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New Program Day 2: The Nature of Pain

An excellent question.

Maybe a good place to start is to acknowledge that this concept is alien to you and why this might be so. What are your experiences of care and kindness? Can you readily name gentle people in your life? Are there people who touch your heart? Can you feel those tender feelings? Can you imagine others feeling that way toward you? If not, why not? What judgements do you have around your self-worth and self-esteem? Issues to ponder...


Essentially to self-soothe means to discover and embrace ways and means that calm fraying nerves. It is the realisation that we have never really learned to look after ourselves emotionally and instead we intellectualise, living from the head and not the heart. Many of us initially veer into self-destructive behaviours, such as booze, food, casual sex, shopping, over-exercising and other deadening, zone-out practices before realising that such actions take more than they give. The initial high is not worth the heavy, hard-hitting low. Invariably these behaviours worked once and maybe for a while especially when we were young but the results are ever diminishing and we finally must face ourselves.

Initially being kind to yourself means to go easy on internalized value judgements around the failure of aforementioned coping strategies. It means having the courage and kindness to go beyond knee-jerk reactions and it means forgiving yourself for the events and experiences that led you to become so emotionally shut-down that you no longer even recognise how emotionally flat-lined you are.

Then you begin to switch wires and substitute destructive behaviours for nurturing ones.

I am sure you instinctively know what makes you feel good deep into your bones. These are the things to focus on.

For me they are the small and simple. Cuddling up to my partner. Stroking a friendly dog. An early night. Cloudwatching. And most of all Nature. The forest, sun set, full moon, a powerful storm...moments that take us out of our small selves and connect with something bigger, something enduring.

Self soothing means caring for yourself, your needs as a human being. It means learning how to feel your emotions in the moment and not be thrown a curve ball. It means opening up not closing down. It is Love not Fear. It is the practice and thinking of becoming centred and at peace with who you are and then loving the hell out of yourself.
This. This This. "Essentially to self-soothe means to discover and embrace ways and means that calm fraying nerves. It is the realisation that we have never really learned to look after ourselves emotionally and instead we intellectualise, living from the head and not the heart. Many of us initially veer into self-destructive behaviours, such as booze, food, casual sex, shopping, over-exercising and other deadening, zone-out practices before realising that such actions take more than they give. The initial high is not worth the heavy, hard-hitting low. Invariably these behaviours worked once and maybe for a while especially when we were young but the results are ever diminishing and we finally must face ourselves." Thank you.
 
Plum gave you're one of the greatest examples of soothing that I have read. I had these same thoughts about wondering what self soothing was. In my therapy with Daniel Lyman at the Pain Psychology Center I learned how to do this and my pain went away. I had never thought one kind thought about myself and learned how to change my self talk to being kind to myself. I would constantly think of one of the kindest people I know which was my mom saying to me that it is ok that everything was ok. I would just say this over and over and put my name in there. I would say in my head it is ok Donnie everything is ok and there is nothing to fear and try to hear it in my mothers voice. You can think of a kind person who is that way yourself. And I would also say it out loud.
And you have to learn to laugh at your brain. I had such bad leg and butt pain I could not walk up the stairs. And you will learn what a conditioned response is and how to say to your brain that you know what is going on. I would just tell myself there is nothing wrong with me and it is my brain causing all this. And as I did my pain went away. Re wiring the brain. And the brain will fight back and pain may get worse for a bit but you will learn to laugh at your pain. Now and then I get twinges but look at what is going on psychologically and feel my emotions. And it goes away. I run and walk 5 miles a day now and no pain. And play golf all the time. Do not give up. Alan will give you some great stuff and realize it is not hocus pocus but is backed up by neurobiology. Hang in there and you will get better.
Your post of recovery gave me hope on a day I felt hopeless. Thank you.
 
In Alan's words from Day 2:

"our brains never developed a system that can perfectly distinguish one type of danger from another...This means that sometimes our danger signal can get activated by mistake...Remember, pain is a danger signal too."

Therefore:

"when we sense a psychological danger, our brains can misread the situation and respond with pain. It’s simply another case of our brains activating the wrong danger signal. This is how we can develop pain even if there’s no actual tissue damage."

Day2 link: http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/day-2-the-nature-of-pain.16429/ (New Program - Day 2: The Nature of Pain)

And from Day 4:

"Pain is a danger signal, and in the case of TMS, the belief that the pain is dangerous is the only thing keeping it going. If you can truly embrace that this pain is not dangerous, it deactivates your danger signal and the pain stops.

If a fire alarm goes off, you’re not focused on turning off the alarm, you’re focused on putting out the fire. The alarm is just the signal.

Likewise, TMS is a danger signal. You don’t need to get rid of the pain, you simply need to address the fear.

Fear is the fuel for the pain."

Day 4 link: www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/day-4-breaking-the-pain-cycle.16459/
If a fire alarm goes off, you’re not focused on turning off the alarm, you’re focused on putting out the fire. The alarm is just the signal.
This statement is perfection.
 
Day 2: The Nature of Pain

To better understand the treatment techniques we’ll be going over in the coming days, here are two basic premises you should know about pain.

Premise 1: Pain = Danger

Imagine that you're out on a run. You're listening to music, enjoying the early morning breeze, and pondering the mysteries of nature. Suddenly you trip over your shoelace, come down awkwardly on your left foot, and feel a sharp twinge. You've sprained your ankle. Frustrated, you limp home, wondering how bad the swelling is going to be.

sprainedankle.png


As awful as it feels, pain is meant to help us. It’s our brain’s way of saying: “You are at risk of causing tissue damage, kindly back off until we heal.”

Without pain, you'd have no idea that you sprained your ankle, you'd continue running, and you'd injure yourself even worse.

Put simply, pain is our brain's way of screaming: DANGER!

Premise 2: Our brains are not perfect

Throughout human history, our brains have developed the capacity to achieve some remarkable feats. We’ve unlocked the secrets of DNA, we’ve discovered the boundaries of the universe, and we’ve invented 72 distinct flavors of Oreos (Nabisco, you had me at “triple double chocolate mint.”)

But our brains are not perfect. In fact, sometimes they can get downright confused.

Over millions of years of evolution, we have developed different signals to warn us of danger. Pain warns us of causing additional tissue damage, fatigue lets us know we need to rest, even hunger warns us that we need to refuel with food. And usually these signals work out great.

When you’re in pain, you rest the injury so it can heal. When you’re fatigued, you take a nap so that you can recover. When you’re hungry, you have a glass of milk and some Berry Burst Ice-Cream Oreos.

But, our brains never developed a system that can perfectly distinguish one type of danger from another. Oops.

This means that sometimes our danger signal can get activated by mistake.

Let’s look at anxiety as an example. Anxiety is a danger signal that developed so we could run faster or fight harder when we’re faced with a physical threat.

Anxiety is great when a bear is chasing you, but it’s not so helpful in the middle of a big job interview.

fightorflight.png


And since the brain can’t always distinguish one type of danger from another, it can respond to a psychological danger (I really hope I don’t blow this job interview) as if were a physical danger (I really hope this bear doesn’t eat me).

This is why we can develop anxiety even in situations where our lives aren’t in danger. Our brains are misinterpreting the nature of the threat, and activating the wrong danger signal.

To see some examples of other psychological dangers (as well as how they can develop) watch the following clip:


Developing TMS

You may be asking yourself, what does any of this have to do with pain?

Remember, pain is a danger signal too. So when we sense a psychological danger, our brains can misread the situation and respond with pain. It’s simply another case of our brains activating the wrong danger signal. This is how we can develop pain even if there’s no actual tissue damage.

Isn’t neuroscience fun??

Here’s a story to illustrate these concepts.

One night during my second year of grad school, I was studying for a big final exam. I needed to do well so that I could get a good GPA so that I could get a great job so that I could make a lot of money so that I could pay off my grad school loans (ah, the circle of stress…)

Out of nowhere, I developed terrible back pain.

Let’s look at what happened. There was a psychological stress (If I don’t do well on this test, I’m going to end up poor, unemployed, and living with my parents.) My brain sensed danger, it misinterpreted what the actual threat was, and it flipped the wrong danger signal: pain.

And that’s how we can develop pain even when there’s no injury.

TMS Treatment

Assuming that you have TMS, there are two main goals to overcoming your symptoms.

1. Teach your brain that the pain is not dangerous

2. Teach your brain that the psychological stressors that it learned to fear (anger, sadness, confrontation, intimacy, etc.) are not actually dangerous.

For the next three weeks, we’re going to work on achieving these goals. You’re going to learn new techniques to confront your fear, overcome psychological barriers, and work toward deactivating your danger signals.

In other words, we’re going to try and give your brain the thing it needs most: a feeling of safety.

[​IMG]
Alan,
You touched my life soo deeply with this program! I cant thank you enough!
One question regarding this day's topic:
Why is it that my brain misreads some psychological situations as dangers and creates pain, but other people get reflux, or ulcer or allergies?? What makes the difference, who decides how which symptom to create??
I would appreciate if you could reply Alan??
 
Why is it that my brain misreads some psychological situations as dangers and creates pain, but other people get Reflux, or ulcer or Allergies?? What makes the difference, who decides how which symptom to create??
I would appreciate if you could reply Alan??
That is a good question. Why do some get people get back pain, while others get headaches, while others get anxiety? In some cases it's more obvious - perhaps your parent had a particular symptom, so that's the one that your unconscious mind looked at as most dangerous, etc. Or in some cases people may have particular neural pathways that have already developed because of a previous injury. But outside of that, I actually don't know.
 
Hi all, hi Alan,

how long does it take for a symptom to flare up? ı mean, if i get bored (psychological false alarm), my headache (symptom) shows up very quickly, like in an hour... but if i have some fear thoughts, i become lower back pain or pain between shoulderblades, usually in 24 hours... is it like this only with me?
 
Hi all,
This is my first post. I have been reading and have not seen anything about the trauma of losing a child. I found my 38 yr old daughter dead in her bedroom 4 months ago. She had lived with me for 2 years. My sciatica pain started 3 months ago. I have had muscle relaxers, steroids, pain killers, and been to a chiropractor with no relief. After a friend suggested I read Dr. Sarno's books I purchased them. I have no doubt I have TMS. This website is wonderful!
 
Hi all,
This is my first post. I have been reading and have not seen anything about the trauma of losing a child. I found my 38 yr old daughter dead in her bedroom 4 months ago. She had lived with me for 2 years. My sciatica pain started 3 months ago. I have had muscle relaxers, steroids, pain killers, and been to a chiropractor with no relief. After a friend suggested I read Dr. Sarno's books I purchased them. I have no doubt I have TMS. This website is wonderful!

Sweetheart,

I cannot pretend to know the grief and tsunami of emotions you must be feeling but I can warmly welcome you to our sanctuary with an assurance that you will find many kind, sage souls who will do their best to support you.

Much love,

Plum x
 
Hi all,
This is my first post. I have been reading and have not seen anything about the trauma of losing a child. I found my 38 yr old daughter dead in her bedroom 4 months ago. She had lived with me for 2 years. My sciatica pain started 3 months ago. I have had muscle relaxers, steroids, pain killers, and been to a chiropractor with no relief. After a friend suggested I read Dr. Sarno's books I purchased them. I have no doubt I have TMS. This website is wonderful!
Hello Lonelymom... My most heartfelt condolences for your loss. If it helps, even the slightest, I truly believe loss of a loved one and the profound grief that accompanies it is inextricably tied to the body and nervous system. It seems your sciatic pain time frame coincidences with your loss and your body is grieving too.
Plum is right. The people on this site are like trusted confidants, friends, even family... Day and night, you have a place to turn to. Welcome to the forums... P. S.. I too have low back and sciatic issues... I know how awful and debilitating it can be.
With loving thoughts... Nancy a. k. a Lunarlass66
 
Hi all,
This is my first post. I have been reading and have not seen anything about the trauma of losing a child. I found my 38 yr old daughter dead in her bedroom 4 months ago. She had lived with me for 2 years. My sciatica pain started 3 months ago. I have had muscle relaxers, steroids, pain killers, and been to a chiropractor with no relief. After a friend suggested I read Dr. Sarno's books I purchased them. I have no doubt I have TMS. This website is wonderful!
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I too had my pain start after a severe trauma. I went about all the physical things for 2 years before I was gifted the book. I am so glad you are on the right track so early. I am also new to this forum and I already am reaping the benefits. We are all here for you. Welcome home.
 
Thank you caligirl! I wish I could visit California again. It was my daughters favorite place and brings back good and bad memories to me. She was in rehab there several times. That is the bad but I met some wonderful people during those times that I still have a very special relationship with. Her therapists have become very dear friends. I may have to return to see if they can help me with her death. In Texas we do not have anyone near me familiar with TMS.
 
Thank you caligirl! I wish I could visit California again. It was my daughters favorite place and brings back good and bad memories to me. She was in rehab there several times. That is the bad but I met some wonderful people during those times that I still have a very special relationship with. Her therapists have become very dear friends. I may have to return to see if they can help me with her death. In Texas we do not have anyone near me familiar with TMS.
California is great but I'm a bit biased being born and raised! I'm sorry to hear your daughter struggled with addiction. My daughter is only 11 and I can't imagine going through that with her. Check in with Alan Gordon to see if he can help you locate a TMS therapist in your area. However, I have been doing my therapy with Christie Uipi at PPC all via Facetime and it is fantastic. I didn't think it would work for me at first not being in the same room but it's great. I really hope I can meet them both in person someday so I can hug them both and thank them for helping me. They are in LA and I am in NorCal so that could happen someday! Keep your head up my friend.
Hugs, Jen
 
Thank you caligirl! I wish I could visit California again. It was my daughters favorite place and brings back good and bad memories to me. She was in rehab there several times. That is the bad but I met some wonderful people during those times that I still have a very special relationship with. Her therapists have become very dear friends. I may have to return to see if they can help me with her death. In Texas we do not have anyone near me familiar with TMS.

Focus on the good memories angel. Remember the heart-warming moments, the innocent times, the love you shared and let these help you craft a path that honours her and enables you to grieve well. I send you love and strength.
 
Here is a link for a video about pain that I think might interest/help you and that has been shared on this site a few times. Lorimer Moseley is quite well known in the "pain" field and his quick 10 minute video is super simple, clear and powerful. I also included a longer version of his video which has more detailed info (24minutes) and one (an hour) by David Butler, who he collaborates with, which is really, really interesting. I find this type of stuff super fascinating. Just copy these links into your browser.
Thank you so much, Spunky, for the videos. The 'treating pain with the brain' is funny and very helpful. I love what he talks about from minute 24. If we feel there is more danger in our lives than safety we get pain. So we look to increase SIMs - safety in me, like enjoying a meal or meeting a friend or looking at a tree...., and decrease DIMs - danger in me, like talking to mother in law or watch the news and so on.... Dim Sum is also a tasty SIM and a good way to remember. So more safety than danger does the trick. We don't have to feel all safe.
 
Hi all,
This is my first post. I have been reading and have not seen anything about the trauma of losing a child. I found my 38 yr old daughter dead in her bedroom 4 months ago. She had lived with me for 2 years. My sciatica pain started 3 months ago. I have had muscle relaxers, steroids, pain killers, and been to a chiropractor with no relief. After a friend suggested I read Dr. Sarno's books I purchased them. I have no doubt I have TMS. This website is wonderful!

Dearest LonleyMom,
I too, like Plum and others, cannot fathom the loss and sadness you are living through. I found solace with the loss from the death of my brother through journaling, writing about our relationship and all of the issues, both good and bad, we had shared. The process was not easy. Our relationship was complicated. Having someone to talk too while doing this work can be helpful. Every step you take to heal will be a step in the right direction. Four months is not a long time, be patient with your healing. It will come.
Lainey
 
If I may chime in with a quote from 'The MindBody Prescription'. Sarno is writing on the subject of conversion disorders and suggests they have the same underlying processes as TMS. It reads as follows:

"The crucial point is that the symptoms are not the result of damage or disease of specific body parts. They are perceived as weakness, pain, numbness or blindness only because the appropriate brain cells have been fired off...one set of brain cells is stimulated by other brain cells, in this case the stimulating cells are those having to do with powerful unconscious emotions...What's important is not the method the brain uses to produce symptoms; it is the fact that the brain is inducing symptoms...keeping Dr. Perts* work in mind...it is only difficult to explain at a fundamental level, the level of the black box."

The accompanying diagram in the book begins with The Limbic System and breaks down the process, passing through "the black box" through activation of the hypothalamus and onto the Autonomic system. At this point Sarno's own diagram says TMS happens.

What neuroscientists and pioneers like Schubiner and Alan Gordon are doing is simply explaining the black box that Sarno described. They have gained access and are exploring the magnificence and mystery of it and are then translating it into recovery and healing.

I view the psychological and neuroscience/behavioural approaches like this: I was born in the year the UK went metric however I quantify weight, volume and distance in Imperial Measures (such as stones, pints and miles) yet money I quantify as Metric (pounds and pence). But they are measuring the same thing in different ways. It doesn't matter whether you favour the more emotive and psychological models or if you prefer the more scientific and neurobiological ones. They are maps describing the same territory. All that matters is that you favour the one that works best for you.

Many people find the repressed emotion model incredibly confusing and messy. Other people adore the mystery, the poetry, the Old School nature of it.

Others prefer the clarity and science-backed nature of more contemporary models. They seem to make more sense. They are easier to relate to.

(You can of course pick and mix but I would suggest you need a solid grounding and understanding of both approaches to do that with confidence).

The mythologist Joseph Cambell once said the way to sainthood was to choose a path of faith and stick to it. The same may be said here. Choose the path that resonates most strongly for you, stick to your guns and come up smiling.

*Candace Pert
A simple search of the forum/wiki will yield more information.
Lovely and well said, Plum. Different words and measures for the same thing,
Sarno's genius was unaided by today's scans, as Buddha used just his mind to observe his mind and came up with similar conclusions: we create suffering with I, me, mine. Whether it is I hurt, I'm mad, I'm scared, I'm so sad. The answer is not unlike that of ancient meditative practices: observing without getting hooked in.
I am on vacation now and visiting you-all to keep things in check.
So far, so good.
Before Sarno, all kinds of scary things arose when I tried to relax.
 
Here is a link for a video about pain that I think might interest/help you and that has been shared on this site a few times. Lorimer Moseley is quite well known in the "pain" field and his quick 10 minute video is super simple, clear and powerful. I also included a longer version of his video which has more detailed info (24minutes) and one (an hour) by David Butler, who he collaborates with, which is really, really interesting. I find this type of stuff super fascinating. Just copy these links into your browser.
This is powerful, with wonderful speakers, educators. Thank you. Thank you. The treatment is: knowledge.
 
Do I have to read each section of the program on a separate day or can I read day 1, 2,3 at the same time? Is it advised to take it slow?
 
And from Day 4:

"Pain is a danger signal, and in the case of TMS, the belief that the pain is dangerous is the only thing keeping it going. If you can truly embrace that this pain is not dangerous, it deactivates your danger signal and the pain stops.

I can understand that my pain is not a result of a physical injury or abnormality and does not pose further physical threat. I know that I don't have to fear injury. Easy. But I can't shake the fear of the onset of the pain itself (it is the most excruciating pain I have ever experienced, how can I NOT fear that?) or the embarrassment that comes with it, as I have chronic lower back pain that makes me spasm and fall to the ground. This most often happens at work when I am on my feet for extended hours. I am a bartender. When I have an episode it is alarming to customers and humiliating for me.

Also, while I understand there is no physical threat to my body, what about the threat of the pain affecting my ability to work and support myself and my daughter. I am a single mother without support from my ex. That seems like a logical fear.

This pain has manifested many fears surrounding it, outside of physical injury, and those are the fears I have trouble letting go of.

Unrelated; would it be more advantageous to work through this program one day at a time, or would it be as effective if I read/worked ahead? I am only on day 2.

Thanks.
 
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