1. Alan has completed the new Pain Recovery Program. To read or share it, use this link: http://go.tmswiki.org/newprogram
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New Program Day 13: Overcoming Uncertainty

Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by Alan Gordon LCSW, Jul 24, 2017.

  1. MWsunin12

    MWsunin12 Beloved Grand Eagle

  2. itmsw

    itmsw Peer Supporter

    Thank you so much MWsunin12 I really appreciate this link, thats wonderful!!! thank you
  3. Ollin

    Ollin Peer Supporter

    We are all going to die. In a few decades your current worries won't matter. Just make the best of life and enjoy because it's never perfect anyway...
    I can't believe I said this. Normally I'm a basket of worries. . But I'm having a better day than yesterday so right here right now I feel OK. And the pain is no worse though I feel it more as no worries distract me. Seems I have it the wrong way round.
    schnurma and karinabrown like this.
  4. Sprocket

    Sprocket New Member

    Boy, I can really relate to the uncertainty regarding decisions - and in my case they have to do with the diagnosis of TMS vs severe hip osteoarthritis. Which do I have - or is it both? Do I continue to take the TMS approach and limp around at work (my nickname is now PegLeg) or bite the bullet and get a total hip replacement (and hope like hell that the pain doesn't come back or move elsewhere). This indecision is causing a great deal of anxiety - and it can't be helping me get closer to pain free. Thanks to those of you have articulated so well the TMS vs aging tug of war.
  5. Carol Omans

    Carol Omans Peer Supporter

    Hi Sprocket, if you can find a TMS doc in your area, go! I have the same diagnosis and have been working the program diligently for about 6 months and there has been a significant improvement. 2 years ago I was in so much hip pain that I had to use a walker at times. I'm 70 years old. The surgeons want to replace your hip because that's what they do and what they know. I was told it MIGHT help to have my hip replaced. I limped and the limp is gone.
    The pain 85 percent better.
    Seeing a TMS doctor really helps take away the uncertainty. If you don't live near one, get on a plane! It's way easier than surgery.
    This program works. I just came in the house from swimming and working out in the pool.
    Good luck to you!
  6. aa3405

    aa3405 Peer Supporter

    I definitely have certain decisions in my life where anxiety is heightened. Anything related to money matters makes me nervous and I can't decide on what to do. I was given advice by someone who said you just have to rip the bandage off and just make a decision. I found that advice hard to follow. I think easing the anxiety first by saying whatever I decide will be fine is a gentler way to accept the result of a decision that we are unsure about.
  7. Kat

    Kat Peer Supporter

    Thank you Carol and MWsunin12 for the encouragement! I have trouble in that my pain doesn't directly relate to situations I'm in or emotions I'm having - it is constant pain and made much worse by sitting, standing and walking - and never better when doing something I like or worse when have other life problems. So it's quite physical, but also TMS in that I have the personality type and high anxiety since childhood. So maybe I need to just focus on the anxiety instead of the pain, as I think Christie suggested a while back. But this is difficult to shift. I'll check out the book you mentioned. Thanks for the support :)
  8. Livinginhope

    Livinginhope Peer Supporter

    I call this familiar discomfort. I use it for my clients and I guess that I am guilty of it as well. My mind forms mental ruts that have a well worn path. I know that it is uncomfortable in that grove, but for some reason, moving to a different option often feels even more unsettling. I am trying really hard to embrace the unknown and to trust that I can figure it out and come out the other end. I always say to my clients that change is the most exciting and the most frightening word in the English language; without we stagnate. Perhaps I should start listening to what I say to others.
    Shanshu Vampyr likes this.
  9. Shanshu Vampyr

    Shanshu Vampyr Well known member

    I literally read this after a worry-filled night of insomnia, so this comes at a timely time. Do I do physical therapy for a potential shoulder injury from aggressive lifting, or do I chalk it up to TMS given that that's my diagnosis even though it seems to fly in the face of all that is psychogenic?

    In the end,

    "It's going to be OK either way. This too shall pass."

    Strangely, I tried to apply this soothing to my own self last night and it didn't work. Guess it always seems more authentic coming from a trusted source.
  10. Freedom

    Freedom Peer Supporter

    I'm going to try to keep this in mind. I know this relates to me. I oftentimes (maybe subconciously) think "if this doesn't go well it's all over."
    "If I get a B in this class it's all over!"
    "If I don't get another $2000 in the next (x time) it's all over"
    "If I don't xyz...." you get the point.
    "If I don't get exactly the right songs for this gig I will never get another job again"

    It's difficult for me to just say 'let it go' when it's gnawing at me in the back of my mind
    I wonder if It would be beneficial to sit down and actually think out what could happen in these situations, to find out worst case scenario is maybe unlikely or maybe not that bad?
  11. Kevin Barry

    Kevin Barry Peer Supporter

    What I have learned about my projections is that I can never know what the real truth is about them is because for me an innate aspect of projection is fear. And in the case of projection it is not really fear that I am dealing with but anxiety because it is a fear of the unknown and always much more powerful than just plain fear. I have had projections that have come true almost to the letter and when they did they felt completely differently than when I projected them because the emotions that I felt from the actual experience were completely different than the emotions that I felt from the projections. When I can stay in the now I am always in a lot better place than if I am up in my head projecting off into a non-existent future. When the future becomes the now, which it always is does, it never seems as bad as I thought it would be. Hope this helps a little.
    Lunarlass66 likes this.
  12. Kevin Barry

    Kevin Barry Peer Supporter

    Thanks Alan this is all really good stuff. When it comes to lowering the stakes one of my all time favorite attitude adjustments is to remember that when I lower my expectations I automatically improve my performance. Paradoxically this plugs into my desires to do the best I can. By giving up on being the best, I wind up doing my best . . . which is even better! (Almost like a 2-for ;)
    Time2be likes this.
  13. LindenSwole

    LindenSwole Peer Supporter

    This is the truth. When all of this really started developing (TMS) in me - I was really too wound up in my own success as a top performer at my software company. Every contract, every call, every meeting, became life or death. If they didn't sign than it would be the figurative END OF THE WORLD. Of course, I lived. Of course, my family still loved me. Of course, my colleagues still liked me.
  14. Tms_joe

    Tms_joe Well known member

    After learning everything in Alan’s program I really could appreciate the movie fight club. Outcome independence is demonstrated over and over.

    Interprete that how you like, but I take it as the lesson being to let go of everything bringing you worry and lowering your quality life experience. Just let go by accepting good and bad. You don’t control the vast majority of everything around you.

    The movie itself might appeal more towards male phsychology. I’m not sure as I am a male.
  15. Lynn S

    Lynn S Peer Supporter

    I realize in evaluating my progress in a little over three months that my body feels like the stakes are high with every decision. Writing about this concept alone brings forth stored anxiety and stress with tears in my eyes. WOW good to know. It's amazing that I've been in the 1% more than once of life and death circumstances over the past three years and handled that better than the simple decisions I have to make today. Today I smile and embrace what's before me. I accept and handle my decisions with ease and grace.
    plum likes this.
  16. jsabina

    jsabina New Member

    Uncertainty is a big thing for me.
    A lot of times I am stuck in my mind obsessing every pro and cons for any decision, and when I take one I am unsure it was the right one.
    I really hate that.

    And actually internet caused me to be worse, as I would be researching and as you keep researching you'll find pro and cons for everything and start doubting everything.

    Sometimes I able to just chose with "my guts" and accept it.
    But it's only few times, the rest I am quite stuck in this process.

    I am quite pessimistic by nature I guess, so I tend to look at all the possible bad outcomes..
  17. Lynn S

    Lynn S Peer Supporter

    Hi jsabina. Don't worry about your pessimistic nature. Instead of looking or thinking about the bad outcomes just look at the good. Remember to be easy on yourself when you have the bad thoughts and keep practicing the good. It comes easier as you practice.
    plum likes this.
  18. freedomseeker

    freedomseeker Peer Supporter

    "'I've suffered a great many catastrophes in my life. Most of which never happened.' —Mark Twain
    Bodhigirl likes this.
  19. Kevin Barry

    Kevin Barry Peer Supporter

    Thank you all for the discussion. Through some personal work that I have been doing recently there is a place that I have gotten to where I know that everything, no matter what, is going to be okay. I don't just believe, I know which is a place of real peace. However, this is not my default position and I have to work to get back to it on a constant basis. (and being a TMSer you can imagine what some of my default positions are!) But the reality with life is that uncertainty is a given. It is built in. So I always try to remember to embrace it. I heard something a while back that sums up my thoughts on uncertainty and it a cute little allegory for life. It is how when a pride of lions is trying to make a kill, what they do is have the weakest, oldest, lion, the one without any teeth, do all of the roaring. What happens is that whatever they are chasing runs from the old lion that can't do much except maybe gum you to death, and runs right into to the arms of all of the other lions that you definitely don't want to mess with. So the moral of the story is to run to the roar not away from it. Embrace uncertainty and all of the fears that go along with it and know that everything will be okay.
    freedomseeker likes this.
  20. Freedom

    Freedom Peer Supporter

    When you say get back to it on a constant basis, what do you do? Are you reading success stories?

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