Day 4, optimism strikes!

[riv44]

I feel like a kid with a new toy. But better. Hopeful. think I have been preparing for learning about TMS for a long time. I just can NOT continue the pain/fear/depression cycle.
This spring--before I found Dr. Sarno-- I purchased a professional book called "The Embodied psychotherapist" by Robert Shaw. (Bruner Routledge Press). I know I have been absorbing absorbing too much anxiety in my work. I cut down on my practice hours, partly because of pain, and also to take better care of myself.
I recommend the book to clinicians.
But I also thought I had something wrong, and degenerative going on with my spine.
Now it is getting through to me that despite MRIs and scary words like "stenosis" and "scoliosis" the main contributor to my pain has been my fear and anxiety.
Today I worked in my studio, cleaning things out. I do get muscle tension throughout the day, but I decided to go with it, and not panic. Yeah, I kind of hurt, but I have been reminding myself not to focus on it, and not to fear. My reward is a good smear of "Icy Hot" which does calm my muscles down and helps me to relax my back with a pleasant sensation.
Soon I will talk to my doctor about discontinuing gabapentin and cymbalta. They didn't help much anyway--another clue that I have TMS.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi, riv44. You're doing great. Forget the MRIs and doctors saying you have those "sis" maladies. You are right-on in reminding yourself that your pain and fear and anxiety are from TMS emotions. If Icy Hot helps, go for it. But I hope you can soon stop taking the medications. They only delay our efforts to discover the emotional causes of our pain, fear, anxieties.

It's also good that you have cut back on your work hours. Giving more time to relaxation is so important in healing.

The Shaw book sound interesting and I look into it.

Absorbing too much anxiety in your work reminds me of one of my best friends who was a psychiatrist in California. After a few years of listening to patients' psychological problems, he became emotional burned out and lost his love of life. He was not doing what a journalism professor told me and others" "A reporter must work with an attitude of detached studiousness." That isn't easy to do for a reporter (which I became and got stressed out from it), and not easy for a psychiatrist (is that what you are?) In any case, you listen to patients' emotional problems and it is not easy to distance yourself from them. Lighting up your workload will help, but keep in mind that attitude of detached studiousness.

It is great to hear that "Optimism strikes" for you. Keep positive, keep doing and thinking things that bring more joy into your life.