think, is because when i first got symptoms, i refused to not sit. I sat all the time, and my pain didnt really change much. Then, when i went to a PN doctor, and he told me all these things i could no longer do, i became depressed, and the diagnosis became "real". Well guess what happened? the next day i suddenly had sitting pain and rectal pain (i didnt have this before). It was like my doomsday thinking of this new horrible diagnosis was going to make me fragile, and i had to treat myself as fragile. Well, i got myself a special cushion, but i still sat a lot. I didnt become one of those people who avoided sitting all the time. While i do have more pain upon sitting, it isnt drastic. For instance, some of my worst pain is laying down, and oddly enough, at it's most worst when i lay down and play with my phone. I think that's because when i'm doing that, i'm at my most depressed and lonely, and my brain knows i'm using rest and social media as an escape.
The sitting pain is real. If you follow the Central Sensitization theory (read up on it, it's an emerging theory in pain science and it involves the brain as a major cause of chronic pain) it claimes the brain has jacked up the sensitivity of nerves. So yeah, sitting down on that nerve is going to put pressure on it. This does NOT mean there is damage though. You are likely not damaged, just hypersensitive. This volume knob of pain is controlled by the brain, and your brain thinks the pelvic area in and around that nerve is in danger somehow. Then we build associations.

Lately i've tried weaning off my cushion. i still use it at my desk job, but i used to carry it EVERYWHERE including restaurants and movie theaters. I no longer do that, and honestly, i dont feel much different. I also have a standing desk at work and i try my hardest not to use it, unless in a horrid flare

Ohmygosh...I am in pretty much the same place. I am a 65-year-old female with intermittent pelvic burning and constant burning and tingling in my feet/legs and hands. This all started after 4 months of dealing with horrendous UTI-type symptoms, antibiotics, 2 weeks of hives and a lot of anxiety and fear. I've been through countless tests (all negative) and even pelvic floor physical therapy (which actually did help resolve some of the tight pelvic muscles/spasms I had, although they still pop up now and then). The pelvic burning seems to be worse after I've been sitting in a chair sewing. The feet burning is the worst when I am sitting and my hands feel the worst when they are on the steering wheel. The tingling and burning happens whether I am standing, sitting, or lying down. It is constant and very disturbing to me as I have never had anything like this before. The common denominator seems to be pressure. So I pretty much think that it is all probably hypersensitivity to nerve pain, but I am not 100% sure. I sometime wonder if this is age related or hormone related. Or is it a blood-flow issue. Fear is definitely not helping but I hope that I am conquering that fear. Baby steps, though. I VERY MUCH appreciate this program and the support forum.

 

[Amatxu]

I have a history of somewhat abusive relationships. My last relationship (marriage) before my current one was emotionally and verbally abusive. My ex-husband would go into rages (over little things like me not answering my cell phone) and then proceed to yell at me, accuse me of cheating on him, he would withhold money (for a while I wasn't working when I was with him), and on and on. Every time he went into a rage I feared that "this" is the time he will cross over and beat the crap out of me. He never did and I got out of this marriage as quickly as I could.

My current husband is not violent, he never yells at me, and he doesn't get angry over insignificant things like me not answering my cell phone. He does however express anger or frustration openly. If he is frustrated with something he shows that frustration openly and then he releases it and he feels better. If we are frustrated with something the other person is doing or not doing, we communicate in a calm manner. It just occurred to me (not sure why it has taken me this long to figure it out) that although he is not directing any anger at me, that this most likely produces fear due to my previous relationship. On a conscious level I feel completely safe with my husband but I assume on a subconscious level I am afraid of any expression of anger on his part because of my previous relationship? Is this possible? If so, how do I communicate to my brain that I am safe in this relationship? And why would this cause pain now? I have been married 15 years. I did have other health issues over the years and many of them have cleared up recently (Lyme disease, hypothyroidism, food sensitivities, lack of stomach acid, and many more) and I am now working on overcoming pain, fatigue, and sleeping issues (the latter has improved greatly).

Thank you...

wow, kk, i could have written your post and am wondering the same thing. my body is still living the trauma of first marriage. it interferes with my happiness in my current marriage which is wonderful. i do agree with some of the other posts that it is not helpful, IMO, to go back to uncover all the baggage of the past. too much time and it goes back as far as i can remember. i am 63, had had interstitial cystitis for 30 years and a whole bunch of other body stuff. i am tired of it and want to move on. i know this program is for me. i hope as we get further (i am starting in 12/2017) into this program that there will be some good simple suggestions for training our brains.

 

[Kevin Barry]

Day 6: The Fear Matrix

Yesterday I gave you your first homework assignment: start paying attention to your thoughts. As you watch the activity of your mind, you may notice that certain types of fears pop up.

Perhaps some of them are pain-related:

“Is my pain ever going to go away?”
“Is it better or worse than it was yesterday?”
“Is this program really going to help?”

Perhaps some of them are non-pain-related:

“Is my boss mad at me?”
“Am I going to get enough sleep?”
“Did I accidentally like my ex’s Instagram picture?”

Regardless of whether these fear thoughts are about your pain, your job, or your social media faux pas, they all serve a singular purpose: they’re trying to protect you.

The Purpose of Fear

A few years ago, Howard Schubiner and I were talking with a producer about doing a reality show, kind of like “The Biggest Loser,” but with pain. We had an upcoming radio interview on the topic of pain, and this interview was going to be used to pitch the reality show to production companies.

This was a high stakes interview! If it went well, we could get the show, help put this treatment approach on the map, and achieve society’s highest honor – becoming reality TV stars.

To say I was nervous was an understatement.

The radio interview was scheduled for 11 AM. We were each supposed to call in to the station, Howard from Michigan, me from Los Angeles.

Around 10:40 AM, I had the following fear thought:

“Wait – is it 11 Eastern Time or 11 Pacific Time??”

I silently answered myself, “Relax, it’s 11 Pacific Time. You’re fine.”

Then about 30 seconds later, I was hit with another one:

“What if you get laryngitis and you can’t talk?!”

“What?” I thought, “That doesn’t even make sense.”

And then the fears just completely veered off-topic:

“Did you pay rent this month?” “Did you turn off the oven?” “Did you forget Megan’s birthday?”

I eventually calmed myself down, and we did the radio interview.

Fear thought after fear thought popped into my mind that morning, some of them related to the interview, some of them completely random. When your brain thinks that you’re in danger, it will scan the environment for threats. Like a zebra living in a jungle full of lions, your brain is on high alert.

Fear thoughts are our brains’ way of trying to identify potential threats. This is actually an effective strategy when we’re surrounded by predators, since it maximizes our chance of survival.

But you’re not a zebra, and there are no lions. Your brain just doesn’t know that.

The Origin of Fear

If you grew up in an environment where you didn’t feel entirely safe, your brain may have started scanning for danger early on.

There are many different factors that can lead to feeling unsafe:

Maybe you had parents who got angry easily, maybe you had parents who couldn’t tolerate emotions at all. Maybe you didn’t get enough attention, maybe you got too much attention. Maybe you had caregivers who were anxious themselves.

Maybe your family life was great, but you got bullied in high school, or had dyslexia, or moved around a lot.

Maybe your childhood was great, but as an adult, you were mugged, or got cheated on, or were traumatized by an earthquake.

Somewhere along the line, due to a sensitive temperament, environmental factors, or both, your brain got the message: I am not safe. And once it did, it started scanning the environment for threats, and your fear-thought habit was born.

Even now, you may be thinking, “Does this apply to me?” “Can I really change this?” “Do I need to know where the fear came from?” (Yes, yes, and no.)

To begin changing your relationship with fear, it’s important to not just watch the activity of your mind, but to decipher it.

Unmasking the Fear

The following clip from “The Matrix” is probably the best metaphor for deciphering the activity of your mind. Neo is finally able to see the matrix for what it is, and it frees him from fear.

You’re not scared because you have fear thoughts, your mind generates fear thoughts because it wants you to be scared.

Our brains have evolved to protect us, and when your brain thinks you’re constantly in danger, it wants you to be constantly alert.

And that is the purpose of these incessant, seemingly spontaneous fear thoughts: they are vehicles, a means to an end, a subtle and effective way to bring you to that familiar state of fear.

And while each of these thoughts seems distinct:

“Is my pain going to go away?”
“Will I ever find my soulmate?”
“Is anyone going to like my brownies?”

When you realize that all these fears are interchangeable – that they are simply brilliant little storylines to bring you from point A to point B – you can finally see the matrix for what it is.

​

 

[Kevin Barry]

Great stuff! I have suffered from a million different fears all of my life about anything, take your pick, you name it, and if I don't have it, my mind will go and get it for you. Be right back. Riffing on this stuff makes me realize that it is really only a ruse of my mind. So much of a ruse that it makes me optimistic about getting rid of a lot it because it is just that . . . a ruse and nothing more. Ain't no survival in this stuff. So I will gladly keep the survival instincts but definitely am looking at getting rid of this useless information being used to fire my imagination, 'cause I can't get no, oh no no no, hey hey hey, that's what I say, I can't get no satisfaction . . .

 

[Pemberley]

I’ve been thinking a lot about this post (I’m on Day 7, but I wanted to come back to this) and am wondering if my symptoms are a result of repressing fear itself? Is fear an emotion, and can it get trapped in the body? Can you simply just fear fear?

I’ve had back pain since my daughter was born 11 years ago. I’m pretty sure it was the birth itself that triggered it. (I’ve also spent quite a few years stuck in psycho-archeology where I’ve come to realize that I’m a highly sensitive person due to emotional neglect at a young age – a mother who is a narcissist and a father who can be quite selfish.) I had a difficult pregnancy with hyperemesis gravidarum and then a difficult labor (so, probably some post-traumatic stress that I never recognized – I never had the classic signs of post-partum depression). I remember being given my baby to hold for the first time, and I think I froze in fear. I was scared (knowingly aware of that), but I remember thinking, “Aren’t I supposed to feel something else?” Like how you see women in movies, crying, laughing, etc. I was pretty much like, “Huh. A baby.” I love her more than anything in the world, but there was definitely some switch in my brain that was triggered at that moment. Ever since, I’ve had back pain, neck pain, foot pain, hand/wrist pain and hip pain.

Last night, we had a birthday party for my daughter with lots of her friends. We invited some new friends who ended up to be some pretty badly behaved party-guests (which annoyed my daughter, and I could tell she was let down), and the whole evening was quite stressful. After everyone left and we were cleaning up, I dropped a heavy glass cooler while trying to wash it and got a fairly serious cut on my arm close to my veins. I yelled out, “Oh, shit!” and my husband and daughter came running. He wanted to take me to the ER, but then we decided to go next door to see our neighbor who is a nurse and have her help us determine if I should go get stitches. I felt pretty calm through it since I thought, “It’s a cut. It will heal on its own.” Fortunately, our neighbor said that I probably didn’t need to get stitches, but it might leave a scar. Later, when we got home, my husband said it was kind of eerie that I was fearful at first (could see it in my eyes and hear it in my voice) and then a few seconds afterwards totally calm. He said it reminded him of when our daughter was born.

Later that night, I had trouble going to sleep since I felt revved up. I ended up shaking, getting cold and feeling anxiety. I eventually got a few hours of sleep, but woke up still shaky. After a good breakfast and a warm shower, I felt a bit more at ease, but then my back pain level really amped up. I’m seeing this as a great confirmation that this is TMS.

I guess I’m confused since my “usual” everyday TMS is back pain and/or neck pain. If I get that pain because I’m avoiding the fear of sensing an emotion in my body (?), then what can I make of these 2 events (the birth and the birthday party) that had a similar emotional outcome for me? Does anyone think that I was just repressing fear? Is asking this just another fear/pressure/criticism thought? Or can I use these techniques to feel fear that has been trapped in my body?

 

[Bodhigirl]

Its a good sign actually!
If you stop buying into the fear and the symptoms worsen, you have a golden ticket, first: its 100 % TMS.
Second: the primitive brain did not like it that you don't care about the pain.
Eventually the brain will stop giving you pain as the pain does not accomplish the only thing the brain wants; preoccupation.
The thing is, it's so difficult not buying into the fear thoughts when the brain decides to hit you with pain, I seriously suspect it sometimes overtakes my brain and my own thoughts, as if I was no more in control of them lol.
Btw, search for extinction burst behavior, Alan Gordon described it perfectly.

Wait, the ONLY thing the brain want is preoccupation?
Mine wants a feeling of safety and home.
Why preoccupation? Help me understand.

 

[Bodhigirl]

I’ve been thinking a lot about this post (I’m on Day 7, but I wanted to come back to this) and am wondering if my symptoms are a result of repressing fear itself? Is fear an emotion, and can it get trapped in the body? Can you simply just fear fear?

I’ve had back pain since my daughter was born 11 years ago. I’m pretty sure it was the birth itself that triggered it. (I’ve also spent quite a few years stuck in psycho-archeology where I’ve come to realize that I’m a highly sensitive person due to emotional neglect at a young age – a mother who is a narcissist and a father who can be quite selfish.) I had a difficult pregnancy with hyperemesis gravidarum and then a difficult labor (so, probably some post-traumatic stress that I never recognized – I never had the classic signs of post-partum depression). I remember being given my baby to hold for the first time, and I think I froze in fear. I was scared (knowingly aware of that), but I remember thinking, “Aren’t I supposed to feel something else?” Like how you see women in movies, crying, laughing, etc. I was pretty much like, “Huh. A baby.” I love her more than anything in the world, but there was definitely some switch in my brain that was triggered at that moment. Ever since, I’ve had back pain, neck pain, foot pain, hand/wrist pain and hip pain.

Last night, we had a birthday party for my daughter with lots of her friends. We invited some new friends who ended up to be some pretty badly behaved party-guests (which annoyed my daughter, and I could tell she was let down), and the whole evening was quite stressful. After everyone left and we were cleaning up, I dropped a heavy glass cooler while trying to wash it and got a fairly serious cut on my arm close to my veins. I yelled out, “Oh, shit!” and my husband and daughter came running. He wanted to take me to the ER, but then we decided to go next door to see our neighbor who is a nurse and have her help us determine if I should go get stitches. I felt pretty calm through it since I thought, “It’s a cut. It will heal on its own.” Fortunately, our neighbor said that I probably didn’t need to get stitches, but it might leave a scar. Later, when we got home, my husband said it was kind of eerie that I was fearful at first (could see it in my eyes and hear it in my voice) and then a few seconds afterwards totally calm. He said it reminded him of when our daughter was born.

Later that night, I had trouble going to sleep since I felt revved up. I ended up shaking, getting cold and feeling anxiety. I eventually got a few hours of sleep, but woke up still shaky. After a good breakfast and a warm shower, I felt a bit more at ease, but then my back pain level really amped up. I’m seeing this as a great confirmation that this is TMS.

I guess I’m confused since my “usual” everyday TMS is back pain and/or neck pain. If I get that pain because I’m avoiding the fear of sensing an emotion in my body (?), then what can I make of these 2 events (the birth and the birthday party) that had a similar emotional outcome for me? Does anyone think that I was just repressing fear? Is asking this just another fear/pressure/criticism thought? Or can I use these techniques to feel fear that has been trapped in my body?

Well said. You clearly did work around your traumas... and it seems that you are likely to the core, the body, the fear...and dissociation ...or checking out ...from fear.
Our unconscious wants to protect us by avoiding fear and other awfully difficult emotions and so it gives us pain. And it works. Once we are awaken to this, the fear can feel overwhelming at times. So, yes, fear of fear is exactly right. I call it anxiety. Fear of the unknown fear.
It’s terrifying at times and yet, being out of physical pain almost all the time is a wonderful thing.
The techniques delineated here are a great roadmap.
For me, I go and get my scared little self each morning in meditation and being her up to present day, safe and sound and sane. And pain free!

 

[Pemberley]

Thanks for the response, Bodhigirl! Since returning to my own TMS work after a year away (was chasing physical causes again), I’ve started to truly give a good effort at making meditation a daily habit. And not in a TMS-ey, pressured effort. Just making sure it becomes as normal of a part of my daily routine as brushing my teeth, and I’m also more mindful of things throughout the day (like washing my hands – not slowing down exactly, but just sensing the temperature of the water, the feel of the soap, the sound from the tap, etc.). I feel really hopeful after reading what you wrote with your morning meditation.

I keep mulling over the saying, “Nothing to fear but fear itself.” I guess it really boils down to that? If we fear the sensation of fear, then there is pain.

But I’ve also been wondering, after reading Dr. Sarno for so long and not really getting it, there’s a problem (for me) with trying to name an emotion when I’m feeling it. So much of what I read years ago was about figuring out what you're feeling in the moment (not necessarily the repressed feeling since we hide it from ourselves). I think I’ve always been pretty good at explaining how I feel – just not sensing it in the body. I’m hopeful that building up my meditation muscles will help me observe this better. Not to understand "why" I fear something, but to simply experience the fear and then watch it go by.

 

[CarboNeVo]

Wait, the ONLY thing the brain want is preoccupation?
Mine wants a feeling of safety and home.
Why preoccupation? Help me understand.

wow someone is playing the smart one here or picking a fight... not sure which one.
My understanding is that TMS pain is basically a barometer how the primitive brain feels safe, when it feels threatened or endangered it produces tms symptoms (signals) in form of pain, anxiety, fatigue, etc. When you buy into those, tms works - so yea, no preoccupation - no pain.
Now that does not mean one should not address the other emotional aspects and the symptoms would still pop when the emotions/ stresses will be neglected.