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Day 1

E

ellie freegan

Peer Supporter
I have read Healing Back Pain and read and listened to quite a bit about TMS and it makes sense, but my main fear is that I won’t be able to overcome my repressed emotions or address them in whatever way is necessary to stop the pain. I know some people recover just by reading the book but as that hasn’t worked yet i’m worried that I will need to address my repressed emotions to stop the pain and i won’t be able to. Although I am angry at lots of global problems and that the amount of suffering in the world I find it hard to identify more personal things I am angry about as I have never suffered abuse or significant trauma.

I am also stuck when it comes to outcome independence as I find it almost impossible not to care whether i’m in pain. Thirdly I feel like the conditioning to feel pain while in certain positions or doing certain conditions is so strong, I am worried I will not be able to overcome this conditioning. Sometimes I wonder why I first had pain eg when sitting at a computer when I’d managed to do it for several years without pain. This confuses me how conditioning worked in this instance as I don’t know why my subconscious would have expected pain in that position when I hadn’t had pain then previously. I would be very grateful for any feedback. Thank you.
 
Also there are a few of the affirmations from the 12 daily reminders that I have trouble with in terms of really believing them. Firstly "TMS is a harmless condition, caused by my repressed emotions". I guess it means physically harmless but i think harmless is the wrong word as the pain has obviously caused me lots of pain and distress. Therefore I find this difficult to say to myself with conviction. Secondly "Since my back is basically normal there is nothing to fear" again i find this difficult to say with conviction as even though my back is physically normal I still fear the pain not disappearing.
Thirdly, I intend to be in control - not my subconscious mind. This seems like a good idea but i dont know how to ensure that I am in control not my subconscious mind so if anyone has any suggestions that would be great.
 
i think that sometimes it does not have to have been severe trauma to cause TMS. It is the repressing of emotion. So particularly in the formative years (2-6) look at what was happening in your home. Did your parents or guardians fight, or split up, was there arguments in the home. Or perhaps moving house or area. My parents split up when I was 4 and I have always been aware that I was really upset about it. But until I worked on it - using the structured educational programme - I had not realised that it was losing my home that really traumatised me. Suddenly leaving my home and never going back - then a childhood of moving house every year or so - including 10 different schools - it really messed me up. But I didn't really have a clue how much till I did an exercise (writing a letter with your non-dominant hand) and it all came spilling out!!
With the affirmations etc - don't stress about it - be kind to yourself (even if that is hard to do!) just work with what you find acceptable and leave others you may have resistance to - you can come back to them later. It is a transformational process and we are all different and move along at different rates. There is no right or wrong. Just know that you are doing the process in order to help yourself - Some steps help and some seem to hinder - but in the end - it all helps us to know and understand ourselves better. I think being kind is under rated - and being kind to ourselves is one of the greatest gifts we can bestow. Good luck on your tms journey - you will benefit..!
 
Worry and fear are a major TMS trait. Fear that this program will not work for you. Worry that others experienced relief when reading the book but you did not. Worried that you can not respond to the pain with indifference.

The fear of failure. The fear of making a mistake. The need to do everything perfectly or fail.

You will succeed. You will overcome the conditioning. You will overcome the fear. You will have success. You will have the experience of a lifetime participating in this program.

Welcome. ..
 
Hi Ellie,

You have two great responses so far. It is natural to fear and doubt, about all kinds of things. As you develop more mindfullness you learn to observe these emotional-thought patterns, and believe them a little less. This provides some relief.

You have a precise way of contacting your doubts and fears. This is a strength. You are not BSing yourself. This truth meter is one of your natural supports to expand emotional awareness and discernment.

As Stella implies, this isn't about getting it right. It is natural to fear that "we don't have what it takes, or too much is being asked." The SEP isn't like that. It is about going through the program, and being patient, and looking at your patterns. And forgiving yourself for your patterns! Good voyage!!

Andy B.
 
Hi ellie,

I never found the phrase "don't care about your pain" to be very helpful. Instead, what I've found is that it is about shifting your focus away from the body and any symptoms you may be experiencing, to something outside your self--nature, other people, an absorbing activity, etc. It takes practice, but it is possible to do this. Rather than a "not caring" it is a kind of "forgetting". Forgetting about your pain is the same as not having pain. Practicing mindfulness is what helped me most with this.

Wishing you the best....
 
Ellen, I totally agree with you. How can we forget that even a paper cut on a finger isn't painful,
so much as back pain?

Pain is pain, so we have to live with it, until we heal from TMS.

I too find distraction helpful. If I watch a good movie, I forget I am stressed about anything.
It really is a kind of forgetting. By distracting myself, I am practicing mindfulness,
living in the moment that takes my mind off any symptom.

If I work at baking some cookies, I distract myself from any pain or anxiety or worry.
 
ellie freegan said:
I have read Healing Back Pain and read and listened to quite a bit about TMS and it makes sense, but my main fear is that I won’t be able to overcome my repressed emotions or address them in whatever way is necessary to stop the pain. I know some people recover just by reading the book but as that hasn’t worked yet i’m worried that I will need to address my repressed emotions to stop the pain and i won’t be able to. Although I am angry at lots of global problems and that the amount of suffering in the world I find it hard to identify more personal things I am angry about as I have never suffered abuse or significant trauma.

I am also stuck when it comes to outcome independence as I find it almost impossible not to care whether i’m in pain. Thirdly I feel like the conditioning to feel pain while in certain positions or doing certain conditions is so strong, I am worried I will not be able to overcome this conditioning. Sometimes I wonder why I first had pain eg when sitting at a computer when I’d managed to do it for several years without pain. This confuses me how conditioning worked in this instance as I don’t know why my subconscious would have expected pain in that position when I hadn’t had pain then previously. I would be very grateful for any feedback. Thank you.
Click to expand...
I know it just is not easy , but be kind to yourself ( sounds like you're kind of beating yourself up) and patient ( ha look whose talking!). Sarno really helped me several years ago and now I find myself not just getting better by reading the book either and so somehow we both have to drop the worry about the outcome aspect, even though pain sucks! I remember though for years I didn't dare use a shopping cart when my back was bad as it seemed to shift my pelvis out of alignment and after reading Sarno one day I was in Costco and said to hell with that and was fine pushing around one of their huge carts....fine because I wasn't getting tense with the thought of more pain. It was so incredibly liberating. So I hope you find moments like that. The best of luck.
 
Walt Oleksy said:
Ellen, I totally agree with you. How can we forget that even a paper cut on a finger isn't paigonful,
so much as back pain?

Pain is pain, so we have to live with it, until we heal from TMS.

I too find distraction helpful. If I watch a good movie, I forget I am stressed about anything.
It really is a kind of forgetting. By distracting myself, I am practicing mindfulness,
living in the moment that takes my mind off any symptom.

If I work at baking some cookies, I distract myself from any pain or anxiety or worry.
Click to expand...

thanks for this however when the pain is really bad i find it very difficult to disctract myself. Rather the pain distracts me from whatever im trying to do and takes enjoyment out of it.
 
Hi Ellie

Let me add my 2 cents worth from my own perspective.

I am currently becoming more aware of the person I am. Meditation and psychotherapy are elucidating my behavioural patterns to the extent that I am more aware of them. I am more aware I have been like this for many years. I am a very anxious person by nature. I am beginning to understand where this comes from - my childhood. Anybody could have told me this but I would have said "of course. I had a deeply unhappy childhood".

However... and this is the key for me....

When I brought this up myself consciously with my therapist, I sobbed. Like a child. It just came flooding out of my. And it surprised me. I never knew that type of reaction would happen. I know it was my inner child.

This only happened yesterday and it has opened doors for me. In being more aware of my thoughts and behavioural patterns I feel I may start to be able to relate them to my behaviours subconsciously.

What I want you to note here is that I haven't mentioned my back once, nor my sciatica pain.

Why do you think that is?

....

Because my focus is starting to shift.

You will find your way on this journey. Remember the chinese proverb - a 1000 mile journey begins with a single step. Things you mention above only seem like superficial worries. Focus on the big things which happened in your life. You may not be able to relate them to physical symptoms but focus on how they may have shaped you as a person. The symptoms come after.

Peace
 
Lighthouse, your post tells me you are right-on toward TMS healing.

A good cry can be as good for both mental and physical health as a good laugh.
I think both are great ways to reduce pain and emotional stresses.

But I hope you can spend more time laughing. haha
 
Walt - laughter is the rhythm of the soul.

I like to think of "packaging everything all up". I have physical tics meaning I do the same thing at certain opportunities - checking my watch when I'm at a certain point in the office, reciting what people say to me in my head, counting things incessantly... etc. So why can't the pain be a 'tic'?... e.g. It appears at the same time and place - which it does? I think people give the pain more attention than it's worth because it inhibits us in our daily life. Sarno always agreed with 1 thing with regards to holistic medicine and that is the use of the term "holistic". In other words mind and body.

People say healthy mind healthy body but I believe the converse is true - healthy mind = healthy body.

Treat the mind and the body will follow - e.g. It's a package.
 
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