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New Program Day 13: Overcoming Uncertainty

Lunarlass66 said:
For me, the greatest underlying fear, in addition to the pain itself.. Which has only been going on for close to three years.. (and the onset was a HUGE personal crisis and an actual injury..) is that of growing older and the pain becoming more debilitating and the lack of control over that..
How can I tell myself "either way, it'll be ok" if I fear something that seems inevitable? I've been having a very hard time saying "it's ok if you can't work the same job or accomplish the same household tasks anymore.. When just 3 yrs ago, I could. Even as I type this, I feel HUGE symptoms of anxiety (heart racing, sweaty palms, stomach unsettled..) and of course, my back tightens up simultaneously...
I wonder over amd over how others have triumphed over their pain/ fear.. And why I can't seem to figure it all out. I feel like a hamster on a wheel, running and running and getting nowhere...
Click to expand...
I understand your anxiousness. Sometimes I just breathe, use EFT, tapping, to get out of the anxiety. Sometimrs it helps, sometimes not so much. But having a program , support group, like this, helps me see the BIGGER picture and I'm not held hostage by my fear thoughts.

Remembering I have a CHOICE! That helps me sooo much.
 
Lunarlass66 said:
For me, the greatest underlying fear, in addition to the pain itself.. Which has only been going on for close to three years.. (and the onset was a HUGE personal crisis and an actual injury..) is that of growing older and the pain becoming more debilitating and the lack of control over that..
How can I tell myself "either way, it'll be ok" if I fear something that seems inevitable? I've been having a very hard time saying "it's ok if you can't work the same job or accomplish the same household tasks anymore.. When just 3 yrs ago, I could. Even as I type this, I feel HUGE symptoms of anxiety (heart racing, sweaty palms, stomach unsettled..) and of course, my back tightens up simultaneously...
I wonder over amd over how others have triumphed over their pain/ fear.. And why I can't seem to figure it all out. I feel like a hamster on a wheel, running and running and getting nowhere...
Click to expand...

I feel for you @Lunarlass66 as I feel just the same, and I figure from you forum nickname that I am 4 years older than you.

I think this whole age thing, on top of the discomfort (mine started after a huge personal crisis too) is definitely not helping and I worry - and it sounds like you do - that we're spiraling into some inevitable dark hole.

But then there's another side of me that thinks 54 (in my case) isn't THAT old and to stop being so negative and fearful of what the future holds.
 
Eugene said:
I feel for you @Lunarlass66 as I feel just the same, and I figure from you forum nickname that I am 4 years older than you.

I think this whole age thing, on top of the discomfort (mine started after a huge personal crisis too) is definitely not helping and I worry - and it sounds like you do - that we're spiraling into some inevitable dark hole.

But then there's another side of me that thinks 54 (in my case) isn't THAT old and to stop being so negative and fearful of what the future holds.
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Thanks so much for replying Eugene.. Sometimes, all it takes is someone to reach out with a kind word, someone who has felt some of the same despair and fear, and it makes the day just a little better...
I just can't stop myself from constantly worrying and analyzing how much of this really IS psychogenic and how much is me and my stressed out nervous system overreacting to age related aches and pains.. I've been like this for so long, it's getting harder and harder to stay hopeful.. :(
 
Lunarlass66 said:
I just can't stop myself from constantly worrying and analyzing how much of this really IS psychogenic and how much is me and my stressed out nervous system overreacting to age related aches and pains.. I've been like this for so long, it's getting harder and harder to stay hopeful.. :(
Click to expand...

I'd stay really hopeful @Lunarlass66. When I hit 49 I was a complete mess in so many ways. By the time I was 52 I had totally transformed myself and was feeling better than I had in years; physically, mentally and spiritually. Alas, then something happened in my life (my fault) and I let the anxiety and fear runaway with me and it has brought me to the point where I am now. But I feel totally confident I can beat it. I just get frustrated as to how long it is taking, and then I get fearful and anxious (like you're doing), and that's when I need help and support too, which is where this material has been so great and being able to chat with so many wonderful people on here.

For a long time I thought that everything I went through when I was 49, 50 and 51 was down to getting older and physical stuff, but now I realize that apart from one thing (a gallbladder op), the rest of it was TMS and although it went away when I was 51 and 52 it came back with a vengeance towards the end of my being 52, and now I am slowly learning how to deal with it long term.

If I can do it @Lunarlass66 I am sure you can too :-)
 
Hello again, All. Talk about perfect timing....I'm reading a book called "Stick with It," by Sean Young, Ph.D., who's at UCLA. On page 90 he observes that in MRI studies participants who heard kind and encouraging messages had a response in the brain that was the same place where physical warmth registers. As he says, the word "heartwarming" turns out to be literal. Conversely, people who were snubbed registered that in the same place in the brain as they did physical pain. (The research regarding pain and rejection was done using a computer game.) The connection regarding rejection and pain was so close that participants who took Tylenol before being rejected felt less physical pain.

In a previous chapter Young tells about both his grandmothers, both of whom faced tragedies in their late 70s. One was involved with family and her beloved soap operas. The other was physically active, politically active and intellectually engaged. When the first grandmother's daughter (Young's aunt) died, her mother--understandably--was devastated. Who wouldn't be? Within days she was unable to walk and ended up living a very constrained life of illness and pain. She died within a short period of time. When the other grandmother's husband died, she, too was devastated. What she did, though, was to keep on exercising physically. She walked so much her heavily caloused feet hurt when standing, but she kept on walking. She didn't give up. She lived another 20 years during which she remained as active as possible, both physically and mentally. I happen to know a number of people whose (adult) children have died. It's the worst. Yet...they've gone on using therapy, journaling, and various recovery and growth programs. They will never forget their children...and they keep on being actively engaged in life. One is in her nineties and still acting in theater.

So when Alan's been telling us about self observation, self compassion, perseverance and empowerment, he's way ahead of the game! And I particularly appreciate the point of view of acknowledging any, even tiny, change as significant. Sometimes bigger, seemingly heroic, actions are beyond me. When I review Alan's work with TMS participants and clients on youtube, both in this course and otherwise on the site, I can see how much difference acknowledgment and encouragement make.
 
Lunarlass66 said:
For me, the greatest underlying fear, in addition to the pain itself.. Which has only been going on for close to three years.. (and the onset was a HUGE personal crisis and an actual injury..) is that of growing older and the pain becoming more debilitating and the lack of control over that..
How can I tell myself "either way, it'll be ok" if I fear something that seems inevitable? I've been having a very hard time saying "it's ok if you can't work the same job or accomplish the same household tasks anymore.. When just 3 yrs ago, I could. Even as I type this, I feel HUGE symptoms of anxiety (heart racing, sweaty palms, stomach unsettled..) and of course, my back tightens up simultaneously...
I wonder over amd over how others have triumphed over their pain/ fear.. And why I can't seem to figure it all out. I feel like a hamster on a wheel, running and running and getting nowhere...
Click to expand...
I feel the same way - I am so scared that even if I am able to overcome this debilitating pain I've had for 9 years (not able to walk, sit or stand for more than a few minutes) I am terrified of the future me, getting older and getting worse again. I know what it's like to be isolated and housebound, so I fear being this again when I am older. As doesn't that often happen, that if someone has back pain when young, that this would reappear as an older person? Anyway, the future terrifies me. So I'm hoping this course will help with that, and I will learn to not be so afraid. It is really counterproductive, to be so afraid of the future, when of course we have no idea what will happen - and rationally I understand this. But the 'what ifs' keep coming up to scare me, and there are so many 'what ifs'! Hopefully all these wise lessons we are learning will sink through....
 
Reading this reminds me of a profound approach to embracing a dichotomy. Consider the possibility of life elsewhere in the universe: either there is or there isn't. Both possibilities are utterly, gob-smackingly, amazingly awesome! :joyful:
 
Love this. Reminds me of the maybe so, maybe not proverb. It may seem good or it may seem bad, but in reality it just is. I see how I have tortured myself in stress for no reason. Valuable lesson.
 
Lunarlass66 said:
For me, the greatest underlying fear, in addition to the pain itself.. Which has only been going on for close to three years.. (and the onset was a HUGE personal crisis and an actual injury..) is that of growing older and the pain becoming more debilitating and the lack of control over that..
How can I tell myself "either way, it'll be ok" if I fear something that seems inevitable? I've been having a very hard time saying "it's ok if you can't work the same job or accomplish the same household tasks anymore.. When just 3 yrs ago, I could. Even as I type this, I feel HUGE symptoms of anxiety (heart racing, sweaty palms, stomach unsettled..) and of course, my back tightens up simultaneously...
I wonder over amd over how others have triumphed over their pain/ fear.. And why I can't seem to figure it all out. I feel like a hamster on a wheel, running and running and getting nowhere...
Click to expand...
I don't think you should tell yourself "either way, it will be okay." It has helped me to tell myself: "Making room in my life for pain to take over is not an option." Once I did that I realized the emotions of it and that I was "looking" to be in more pain because of the anxiety of what-if's in my life. Process the trauma. What happened 3 years ago that scared you so much that you're mind is convincing you that you still need pain? It's really hard to do this truthfully, at least it was for me. Best wishes.
 
Kat said:
I feel the same way - I am so scared that even if I am able to overcome this debilitating pain I've had for 9 years (not able to walk, sit or stand for more than a few minutes) I am terrified of the future me, getting older and getting worse again. I know what it's like to be isolated and housebound, so I fear being this again when I am older. As doesn't that often happen, that if someone has back pain when young, that this would reappear as an older person? Anyway, the future terrifies me. So I'm hoping this course will help with that, and I will learn to not be so afraid. It is really counterproductive, to be so afraid of the future, when of course we have no idea what will happen - and rationally I understand this. But the 'what ifs' keep coming up to scare me, and there are so many 'what ifs'! Hopefully all these wise lessons we are learning will sink through....
Click to expand...
Kat, you can do this. You are able to verbalize your fears and that's good. I'm holding out a good thought for you and for all of us. If you can, check out Sarno's books on C.D. or audio. Play them, even if you aren't actively listening to them. It will soak in. It helped me. Just an idea.
 
MWsunin12 said:
I don't think you should tell yourself "either way, it will be okay." It has helped me to tell myself: "Making room in my life for pain to take over is not an option." Once I did that I realized the emotions of it and that I was "looking" to be in more pain because of the anxiety of what-if's in my life. Process the trauma. What happened 3 years ago that scared you so much that you're mind is convincing you that you still need pain? It's really hard to do this truthfully, at least it was for me. Best wishes.
Click to expand...
What happened 3 years ago? I tore my hamstring (beginning of the end...) which led to misdiagnosis from Doctors, increasing anxiety, lost my job and income due to medical issues.. Developed more medical issues because of improperly treated hamstring, which led to countless medical imaging amd tests... And while my partner and roommate of twenty yrs was slowly moving out without my knowledge.. Until one morning, he left for work with a bag of clothes, saying he was doing his laundry after work and never came back... Left me in a cam walker boot (recovering from acute plantar fasciitis) in the middle of winter on a 2nd floor apartment with no income, relatives or place to go... I wound up homeless for a while. It was HORRIBLE. I'm just not sure if all my pain NOW is because of that...
 
Lunarlass66 said:
I'm just not sure if all my pain NOW is because of that...
Click to expand...

How could it not be?
And if not all then certainly a ridiculously significantly amount.

There are four letter words for people who did what he did to you but I'll settle on craven.

You have everything to gain by whole-heartedly giving yourself to TMS healing. If nothing else the emotional side will heal your heart and a happy heart heals everything.
 
Lunarlass66 said:
What happened 3 years ago? I tore my hamstring (beginning of the end...) which led to misdiagnosis from Doctors, increasing anxiety, lost my job and income due to medical issues.. Developed more medical issues because of improperly treated hamstring, which led to countless medical imaging amd tests... And while my partner and roommate of twenty yrs was slowly moving out without my knowledge.. Until one morning, he left for work with a bag of clothes, saying he was doing his laundry after work and never came back... Left me in a cam walker boot (recovering from acute plantar fasciitis) in the middle of winter on a 2nd floor apartment with no income, relatives or place to go... I wound up homeless for a while. It was HORRIBLE. I'm just not sure if all my pain NOW is because of that...
Click to expand...
I am so sorry to hear of this. I'd like to suggest another book for you, considering all of the abandonment and loss you've suffered. It's by Caroline Myss "Why People Don't Heal And How They Can." You should be able to order to your library. You are going to get there. If you made it through all that, you can get over the hump. Go girl!
 
Kat, don't give up! I'm seventy and was in so much pain two years ago that I was using a walker. This program works. I'm now swimming and walking and 85% pain free. It's a big commitment. Try to see a TMS doctor, read every book you can. Meditate! Breathe in peace and breathe out tension. Talk to the pain. Get to the root of your problem. You might have to go back to your childhood and rediscover the traumas with a therapist. The Great Pain Deception by Steve Ozanich helped me so much I read it twice. He's amazing. Have faith. Pray and believe your brain and mind have the power to heal. Whenever pain strikes tell yourself it isn't a physical issue and go back to what you were just thinking about.
I'm currently seeing a therapist who does THE WORK by Byron Katie. I'm going to uncover every past traumatic event that I can remember. Don't worry about the money if it's a problem. It's all worth it! Good luck. Be well!
 
MWsunin12 said:
Kat, you can do this. You are able to verbalize your fears and that's good. I'm holding out a good thought for you and for all of us. If you can, check out Sarno's books on C.D. or audio. Play them, even if you aren't actively listening to them. It will soak in. It helped me. Just an idea.
Click to expand...
Hi MWsunin12- I love what you said. I have tried to find Dr. Sarno's books on audio and have not been able. Can I ask where you had success in purchasing yours. I think it is would be so helpful to hear Dr. Sarno talking to me! Thank you
 
Carol Omans said:
Kat, don't give up! I'm seventy and was in so much pain two years ago that I was using a walker. This program works. I'm now swimming and walking and 85% pain free. It's a big commitment. Try to see a TMS doctor, read every book you can. Meditate! Breathe in peace and breathe out tension. Talk to the pain. Get to the root of your problem. You might have to go back to your childhood and rediscover the traumas with a therapist. The Great Pain Deception by Steve Ozanich helped me so much I read it twice. He's amazing. Have faith. Pray and believe your brain and mind have the power to heal. Whenever pain strikes tell yourself it isn't a physical issue and go back to what you were just thinking about.
I'm currently seeing a therapist who does THE WORK by Byron Katie. I'm going to uncover every past traumatic event that I can remember. Don't worry about the money if it's a problem. It's all worth it! Good luck. Be well!
Click to expand...
I just want to tell you Carol that you are such an inspiration. I am 53 years old and have been at this since I was 21 years old with the last ten being the hardest and most disabling. I have been actively working on myself since I was 14 years old. So, I feel tired and overwhelmed and many a times defeated and lost . I have not ben able to work for over eight years now and that was the hardest for me. Like so many on this website, I was very active and an avid bike rider as my dad was an amateur bike racer and so I grew up doing that. For so many years I have been working on changing my whole personality and trying to heal wounds, and meditating and I have found THE WORK to be very helpful. I also have some of Byron Katie's books. I give you so much credit Carol- Keep up the great work!!!!! I too read the the great Pain deception- it was amazing.
Thank you for writing in and inspiring me!!
 
itmsw said:
Hi MWsunin12- I love what you said. I have tried to find Dr. Sarno's books on audio and have not been able. Can I ask where you had success in purchasing yours. I think it is would be so helpful to hear Dr. Sarno talking to me! Thank you
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I was actually able to order them at my local library and check them out. I don't know where you live, but many libraries are online now and you can even search the catalogue and have the cd's delivered and held at your local branch. Good luck.
 
Oh thank you for replying- i did go to my library and they said the whole county that I live in does not have any recordings by him. I asked if they could do an interlibrary loan from another county and they said no not with audio books lol Thank you
 
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