Day 3

[TeeJay]

Read mbp chapter and did day 3 schecter. This post is for yesterdays accountability. I had a great realization last night while talking with my husband. I realized that worrying about the possibility if "having" to go off my antidepressants was just another diversion tactic, just like the pain. It made me start thinking the program wouldn't work for me, etc. etc. But I broke through all the crap and am so proud of myself. I know the program will work for me if I do my part and I am NOT going to let my unconscious mind sabotage me this time. I realize it has MANY diversion tactics, not just pain and I know that awareness will aid me in sticking with the program.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi, TeeJay. It's great that you're telling yourself not to worry about going off your antidepressants. It will make you emotionally stronger. Find other ways to relax and be happier. Deep breathing, living in the present moment, and laughing are big helps for me.

 

[breakfree]

Well done you - that's exactly the way you should be thinking,

Keep going your doing really well xx

 

[TeeJay]

Thank you both so much for your encouragement.

 

[Andy Bayliss]

I had a great realization last night while talking with my husband. I realized that worrying about the possibility if "having" to go off my antidepressants was just another diversion tactic, just like the pain. It made me start thinking the program wouldn't work for me, etc. etc. But I broke through all the crap and am so proud of myself.

Hi TeeJay,
This is a remarkable observation/conclusion. So right on!
Andy B.

 

[TeeJay]

Thank you, Andy.

 

[TeeJay]

Day 4 and 5 respectively.
Read one chapter each day & did workbook.
Day 4 work: Discovered feelings of dissatisfaction with my little jewelry business. I have it in a consignment shop half hour away. Remembered part of my jewelry fun is actually being able to pkg and mail stuff myself, actually sell it myself, and being able to handle it myself. Its not about the $ for me. It's a fun hobby. When that ceases to be the case, time to reevaluate.
Day 5 work: decided to give 30 day notice to consignment shop and revisit selling online or very locally. Also remembered today while writing that I am not good at self-soothing in a healthy way. Going to work on this, as well as watching self talk that is creating anxiety. And explore other ways of breaking the anxiety that exists in me all the time that I just think is normal. Remind myself it is not. Even when I am not moving, body never relaxes. I know repressed emotions are mainly responsible and the work will help, but for me, I need to develop other good habits of being in the present and consciously releasing tension/anxiety.

 

[Andy Bayliss]

Hi TeeJay,
I love reading your insights, all of them! It seems things are really flexible and flowing in you, in your awareness and in your life. This is a blessing.
Andy B.

 

[TeeJay]

Thank you for the support, Andy.

 

[TeeJay]

Day 6. Felt huge amounts of sadness, grief, and anger. My mom has been in a nursing home in my town for 7 months now. My other siblings live in other towns/states. She is here because no nursing homes in the town she is from. I knew I was taking on a huge responsibility when I agreed she should be here. Have huge amounts of anger at the situation. I grieve for her, for me. She is bedridden now and I know she feels like she is in a horrible nightmare she can't wake up from. She has chronic pain from back surergies, has bedsores on her feet. The siblings visit when they can. I have released a lot of emotions working through this. Tough situation. Proud of myself.

 

[TeeJay]

Day 7. A whole week! Yeah me. In reading Sarno today what stood out was not to focus on the rage itself, but the source of the rage.