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New Program Day 6: The Fear Matrix

MentorCoach said:
I'll tell ya, just going from a mentality that "my pain is a distraction from some unbearable emotion(s)" to "my pain is based in Fear" has already helped me to feel less pain. Just by starting to understand that pain is just a sensation and to start treating my chronic pain with "I just don't give a $hit about you, pain!" has REALLY helped me. I know I have a ways to go, but I have so much more patience now in getting myself to a pain-limited life. :) Thank you so much Mr Gordon and others who have contributed so far to my healing!
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I have been feeling the same way (even though my pain has not diminished yet)....this seems so different than "my pain is a distraction from some unbearable emotion," and for me this "fear" explanation behind the TMS pain makes things seem more simple and easier to deal with emotionally. It has changed the way I talk to my brain, etc.
 
Here's the new fear part: now I don't watch the news; but what am I missing? How do I decide how much news is informative and how much causes fear?




Suky[/QUOTE]

I haven't watched the news for year and I think it's why my fibromyalgia has not gotten any worse. My husband is one of those lucky people who can watch the news and not get all wound up over it. I am not. My mom is just like me, but she, unfortunately, watches the news almost all day/every day. She also has fibromyalgia and I really think it hurts her to be so wound up all the time. I've tried to talk to her about it, but she just says, "Well, I just can't go around with my head in the sand!" I tell her my head isn't in the sand, but that you don't have to watch FOXNews or CNN all the time to be informed. I listen to the news highlights in the car on the way to work and that's it. If there's something really important going on my husband will tell me and we'll discuss it.
 
I don't know if there are any other Christians about, but I find it fascinating that a lot of what is taught on this programme matches up with my faith. It's interesting that in the Bible it says 366 times, 'DO NOT FEAR". one for each day of the year, and one for the extra day in the leap year. I guess God knew we were going to experience fear in our lives, and losing the fears brings freedom. Its the battle for the mind. Thank you Alan for a brilliant programme, and your subtle sense of humour makes my day, :-)
 
I've struggled with Back and Pelvic pain for decades, but I only learned about TMS June 2nd when I read an article in Guideposts magazine where Jonathan Merrit shares his story.
Since then my pain has moved in several areas including anxiety. Last night I was in horrible pain with a (diagnosed) anal fissure, but I "knew" the pain was TMS (although I kept fearing that it was structural, because there is a fissure) . I practiced what Alan shared in this article and experienced great relief. It was SO, SO hard to step into Joy in the midst of the pain and let go of the need for the pain to leave, but it lessened greatly and I was able to sleep and today I'm more pain/ anxiety free than I've been in decades. I'm excited to continue reading his wisdom.
 
This resonated so much with me, the matrix clip and the post all made things finally start to fall into place about my fear. Amazing stuff. Thanks
 
balto said:
I don't know what Alan would say about this but for me I think we can learn and unlearn any thing if we really want it to and act on it persistently. All of us were born innocent just like a blank piece of paper. Everything we know, everything about us we learned it, we acquired it from people and the environment around us. So try to pick good companies to be with, choose a peaceful environment to live in, follow the right teachers (Alan, Sarno, Steve, Weekes, ....) then start living a new life.
Think of "quitting" fear just like quitting cigarette or Alcohol. They are all habits we want to get rid of. It is not easy quitting something we live with for so long. But it can be done. Lots of people have done it successfully. Make a commitment to work on it and start to replace your bad habits with new and good habits. Day by day, one by one, chipping away your fear.... then boom, one day. One bright and beautiful day you will get there. Fear just melt away before you know it.
I used to fear everything just like you. What if this, what if that all day long. I couldn't eat many kind of food, I couldn't fly, I refused to drive over high bridge (and they are all high) or go through a tunnel. I afraid to open the mail. I worry about every body sensations I've had, fearing it is a sign of something bad is going to happen. .... I worry and fear everything. That was 15 years ago. And now, no more. I am fearless. I have walk the Golden Gate bridge. I Flew to Thailand and many other countries many times. I ate all kind of queer foods, just like Bourdain. I laugh at pain in my body....
You can do it Yael. I was the most fearful person on earth and if I can do it so can anyone.
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What a wonderfully encouraging post. Thank you.
 
This post was incredibly helpful and enlightening. I have never thought of fear, or my relationship with, it in this way before. I always focused on getting rid of the fear associated with my back pain or other health worries. However, after reading this, I realize I am probably in a state of fear 99.9% of my life and have been since as far back as I can remember. Even when everything seems okay, it's like I'm looking for a new problem, because I'm fearful there must be something out there I need to be aware of. I've been told I jump from one problem to another and I never really understood how deep of a habit that was for me until now. Thank you.
 
Yael said:
I live (and have always lived) in constant fear and doubt about absolutely everything- my mind rambles on constantly. Is it really possible to change this? I need help.
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I feel the same. From an unloving scary childhood to a no trustworthy husband. I’m constantly on the alert and it’s exhausting
 
balto said:
I don't know what Alan would say about this but for me I think we can learn and unlearn any thing if we really want it to and act on it persistently. All of us were born innocent just like a blank piece of paper. Everything we know, everything about us we learned it, we acquired it from people and the environment around us. So try to pick good companies to be with, choose a peaceful environment to live in, follow the right teachers (Alan, Sarno, Steve, Weekes, ....) then start living a new life.
Think of "quitting" fear just like quitting cigarette or Alcohol. They are all habits we want to get rid of. It is not easy quitting something we live with for so long. But it can be done. Lots of people have done it successfully. Make a commitment to work on it and start to replace your bad habits with new and good habits. Day by day, one by one, chipping away your fear.... then boom, one day. One bright and beautiful day you will get there. Fear just melt away before you know it.
I used to fear everything just like you. What if this, what if that all day long. I couldn't eat many kind of food, I couldn't fly, I refused to drive over high bridge (and they are all high) or go through a tunnel. I afraid to open the mail. I worry about every body sensations I've had, fearing it is a sign of something bad is going to happen. .... I worry and fear everything. That was 15 years ago. And now, no more. I am fearless. I have walk the Golden Gate bridge. I Flew to Thailand and many other countries many times. I ate all kind of queer foods, just like Bourdain. I laugh at pain in my body....
You can do it Yael. I was the most fearful person on earth and if I can do it so can anyone.
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I appreciate your story. I reall liked how you said we have to be persistent and then one day it will eventually come. I also was encouraging to hear about all the fears you use to have.
 
hsbarry said:
I have TMS that currently shows up as digestive issues. When it comes to fear, do you try to eat a healthy diet (Paleo, no sugar, etc., etc.), or do you just let go and eat whatever. I also have acne. Do you focus on perfect cleansing routines and acne medicines or just let go and never do those things? I'm having trouble figuring out what is good for healthy living vs. obsessing. Many Websites would have you believe that you MUST follow certain diet and exercise principles in order to be healthy. This usually involves buying a supplement, powder, or cream. I've fallen for a lot of these, I must confess. How does one strike the right balance, especially when you have a fear-based mentality?
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not sure what Alan would say or if you’ve had this answered already, and there IS a fine line between focusing on healthy habits and obsessing over them. But in my experience and that of many people I know, eating a clean, Paleo-type diet has at least helped these issues bad well as others. Ridding the body of toxins and inflammatory substances like sugar and gluten helps relax the autonomic nervous system. Paleo cured me of everything except for chronic pain, including depression, panic attacks and insomnia and it DRAMATICALLY improved my acne issues
 
“Did I accidentally like my ex’s Instagram picture?”

That made me laugh so hard. Alan your writing is great - medicine in itself
 
Hi Alan and everyone, I'm brand new here, so please bear with me...!

I'm a Seattlelite who's been suffering from lower left-side back pain for over 8 years. I have recently discovered discovered dr. Sarno's books, the Curable app, and it all rings true/makes a lot of sense to me. However, I do wonder: Don't we all have childhood issues in a way or another? I'm not trying to sound dismissive of anyone's experience, but rather, where do we draw the line between "run-of-the-mill" childhood issues and extremely traumatic experiences? Actually, do we even need to draw a line (having experienced extreme trauma doesn't equate extreme pain, right? Why some people have had terrible experiences through their lives, but don't develop chronic pain/chronic TMS-like health problems)? Thanks for listening!
 
laurasn said:
Hi Alan and everyone, I'm brand new here, so please bear with me...!

I'm a Seattlelite who's been suffering from lower left-side back pain for over 8 years. I have recently discovered discovered dr. Sarno's books, the Curable app, and it all rings true/makes a lot of sense to me. However, I do wonder: Don't we all have childhood issues in a way or another? I'm not trying to sound dismissive of anyone's experience, but rather, where do we draw the line between "run-of-the-mill" childhood issues and extremely traumatic experiences? Actually, do we even need to draw a line (having experienced extreme trauma doesn't equate extreme pain, right? Why some people have had terrible experiences through their lives, but don't develop chronic pain/chronic TMS-like health problems)? Thanks for listening!
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You can't apply your situation to anyone else's. Assuming you have been cleared by a doctor from tumors, cancer, infections, broken bones: The part that matters is - you have physical symptoms. Yet, nothing is damaged. We would stop our investigation as to "why" at that point. It clearly just "is." Now you start working on you. Do the deep emotional work to heal, accept the diagnosis by learning whats really going on. Trust the pain or sensations are TMS. This will not be easy, but if you do the work you'll heal.
 
she said:
I don't know if there are any other Christians about, but I find it fascinating that a lot of what is taught on this programme matches up with my faith. It's interesting that in the Bible it says 366 times, 'DO NOT FEAR". one for each day of the year, and one for the extra day in the leap year. I guess God knew we were going to experience fear in our lives, and losing the fears brings freedom. Its the battle for the mind. Thank you Alan for a brilliant programme, and your subtle sense of humour makes my day, :)
Click to expand...

I agree. I am a counselor and a Christian and I needed the information for what I have learned from these healers to connect the dots and make sense of what I was experiencing.
 
These daily lessons are helping me out so much, thank you. Writing down my fears, and just acknowledging them, has enabled me to see them as what they are. And I realize I'm not in danger, and the fear lessens a bit.

What I am having a hard time dealing with is how to "unlearn" things we have come to understand over the years about what may hurt us (as Dr. Sarno says to forget all these myths about the back). Here are things I've heard that I don't now believe, but they stick in my head and cause concern:

  • Pull Ups are bad for you because they stretch your ligaments
  • Planks and Push Ups are tough on the discs
  • Don't sit up from a lying position
  • Don't twist
  • Don't bend down to tie your shoes
  • Don't bend your back
  • Always bend your knees and hinge your hips when you lift (I'll do this to pick up trash on the floor).
What's a good way to "unlearn" what you have believed in the past?
 
Using that scene from the Matrix is fucking brilliant. It totally helps me to visualize each fear thought as a bullet heading directly towards me. Those bullets have been hitting me constantly and doing damage. But, it's all an illusion. I have the power to stop it all and to ignore those thoughts, leading to a sense of peace and calm. I'm such a visual learner. Thank you for this. Brilliant.
 
So the more I am reading this program I am figuring out a lot of TMS that I never really grasped. I completely agree that my symptoms are a result of me not addressing emotional things and being a person who barrels through life without looking deeply into major events, and the end results are pain. Once the pain is here I have struggled on how to get rid of it because there is constant fear of the pain even though I know it is TMS. I have recently explained on a post that I first healed from TMS rather quickly because after going through the pain for over a year and not having answers to it, it just made sense as to why I was dealing with it again, but the second time I couldnt understand why i had pain... Why has my TMS come back and will it ever ever go away... I seriously loathed ever day because I couldnt get my pain to fade, and the fear just kept it all fed. Recently I have been battling with things again after 3 years of no pain. I understand all the emotional reasons for the pain being here, but the pain wasnt leaving... I truely believe the pain leaves some because they just have a complete understanding of and know completely that it is not harmful so very quickly it will leave. I dont have that understanding yet, but every day this week I have felt pretty good after realizing how much my fear of the pain (knowing that it is TMS) was keeping it around. There was no need to convince myself of this being TMS because its all the same symptoms as the past, but when pain returns it is a whole other fight. Alan's program has been great so far in understanding the role of fear in symptoms, and how you need to view the pain since the cause of it is not going to cause any damage.
 
MicheleRenee said:
i wonder if fear as opposed to anger is the primary emotion? for me i definitely think it is. i was chipping away at emptions and BAM fear beyond anything. literally turned into a fear monger over night. or if it really makes more sense that TMS is essentially a pain anxiety as opposed to a substitution or defense. i think to me that makes more sense anyway. i wish in a way this was more of the way of thinking when i first started TMS work.(check out that fear thought!) @balto its nice to hear of someone getting through intense fear because i thought i was the only one who felt such intensity, but i believe we all think were that person lol.
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definitely relate- I relate to fear more than anger, and to sadness more than anger
 
Today my mind has been racing. One minute I've felt like I can overcome my illness and the next not, and so on and so on, so much so that those thoughts make me feel like a madwoman.

One minute I hold it together, the next I am about to crumble emotionally and struggle to get through the challenges of life. BUT by seeing those thoughts (fear) as my brain just trying to protect me, I feel I can see it for what it is and then doesn't induce panic. PHEW. This is SO helpful. I had connected with somatic tracking and it helped me a lot but as soon as I get out of it then those thoughts start (fear is back). Now I am going to see that as fear trying to protect me. No dramas!

I feel like I can be at ease for once and I am not losing it or going crazy. I think that's what I am scared of, but like The Matrix, I can now step outside of my body looking in, and almost see those thoughts as protection.
 
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