Hello everybody, I am posting here for the first time but I have been lurking here since late March. I discovered TMS almost by pure chance. After performing a posture stretch, my shoulder began to ache so badly that I could barely move for three days. Having had TMS for at least eight years but thinking that my problems were structural, I had been looking up religious views towards chronic pain and by pure chance I stumbled upon a Muslim blogger who was writing about Dr. Sarno and how his diagnosis and treatment had cured him. I ordered "Healing Back Pain" and "The Divided Mind" and read both books in a week. Then, I discovered this site which has been as useful to my recovery as the two books I read by Sarno. The diagnosis was difficult to accept at first but I was probably more open-minded than many people because when I was in high school, I had problems with urinary frequency. I sometimes had to go to the bathroom 10-15 times an hour. I even had a exploratory surgery to determine whether there was anything wrong with my bladder. The results came in and everything was normal. I was referred to a few other doctors and none of them could determine what was wrong with me. Finally, I got an appointment with a well-respected, well-known physician in my area and he told me that my bladder problems were psychosomatic and that I would have to figure out how to ignore the urge to go. This was very difficult for me to accept initially because it meant admitting to myself that I had psychological problems. Eventually, I began to understand and accept the psychological source. In my senior year of high school, I started to experience back pain although it wasn't really a major concern until I started doing a workout routine. After a few months of this, I was in excruciating pain and spent the summer on my back. The back pain only got worse. While I was in university, I would study and do my homework on my back and often times would struggle to sit through classes. Even at that time, however, I remember noticing that my backpain was not as bad while I was out and about doing things. I graduated and have been living with my parents and more or less had given up on life because every time I would find motivation the pain would inevitably find a way of holding me back. I had given up on finding help from the medical community because of my experiences with the doctor who diagnosed me with scoliosis when I was 21. I had practiced physiotherapy for many months but my pain never really went away. My father throughout this miserable one third of my life never really accepted that I have been suffering and has kept pushing me to get out into the world and told me to just simply "get over" the pain. Anyways, I discovered the works of Dr. Sarno in March, 2016 and within a few weeks I started to see a massive reduction in my back pain. Then I started getting really bad headaches and pain in the anus, what I call "hemorrhoid pain". I first started experiening this hemorrhoid pain while in college and there was one week where it was particularly excruciating. There was an actual internal hemorrhoid and often times I had blood in my feces but there is no reason that it should have been such a major source of excruciating pain. I still have some back pain to this day but it usually goes away after a few minutes and then I feel pain in my head. Well, I learned about the concept of TMS equivalents from this site and also learned about Dr. Hanscom and how he tells his patients to take up journaling. I've been journaling for about a week now and this has really helped me to control my pain. However, sometimes when I'm journaling or sometimes when I feel pain, I just get so angry at my subconscious for making me live in agony for eight years of my life. The last couple of days whenever I start to experience "hemorrhoid pain" I sometimes will feel so angry that I can't contain it in my head and I've been punching my furniture and pillows to unleash the anger. I am wondering if there is another way to express rage without feeling the need to destroy stuff. I've kept it cool and will continue to keep it cool but I don't want other people to see me gritting my teeth, shadow boxing, and punching my furniture. I need to figure out a way to channel my rage into something less violent. After taking a shower this morning, I was experiencing some "hemorrhoid pain" and I just had to get out of the house because I was so angry. I went outside and lit up a cigarette to cool down a bit. At the same time I was gritting my teeth and had my hand curled up into a fist and was mumbling aloud (I've never done this before) because I was just so pissed off at my subconscious. A neighbor was walking her dog while this was going on and I'm not sure if she saw me as I was behind some bushes but if she did she probably now thinks I'm a lunatic. I was so angry this morning that it even seemed to have had an impact on my vision. Last night when I was angry, I did manage to set a new record for pull ups. Having been out of the whole exercise game for years due to TMS, I was quite happy when I managed to do 10 pull ups in a row.